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Thursday, June 28, 2012

Sons of Pitches

To be honest, we weren’t sure what to expect coming into our week 3 matchup against Slampieces. After running rampant in Live last year, they were knocked off their rocker after a season in Capital. Now that they were back in Live, would they come out with something to prove or with their proverbial tails between their legs?

More importantly, we wanted to figure out if we could determine the hierarchy of the team. Are the slampieces aware they are slampieces, or are some disillusioned into thinking they’re smokeshows? Are the slampieces actually valued higher than the smokeshows (they’re listed first in the team name)?

We were hoping to employ this bout of mental warfare during the match (hoping it would lead to their ultimate demise), but alas, we got drunk and forgot.

That being said, it was a good, close game throughout and in the end, Slampieces were able to hold onto their 1-run lead; largely on the play of their pitcher who sniped two of our base-runners at home-plate.

This week we play a Capital team in the Upper Deckers. Despite their not-so-impressive record and the fact that both Jay and Stephen picked Sons of Pitches to win in their weekly picks, we’re not about to take them lightly. We have to address some formation and organizational issues, but the hope is that by mid-season we should hopefully be a team worth paying attention to.

Liver Let Die

We're on the board.after a tough couple of games, we pulled it together and notched a win. We played well on defense, we put people on bases, and we scored runs.that's how you win ball games. Big shout out to Corey, Annie, and Kevin for clutch defensive mojo, and to Jessie and Roxy for not watching where their kick went (well, mostly not watching)! Again, Cody managed to not take anyone out, and Kealey did not pull a hammy. Pretty good showing against a great up-and-coming team.

With deep sadness, we face a week of no kickball, but never fear.on July 5 we face off against the D Bags!

Cheers, dk


Man, we are rollin this season! With win number two under our belt we are ready to run this motha!!

Turns out the players of Get Drunk, Kick Away are true to their name. They let us completely shut them out with a beautiful little thing we like to call strategery.
While they were busy crying over our mad bunting skillz, we were busy doing what we do best, winning!!

This week we accept a new challenger, Slampieces. If memory serves me correctly, these guys were in Capital last season but just couldn't cut it. Like they always say, if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen.

Well kids, you're in our house now. While I'm sure you think Live is going to be a walk in the park, we aren't going to make it so easy. Coming off last week's win with a grand slam and double plays, we're ready to make moves.

Hope you kids are ready to strap on your big boys pants. KickInABox is prepared to bring the hurt!!

We'd like to welcome you guys back to Live with a glorious gift, enjoy opening the box, you won't be disappointed.

Red Rockets

The Red Rockets came off a bye week fueled by handmade cake balls and a special punch concocktion to celebrate the birthday of one of our original Red Rockets! Straight up doggy style kicking and fielding followed to give us a solid victory. We ended the night with a cheers… tomorrow we work, but tonight we CELEBRATE!

P.S. I would like to congratulate the old league bar Jovitas for the recent heroin/fire arms bust. Is anyone else pissed that we didn’t get the hook up? What’s up with that???? 


Get Drunk, Kick Away

We held true. We stuck to our guns. We lost heartily. We had more fun losing than any team should.

We’re a team that goes big or goes home.  If we can’t keep our feet on the pedals of our big wheels, we tape them on instead of riding down smaller hills, we wear Moon-shoes on trampolines, we belly flop from the high dives, and walk on top of the monkey bars. We are those kids. Getting hurt, grinning ear to ear, and jumping up to do it all again. We crashed last week, but Nate “Goin Home” Fox reminded us exactly what we’re about.

The stage was set, 2 outs, bottom of the 5th, bases empty down by 8 runs. Our “Most Eligible” player steps up and kicks a soft liner to very shallow center right field. Most people take their base and hope the next batter can keep the game alive. Most people aren’t Nate “Playin’ The Bass with my Mouth” Fox who instead, rounded first and charged through second. The fielders realized what was happening, but not before he headed for third.

In a pickle, he shuffled back towards 2nd, waited for the throw, and blazed for third. The audacity of the play caught the second baseman off guard. She bobbled, and the triple was complete.... Oh contraire mon frere, Nate “The Fourth Muskateer” Fox was not done yet he rounded third while shaking his index finger a la Dikembe Mutombo at the third base coach. Why?  Because that’s the way we play.

He sprinted again. Alacrity, thy name is Nathaniel “What The Hell Is His Middle Name?” Fox. Boom!  It was over. It had happened. He was out at the plate. The game was over. 8-0. No runs scored.

We cheered and laughed all the way to bar. We came, we drank, we kicked. We had a great time. Bring the pain, because we’ll bring the fun (and hopefully the occasional win).

Robert “Got Benched” Hangren also managed to actually get benched.


Fact: Candy Van lost to Walk of Shame in the regular season again. Does this concern me? No. We were dicking around, drinking Vegas Loko, and putting people in positions they'd never been before. It's life, and it's good to be in the Van, where we feel no shame.

This week, we've got a little bit of a grudge match against the Teabaggers. Two original Candy Van members jumped ship and abandoned us for these Tyrannical Teabaggers. OMGJOZ, we are sad you didn't want to get back in the van, but we understand that you like gargling Doug's salty balls. We ain't mad at ya for that!

Just for good measure, I made a picture.

Did I say picture? I meant pictureS.

Candy Van


What's that, two GMOTs in one week? You bet your ass sweet tits! We wrote a GMOT (admittedly a weak one) last week but sent it just after the deadline, so now we get bonus points for doing 2 in one week.
It's been almost 2 seasons since we actually lost a game in the regular season, so we kind of forgot what it felt like. Dre, I'm sorry you have to live with that awful feeling so often.
Now it's time to wash away that taste of defeat with a win over Candy Van. I know what you're thinking Candy Van, "How could we get Teabagged? We're super fun with our trucker hats and short shorts!" Capes and koozies won't save you this time. Sometimes the Candy Van is successful:
Sometimes it isn't:

Candy Van will fall Thursday against the Teabaggers.

On a side note we do love the pics of Dre. Keep up the good work.
That is all.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Walk of Shame

Candy Van, are you ever going to learn that Walk of Shame will always be your superior? No? Okay, there's more where that came from. =)
This week we found the perfect person to portray how things happened out there with Candy Van last week. We would like to introduce you to Caine from the movie Menace to Society. Caine is a good person, but he has a mean streak. If you step to him the wrong way, bad things usually happen to you. And that is exactly how it is with Walk of Shame. We're a peaceful bunch, but don't cross us by putting mean compromising photos in the GMOT and/or photoshopping unicorns and rainbows on their gorgeous captains head. Things can happen if you violate like that... And that's exactly what happened in this clip. Some guy trying to stick up for his female cousin who Caine sexed up, got pregnant, and then promptly dumped obviously didn't realize what would be in store for him. This goes for anyone in this league. All of you can get it. If you listen closely as Caine stomps this jerk out for confronting him, he tells him "he ain't no punk". Neither are we, Candy Van, neither are we.... Thanks for the inspiration Caine (And O-Dog, who gives one last shot at the end). RIP
[Headphones: NSFW Language/Kid Getting Stomped]

D Bags

Team Douchebag is coming off a bye week in which we picked up a tally in the win column. Why? No reason besides just knowing we were all winning in our own ways. I have no idea what everyone was doing but I can assume Trey and Kelsey were busy flaunting their physical presences as a wedded couple. There is a good chance Hunter got in some rage workouts while brushing off gym hos. It would be absurd not to think Caroline, Jenna, and Monica weren't making it rain in a Tour de Le Bare while prepping for Channing Tatum's upcoming stripper flick (we are in contract negotiations with that douche Channing for Fall season). God knows Hutch has been pop, locking and dropping at Paradise since last Thursday. Russ most likely drank his weight in scotch while filling in as King of Lake Austin. I can confirm that Jeramy and I made Crystal Beach our bitch this past weekend; you can't step foot on that peninsula without stepping in out vomit.

It's hard to stop talking about us but I guess I'll mention our game this week against Relax. First, we are confused of why it was a big deal that we beat teabaggers.... Just another day at the office. Second, we are a little weary about who Relax really is. We find the whole structure of their organization quite strange. There seems to be an unusual amount of young boys who keep getting cycled through their team with a few regulars who apparently are satisfied customers. The whole thing raises suspicion, especially with the "Relax and Let It Happen" title. Talk about putting it out there. If you don't believe me, watch the way Jay talks to his "players" and how they cower to his demands. Let's see how well y'all did on the SAT analogy section...

Jay : the rest of relax as Sandusky : _______

A.) pandas
B.) The Democatic Party
C.) philanthropists
D.) 49 little boys

Do you know what "D" answer is?

We look forward to seeing all you sweeties Thursday!

Awful Waffles

It's well known:  Ghosts are scary creatures.  And unless your Peter Venkman or drive around in Ecto-1 there's probably not much you could do to protect yourself from ghosts.  I mean, they're intangible and like to eat your faces.  They're tough.

What the world needs is a beacon of light to shine through the facade of non corporeal spirits.  Thankfully your awful waffles are here to save the day.

Now in addition to flamingo butt drinking, punch serving, and flip cupping if you see us at the fields in our new waffle shirts (introductions next week) for the price of one lone star tall boy we will vanquish any ghosts from your immediate vicinity.  Because we're cool like that.

This week we play "where my pitches at" at 7pm.  Come check us out.  First ghost busting on the house.

eternally yours,
awful waffles

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Suck My Kick

All kickball and no booze makes Suck my Kick a feisty bunch.
In the immortal words of Ron Burgundy, “that escalated quickly.” Luckily for all parties involved Brick didn’t kill anybody with a trident. In a hard fought game against Big League Chew our rampant sobriety led us to take the game even more serious than normal. Heated words were exchanged, but cooler heads prevailed and we were able to escape with a win and no hard feelings. The highlight of the night was a triple play straight out of little league, but we celebrated it with copious beers all the same. This week against Walk of Shame we have another crazy hard game, we are already drinking heavily in anticipation of making some bad decisions at the bar.

Relax and Let it Happen

Last week we played Hannah Montana, and we pounded them just like their alter-ego Miley Cyrus would've liked: Hard and fast at first, but then we slowed it down towards the end. They're a quality team and we can't wait to do it to them again.

The real story is who we play this week. Even though there are definitely better teams in the league, it's obvious that the D-bags are our arch nemesis. With three Relax alumni on their team, they think they're ready to beat us. They're out for blood. In the playoffs they missed out on their chance because they were dumb and thought they could play with 3 girls. Then Joey got mad at Jay because in his head, not only did Jay write the rule, he wrote it specifically so we couldn't play them that day. Sometimes, D Bags gotta blow off steam, though.

There will be a lot of yelling and arguing and top notch athletes on both sides of the field on Thursday. There's a lot of pent up anger, especially inside of Hunter and Joey, because they remember the days when they were a part of the richest dynasty in Texas kickball history. But they ended up doing the opposite of what Lebron did. They left, and didn't win a championship, and now they just look silly. This might be their best team, but at their best, they can't even touch our worst.

Come out and watch a great game, until then, Relax and Let it Happen.


After a couple weeks of quiet observation in a corner, we decided to check out what all of this GMOT business was. Then, we finally sat down and looked.

How could we have been missing this? How did we not know about this? Oh yeah, thats right. It's our first season and we don't even know everyone's name who is on the team. THAT'S how.

So for all of you haters out there who have been talking about how you destroyed us and shut us out, great job. You did it. You beat a team that's never played before. Way to go.

But now? You're all in big BIG trouble. Because now we know names. Now we know positions. And let's be real: now we know the rules. I don't want to brag too much like a pubescent 14 year old boy, but last week, we got to third base. We have our shirts, we have our spankin' new kicks, and we are coming for you. So, Kicks like Jesus, I sincerely hope you do.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Hannah Montana

Hannah this GMOT is for you!!!

Typically speaking we take time every week to remind Austin WAKA how amazing we are & how everyone should wish they were part of the Hannah Montana organization. Well not this week……

I want to thank everyone who has played for Hannah Montana whether it was one season or ten seasons. Life in Austin as I know it would not have been nearly as great if it weren’t for the Austintacious teammates and best friends that Hannah Montana has provided me. We have done many epic things over years from midnight Keggers @ Gillis Park to black out nights at Egos. Who am I kidding we did both of those in one night plus some!! Forever Kings of Live!!!!

Ok now that the sappy shit is out of the way…….

Relax – Playing yall the last game of my Austin WAKA career is bitter sweet. I am glad I got the chance to play against you even if we did lose. Winning this game would have been a glorious way to leave Austin, but the cards didn’t fall accordingly. We have your number now & we look forward to playing you in the playoffs!! 7-2 is a very respectable score against the Champs of Austin.

Teabaggers, Candy Van, & Walks – Thank you for pushing us to make the move to Capital. We have gained a new respect for the adult game we call Kickball. I don’t think I have ever played in a league of any sort were there is a 5 team rivalry. Which is pretty fucking dope!!!
The below footage is long over due……… Hope you enjoy it!!!

Peace out Austin!!

Upper Deckers

While you're busy trying to skin your knees, we'll be drinking. Toilet Bowl Game? Just cross your fingers we don't decide to break the seal on home plate before it's over.


Hello fellow kickballers,

We were real excited to bring in some new people this season in hopes of improving our team, but because of various weddings, vacations, etc. we haven't had anywhere near our full team here yet. It has showed our first two weeks, as we haven't been hitting on all cylinders. We did well enough to get a win the first week, but then we decided to forget how to kick last week against D-Bags and lost 1-0, while only putting 1 person on base. Kudos to them for playing great defense all game. We are off this week, so we'll try to get our shit together before playing Candy Van next week. We're also going to try to flip our karma by starting to write GMOT's again after taking a couple of seasons off. Sadly, we couldn't think of anything funny this week, so we'll recycle a classic to remind people that we used to be funny:

This also reminds us that no matter how poorly we did last week, we can still count on beating Walk of Shame later in the season.


Thursday, June 21, 2012


This week's GMOT held a lot of pressure for me. I have very high standards for the GMOTs that I write. I want them to be clever, original, and full of things that make you question if I'm drunk or just bat shit crazy. Would I talk a bunch of trash to Walk of Shame? No. Would I photoshop Dre's head onto someone else's body? No. Would I assault more people's eyes with my use of classic 90s web design? No again. It's all been done before!

So what's a girl to do? Get bailed out by her awesome teammate Luis.

Who needs to write a GMOT when you have the creepiest picture EVER emailed to you via the internets? Thanks for being you, Dre.

p.s. JK, here's UniDre:

Big League Chew

Kicks Like Jesus: We liked your post, we laughed, and we thought, "Hey, this is gonna turn into a great rivalry!" Then we realized that you don't play in Capital, and we won't get to play you this year :(. Oh well, I think everybody gets a trophy in Live, so at least you have that, right? (Just for the record, I love Live. I play on a team in Live. I just will not start a rivalry with a Live team. But if you join capital I'll waste more GMOT time on you!).

Hannah Montana, you beat us badly. And we'll read up on the rule book (like you did for your post) to make sure we don't get bummed out when we get screwed out of a run. That being said, we realized what the rule said, we just think its stupid. But we still have WAKA Love!

Tang Punch is back tonight, and I can't wait.


Big League Chew


What's that smell?!? It's so sweet and delicious. Oh I know...it's REDEMPTION!!!

Feeling delightfully rested after a bye in week one, we were absolutely positively tickled pink to be playing our new arch nemesis...That Kick Cray. They were jolly good sports about knocking us out in the last round of playoffs, only to lose the championship to the always syrupy sweet Awful Waffles.

In a grand gesture, we decided we'd help them relive the pain of losing. So with the return of Kelly"I got this" Ho and Bruce "Surprise guys" Pomerleau, parachuting in minutes before the game, we were prepared to bring the unstoppable hurt. It also helped that the uber tall fellow with the abnormally large cranium couldn't bunt and their catcher held on to the ball like a well greased pig. While they tried their best, in the end, we were victorious!!!

This week we face a new adversary, Get Drunk, Kick Away...what an intricate name...so much depth...really makes you think...what is the meaning of life?

The captain of this dear team has offered a gentleman's wager - winning captain buys the losing captain a shot. Well sir, I inversely acccept your wager. I would appreciate my shot waiting for me when I arrive at Third Base.

To all young chaps that dare to challenge the greatness that is KickInABox I do declare, enjoy opening the box, you won't be disappointed.


P.S. Bruce seemed right at home last week. In fact, I think I overheard him say, "Walks who?" Sorry Dre, looks like your boy's got a new team and they've got a reputation...of winning. 

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Walk of Shame

Listen, Upper Deckers, we're sorry. We didn't want it to be that way. You didn't deserve that. Truth is, you should be in Live, but the powers that be won't allow for it to happen. Instead, you had to go to WAKA's version of Federal Pound Me In the Ass Prison and that was a date with Walk of Shame. Remember last week when we showed you guys Officer Harris from Training Day? He said it best. "I'm winnin' any muthafuckin' way. I can't lose. You can shoot me, but you can't kill me." And THAT, my hideous orange shirt friends, is what you need to tap into. While it wasn't pretty on the field, the ladies on your team were top notch. Not in kickball, but in life. And no matter how much you lose by on the field, you'll still be winning in the end. You still won.
As for you Candy Van.... This week, we are going to let our boy Johnny Tapia from Bad Boys 2 (not as good as the first) explain to you our thoughts about you. In this scene, Johnny Tapia kills one of his henchmen because he let Detectives Lowrey and Burnett into Tapia's home posing at exterminators for a rat problem, only for Lowrey and Burnett to expose themselves as cops. He kills his henchman, lies to his own mother and says the henchman shot himself and even tells his mother that he will send his fallen henchman's mother flowers. He's ruthless. Just like the Walks. Endangering Vegas is like endangering Tapia's money. And clearly you dont wanna do that.... Thanks for the inspiration Johnny. RIP.

Get Drunk, Kick Away

The victory train rolls on my friends. It might not be rolling harder than the pitches “…But We’re Good At Flip Cup” was throwing at our girls but few things do. We managed to get a little closer to the full roster in week two and it showed.

Jeff “Live the Name” Freidman and Lindsay “Left Field Lock Down” Stevens may have played their first game, but it was clear this wasn’t their first rodeo. Robert “Scraped Knuckles” Hangren and Sean “I Just Wanna Blast It” Hall brought the ever needed Viking Chug to the fields, a tradition that is here to stay. Sarah “Which Way Is North” Gerald and Itzett “More Shakira” Romero were so enthused by the steamrolling of “…But We’re Good at Flip Cup” that they’ve wanted to start Get[ting] Drunk, Kick[ing] Away for practice. Kelsey “Don’t Yell at Mel” Hill and Ashley “Oh My God I Caught It” McKemie were great additions to an outfield running the Shallow Ladies Alignment. Elizabeth “Call ‘im Off” Medlin and Chris “Better Than The Light Brigade” Saum killed it on the 3rd base side, which we’ll need again in our next match up.

To KickInABox, I simply ask you to prepare. Purpleman in a deeply hurtful move picked you guys as victors for the week. You’ve put away a good team this season, but we think we’ve got a shot. We’ll be the ones talking an immense amount of shit, then doing everything in our power not back it up. I would like place a bit of a wager on the game. Winning captain buys losing captain a shot. An insurance bet if you will.

No team spirit award this week. Instead team call out. Alex “I Do What I Want” Morris is still, much to the embarrassment of the team, bunting. To our future opponents (in an effort to be above board about the whole thing): He might bunt. No one is happy.

Also he poured this beer for one of our teammates and laughed.

Liver Let Die

Well, Liver Let Die had a pretty close game against Candy Van this week if you forget the 1st inning.

It's just really hard to forget the first inning. I know this because I tried everything over the past weekend and it is still seared in my brain.

That said, there were sparks of brilliance.Annie and Audrey both made clutch plays on defense. Cody didn't run into anyone. David didn't break a hip.

This week we face off against the Upper Deckers. We're hungry for a win. Catch it live at 8pm this Thursday.


First off I would like to commend my Dbags on successfully stealing Pink as our team color. Secondly I would like to say that we still do not want Hutch on our team but he is like getting the Herps. One you got it, it won’t go away, Ever. Grats to Relax for finding the cure. Cheers to the Teabaggers on a well played game last week, but you got Dbagged. Hope you enjoyed. Unfortunately we are on a bye this week, so all you refs will get a break from our constant complaining and misinterpretations of the WAKA rule book. We have Relax coming up next on the schedule and honestly we can’t wait. After our last match up that we were forced to forfeit due to hair appointments and inadequate number of female players, we’ve had this game circled on the calendar. Honestly we have nothing against Relax, we are just against everything they stand for. If Waka were like the world they would be France. There will be no excuses or lame forfeits to bail you guys out this go round, game on.

Hannah Montana

Bush League Chew. Who knew ball slapping would be your core strength? For future reference:

15.02.b: when an runner on or off the base intentionally touches the ball. this interference causes the play to end, the runner to be out, and any other runners shall return to the base from which they came

1.06 Optional Base Use: c: When a play is attempted at first base, a runner who touches First Base prior to being called safe at the Extra Base shall be called out.

Billy says: Come on, you're better than that ...

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Relax and Let it Happen

Simply put, nothing has changed. We're still the most dominant team of this decade and maybe even the century. And do you want to know something scary? Like, scarier than watching Dre try to catch a fly ball where he has to take half a step in any direction! We've recruited, and we're only getting better. We have 4 new guys, and 1 new girl who is probably better than all of your guys. 

We debuted the new team on Thursday and decimated Suck My Kick 13-0. It's not even their fault, we're just that good. This week we play Hannah Montana for the first time ever. We're excited for more people to be able to see us play. As always, come by and take notes, until then Relax and Let it Happen.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Kicks Like Jesus

The Legendary Red Rockets

The Red Rockets return for another season of WAKA with rockets a blazing and a new boombox rocking the jams thanks to Mr. Paul Simon. With plenty of water flowing through our loins we put on a stellar performance in game one and MVP Chelsea tore it up on second base. Even though it was the first game ever for RecoveRejects (who were definitely good sports), we had a Flabongo celebration following the game and our nipples are still erect from the win. Get it ON!

Team Easy!

Week 1 came and so did the vast majority of our team … whilst jammin' Carly Rae on repeat we rocked the PPD in our family friendly pink sippy cups. We seem to have an especially thirsty crew this season because that 5 gallons went quickly and before we knew it, we were doing scissor sessions at Third Base, making out in back seats of cars, singing horrible karaoke, and spinning relentlessly Ego’s chairs. It was a fantastic start to the season but week 2 won’t see most of us Easies on the field as we’re making bye-week a bi-week at the bar. Never fear though, our big brother team, Candy Van, will be mad reppin' the pink tonight at 6:15, blastin' more Carly Rae and, rumor has it, getting Lei’d !

Oh and here’s to hoping we get to play some bar games tonight!!

-chief man whore


In a world where social media is dominated by the likes of Facebook, a tech mill run and managed by some of the most fun-loving, attractive, and brightest minds in the city, on the field, we are humble and truly no different than anyone else. The members of Faceballs snort bath salts and chew off faces one game at a time.

Awful Waffles

Hi kids,
It's time for another round of good news/bad news.

1) Your awful waffles beat ballin' bambinos.  The game was fun and, although it was a bit one sided, they were a pretty fun team.
2) We play faceballs tonight.  The only thing that could be cooler than that was if their name was googleplusballs.
3) Our "juice" jug will be filled and ready to go tonight again.  You should find us on the fields and grab some nutritious and delicious juice!  Well be the ones in our brand spanking new waffle shirts.

1)No rocking homemade waffle images in this GMOT entry.
2) Nothing you could ever do will ever match the awesomeness in this image, sorry:

(no trophies were harmed in this picture)

happy kickball day

forever yours,
awful waffles

Get Drunk, Kick Away

If you cared to know, it is indeed a strange feeling to be a part of perfection. As the franchise of GDKA stands , we have a perfect all time record. It wasn’t easy to get to this point; the booming leg of Christopher “Hey Baby” Saum driving in the first (and only) run of the game, the deceiving curve of Chris “Channel 4 News” Tavarez, and the lock down defense on second from Julie “Game Face” Rochelle were all critical to our immediate success.

Faceballs-- you played well, and I’m sorry you had to be the first speed bump on our drunk freeway to glory. You will not be alone for long though “…But We’re Good at Flip Cup” will soon be paved into the brotherhood of losing.

After a landslide vote, our team spirit award go to Timothy “Did I Slide?” Poole for embodying the nature of our name. We’ll be on field two this week,with John Dalys to spare, come say hi and meet the new team on the block.

With absolutely no bias whatsoever the Purpleman (who I have not known for 5 years, and would definitely not being playing on our team if he could run) picked us to win this week. BOOM!

Walk of Shame

Last season was a great season for Walk of Shame. Sure it didn't end exactly how we visioned it in 4th place and all. But that's okay. We've been asked numerous times how we feel about how everything played out. There's only one person who can accurately portray what it was like for us at the end of last season, and that is Detective Alonzo Harris in the movie Training Day. Some of you may know him by his government name, Denzel Washington. But to us, he will always be Alonzo.

Here, he realizes all his money is being taken away and instead of going after the guy with his money, he chooses to hold the entire neighborhood accoutable. Which is kind of how we feel about all of you this season. We are holding each of you accountable for how it went down. And just like Alonzo is "putting cases on all of you bitches", we're coming to beat the crap out of all of you bitches on the field. Liver Let Die was first.... Upper Deckers, you're next. Thank you for the inspiration Detective Alonzo. RIP.

Big League Chew

All I heard all week was how great the Teabaggers were, and how they were gonna score SOOO many runs. In fact, after winning the coin toss and choosing to be home, BLC listened to the other side talk about how excited they were to get an extra at bat in the game! Too bad we shut them out through 3 innings. I will admit the Teabaggers are fast/fun/and in this case better, eventually breaking out of their slump to beat us 6-0... so maybe I shouldn't be talking trash... but BLC took some big steps, and the newbies played great! Oh, and a special thanks to Kicks Like Jesus! I can't imagine that when an umpire and the entire roster of one team asks you to slide over (so you don't interfere) that you would just ignore it. Especially after clearly preventing our first baseman from making a catch a second earlier. This can only mean that you are too slow to coordinate something so complicated. I realize moving 10 feet is difficult, even for the smartest 5 year old, but maybe next time your collective brain mass can get it done. Or maybe not.

Thanks again Teabaggers for being awesome. Good luck this season.

D Bags

Dbags lost to Suck my Kick...yeah, yeah , yeah, whatever. We played like dog shit. We couldn't kick for shit, we were rusty and Joey was drunk( big surprise). We'll get our shit together come playoffs which is all that really matters and teams like Suck my kick won't even belong on the same field as us. I mean let's be honest 9 out of 10 times we destroy Suck my Kick and they know it, especially ole "easy out." We are awesome and y'all suck. Fin.

Friday, June 8, 2012


No but for real. I would do anything for Candy Van because they are the funnest best most attractive people I've ever met in my whole life and I want to be as cool as them. They even have a cool logo of a guy with a mustache and they joke about pedophilia, which is literally the funniest thing in the entire planet in my opinion. I literally would die for candy van and then continue to love them from my place next to God the Almighty Savior because I am a martyr for the cause that is candy van which is also the best cause in the entire earth. Because If Jesus was still alive and kicking (PUN INTENDED) he would be kickin' it with CANDY VAN because they are basically gods in their own right.

I would kick Justin Bieber in his wee wee and then make him lick the faces and armpits of 100 sweaty poo farming child laborers if it meant CANDY VAN would win the championship.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Team Easy!

While I enjoyed the Spring season, I think we can all agree that it lacked the pizazz, flamboyance, and heavy petting of seasons past. One could argue this was due to the outstretch field locations, or perhaps our league bar that was, eh, less than hospitable for 'our kind of people.' But those are all minor causes for a season that seemly forgot the second half of the kickball recipe: getting drunk and naked. If you search deeper in your heart, the answer will be presented to you on platform heels wrapped around a pole with a side of Motley Crue. You were missing Team Easy and the contemptible behavior our fellow easies brought to the table.

You all are in for a real treat this season because we have whipped up a tasty concoction of new talent that will rock your pantalones off. The PPD will be flowing, the music blastin, and our outfielders dancin.

 Summer season is here and we’re back! Hotter and easier than ever. You’re welcome.

-chief man whore

Awful Waffles

They say that hitting a baseball is the hardest thing to do in sports. A ball, three inches in diameter, being thrown at 95 mph that needs to be hit with a wooden cylinder from 60 feet away that you only have .5 seconds to react to. Seems pretty difficult. But that's all bull.

The hardest thing to do is to sacrifice everything and give all your blood, your sweat, your livers, to achieve the ultimate goal. The championship. But the biggest question is: what next?

Well if you're like the awful waffles you continue to do what you've been doing. Training, drinking, making t shirts, designing awesome images. So we are ready to repeat, obviously with the freshest batch of waffles that ever was!

A message for the new teams and players in the league: In life there is both good and evil. And what side you decide to place yourself on drives all of your future choices. Clearly, your awful waffles are on the side of good. And it is every good persons responsibility and honor to vanquish those that choose to stand in the way of good.

Ballin Bambinos, be forewarned, you stand on the precipice of a dangerous decision. Good or evil, the choice is yours.


happy kickballs,
awful waffles

CANDY VAN: Pink Edition

Coming to you this summer: a team like no other. A team with 3 players who live 3 blocks from the field. A team that plans to collectively dominate Drunkest Girl at the Party, shredding any and all drunken competitors who dare to try to hijack our van.

We may have a bye this week, but that doesn't mean we might not still be at the field (sexually) harassing those playing, especially all those sexy people on Awful Waffles and Team Easy.

But, in case we get too drunk to stumble over to the fields/bar/life (likely), we'll see you next week. We'll be that drunk team in pink with the really attractive female captain named Tom.