Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Hannah Montana - TX Republic

(Editor's Note: I'm including the entire e-mail received from Hannah Montana)

Hey, do I send our gmot to you?

It is basically just this:

Snappin' Da Base - TX Republic

It’s been a long time coming, but Snappin’ da Base finally pulled a win over SMK in a close game that once again came down to the last kick of the last inning.

For most of the game, we were held 1-0 and thought that maybe we could close it with a shut-out game. And we very well could have. But then came the perfect example of why YOU NEVER GIVE UP (new kickball/dancing/musical movie, I call it!).  With two outs, and sprinting towards home, a girl in jeans and cowboy boots had a total face plant just inches away from home plate……It’s over! We did it! We won!

Yeah, no. You thought. We had our own team-wide epic face plant. While anyone else would lie there in embarrassment and wait for that game ending hit with a giant, red inflatable ball, she instead CRAWLED FORWARD and tied up the game. And we just watched her do it.

Seriously, 100% major kudos to her. That was awesome.  But, we managed to rally and prevent an over-time tie breaker with a perfectly placed kick that brought in the final run. This week we’re playing Gilligan’s Island, and we’re especially excited to play them. We’ve been eyeing this game since the start of the season because of a certain someone on that team (he knows who he is).  This game is going to be tons of fun and maybe the best we’ll play all season. LET’S DO THIS!!!

Thursday, April 10, 2014

PurpleSaurus Rex - TX Live

I'm not sure anyone on the field was expecting what happened last Thursday when PurpleSaurus took town Tight & Bright, least of all me who actually picked against my own team for only the second time all season, but I will tell you this: it was GLORIOUS.

Me watching from the sideline most of the game.
The good guys gave up two runs early before clamping down and building a 5-2 lead over the course of 4 innings. P-Rex has been playing the best defense I've ever seen out of my squad over the last several weeks, and it showed again tonight. As usual, we employed our patented "kick pop flies and hope they drop 'em" strategy for the majority of our at-bats (punctuated by some uncharacteristic bunting from a few of the non-believers on the team), and T&B obliged us with some top-notch drops. Then the 5th inning happened.

Probably my fault. Everyone was playing so well and so in the zone that they knew they were ahead but weren't really thinking about it, but then I had to go and say "give up 2 or fewer this inning and we get the W!" and all of a sudden it was JUST TOO REAL.

PurpleSaurus during the first four innings: 

PurpleSaurus at the top of the 5th:

Naturally, we choked. Full on blooper real, silly mistakes, T&Bers casually strolling around the bases, drops, overthrows, the works. Four runs later, we got off the field down 6-5. 

PurpleSaurus walking off the field after the top of the 5th:

But wait! We're still kicking for the win here folks! First up? BAM triple. BAM bases loaded. BAM dropped ball at home ties the game up. Annnnnnnnnd BAM walked it off with one out. SCENE.

And there was much rejoicing.

This week we face off against a team lead by PurpleSaurus alum and still an honorary Rex: Sterling Shrader. We're going to be absolutely bedazzled in purple war paint/glitter, hawt hawt kilts, and we shall be burdened with glorious purpose: one more win and it's possible we won't be the last place seed in the tournament. IT'S ON.

Stephen & PurpleSaurus Rex

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Snappin' Da Base - TX Republic

Man. OH MAN. If you didn’t get to see Wednesday’s game between us and The Big Laballskis, then you’ll have to trust me when I say, you missed out on a heck of a game.

The Big Laballskis came out swinging with a series of obliterating kicks in the first couple innings that left us in a 6 run hole that I don’t think anyone on either side was expecting.

Guess I was right when I said they could put the hurt on….But you can’t keep Snappin’ down for long! In a great come-back, we managed to get it together and close the game with a final 7-7 overtime tie. We’ll chalk it up to one of those “performance under pressure” type things.

This week we get to meet on the field of brotherly love with games against P.E. Credit and SMK!!

We’re pumped that we’ve pulled a double-header, rematch-and-Game-of-the-Week, “welcome to the thunder dome” night!! I mean, really. Could you ask for a better end to Hump Day?


Thursday, April 3, 2014

Relax and Let it Happen - TX Live

Word is we play A Nu Start this week. As usual, we’ve got bigger and better things to focus our attention on. We don’t want to give anything away too early, but if I were all of you I’d be cozying up to Relax in the next few weeks. Sandra Bullock, Matthew McConaughey, Andy Roddick, Kyle Chandler, and now each and every member of Relax. We’re all about to have a lot more in common.  It may be tough living the celeb life, but we’re prepared and we’re ready to handle those challenges. We’re pretty much used to the limelight anyways, so it shouldn’t be a big adjustment. I just feel bad for Shan and Jay’s first kid. It’s going to be a Suri burn book, selling first photos to the tabloids, North West hype sort of situation.

More to come on our continued success, but if we’ve learned anything about anything, it’s that you’ve got to take each day one at a time. And our dynasty continues to build by shitting all over A Nu Start’s silly little dreams tonight. Good luck to you all – we’ll remember you when we’re sipping margs with our butlers on the porch of our Hollywood bungalows. Smooches, y’all.

PurpleSaurus Rex - TX Live

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Snappin' Da Base - TX Republic

Oh the humanity!! For the second season straight, Hannah has handed us our first loss of the season!

Sure, it was an epically close 1-2 game. But with the final score being made on the final play of the final inning, it was so close it hurt!

Point is, we made some mistakes, and we like to think we’re relatively fast learners that just happen to forget the lessons we learned last season. So, we’ll see. This week we square off with The Big Laballskis! We’ve heard the rumors that y’all are tough and can put the hurt on if given the opportunity. But we’re looking to bounce back from last week, so get ready! It’s gonna be a great game!!

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Pitches be Trippin - TX Live

So winning at kickball may not be going so well this season, and makes Friday mornings a little more difficult

But the Pitches know how to do party! The Spring Equinox was such a glittery fun time

And there we did WIN something... the photo hunt! YAYY *we may be photo whores*

Prize: $50 at Gibson... Eff. Yess.

I can't get enough of Thursday as it is, Kickabll, Best Friends, and now... free Dranks :)

We'll see y'all on the fields tonight and will probably take a selfie with you ;)

Relax and Let it Happen - TX Live

Unfortunately, our game is at 9PM this week. Unfortunately, we play PurpleSaurus Rex. Unfortunately, they are coming in hot as last place in the league. We’re not going to be mean about it, but we are going to absolutely destroy this team.  It’s going to feel horrible. Horrible for them to have every last ounce of pride stripped from their souls. And horrible for us to go home after, and fall asleep knowing we did that to those people. It will be all the more horrible, knowing that we did it with our 5th string team thrown out on the field. Knowing that with an all-girls infield, we still took them down without breaking a sweat. I’m not looking forward to Thursday night at all. But as humanitarian members of this league, we will take a deep breath, get out there and do what we need to do. We will put our personal feelings aside, and hand this ridiculous loss to PurpleSaurus Rex. We will do it knowing that every league needs a leader. And without us, Texas Live Spring 2014 would have none. We will play Thursday night for the good people of this league. We tip our hats to you all. Smooches.

Snappin' Da Base - TX Republic

Awwwwww yeah! Snappin’ da Base has pulled the game of the week!

And is it any surprise? Last season, Hannah handed us our only defeat of the regular season. Needless to say, we’re looking forward to redeeming ourselves and taking the win this time. Repeat of last season?! NEVER!

Hannah has only lost one other game, and that was to another strong team: SMK. So we know they’re good. But Snappin’ is planning to keep our place in the standings and we’re not giving up anything without a fight!

Get ready y’all…

it’s about to get epic.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

TX Republic - Weekly update

TX Republic (Wednesdays) has a weekly video update on the league.  Here is the summary from last week & preview of this week:

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Relax and Let it Happen - TX Live

According to Coach Jay, the Teabaggers will give us our first "tough" game of the season this week. Let’s put it this way – I’m not concerned. Who are the Teabaggers anyway? If I can’t remember you, you don’t actually exist.

In more exciting news, this will be the debut game for Mr. and Mrs. Dr. Shannon Russell. Jay will be sporting his post-Mexico sunburn splotches and Shan will be looking all wifey and shit. The more I think about it, the more I know in my heart that we should HH. We owe it to the Russell’s to celebrate them for the 8th time this month, and the Teabaggers annoy me. Let’s lube up at El Mercado around 6. If you're not sure if you're invited, you're not.

Smooches y’all.

Snappin' Da Base - TX Republic

Oh South By….not only do you disrupt the flow of traffic in Austin, but you also disrupt the flow of kickball season. Luckily SXSW always makes for an awesome time or this might be unacceptable. Regardless, we had alcohol-fueled shenanigans OFF the field last week, and now it’s time to get back to alcohol-fueled shenanigans ON the field this week.

Last game we faced off against PPTSWU 2.0 in a game that apparently was a lot closer than some people were expecting.  

Considering they played us after a double-header against Hannah Montana and we still had a close game, this is a team to watch.

Up next, we battle Pitches Be Crazy and will try to continue our winning streak against a team that has one win and looking for another. Be forewarned, we come armed with skills that are totally useless except for in kickball…

And maybe football.

Pitches be Trippin - TX Live

The story began a long time before you and I. But to save time (mainly my own), I'm going to begin in 2014. There are riots(and worse) in in Ukraine, Venezuela and Turkey. It's becoming more and more likely that aliens abducted a 777 Dreamliner full of people. The thursday night kickball league in Austin, Texas is as volatile as ever...It's POPPIN! Let's examine that further.
I'll go ahead and start with the most recent game. We played against an amazing team called Kicks Like Jesus, formerly known as the Health Alliance for Austin Musicians team (just kidding, there was no affiliation, and only one 'A'). This was a game that will be remembered for many seasons to come... It had it all; heroic plays, bewilderment, danger, and even suspense. 

The game began like any other: I was talking to someone, and then realized the first inning was about halfway through. I said to whomever I was talking to the same thing I say every game; "Oh shit, I didn't realize the game had started! Seems like this happens every game!"

I found a small un-mowed portion of grass at the base of the support cable for the power-line. I got the attention of one of the new players on the team and said "See this? This is what you want - you wanna stash your stuff in a tuft of grass like this. You can put anything in here - booze, condoms, cigarettes, grass, liqour, you name it."
He pondered it a second and then responded to the effect of "My beer's in my friend's backpack, but... I guess I could stash some cigs, cool if I share that spot?" Of course it was ok. That was the first time I had ever used a tuft of grass to stash things.
First 3-6 people go, maybe we scored, maybe we didn't. It's time for me to go in to my position at 1st. I focus in on the play. My mission is to not get distracted as the first ball it pitched, and get to the ball or base as fast as possible. My body is poised, strung up like a bow and arrow ready to be released and hurdle towards it's target at high speeds. 

There it goes...Huh? I didn't see what happened somehow. I asked the guy standing in as first base base coach for KLJ what happened.  He said "That guy over there caught it somehow. It was actually pretty amazing, haha."
There it goes...Bam, misfire. 

Second ball bounces and is caught by one of my teammates , and I stretch out diagonally with my foot on the base and catch a ball just after a girl runs through first... I'm assuming; that felt like it was safe. But I didn't see what happened; I was focused on the ball. The ref called her 'out'. What? I thought she was safe, but I was wrong! It was then it was time to act like I didn't think it was a big deal as our team cheered. Then I fucked up a difficult but not impossible catch after that. 

So anyway the game ended up tying, so... neither team lost.Then we played flip cup with them, and we ALMOST played a game of flip cup for the tie-breaker, but both teams mutually agreed not too... which worked out in our favor, because our team had horrible luck, (or horrible skill, whatever you wanna call it). 

Badass night.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Relax and Let It Happen - TX Live

Thursday March 6
5:40 PM – Relax begins to gather at El Mercado.
5:42 PM - First round of margs ordered. Shitty half price apps ordered.
5:52 PM – Second round of margs ordered.
6:15 PM – Third round or margs ordered.
6:34 PM – Dre arrives.
6:35 PM – Final round of margs ordered.
6:45 PM – Depart for fields.
6:59 PM – Shit on their dreams chant.
7:00 PM – Game vs. TnB begins. TnB genuinely believes they can win.
7:02 PM – TnB loses all hope.
7:06 PM  – Relax leads 8-0.
7:21 PM  – Relax leads 13-0. Game concludes due to mercy rule.
7:26 PM – TnB tries to cheer themselves up with their silly TnB chant. Relax throws things at them.
7:32 PM – JG goes home. Kate goes home. Alex goes to the bar with TnB because she feels bad for them. Jen and Jenna go somewhere else to drink. Joey goes somewhere else to black out. Hutch goes to some girl’s house.

Friday March 7
7:46 AM – Various members of Relax wake up. Joey is already in an Operating Room supervising a surgery. Hutch gives his booty call a classy kiss on the cheek and sneaks out in silence. Dre snuggles deeper in his sheets and remembers the one catch he made successfully last night. He giggles in delight.  Everyone takes a moment to reflect on how great it is to be a member of Relax, and throws in a prayer for those less fortunate.

Smooches y’all.

Son's of Pitches - TX Live

It's going to be short and sweet this week. Why? Because I'm in NOLA bitches! Mardi Gras!

Here's the important stuff you're dying to know:

1) I may have (probably) saved Stephen Moursund's life when I selflessly blocked a rogue kickball from nailing him in the head when he wasn't paying attention. Then we hugged it out. It was kind of magical.

2) Three weeks in to the season and the Sons of Pitches are still undefeated! What? What is this crazy talk? All that time spent losing and suddenly we're winning? Yeah, that's right. It's happening. We were the Texas Live League Champions once upon a, there's that.

3) Conversations With Drunk Pitches: Unless you want to get inked directly on your a-hole, the best place to get a tattoo of someone climbing out of your poop-shoot is the lower back.

You're Welcome.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

PurpleSaurus Rex - TX Live

So if you haven't met us yet, you may know us as that kind of naked dancing team that you had had to get uncomfortably close to when you went to pick up the shirts from my table last week. Well, show some respect folks, you're looking a league royalty. I realized this season that PurpleSaurus Rex is officially a mainstay of TX Live culture, we've been around that long. A brief history of PurpleSaurus Rex:
1989: This commercial hits the airwaves, and somebody had the good sense to turn on the VCR

Spring 2010: After a brief an unsatisfying stint in ASSC, the founding fathers of PurpleSaurus discovered WAKA and created the esteemed Untitled Kickball Project in TX Capital. Little did we know that UKP would be the cro-magnon man of a storied franchise.

Summer 2010: Nucleus of the team joins Untouchaballs, meets Sterling Shrader.

Fall 2010: Still casting about for their one true name, UKP plays their first TX Live season as Ctrl+Alt+Elite.
Remember when we could play flip cup?

Winter 2011: Having trouble finding their identity as a fun team or a good team, UKP returns to Capital under their original namesake. We meet Scotty after Nate moves into a house on Hartham right off West 6th that we absolutely trash every Thursday after going to Third Base
Also Stephen got fat.

Summer 2011: UKP plays their final season, changing their name in week 3 to Nate Fox and the Less Eligible Bachelors. It's been a long time since I've shared one of these and I worry that Nate hasn't gotten really angry at me in a while sooooooo:
Table of Contents photo from August 2011 edition of Austin Monthly
Fall 2011: PurpleSaurus Rex is born! Our first ever "seriously we don't care about winning let's get weird" season and first 20+ person roster. Also featured the first appearance of PurpleMan on Halloween.

Kia has no idea what to think of this.

Spring 2012: Unsatisfied with not having a competitive outlet, the most athletic members of the original UKP crew form Big League Chew in TX Capital, but play on PurpleSaurus in TX Live at the same time. I have ankle surgery after a devastating kickball injury and am sidelined for 6 months starting in March. Tom Hallock and Carrie Gilson get their Purple wings.

Summer 2012: PurpleSaurus takes a season off while el capitan is completely unable to play for the entire season rehabbing the injury. Plus it was really hot.

Fall 2012: Still incubating into it's current incarnation, a few members of what PurpleSaurus will ultimately become play on the aptly named "Get Drunk, Kick Away". Jason Casey and Kristie Kelly join the team along with Clayton Porter.

So bright, so tight. How adorable is McKemie?

Winter 2013: PurpleSaurus Rex returns to stay! Huge additions are made that set the tone for the team for the future: Hayley Fojtik, Rob Jaskula, Erica Diaz, & Kim Vozar. Purple does uncharacteristically well competitively, going 5-3 on the season but getting Waffled in the end. New logo and hats get rolled out!

Everything about this picture makes me smile.

Summer 2013: Shits officially getting real. Serena Faruolo, Darcy Lysaught & Ivan Gonzalez all join us. The Purple-Off is revived after several years of dormancy and the departure of the Warriors, leading to this glorious photo:

This picture doesn't show the raw amounts of glitter.

Fall 2013: Purple is the new black. We're everywhere. Huge pickups this season with Ashley Compton, Chelsea Levin, Lori Sternberg, Cody Bond, and Jacob Mackey signing on. They actually started putting us on promotional materials at this point.

PJ night was so comfy.

Spring 2014: PurpleSaurus Rex 6.0 is what you see rolled out before you. Looking through the current roster of teams our tenure is exceeded only by that of Relax and Let it Happen and The Tyrannical Teabaggers, although Sons of Pitches are right there with us. Tonight we dominate (checks schedule) Kickin & Wafflez, and I must say it's good to have a new entrant occupying the Waffle demographic. We will cover them with glitter and shame. From what I understand, Relax is planning on turning tonight into a complete shit show, so get your toosh to Gibson after the game and lets get ready to burn this thing down.


Wednesday, February 26, 2014

P.E. Credit - TX Republic

We Came, We Saw, We Brought A Whistle

The first day of class is meant to show up, grab a syllabus, and figure out how many and where the hot people are. P.E. Credit now has shirts, a basic understanding of what positions people are going to play, and learned how to lose by 6 runs. Snappin The Base, had done the summer reading, and then asked the teacher why they forgot to give us homework on the first day. Good job, you were very well prepared, and stuck to your guns no matter how much fun everyone else was having. We found out that there may have been a few kinks in the system, we’ll get it together for the double header we have this week. SMK & The Big Laballskis won’t be ready for the kind of participation we’re bringing their way.

Shout Outs:

Scotty “Take 1, Put 1” Driskill – Highest Pop Fly 1st Place

Alex “I Should Wear A Knee Brace” Mitrowski – Highest Pop Fly 1st Loser

Kevin “They Call Me Cinq Mars” Cinq Mars – HOLY SHIT DID YOU SEE THAT DOUBLE PLAY! Award


Frankie “Headband” Arvelo – Didn’t Wear A Single Sweatband

Snappin da Base - TX Republic

As with most things life-changingly awesome, Snappin’ da Base has really been looking forward to the start of another ultimate kickball season.

We went up against P.E. Credit…a team with enough play-making veterans that we were ready for a real battle. But we started the season right with a win, brought some brand new faces to the team, and celebrated the return of one of our super-stars, Jake, from retirement! We also had some fantastic base-running, and great defensive plays.

Next week we’re facing The Dark Side and we hear that they could be a challenge. With a name like "The Dark Side", I could throw out a bunch of Star Wars references…but because this is the Internet, I found a gif instead.  

May the Force be with us!

Sons of Pitches - TX Live

WHAT? The Sons of Pitches are two games in to the season and (technically) undefeated? You better believe it. How can this be? What sort of sorcery is happening here? It isn’t magic people, it’s called skill. All skill. Pure, unadulterated skill.
Sailor Moon Dance photo 


Yeah…we pretty much look that awesome out on the field. Okay, so maybe not THAT awesome. But it still feels pretty damn good. How good you may ask? This good:
 photo http3A2F2F31mediatumblrcom2Ftumblr_me6q45gxtQ1rhi0rbo1_400_zps4156c1c0.gif
That’s right. It’s like wanting a hot dog, then being showered with hundreds of them. All over your face. Raw. You don’t even need the mustard. Seriously, we’re excited. We broke our 12-20 game losing streak (but who’s counting) with an all-out win, then backed it up with a tie. We may have lost our #18 spot in the Live Power Rankings but that’s okay because we still have these:

And now, it’s time for a little segment I like to call, “Conversations with Drunk Pitches.” After an amazing win (or a no- longer-so-upsetting loss) the Sons of Pitches like to head over to the bar for a little post-game celebrating with adult beverages and even more adult conversations. After our first win in a while, we got a little over zealous and may have enjoyed a few too many liquid refreshments. We began discussing the finer points of resume building…for pimps and drug dealers. If you are, in fact, a pimp or drug dealer who is looking for a new career (kudos to you) then feel free to use the following list of skills to spice up your resume and enhance your “professional” image. • Entrepreneurial spirit with a drive to build a profitable business. • Ability to build and maintain excellent client relationships by providing high-level customer service. • Strong marketing and canvasing skills especially in back-alleys, crowded clubs and school districts. • Excellent managerial skills and not afraid to use the pimp-hand when hoes get out of line. • Years of cash handling experience and ability to spot a fake bill on sight. • Large network of high-end clients and suppliers who will do anything I ask in order to maintain secrecy. Certifications and achievements include: Master of the Pimping Arts, Back-Room Cashier Level III, Hoe-Handlers License, Defense Against Abusive Johns Level II (currently working on Level III certification), Basement Meth Lab Certified, Highest Grossing Dealer Award 3 years in a row, Lowest Hoe Attrition Rate 5 years in a row and last year’s winner of Lowest Percentage of STD’s Transmitted.


You’re welcome.