Thursday, September 18, 2014

That Kick Cray - TX Live

We came, we saw, and we… were conquered. Yes, Relax did bring the pain, but they did not break our spirits! Did Nate get lit up on the mound? Yes. Did Jay shut us out at the plate until the game was already out of hand? Yes. Did most of the team cry ourselves to sleep Thursday night? Of course, but that had nothing to do with kickball. What’s really important here is something that members of both teams can truly appreciate: Jay “The Mug” Russell looked terrible at the plate! Seriously, watching him kick is similar to Stephen in tights: Total train wreck (just kidding Stephen, we love you and your toothpick legs)!  The guy is unstoppable on the mound, but lets be honest, our entire team sighed in relief every time he came up to kick. Luckily, we got video of his efforts for the league to enjoy:

Don’t worry Jay, Vegas is still 3 weeks away! I’m sure you can figure it out by then… Maybe Kate can give you lessons? Three quick sessions will take you from this:

To this!

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Remember, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery!

Anyway… TKC isn’t about moral victories. After a 0-2 start, we’ve decided its time to focus on what matters:

  1. Run train on our opponents from now until the playoffs: Sorry A Nu Start. We like the fact that your captain is a Redskins fan, but your timing could not be any worse. You better pray it rains, because things are going to get ugly out there.
  2. Happy Hours/Team Parties/Drinking too much in general: This is a game we always win. Some might say “Aren’t you guys too old to be drinking like that?” Maybe, but lets be honest, isn’t that what WAKA is all about?
  3. The Baltimore Orioles. Everybody in the league should focus on the Baltimore Orioles. 

Relax and Let it Happen - TX Live

Wowzie Mc Jangles!! Who are those new people playing on Relax this season? If you’re anything like me (and lucky you if you are), you may have asked yourself the same question last week. We’ve never met them before but they fit perfectly like a tightly knit winter’s mitt and we love them already. Here’s why:

1.       They are beautiful. I don’t know any of their names really but they are some of this world’s finest specimens as far as I can tell. Like athletically charged stallions galloping into the night.

2.       They are like, really good actually. Which blonde guy was that that made the amazing leaping catch by 3rd base? And was it the same, or a different blonde guy who kicked a bad ass smack right into the outfield in the 4th inning? I don’t know and I don’t care. They can stay on our team as long as they want if they keep making ESPN Top 10 caliber plays like that.

3.       They are some of the best pickups we’ve had in a while. Sure Jenna and Jen are our BFFs, and the additions of Tom and Huntley have been good for us as well. But we’ve had some real misfires in our past that we’re not ashamed to acknowledge (rhymes with “Shmre Shmrodgers”). These guys are a real hole in one IMHO.

So here’s to you, new members of Relax, you beautiful and gifted angels, you. Some people are champions. Some people are you guys. Smooches y’all.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

P.E. Credit - TX Republic

Harris what the hell kind of kangaroo court are you running. Ranked 10th after losing to the team you say is the 3rd best in the league, and is also number 1 in the overall standings! That’s shenanigans and you know it. In fact you even prove you know how absurd ranking The Cred (that’s our street name) in last place by picking us to beat the team you have ranked as the number 5 team in the league.

Harris you’ve made this pick personally because you want us to fail and that hurts not only my, but all of my teams feelings.

Harris is the worst. Snap Lord’s 1st baseman AKA Star Lord is the best.

-Foxy Coxy

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Snap Lords - TX-Republic

It’s been an interesting off-season this summer: Armageddon-like disease running rampant. Naked celeb photographs all over the place. Some guy getting stabbed behind my apartment……it’s been dramatic to say the least.

But the most dramatic thing to happen over the off-season…Snappin’ da Base transforming into SNAP LORDS!

Basically, we got together and was like: “Hey, should we change the name?” “Yeah, sure, whatever.”  "Ok, then." BOOM! Democracy.

I don’t know if the new name is supposed to super-saiyan us or whatever, but we’re looking to finally get our championship this season. And we started that off right with a win last week against PE Credit. As usual we had a ton of fun playing those kooky kids: There were great plays! There was alcohol! There were sneak plays (that failed)! There was alcohol! There were a TON of people! There was alcohol!

A good time was had by all.
This week, we go up against SMK! In the past, these have usually been some pretty awesome games that come down to one or two great plays. Will it be the same this season?   


Relax B*tches! - TX-Republic

Austin Kickball Community – your worst nightmare/largest life blessing has finally come to fruition. Relax is now playing 2 nights a week. We’ve completely taken over Austin WAKA and the rest of you have no chance of survival – Planet of the Apes style.

Lucky for you, we’re bringing the very best of Relax to Gillis on Wednesday nights – the team’s premier shit talkers, and hottest chicks. In fact, ALL the chicks. You heard it here first. We’re a nearly all girls team and we’re about to embarrass every other squad in this league. We tore down the hopes and dreams of Sir-Kicks-A-Lot last week, shout out to my coworker JL and the best league rep I’ve experienced thus far, Mike Harris!! Mike’s a sweet guy. He asked our permission to throw fast to girls, and then proceeded to throw some of the slowest, most kickable pitches I’ve ever seen. Love you MH!!

We really want to make a good impression on this league, so for all of you who haven’t had the pleasure of knowing Relax yet, and for those of you who do… just hear this: We’re out here to have an amazing time. We’re probably going to beat you and it will be tough knowing you lost to all girls, but we’re very good and you just need to understand that. We’re also going to tear you down with our shit talk. But that’s really just because we’re funny and fun and deep down we want to love you. This is how we express it.

In final thought, we’re going to just go ahead and welcome ourselves to this league with open arms and open hearts. We love you all and can’t wait to destroy your hopes and dreams in good fun and glory. FBG$!!

Thursday, September 11, 2014

PurpleSaurus Rex - TX Live

As we entered the season the top ranked team in the conference, I did something I don't think I've ever done before last week: I gave a pre-game talk where I didn't insinuate we were probably going to lose. Crazy new strategy, but I felt like it was time to go ahead and let athletes be athletes in spite of my insistence on keeping the team as low-key and fun focused as possible.

So of course we immediately gave up three runs in the first inning and failed to advance runners past 2nd in the first two innings. Woops! The Red Rockets are BACK this season, and whoever is running the play calling over there is to be commended, it was technically sound offense that played great small ball and manufactured runs while putting them in a position to take advantage of mistakes. Eventually we got our shit together and scored the go-ahead to runs in the top of the 5th and held on for a 4-3 win, but our hubris was entirely extinguished. 

Only disappointment of the night: I promised all my players a shot of fireball for every phone number they obtained from a Rocket, but no red jerseys ever showed up at the bar!

This week, we're gonna get you wet. Aw yeah girl, you gon' be DRIPPIN. Were bringing out the squirt guns and water balloons and just buckets of water, and anyone in the vicinity of Field 1 from 7-8 is going to get their shit drenched. Fuck playing in this heat, no way I'm tolerating it without my swimmy trunks on and tank top drenched with not-my-own-sweat. 

Relax and Let It Happen - TX Live

In case you didn’t see us spraying shit all over that rando team’s dreams last week, let it be known via GMOT – Relax is back. This week, we’re­­­ setting out to wreck a home. Tom and Kaitlyn, we get it. You guys are the perfect match and it’s so amazing. Honestly, we’re over it. And Thursday night is the perfect time to put your relationship through the ultimate trauma.

Kaitlyn, bless her heart, truly believes that she and her silly friends on That Kick Cray are a real kickball team. She thinks their trophy from last season actually means something. Sorry Kaitlyn, the only thing that trophy means is that Relax took a season off. We try to take some time to ourselves every now and again, to nurture relationships with our fans. The occasional Relax break lets all you other kiddos win a game or two, letting you have just enough fun that you begin to believe you actually still like kickball. And then we come back, and shit on… well you know the drill.

Thursday night, we embark on a journey. We put TKC in their pathetic little place, we score about a billion runs, and we probably break up Tom and Kaitlyn. We want to be sorry but we can’t be stopped.

Some people are champions. Smooches y’all.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Responses to Summer 2014 Survey Comments!

Hey Folks!

Did this a few seasons ago, and it's time to bring it back! I really really value your feedback (both positive and negative!) in the surveys as it helps to focus attention on what needs to be improved about the league, where your priorities are, and what we're doing well! What follows are a few excerpts from your survey comments, followed by how it's being addressed! Feel confident that your surveys are read and valued. I high five myself when I read a good one, and sometimes cry myself to sleep when someone tells me I am LITERALLY HITLER. Here we go:

"I enjoy Saturday playoffs much more than Thursdays."

This is not an uncommon sentiment! While Parks & Rec has repeatedly declined to give us Gillis Park on a Saturday citing the need to keep neighborhood parks available for neighborhood use on the weekends, Gillis is not the only option. I'm going to look into holding the playoffs at South Austin Recreation Center just down the street on a Saturday, a solution that's worked out very well for us in the past! Stay tuned for more updates on this.

"I will keep repeating this, so you know how much we enjoy it. I love the no bye weeks."

For those of you who have never experienced bye weeks, in the past TX Live would accept as many teams as we could possible register, necessitating a few teams having a bye each week as there just wasn't enough room and time for everyone to get a game in. I now limit registration to 18 teams each season to give us our nice, neat, 3 field / 3 time slot schedule at Gillis, and haven't continually gotten overwhelmingly positive feedback about it. This will not be changing, you can count on your no bye weeks! THAT BEING SAID, there will still be instances where external events force us to take a bye week such as SXSW, a major holiday falling on a Thursday, or for example October 9 this season will be a bye week as 4 teams will be in Vegas for WAKAPalooza Weekend.

"Please keep enforcing dogs MUST BE ON LEASH. There is one medium sized dog that is never on a leash and it's very disruptive to my dog who is."

This is a great reminder of the Gillis Park policies which are in place. It DOES NOT MATTER how good your dog is off leash, some dogs are more introverted and can be fearful or distressed by your friendly off-leash dog running up to it while it's stuck on a leash and getting up in their business. It's a leash-only park and everyone should be able to bring their pup without having to worry about whether another owner who is breaking the rules is going to ruin their dog's night. I'm going to be much more diligent about enforcing paper forfeits for violations of this next season.

"Less Facebook. More Email and/or Google+ for communication."

This is a tricky wicket. While I would love to send you guys an update every time there's something worth sharing, getting a ton of emails from your league rep is viewed as very spammy by a lot of people. The one email a week format is what we've settled on as sufficient to get the info out without being too annoying. Google+ is not something I've looked into before, but since this isn't the first time I've gotten that request I think it's time to explore what this G+ thing is all about. Hopefully I can link posts across multiple platforms so that I don't have to post everything 3 times? Will update soon. Also up for consideration is using the GMOT blog as a platform to do a weekly post recapping the week that I'd write over the weekend. This way we get more content and communication without overloading peoples inboxes, and I don't get a flood of OMG UNSUBSCRIBE ME JERK emails.

"I never learned about league parties until a couple of days before (other than the boat party) and usually could not go with such short notice."

This is a big one! The dates for our league parties are set BEFORE THE LEAGUE EVER STARTS. If you go check out the league website right now you'll see September 27 and November 22 marked as our party dates. This info is also included on the social schedule given to your captains at the captains meeting the day before the season starts. A Facebook event is usually created 2-3 weeks prior to the event and the party details are noted in the weekly league emails for the two weeks leading up to the party. Do yourself a favor and go mark those dates down on your calendar NOW so you know you won't miss them!

"I really dislike Gibson as the team bar", "DO NOT HOLD POST GAME AT GIBSONS.", "We need a new bar.", " I love Gibsons as a bar but it's not very big to fit the whole league.", "Too many freaking seasons at Gibson = lame."

So I'm hearing that you guys love Gibson and want to stay there forever, right? JAY KAY. Message received, action taken: this season we will be partying after games at Midway Field House located at 2015 E. Riverside Dr. This is a full-on large-scale dedicated sports bar with TVs everywhere, TONS of parking (check out this parking map), lots of room, and I've negotiated some KILLER specials. $1 PBR, $2 Miller Lite, $3 well cocktails, and an as-yet TBD special on Dewar's Highland Honey which will be settled on later. The only thing about Thursday nights in the Fall is a little thing called Thursday Night Football, which means that place is going to be HOPPING every week! We'll be concentrating our presence in the upstairs area where we can pretty much take over (enough WAKA jerseys in one place and people just get out of the way), and you dog owners can enjoy the fenced patio outside the bar where there will likely be an inflatable screen for the game. Good? Good.

"The policies are something that should be enforced all of the time, not just when it is convenient or inconvenient for Stephen. There are weekly occasions when people use random substitutes from outside of the league and their team to meet minimum requirements."

For the past 5 seasons or so, TX Live has had the following league policy listed on the league website: 
  • Substitutions are allowed in regular season games ONLY when fewer than the minimum number of players are available (4 men and 4 women), and ONLY as many subs as is necessary to reach the minimum. No subs are permitted during the playoffs.
This policy was enacted to prevent teams from being forced to forfeit games when short a girl, which was happening all too often, and the minimum number of women on each roster was also increased to 6 to address the same issue. Forfeits = everyone's least favorite thing in the world. Worse than hitting your funny bone, or getting a sweaty hug from Stephen, or getting slobbered on by one of Rock's giant Newfoundlands. However, this policy was also enacted when Live was explicitly a Social Only league with no Founders Cup eligibility. With the dissolution of the Capital league due to poor enrollment, Live was made FC Eligible so that at least one league could send our best and brightest to Vegas every year, and it may be time to re-examine this policy. Removing this league policy and adhering to the standard WAKA policies throughout the regular season will almost certainly lead to an increase in games forfeited, but this commenter is absolutely right that having inconsistency in the application of policies is questionable in a league where a good percentage of our players enjoy playing in a competitive manner and wish to have the level playing field that the rules are intended to provide.

In fairness to those who are keen on having things by the books (and this is not asking a lot at all from those who couldn't care less), the following policies are going to be adhered to for the Fall season:
  • Substitute players will not be permitted at all. Your players must be registered and on your roster. If you're pretty sure that an ineligible player is playing, feel free to challenge it, I can check their ID and reference it against my player roster from my phone.
  • Kicking orders will be exchanged prior to each game. This is a simple matter of writing a second copy of your kicking order down on a scrap of paper and handing it to the other captain, and will give you the ability to do something about it if your opponent is being a fun-sucking filthy cheater and kicking out of order to gain a competitive advantage.
  • WAKA shirts of the appropriate color must be worn for a player to be eligible. You can modify your shirt to your heart's content so long as you don't obscure the logo or make it the same color as another team. This will resolve problems like having two navy blue teams playing each other or having a guy hanging out in the infield that you thought was a ref because he was wearing the wrong color shirt field the ball you kicked at him.

The balance between competitive teams and "just for fun" teams waxes and wanes from season to season, but it's safe to say that we have heavy enough elements of both in this league and enough teams to justify separating them. This has been tried before, and unfortunately culminated in a "competitive" division of only 3 teams, and a bunch of really really good teams pot hunting in the lower division for easier wins. Here's what we're going to try out this season: two 9 team divisions with independent schedules and inedepent playoff brackets. Only the upper division will be FC eligible and win a trophy, the lower division winner will be rewarded with bubble wands and a bar tab. How will it be decided who will be in what divisions? Why, you of course! And no, you will not be saying "we want to be in this division". Once the teams are set, all of the captains will be asked to rank every team in the league #1-18. I'll provide basic stats for each team like years they've ben together, past championships, and last season's results so if you're not familiar you can make an educated ranking. These rankings will be averaged to find a fair, peer-assessed ranking and the top 8 teams will be put in the upper division with the bottom 8 teams in the lower division. You'll play every team in your division exactly once over the course of the season. Elegant! Simple! Will it work out? I hope so!

Thursday, July 31, 2014

PurpleSaurus Rex - TX Live

Rainouts are the WORST. Looking at today's forecast and seeing more potential 'scattered thunderstorms' (the same forecast we've had the last couple of times that we got goddamn monsoons on Thursday nights), I can't help but remember the feeling of crushing disappointment I've gotten everytime that I've stood out on Gillis Park half an hour before games are supposed to start, WILLING the rain to stop, and it just doesn't work.

I start with stoic patience, the belief that it's gonna stop, we're not gonna get rained out.

This in turn becomes anger. How DARE this rain fall!?

But ultimately reality sets in, and I become overwhelmed with sadness.

Leading to resignation and the complete death of my spirit.

Then again, it's only a 40% chance today. Maybe it won't rain! My reaction would be a bit different if presented with actual kickball games tonight.


Let's keep this GMOT simple, shall we?

Babe Truth:





Thursday, July 24, 2014

P.E. Credit - TX Republic

We participated like champions last night, coming up with the W in the bar games

As well as a W in our Red vs Blue matchup with SKEET SKEET
Artist's rendition.
Now that the semester is over, we just need Tom to sign off on this sheet to give us our grade. From what he tells me, you gotta give him a BJ to get an A+, a handie only gets you an A. 


This is how I felt about the Purple off being rained out last week:

This is how I feel about a 6:30 game:

This is how I feel about the weather this morning:

This is how I feel about the theme (even though it's exactly *5* months until Christmas, STEPHEN):

This is how Stephen feels about basic math:

This is just my life view in general:

This too:


Snappin' Da Base - TX Republic

This first part goes out to you, Tom. Yes, YOU. Mister “8 to 1”… Mister “Heat so Weak”… Mister “They don’t stand a chance”. 8-1? Eight to ONE??? You know what I say to you, sir?

That’s what.

“Wait a minute,” you say. “So was it a close game?” Uhhhh, HELL YES. I said last week that every game we play against Hannah can be nail bitingly epic, and this week was no different. No less than three or four times Hannah had players either rounding third base or just a few steps from home plate. It was good defense - and some fantastic throws – that kept this from being the 8-1 game predicted, or at least a tie game.

For the second time this season, we’re going up against SMK. We’ve been going strong lately, and we plan on keeping our momentum going this week and into the start of playoffs! There won’t be a repeat of Game 1!

Thursday, July 17, 2014


From days of long ago, from uncharted regions of the universe, comes a legend. The legend of Candy Van: Purpliest of the Purple. A mighty team, loved by good, feared by evil.

As Candy Van's legend grew, envy spread across the league. In Stephen's loins, a new purple team was conceived: Purplesaurus Rex. Alliances shifted and players swapped sides, but the goal to spread purple love throughout the league bonded these teams. Together with Candy Van, they strived to spread purple love throughout the universe until a new horrible menace (jealousy of Candy Van's purple superiority) threatened the alliance. After a season in a different league, it was clear what TX Live was missing.

Candy Van was needed once more.

This is the story of the superforce of purple creepers, specially trained and sent by Paul Reubens to bring back Candy Van: Purpliest of the Purple.


Anonymous - TX Live

Hey guys, let's do a pyramid picture! Busted, Pitches be Trippin'.


Snappin' Da Base - TX Republic

OK OK…I know I say this every week, but this time it’s doubly-true. Kick James and Faceballs were a TON of fun to play with. It was a great time all around, and both teams had some really awesome players.

 There’s definitely some hidden talent on Kick James and Faceballs, and it's just a few games away from emerging and becoming some team’s nightmare. This week, we’ll be going against Hannah Montana in a super mega, balls-to-da-wall Game of the Week! Our two teams been going at each other for a while now, and each game has been fantastic. I see no reason why this won’t continue this season. For visual reference on potential game epicness, please see below:

 We’ll be looking to keep our mojo going and notch another win in our belt. See you on the field Hannah!

Wednesday, July 9, 2014


Well, we got rained out last week. BUMMER. Most likely the sky crying like a baby because its favorite OG CVers, OMGAMB and OMGJOZ are leaving this fair city to motorboat the mountains of Colorado. I can't blame them, though, because Colorado has some nice scenery (and I'm not just talking about the landscape). I'm guessing they're mostly moving there so they can legally party with Snoop Dogg/Lion. THEY HAVE RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA STORES NOW, GUYS.

This post is obviously all about those weirdos, 'cause we're really going to miss them.


Look at these cuties singing Weezer to each other.


Amber looks great in this photo, but who's that with her in the mustache?


Luckily, we won a 'ship before they moved away. It'll definitely be hard to do it again without these cuties.


First we lost Foxy to Dallas, now we're losing Joz to Colorado, which means the percentage of exposed thigh on the team will be at an all-time low.

'cause AMERICA.

We'll miss you guys. Have fun in Colorado and don't be surprised when all of us show up at your house for snuggle time with Charlotte.



Snappin' Da Base - TX Republic

Ouch. Once again, it seems like Snappin’ da Base may have bitten off a bit more than we could chew in a 2-5 loss to P.E. Credit last week. It hurt, but it could have hurt a lot worse…..Just ask Brazil. BOOM!

 (…..too soon?)

We started off at a good clip, and things seemed to be going our way. But then everything started to go wrong at exactly the right time.

And I give credit where credit is due. P.E. Credit is an awesome team. It took a little time to get ourselves together, and then we began to rebound, making some great plays and keeping the fight going until the end of the game.

The highlight of the game? A rather bizarre chicken fight at the pitcher’s mound. I can’t exactly remember what started it, or who initiated it. All I know is that it began with a beer can flying through the air…and ended with two grown men wrestling on the ground.

Yeah, it was pretty much like that. This week we have a double-header, going up against Kick James first and then topping off the night with a bout with Faceballs. We’re hungry for some wins and we’ll be aiming to get them this week!

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Week 5

This made the rounds back in April, but in case you missed it, this kickball team email that Deadspin posted will forever give significance to Week 5!

Good morning gentlemen,
I'm assuming that when this is read, you'll all be waking up, hence the greeting.
I hope we all had a good time tonight. I certainly did. We have a very talented team. We're most likely going to win out the season, and if not, we'll buck up and win the tournament at the end of the season. We're really that good.
But it's time that I introduce you all to a very important rule, which if we don't follow will cause us the season. It's called the five-week rule.
You'll notice that only the men of [team name] are receiving this email. It's because this rule only applies to you. I know, it's sexist. It's not fair. But it's the way it is.
Winning on the kickball field is based on three things. How well the men play, how well the women play, and if the women show up. Literally, leagues are won and lost on whether or not enough women show up towards the end of the season. Everyone thinks kickball is a great game, they all want to play, then towards the end of the season, attendance tapers off, and you're begging and pleading for people to show up to fill out the team, and it doesn't happen, and you forfeit, and you're pissed, and it sucks. SUCKS.
The main reason for this, is screwing. No joke, you bang some chick, she's ashamed, maybe you sucked at it (none of us, obviously) and she doesn't want to see you, therefore she doesn't show up again.
So, this rule has been created, not to hinder us, but to help the team. Think of it as an extended challenge. The slow roll. The long con.
Is that clear enough? I can say it again if necessary, but I think it was pretty clear.
There, I said it again anyway.
Failure to adhere to this rule will result in your exclusion from the lineup, public hatred and disdain, death, dismemberment, ball-kicking (not kickballs), and, on the good side, getting laid. I don't think the latter is worth the former.
Please be a team player, wait a few weeks. If you're that good, it won't matter anyway. Don't break up the team because of your dick.