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Thursday, August 22, 2013

PurpleSaurus Rex

Purple took the week off to recover from whatever happened the last time we played. Either we lost by a lot or we won by a lot. Or maybe we tied? I'm gonna go back and check brb.

Ok we won 11-3. How long ago does August 8th feel? Apparently Better Red than Blue Balls has been 'scouting' us, for all the good it'll do them. Little do they know our lineups and batting orders are made entirely from people writing their name down when they show up where they want to play, and haven't been the same twice this season. MUAHAHA! Our dynamic game plan defies prediction! Except for the fact that we're gonna kick away ever at bat.

We'll be pregaming hard at G&S in order to offset the sharp decrease in punch consumption, and the return of the blockrocker PLUS microphone promises to offer endless options for heckling Brim while he's pitching and talking about panties as much as possible. It's the last game of the regular season so I'll of course be wearing tights for no reason. I think I have a pair in the drawer there that I haven't worn yet.

Man. I hope I don't have to talk to the cops while wearing tights...

Wait just a sec. PurpleSaurus is a dinosaur ... it's the last week of the season ... the last dinosaur ... DENVER THE LAST DINOSAUR.

Stephen & PurpleSaurus Rex

Suck My Kick

Why run when you can walk off? Much like TNT we know drama as for the second straight week we won with a walk off kick. Two tight games in a row can't tell if the teams are getting better or our kickball skills are diminished by our sobriety. Either way we are hoping to keep the clutch kicks going this week and on through the playoffs. 

Wednesday, August 21, 2013


The Legendary Red Rockets

Our game was rained out last week but we learned a lot about each other that day. We also showed up looking fly.

I’m going to miss this week’s contest but to my fellow Rockets--- REPRESENT.

I’m not sure who we play this week, but I imagine we’re going to come at them like a bunch of rabid helper-monkeys hopped up on pixie sticks, cleaner fluid and cactus cooler --after all—noon Wednesday is the apex of the work week, after that it’s all downhill.

Predictions: Deep lunges. Warm embraces. Power high fives. Incognito libations. Redactions: Editor-in-Chief-Power Lunger for The Legendary Red Rockets deeply regrets the following note in last week’s GMOT: “Here’s 35 cents, call your moms and let them know we’re coming and we Rocket.” We received too many requests and were unable to visit everyone’s mom. We were however able to Rocket!

One for two—that’ll get ya in the Hall of Fame.

Have a great time everyone!

Ahhhhh We Rocket! Ahhhh Nous Fusée! Ahhhh nós foguete! Ahhhh vi raket!

Better Red than Blue Balls

Don't really have much to say after putting 17 runs on the board last week.

Don't really have much to say about this week's match-up against Purplesaurus, either. What happens when you take away their lifeblood - the seemingly endless of purple kool-aid drank? Have they ever played sober? All these scouting reports listing them blacking out by the second inning are worthless now (thanks, Obama!).

Regardless, this entry was really just an excuse to share this awesome Little League World Series umpire:


Pitches Be Trippin'

Guys!!! The curse is over!!! Adam Brown finallllyyy left Austin, so the pitches might have a chance of winning. This weekend we still celebrated our cheap, giddy, Spencer Pratt look alike ex-captain’s future this weekend.

We love you Adam Brown, except Julie is a starving grad student who would very much like that money you promised her two months ago for scrubbing, cleaning, and doing your laundry so you could get $300 for your airbnb guest each time you brag about how you got a scholarship to the blah blah best business school ever. In all sincerity, we will miss you A. Brown.

We play Peanut Butter and Leo for the SECOND time, on field three, so this might be a hoax. Where is field three? The only reason we might win is due to our new official captain Rob Corzby. He doesn’t make us cry each time we drop a ball or don’t get on base.

While we might not be good at kickball, we are adept at remembering when the league manager promised us free booze at the end of the season party because the lights when off during the first game. However, that comment might have only been stated to get Geoff Grunska out of his face.

DunderSaurus Rex

Yeah, we lost to the Ragin’ Dinos – the outcome wasn’t really in question. They are a top LIVE team and we kept it “close”. We gave them a pretty good shot and they emerged victorious. We made a couple of good plays and we made some bad plays – pretty standard stuff really. But more importantly, we had fun … they are a fun team to play. Sure they want to win and executed their strategy well but they aren’t complete d-bags about it. And that my friends is the lesson for today for all you ‘would be’ kickball champions: you can be competitive, go out there to win and want to do your best – but you don’t have to be a dick about.

Dunder has been fortunate this season to have not played any real d-bag teams / players. I had a special “Golden Douche Bag Award” printed up and ready to hand out after a game if we felt it was needed – but it’s sat in my truck all season never to be called upon … and I guess, that’s a good thing.

However, I have seen some very d-baggy behavior while reffing this season. Some of my personal pet peeves include:

  • Yelling when someone is trying to catch a pop up 
  • Running the bases and yelling at the baseman just about to catch a ball. Watch out if you do this one, Ben will call your ass out for interference. 
  • Arguing balls vs. strikes when you aren’t the pitcher, catcher or kicker 
  • Arguing foul balls when you don’t have a direct view of the line from home plate 
  • Continuing to bunt when up by 6+ runs 
  • General poor sportsmanship


Sally “She-Ra” Ford – Sally is in her first season as a member of Dunder but has been playing like a long term Dunder veteran. She's been roaring around the base paths and locking down the infield all season. To say the least, Sally's addition to Dunder has been an ideal match thus far.

Dunder tends to like girls who hold their own at the bar. Sally can outdrink most of the guys on Dunder. Dunder likes people that get on base. Sally has been tearing up the base paths and scoring all season. Dunder always appreciates someone that makes the hard catches looks easy. Sally has been scooping up or catching everything kicked her way all season. If this were junior high, Dunder would be writing Sally's name all over our Trapper Keeper. Sally came to Dunder after playing with various members of Dunder on Wendell and Lisa's Wednesday night team. We knew she'd be good, but she's broken pretty much all of the Dunder records Matt claims not to keep track of.

Robert “Dredd” Notzon – Robert is a recent addition to Dunder after several seasons of playing WAKA. Robert started out on a team in the first incarnation of Monday WAKA kickball where he was recruited to play Thursdays on Thorsday's Ballers where Ben was playing while Dunder was playing out by the airport. While on Thorsday, Robert proved consistent in getting on base against the top tier capital teams. Eventually Thorsday folded, Robert played on some thrown together Live teams and then took a few seasons off. When Dunder had an opening for another guy to join the team Robert was immediately thought of. Robert brings plus pitching, plus D, a huge on base percentage, great base running and a competitive spirit to Dunder. He's one of the older guys in the leagues and still out runs, out plays, and out thinks most other teams. Robert and his amazing family have been a great addition to Dunder end of season parties and our supporters at Dunder games. In a few short seasons, Robert's already been a Dunder All Star representative and made a great addition to Dunder's team of attorneys.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013


The Legendary Red Rockets

This maybe our first GMOT post- last week I forgot to press send-- but as the Editor-in-Chief-Power Lunger for The Legendary Red Rockets, I must say that we certainly acted out of character on the field – Let it Happen gave us a good ole in and out…and didn’t call the next day (frowny face) -- but the Red Rockets bounced back and proved that we do indeed Rocket after a decent showing against That Kick Cray and an even more impressive showing running from Johnny Law in our post-game celebrations.

Reflections from last week—man we look good in the heat. Beads of sweat, fresh jamz, high knees and power lunges. Let-it-be-known, we are not perfect; I myself had a nice Mr. Magoo moment-- dropped a fly ball, threw the ball into the infield, clumsily knocking over refreshments in the infield. My bad. But with the fervor of unicorns ensconced in velour, we overcame, united as a team and the results speak for themselves. Tie game against a very formidable opponent. Golf clap your teammates.

This week, we hope to prove that everything you really need to know can be learned in Road House – Swayze’s insight shall provide us a foundation of reflection – PAIN DON’T HURT – that we hope to share with Candy Van. Some predictions – since it seems that we’re re-living the days of Prohibition, we’ll have to get sexy and creative in our libation consumption or stick to whip-its (too soon, probably). Prediction 2, DJ Paul-Diamond on the soles of his shoes-Simon will continue to fuel our controlled chaos with some funky azz jamzz, Prediction 3—We’re going to Rock It, hard, like never before. Here’s 35 cents, call your moms and let them know we’re coming and we Rocket.

DunderSaurus Rex

What goes up must come down … reality came crashing through the door, punched us in the throat, kicked our dog and then took a leak on our heads.

There’s no easy way to describe the 8-3  beat down that Dunder was the recipient of – like Icarus, we flew too high, too close to the sun only to have the wax holding our wings together melt before our eyes and we came crashing down to earth.

Dunder was riding high with a 3-1-1 record, 3rd place in the Live standings, #8 in the Power Rankings – the problem:  we’re really a 0.500 team most season.  This game brought us back to reality.

Hot Shot Loads did just what their name describes … it wasn’t pretty.  Dunder reverted to a rookie team making bad plays, bad decisions and generally looking unorganized.

I won’t make excuses like the wind was really swirling around causing fly balls to act all screwy ( they were ) OR that the lack of alcohol somehow took us out of our mojo ( it did ) OR that that cop watching us play made certain members of our team nervous ( he did ).  The other team played with the same conditions and held everything together, looking smooth doing it.

So overall, this was a very sobering game but if I’m looking for a silver lining:  at least it happened during the regular season.  We’ll see how well we respond:  next up, a tough game with the Ragin’ Dinos, a perennial Live Championship Team.

Run Home Jack

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

PurpleSaurus Rex!

Not really entirely sure what happened last week, but I clearly remember starting out with a huge punch-fueled boat race culminating in the ruggedly handsome and unfailingly debonair Scotty Driskill and I playing dizzy sticks at home base and attempting to run the bases. Best contest for home field advantage I've participated in since I dominated Adam Brown in indian leg wrestling, and probably the best ever.

Unfortunately we didn't get T&B drunk enough to suck at kickball, but we did soften them up enough for Miss Darcy Lysaght to score her first ever WAKA kickball run. The first time is always a little awkward and she wasn't really sure what to do with herself afterward, but we all know it just gets better the more experience you have with scoring. Here's to more!

Lots of fireball and punch happened and there aren't a whole lot of pictures on my phone, but I did find this gem from our late-night Ego's serenade session:

Those amazing new hot pink shirts appear to be TOO attractive
Who says what happens at Ego's stays at Ego's?

This week we go toe to toe with the Signpost squad with an 8:45 kickoff, so I anticipate another big Thursday night of PurpleSaurus-infused party power. I think we have one win on our record so far, but I feel good about finding the holes tomorrow night. EH GOV'NAH? Say n'more.

Stephen & PurpleSaurus

Tuesday, August 6, 2013


Listen up, you shit sippin' frittatas: we have an English lesson for you:

a : being without something specified : devoid
b : having no members or examples; specifically of a suit : having no cards represented in a particular hand
Why do you care about this definition of a word you already (hopefully) know how to use? Because I want you to appreciate where we come from when we come at you with a new variation of this particular definition:
c : being without something as spectacular as Candy Van: having no members participating in a BLL-induced roofie circle.
In kickballer terms: we have a bye this week. We have too many nerds gettin' down on the nerd conference this week to play kickball. We'll see you next week for our epic battle against Valerie's favorite team in Live, the Red Rockets.

I leave you with this:

Keep Austin reading, friends.

Candy Van

DunderSaurus Rex

Dunder rolls to a 7-0 shutout win but the game was closer than it sounds. It was a 1-0 Dunder lead into the third inning when the flood gates broke open. One Kick Wonders got the first two outs pretty quick and then fell apart defensively giving up 4-5 runs.

Now there’s no shame in this – we on Dunder are completely familiar with such things: we call it a ‘Dunder Inning’. It’s the one inning a game where everything just falls apart and the other team scores a bunch of runs on a series of bad defensive plays, bad decision making and unfavorable calls from the ref. We’ve been there ourselves too many times to count. We’ve played “perfect” games except for one inning and end up losing by a run … it’s maddening. So anyways One Kick Wonders, you played a great game for four innings – it was that one inning that got you.

Offensively, Dunder is cruising along … we scored over 7 runs in two consecutive weeks … I don’t think we’ve ever done that. Normally, we’re defensively sound (except for our 1 Dunder inning per game) and offensively challenge. But have we finally figured something out? Have we finally deciphered how to get people on base, move them into scoring position and then drive runs in?

Well find out over the next few weeks when we play some solid defensive teams – next up: Hot Shot Loads. I’ll be honest, I know nothing about them and I feel kind of lost without at least a preliminary scouting report but since they’re in the ‘Music’ division, I like our chances.


Matt “Matty Ice” Saal – He’s the Paul Brown of Dunder, an innovative, autocratic leader who holds team records for number of seasons captained, number of regular season wins, playoff victories, and highest win percentage as captain. He was the first and only Dunder captain to apply sabermetric principles to kickball, ensuring that our lineups were statistically supported, meticulously planned, and everyone was placed in the optimal position for success.

Unlike Paul Brown, Matt was able to relinquish control of the team, handing it over to Ben, so that he can work on becoming the Jim Brown of Dunder. His improvement as a bunter and catcher have helped transition Dunder from the Wild West days of “no bunting, ref your own games WAKA” into the modern era of WAKA kickball. His kickball knowledge, on base reliability, fielding chops, fondness for providing the team with cheap beer, and willingness to go from 1st to 3rd without hesitation makes him a true Dunder five tool player.

Matt was the head ref for WAKA several seasons and launched the Monday North league (WAKA FreeTail) to solidifying his legacy as Dunder's most prolific kickballer. It's said that he's loved in Cleveland more than Bernie Kosar, a true feat for any man. He has an unparalleled knowledge of all Austin-area kickball leagues, teams, and players.

Even if you don’t know Matt, he surely knows you -- and all of your weaknesses.

Relax and Let It Happen

Shiiiiiiiiit. We love that Red Rockets team. We won probably 75 -0 and still had an incredible time playing them. You guys are good sports and we’d dominate you every week if we had the choice. Big thanks to the guy who continued to ask me if I was engaged every time I came up to kick. Made me feel good to be compared to Shan, til I realized that much like every major non-white race, all tall blonde girls look the same.

Also, can we talk about reffing? FOUL BALL, DOUBLE KICK. FOUL BALL, DOUBLE KICK. FOUL BALL, KNEE BALL. Hot damn. Justin is the best ref in this league. Am I now only sucking up since I've given him the anti-praise in past GMOTs? You be the judge. But you CANNOT argue with his enthusiasm as a match officiant. Once Joz took over the whole game went to shit. Sorry but it’s true.

I think we have a bye this week. Bumskies. Can’t wait to see you all out there next week. Go out and be great and make us proud in our absence. Smooches y’all.

Bill and Ted Remind You

It's hot as balls out there, and the science tells us that it's easy for tempers to flare up in the dog days of Summer (Seriously, check it out, humans kill each other more when it's hot out), but always remember we're just playing kickball! Whether it's your ref that just blew a call, the girl who just slid into your knee, the teammate who just dropped a fly ball, or whatever it is, take a breath and remember that nobody comes out to kickball to yell at each other, and doing so is the quickest way to make sure the best part of your week is not fun anymore. Bill S. Preston Esq. said it best y'all:

Yelling at people is not excellent.

It'll blow your mind how much more fun you can have when you don't get worked up over the small stuff.
Oh yeah, and lets not forget the other side of the equation, bringing your party pants! We all know the Bill & Ted philosophy is binary, and it's this combination of ideology that eliminated war and harmonized society:
Come to the bar after your game!

Can't wait to get back on the field with you guys Thursday night!