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Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Awful Waffles

Unfortunately the Waffles have a bye this week.  Luckily that leaves us more time to creep on all the sad lonely single dudes and ladies on Valentines… In the mean time, Tanner got together with Jameson and created our first epic GMOT.  Ladies did I mention he's a fireman?  And saves puppies.  Not kittens though, cats are weird.

Without further ado...


It was a crisp cool winter night in the heart of Austin Texas. Sixteen of the world’s finest kickballers stood tall under the bright towering lights of South Austin Rec Center. These sixteen menaces of kickball destruction, all looking for the ultimate glory of another Awful Waffle championship. Reclaiming that bronze cup of grandeur as they had once possessed is all that is on these determined Waffles minds.

Many people still talk of that glorious day, as well as the future for this non-contested team.  Questions such as these are asked every Thursday. Are they on the verge of that glory once again? Are we looking at the next 2 time WAKA Champions? Are the Waffles un-beatable at T-Rex flip cup? Many believe so, some in fact believe that the “Waffles” never actually lose, but in fact devour their defeats in a heap of booze and Flipidy flip cup.

What’s the secret to the Awful Waffles success you might add? Well simple, they follow a very standard, yet critical philosophy that reads, “ natural selection theory states that drinking alcohol kills off the weak, old, and slow brain cells, leaving only the more fit and effective ones to survive."
                                                                                                          -Kickball Surgeon General
Admired by many, and rivaled by none, it would be an honor for me to finally announce your beloved Awful Waffles to this beautiful GMOT.

Burnham AKA “Darkside of the Waffle Waffle” is and all around legend of the game.  Usually holding down his own personal “death star” at third base, he has become a total menace to all the “bunters” of the game. But when he’s not destroying planets, or picking off bunts, he’s back at G&S commanding down some brews, and of course letting everyone know,  “who’s your daddy?”

Laney or "Laney Lane Kiffen Waffle" is an all around star to the world of WAKA.  Even though we are probably no longer friends after giving her this new nickname, I can still vouch that she has one of the best on base percentages in the game.  Crushing pitchers all over the league, Ella es temido pro todo el mundo.

Carrie B. AKA “The Kickball/Unicorn Slayer Waffle", is the ultimate veteran to the game. A threat at every position, as well as to majestic magical creatures everywhere, Carrie B is the well know around WAKA, as the “ultimate badass” of kickball killin.

Damon or “Handsomely Svelte Hansel Waffle”, is a top tier first baseman who when not catching outs or scoring runs, is usually out completely dominating the world of male modeling, or break dance fighting. I mean c’mon he’s like so hot right now…  Cool story

Jennifer AKA “Dr. Waffle” is a kickball master, a surgeon of sorts all over the field. When she’s not curing life threatening diseases, pwning raptors and generally all dinosaurs, or manipulating the perfect “kickball” DNA, Dr.Waffle is terrorizing the teams in Texas Live with some mad crazy kickball skills.

Guenther AKA "Optimo Primo Waffle", is a pure thoroughbred to the sport of kickball. When he’s not saving the world from horrifyingly evil Decepticons, he’s throwing strikes or flippin cups. Of course doing so with all his fellow Awful Autobot Waffles..

Tanner: AKA "Mr.December" AKA "The Most Interesting Waffle in the World" is another legend of sorts. Of course when he’s not  saving lives or putting out fires{ladies;)} He’s throwing mad pitches and kicking in runs, all for the love of his favorite Awful Waffles.

Cole: AKA "I got your kick right here waffle", is a genius when it comes to the sport of kickball. With the speed of cheetah and the grace of a gazelle, he is truly a difference maker in any game. Being he is our number one lead-off man in the field, and of course number one in our hearts, Cole is truly an all around Awful Waffle for life.

Abby: AKA "This is Sparta Waffle", hails from the great Michigan State University. Representing her Spartans everywhere she is truly a “teacher of destruction,” for all that stand in her way of kickball glory.

Ben: AKA "Hot Hands Ben Waffle" is the 80’s voice of reason for our team. Not only that, his hands are hotter than Freddie Mercury was flaming, so don’t kick towards this guy, or you’ll just be another one who bites the dust.

Goryl: AKA "Here Comes the Boom Waffle" is the ultimate team player. The only reason the Waffles stay pumped on the field every week is because of the tunes from Goryl’s bitchin boombox. Not just that, but Here Comes The Boom makes one hell of a catcher, making some of the most life-threatening diving catches WAKA has ever seen, necessary or not.

Chase: AKA "Blue Steel Waffle" knows that he’s pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking..  Possibly being really really ridiculously good looking while playing kickball.  One of the top kickballers on our team, as well as the ultimate eugoogoolizer, Chase serves a huge part to the Awful Waffles success, catching everything with just. one. look.

Carrie Gilson: AKA "The Great Bambino Waffle", is what kickball is all about. With just a complete unmatched skill level at every position, The Great Bambino Waffle is why the Awful Waffles are where they are today. And of course will continue to be FOR-EV-ER!

Josh: AKA "Fantastic Mr. Josh" / AKA "Clooney of Kickball" is what we in WAKA call, perfection. Whens he’s not robbing the Bellagio or making blockbuster movies, he’s at South Austin Rec center owning you noobs in that measly game you call kickball...

B-Lane: AKA "Jareth David Bowie Waffle", “Give me the child. Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the Goblin City to take back the child that you have stolen. For my will is as strong as yours, and my kingdom is as great... For my will is as strong as yours, my kingdom as great... Damn.”

Curtis: AKA "The Gosling Waffle", is sexy and he knows it. As the total heart throb of the Waffle franchise he commands total respect on and off the field. So pull out your Notebooks ladies and join his Gangster Squad, for this is the Gosling of Kickball…

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