Congratulations, Jay Russell! You are officially the Dbag of the Week after your performance against Tight and Bright. Before continuing, I want to say congrats to Relax on their win. They fought back, came up with several clutch plays, and earned the victory. Ninety percent of the team was pleasant and fun to play against, with the glaring exception of their defacto captain.
ACT I
Those of you who know Jay know that he is no stranger to douche land. Unfortunately, in last week's game against Tight and Bright, he took his usual antics to the next level. In a game that was between the twelve(?) time Capital champions and a Live team, Jay decided to pitch hard to the TnB girls. One word: classy! When one of our players asked him why he was pitching that way to our girls, his response was, "This is Capital, asshole." This is Capital? Jay, did you pitch that way to the girls in the other seven games you played this season? How about the rest of Capital? Are all the teams pitching that way to girls? We all know the answer is no, so Jay, don't scream "Welcome to Capital!" Instead, just scream the truth: "I'm a Douche!"
ACT 2
Jay has problem with abusive language. People that have played against him know it. Those that have reffed his games know it. His current and former teammates know it. I know this! But, Jay managed to reach new lows last Thursday. Since when is it okay to call a girl on another team (or your own team or that is spectating) a bitch? Not only is it not okay on the kickball field, it's not okay in life! Screaming "shut up, you stupid bitch" to a girl on a kickball field definitely qualifies you for Dbag of the Week, and beyond that qualifies you for being an asshole in life.
FINAL ACT
As the gods would have it, Jay scored the winning run in the bottom of the 5th inning. Did he run to celebrate with his teammates? Of course not. He jumped on the plate and screamed "Suck it, Bitches!" It was a fitting end to the game. In the Relax pre-game huddle, Jay apparently said something to the effect of, "Let's go out there and make them miserable. Let's make sure they hate this game." Congratulations! MISSION. ACCOMPLISHED. We still had fun playing kickball, we still went to the bar and partied afterwards, but playing against Relax was not fun and parts of it were utterly miserable. Not because we lost, not because we made mistakes, but because one person decided he needed to be a jackass. So congratulations, Mr. Russell. You are officially the Douche Bag of the Week!
GMOT UPDATE
Friday, April 5, 2013
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
The Tyrannical Dunderbaggers
This would usually be the GMOT entry where we drop lots of praise on our two All-Stars, Robert and Sandy. They're both new to the team and busted their asses being awesome all season. It could have been a GMOT entry where we talked about getting to play Purplesaurus Rex in the charity game and what an awesome game that will be. Seriously, it may be the most even matched game we play all season. It may have even have been an entry where we swore playoff revenge for our regular season loss against the LeBallskis in the first round. It's not though.
Dunder played Hannah Montana in the final game of the regular season. We lost. We kind of expected to lose. They're fresh off of playing a few semi-futile seasons in Capital and are returning to Live where they've won a couple seasons. We decided it was more important to make sure everyone got equal playing time and kicks in before the season was over than try and make a real run at Hannah. We played hard, we had a few miscues, but weren't really expecting the game we got out of Hannah.
Morgan is pretty cool. George is too. We like them. They've got great attitudes and are fun to be around. I've played some of my favorite games of kickball ever against Hannah. They're usually a pretty fun team to play full of really good people who are pretty good at kickball. They're usually a great team to play. We weren't worried when they said they may be short some players. We were going to play them anyways without regard to getting an unexpected cheap win; final standings be damned. We weren't really expecting the huge display of douchebaggery out of a couple of the people on the team though.
To Tall Guy, the lame dude woefully trying to be relevant on Thursdays, the whole yelling while the balls in the air is pretty lame. It's stupid, it's shitty sportsmanship, and makes you look like an idiot. Most of us graduated past that sort of behavior well before junior high. We decided at that point you're a douchebag. So again, good job a-hole, you got on base and kicked in a couple runs that didn't matter. Purposefully timing it so you're running into Robert while he's trying to catch the ball a few innings later, that's just being a shitty person. You guys had a sizable lead, and that pretty much makes you the Dunder approved "Biggest douchebag in the league."
To the guy kicking immediately after the tall guy, following up Captain Douchebag by pulling the exact same shit and running into Robert while he's trying to make a catch the very next play makes you just as lame as Captain Douchebag. Unlike CD, Morgan swears you'd never do it intentionally, and I generally trust Morgan, but it really looked like it was done intentionally. As such, you get the Dunder middle finger too. Maybe you're a decent guy who got caught up and made a bad attempt at emulating CD's desperation to finally be a winner at something in life. Maybe not.
So congrats Tall Guy and Little Buddy, you turned Hannah from one of the teams we looked forward to playing and having a nice, fun game of kickball with to being one of the teams we thought were the lamest in the league.
Dunder played Hannah Montana in the final game of the regular season. We lost. We kind of expected to lose. They're fresh off of playing a few semi-futile seasons in Capital and are returning to Live where they've won a couple seasons. We decided it was more important to make sure everyone got equal playing time and kicks in before the season was over than try and make a real run at Hannah. We played hard, we had a few miscues, but weren't really expecting the game we got out of Hannah.
Morgan is pretty cool. George is too. We like them. They've got great attitudes and are fun to be around. I've played some of my favorite games of kickball ever against Hannah. They're usually a pretty fun team to play full of really good people who are pretty good at kickball. They're usually a great team to play. We weren't worried when they said they may be short some players. We were going to play them anyways without regard to getting an unexpected cheap win; final standings be damned. We weren't really expecting the huge display of douchebaggery out of a couple of the people on the team though.
To Tall Guy, the lame dude woefully trying to be relevant on Thursdays, the whole yelling while the balls in the air is pretty lame. It's stupid, it's shitty sportsmanship, and makes you look like an idiot. Most of us graduated past that sort of behavior well before junior high. We decided at that point you're a douchebag. So again, good job a-hole, you got on base and kicked in a couple runs that didn't matter. Purposefully timing it so you're running into Robert while he's trying to catch the ball a few innings later, that's just being a shitty person. You guys had a sizable lead, and that pretty much makes you the Dunder approved "Biggest douchebag in the league."
To the guy kicking immediately after the tall guy, following up Captain Douchebag by pulling the exact same shit and running into Robert while he's trying to make a catch the very next play makes you just as lame as Captain Douchebag. Unlike CD, Morgan swears you'd never do it intentionally, and I generally trust Morgan, but it really looked like it was done intentionally. As such, you get the Dunder middle finger too. Maybe you're a decent guy who got caught up and made a bad attempt at emulating CD's desperation to finally be a winner at something in life. Maybe not.
So congrats Tall Guy and Little Buddy, you turned Hannah from one of the teams we looked forward to playing and having a nice, fun game of kickball with to being one of the teams we thought were the lamest in the league.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
PurpleSaurus Rex!
After a long stretch of byes and getting the living crap beaten out of us by significantly better teams, PurpleSaurus got back to its roots, had a costume making party, and showed the league what it means to own a theme night. Behold, the X-Men!
 |
| (Clockwise from Left) Callisto, Daken, Psylocke, Archangel, Domino, Beast, Phoenix, Jubilee. Rogue and Gambit showed up later. |
Our go-to Xavier was out sick, but that didn't stop us from banding together to protect the rights of mutants everywhere. And protect them we did! Our super-powered offense seemed untouchable with balls that continued to fall in all the right places as our kick-away-every-at-bat strategy had one of it's rare successes and generated a staggering 18 runs, more than we had scored the rest of the season combined. We close our season 5-3, and expect to see some good competition in the early rounds of the playoffs. I'm not sure PurpleSaurus has ever won a playoff game, but if I had to pick a squad to do it this would be the one. Don't be fooled by the fact that we boo people for bunting and sometimes throw it to left field instead of 3rd base, this team has the potential to do some serious damage.
CANDY VAN
As I walked back to the little slice of heaven I like to call my cubicle, I started to feel uneasy. It hit me out of the blue, almost as though there was some evil lurking near, just waiting to strike when the moment was right. I turned the corner and nearly ran into *GASP* a man with a ponytail. You might be wondering what I have against men with ponytails. Here's the thing: I don't trust 'em. What are you trying to hide in that mound of hair? DO YOU EVEN OWN A BRUSH? WHY IS IT SO SCRAGGLY? WHHYYYYYYY??
As a woman who now enjoys freedom in the form of a pixie cut, I just don't understand the benefit for dudes, especially when it's socially acceptable for you to have short hair!
I'm guessing you probably think it works for you. SPOILER ALERT: it probably doesn't.
You know who else has a ponytail? The ultimate Disney creeper: Gaston. I mean, his role in that movie was just to be a creep. That chode was just trying to get in Belle's pants the entire time, so it absolutely makes sense the brilliant men and women of Disney pulled those locks into a pony. If for some reason you were robbed of your childhood and haven't seen Beauty and the Beast, just imagine Joey with a ponytail.
Searching for men with ponytails on Google brings up feelings across the spectrum. Some stand by me and don't trust them while others worship the neck that pony rests upon. For some reason, this seems to be a common theme:
So, why have I launched into a diatribe against ponytailed men and what does it have to do with the child's game we participate in each Thursday? Teabaggers are, collectively, the men with ponytails of the league. Do any of their dudes rock a pony? No. But I still don't trust 'em. Something about them makes me feel uneasy. Maybe I'm constantly worried that they will unleash their teabagging tyranny upon me and my loved ones. Maybe I just feel like Doug is one pony away from being a Steven Seagal impersonator.
I mean, imagine staring at an entire kickball team full of nice people and just seeing THIS:
Or this:
It's a rough existence. I don't WANT to see you this way, TB, but it's just the way things are.
So now you know that when you approach me, it's a personal struggle for me not to run and hide. Maybe my fear and mistrust of ponytails isn't fair, but I can't help the way I feel. I love you for you, Teabaggers, but not the incredibly sketchy way you style your 'do.
LOVE,
Candy Van
As a woman who now enjoys freedom in the form of a pixie cut, I just don't understand the benefit for dudes, especially when it's socially acceptable for you to have short hair!
I'm guessing you probably think it works for you. SPOILER ALERT: it probably doesn't.
When bad hair happens to attractive people.
You know who else has a ponytail? The ultimate Disney creeper: Gaston. I mean, his role in that movie was just to be a creep. That chode was just trying to get in Belle's pants the entire time, so it absolutely makes sense the brilliant men and women of Disney pulled those locks into a pony. If for some reason you were robbed of your childhood and haven't seen Beauty and the Beast, just imagine Joey with a ponytail.
You know what they say, "Creepers gonna creep."
Searching for men with ponytails on Google brings up feelings across the spectrum. Some stand by me and don't trust them while others worship the neck that pony rests upon. For some reason, this seems to be a common theme:
Just.... what?
So, why have I launched into a diatribe against ponytailed men and what does it have to do with the child's game we participate in each Thursday? Teabaggers are, collectively, the men with ponytails of the league. Do any of their dudes rock a pony? No. But I still don't trust 'em. Something about them makes me feel uneasy. Maybe I'm constantly worried that they will unleash their teabagging tyranny upon me and my loved ones. Maybe I just feel like Doug is one pony away from being a Steven Seagal impersonator.
I mean, imagine staring at an entire kickball team full of nice people and just seeing THIS:
What a lady killer! And I mean an actual murderer.
Or this:
Mo' pony, mo' problems.
It's a rough existence. I don't WANT to see you this way, TB, but it's just the way things are.
So now you know that when you approach me, it's a personal struggle for me not to run and hide. Maybe my fear and mistrust of ponytails isn't fair, but I can't help the way I feel. I love you for you, Teabaggers, but not the incredibly sketchy way you style your 'do.
LOVE,
Candy Van
Better Red than Blue Balls
What a way to end our season. Suck My Kick may not have known this,
but it was a grudge match two years in the making - and it
certainly played out that way.
In a game where bunts were a rarity (which made it a really fun game), plenty of runs were scored, leads were exchanged, and the game ultimately came down to the last batter. Nursing a three run lead going into the bottom of the 5th (and knowing that SMK's best batters had all hit in the 4th), we felt pretty confident in our ability to close the game out... then SMK scored two runs on four hits and we started to have flashbacks to our meltdown against Stride of Pride.
Clinging to a one-run lead, with two outs and runners on 2nd and 3rd, SMK was in prime position to tie the game (or even take the lead) behind their next two batters. Luckily, their next batter fouled out to 1st and the game (and our season) was over.
After a couple seasons of mediocre play, lacking attendance and merged teams, this was top-to-bottom our best season in terms of record and play. We're not all the way there yet, but we're a lot closer than we were in Fall 2012. Playoffs may be three weeks away, but we're already excited about our chances.
And with this being our eighth GMOT entry, we're also excited about the free shots.
In a game where bunts were a rarity (which made it a really fun game), plenty of runs were scored, leads were exchanged, and the game ultimately came down to the last batter. Nursing a three run lead going into the bottom of the 5th (and knowing that SMK's best batters had all hit in the 4th), we felt pretty confident in our ability to close the game out... then SMK scored two runs on four hits and we started to have flashbacks to our meltdown against Stride of Pride.
Clinging to a one-run lead, with two outs and runners on 2nd and 3rd, SMK was in prime position to tie the game (or even take the lead) behind their next two batters. Luckily, their next batter fouled out to 1st and the game (and our season) was over.
After a couple seasons of mediocre play, lacking attendance and merged teams, this was top-to-bottom our best season in terms of record and play. We're not all the way there yet, but we're a lot closer than we were in Fall 2012. Playoffs may be three weeks away, but we're already excited about our chances.
And with this being our eighth GMOT entry, we're also excited about the free shots.
The Tyrannical Dunderbaggers
Last week we played Whiskey Kick. They came out and put up 3 runs on us fairly quickly as we fought off hangovers, rust, and the need to figure out what the fuck Alli's dog Trip was eating. Being the super neat, super awesome team that Dunder is, we rallied back and tied them. There was some excellent pitching by Dunder and some great in the field plays. Mendoza had his seasonal unnecessary vengeance throw at a girl for a put out. Dude loves that shit for some reason.
We play Hannah Montana this week. I know they were playing in Capital for a few seasons and are making a triumphant return to Live, but we feel good about this game. It's the last regular season game, we played sharp for the majority of our last
We play Hannah Montana this week. I know they were playing in Capital for a few seasons and are making a triumphant return to Live, but we feel good about this game. It's the last regular season game, we played sharp for the majority of our last
TankMOT
Teabaggers played a hell of a game. We'll give them that. I don't think they made an error all night.
However, the best part of the game came when the Teabaggers got the bases loaded. Kyle T. was up...and it looked something like this:
He then walked back to his side crying.
It was hilarious.
We're now off for another like nine months or so. The kids on our team that are like 16 years old are going to Midnight Rodeo Thursday if you want to catch them there. If you're above that age though, I guess we'll just see you at playoffs.
Until then, GO DUKE!
P.S. Aaron Craft. (That's for you Val. Bruce you're just collateral damage)
However, the best part of the game came when the Teabaggers got the bases loaded. Kyle T. was up...and it looked something like this:
He then walked back to his side crying.
It was hilarious.
We're now off for another like nine months or so. The kids on our team that are like 16 years old are going to Midnight Rodeo Thursday if you want to catch them there. If you're above that age though, I guess we'll just see you at playoffs.
Until then, GO DUKE!
P.S. Aaron Craft. (That's for you Val. Bruce you're just collateral damage)
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Tight and Bright
“Let’s dress more ridiculous than they do and still beat them, so there are NO excuses that their tie-die pantyhose were chaffing them and that’s why they lost. I hate dressing up though.” – Ryan J. Rock Logue
“Excuses.” Let’s talk about excuses for a moment. I think the entire Capital League can agree with us that the team who makes the most “excuses” regarding their own defeat is undeniably Relax. Teabaggers? Candy Van? The late Walk of Shame? Feel free to weigh in here, but we think you’ll be on board. Personally, I too am not excited to hear excuses about why this game was lost. Here’s my prediction. We come out, we put up a run or two on Relax, they start to freak out. We start to freak out. The put up a run or two but it doesn’t matter because we’ve already gotten some more. Jay will scream, Ryan’s dogs will be disgusting, and we will claim victory, maintaining our spotless undefeated record.
And then it will begin. Relax will talk about how they just went to the big boy tournament in Atlanta, and they are tired and sore. They will say that it’s just so hard to get up for an opponent like us after such great competition. They will complain that Dave is hurt and Clay didn’t show up. They will talk about how if the “true” Relax played us, there would have been no contest.
They will talk about what could have been and what should have been and what would have been, but at the end of the day, all we will know is what was. We will show up, we will black out, we will love each other, and we will destroy evil and take down the tyrannical late-dynasty that once was Relax and Let It Happen.
To the mere pawns of this team under Jay’s ruthless iron fist, we know you may hate yourselves, but we love you and all we want to do is show it. To you, we extend an invitation. Jeb, when you can no longer control yourself watching us have so much fun, come on over to our sideline for a swig of Fireball. Jenna, when Jay screams at you for the 47th time and the light begins to slip from your eyes, come by for a hug and a high five. Ty, don’t even listen to ‘em. You know we’ve got your #1 honey dip over on our sideline, and her sweet caress will heal your wounds at the night’s close. Clay, you’re not even going to show up, but we’ll save a VIP seat for you on our bench should you accept our gracious invitation to cheer for the good guys.
The good old days of the great Relax are gone, Jay, and you’re just going to have to accept that. We’re going to show up on Thursday night to prove it to you. Until then, we’ll be keeping it tight and bright. Goodnight, and God bless.
“Excuses.” Let’s talk about excuses for a moment. I think the entire Capital League can agree with us that the team who makes the most “excuses” regarding their own defeat is undeniably Relax. Teabaggers? Candy Van? The late Walk of Shame? Feel free to weigh in here, but we think you’ll be on board. Personally, I too am not excited to hear excuses about why this game was lost. Here’s my prediction. We come out, we put up a run or two on Relax, they start to freak out. We start to freak out. The put up a run or two but it doesn’t matter because we’ve already gotten some more. Jay will scream, Ryan’s dogs will be disgusting, and we will claim victory, maintaining our spotless undefeated record.
And then it will begin. Relax will talk about how they just went to the big boy tournament in Atlanta, and they are tired and sore. They will say that it’s just so hard to get up for an opponent like us after such great competition. They will complain that Dave is hurt and Clay didn’t show up. They will talk about how if the “true” Relax played us, there would have been no contest.
They will talk about what could have been and what should have been and what would have been, but at the end of the day, all we will know is what was. We will show up, we will black out, we will love each other, and we will destroy evil and take down the tyrannical late-dynasty that once was Relax and Let It Happen.
To the mere pawns of this team under Jay’s ruthless iron fist, we know you may hate yourselves, but we love you and all we want to do is show it. To you, we extend an invitation. Jeb, when you can no longer control yourself watching us have so much fun, come on over to our sideline for a swig of Fireball. Jenna, when Jay screams at you for the 47th time and the light begins to slip from your eyes, come by for a hug and a high five. Ty, don’t even listen to ‘em. You know we’ve got your #1 honey dip over on our sideline, and her sweet caress will heal your wounds at the night’s close. Clay, you’re not even going to show up, but we’ll save a VIP seat for you on our bench should you accept our gracious invitation to cheer for the good guys.
The good old days of the great Relax are gone, Jay, and you’re just going to have to accept that. We’re going to show up on Thursday night to prove it to you. Until then, we’ll be keeping it tight and bright. Goodnight, and God bless.
Relax and Let It Happen
Tight and Bright is a silly concept. A silly group of silly people without a sound mission. You guys want to “have fun and black out.” Grow up, Peter Pan. It’s the World ADULT Kickball League. You are a sloppy bunch with a meaningless existence.
Each day, Relax goes out and dares to be great. Call us whatever you may - I guarantee you aren’t creative enough to come up with something we haven’t heard before. We stare down adversity and continue to nail it week after week. Thursday nights are fun for sure, but we have bigger and better things on our plate. This is about more than kickball and about more than blacking out (even though we 100% support that as well). This is about being the very best, all day every day. It’s not our problem that you simply don’t understand. We’ll go farther than you in kickball, and farther than you in life. Sorry, but it’s just the truth.
You need to just deal with this GMOT, and you will need to deal with your first loss on Thursday night. You all need to get a clue, and we’re about to serve one up on a silver platter. You can still have fun, you can still black out, and you can still have pride in your team. But you need to understand that we are what’s true and what’s real in this life, so on Thursday night, it will be best if you all just Relax and Let It Happen. TTYL bitches.
Each day, Relax goes out and dares to be great. Call us whatever you may - I guarantee you aren’t creative enough to come up with something we haven’t heard before. We stare down adversity and continue to nail it week after week. Thursday nights are fun for sure, but we have bigger and better things on our plate. This is about more than kickball and about more than blacking out (even though we 100% support that as well). This is about being the very best, all day every day. It’s not our problem that you simply don’t understand. We’ll go farther than you in kickball, and farther than you in life. Sorry, but it’s just the truth.
You need to just deal with this GMOT, and you will need to deal with your first loss on Thursday night. You all need to get a clue, and we’re about to serve one up on a silver platter. You can still have fun, you can still black out, and you can still have pride in your team. But you need to understand that we are what’s true and what’s real in this life, so on Thursday night, it will be best if you all just Relax and Let It Happen. TTYL bitches.
GMOT Stats!
Because this is the last week of the season, I figured it might be helpful for everyone to know where they stand in terms of submissions and qualifying for that epic FREE TEAM SHOT at the End of Season party.
But before we get to that, I just want to congratulate the whole league on a much-improved GMOT. So far this season, we've had a whopping 87 submissions from 14 teams, compared to a paltry 33 submissions from 7 teams last season. NICE WORK, LEAGUE!
PurpleSaurus Rex - 10
Candy Van - 9
The Tyrannical Dunderbaggers - 9
Relax and Let It Happen - 8
The Tyrannical Teabaggers - 8
Better Red Than Blue Balls - 7
Raging Dinos - 7
Tight and Bright - 7
Stride of Pride/TankMOT - 6
Balls Against Humanity - 3
Awful Waffles - 2
Hannah Montana's XXX Tape - 2
One Kick Wonders - 2
The Big Leballskis - 1
Thanks for doing you, league.
XOXO,
GMOT Czar
But before we get to that, I just want to congratulate the whole league on a much-improved GMOT. So far this season, we've had a whopping 87 submissions from 14 teams, compared to a paltry 33 submissions from 7 teams last season. NICE WORK, LEAGUE!
PurpleSaurus Rex - 10
Candy Van - 9
The Tyrannical Dunderbaggers - 9
Relax and Let It Happen - 8
The Tyrannical Teabaggers - 8
Better Red Than Blue Balls - 7
Raging Dinos - 7
Tight and Bright - 7
Stride of Pride/TankMOT - 6
Balls Against Humanity - 3
Awful Waffles - 2
Hannah Montana's XXX Tape - 2
One Kick Wonders - 2
The Big Leballskis - 1
Thanks for doing you, league.
XOXO,
GMOT Czar
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Hannah Montana's XXX Tape
The most important thing to ever happen on a kickball field
I
have been fortunate enough to play kickball for over 4 years. I have
seen my fair share of crazy games, crazy antics, crazy people, and crazy
plays, but nothing has been as amazing as what happened 2 weeks ago
against Awful Waffles.
Bottom of the 5th inning. Losing 6-7. Our first
kicker is up. The ball takes an strange bounce as our kicker attempts
to kick/bunt/harlem shake the ball. The ball hits him off of the upper
thigh. No, this is not a "ball to the nuts" story. The ball trickles
into fair territory. The catcher picks up the ball and tags him out.
Now this was not a knee ball, it was an upper thigh
ball. Hands down the worse knee ball I have ever seen. Easy call for
the ref. However, there was no line ref, and the home plate ref could
not have seen the knee ball. He called the batter out.
Now, tight game, down to the wire. Blown call (not
pointing fingers). Catcher didn't see it. Ref didn't see it. This
helps Waffles get one step closer to victory. What happened next truly
blew me away- THEY told the ref it was a knee ball. THEY said he
shouldn't be out. THEY let him kick again, with the game on the
line...and he got on base.
The karma train was already rolling in their favor
after a move like that, and they deserved that W. That however, is not
the moral of the story my friends- the moral here is- this is kickball.
This is fun. Make the right move, even when the game is on the line.
Your kickball karma will do more for you outside of the game than
walking away with a meaningless W in a social sports game, I promise you
that!
I can honestly say if I was on the field in their
shoes, I would not have said anything. I would have let the batter be
out. On that note, I know of a game we won this season where I was out,
called safe, scored, and we won by 1 (Sorry That Kick Cray, won't happen
again!).
Awful Waffles stepped up and did what was right in a
critical moment knowing the potential consequences. Woah. Big hats off
to their incredible sportsmanship and the character of that team.
See you in the playoffs Waffles!
Love,
Hannah Montana
PurpleSaurus Rex
In our infinite Saurian wisdom, PurpleSaurus immediately recognized that the Raging Dinos required validation through kickball victory in order to get through their weeks without going extinct, so we obliged them by playing exactly the way we always do: going as deep as possible on every pitch and playing lock-down (read: laughably porous) defense. The lack of Purple Punch due to a captain displaced from his home for SXSW put a serious damper on the spirits of some, but a camelback full of Chardonnay in left field was the savior of many a parched soul.
This week brings with it one of the greatest gifts that WAKA can bestow upon it's peoples: a theme week! And what a theme week it is! Superheroes and villains is a tried and true favorite, so we decided to go DEEPER with a theme within the theme, and will take the field in a manner most Uncanny this Thursday as the astonishing members of the X-Men!
I personally spent last night engaged in a cardboard, spray paint, and hot glue project to assemble part 1 of my costume, and and super pumped to debut it on Thursday. In case there's any confusion about what music we're going to be playing, it's this on repeat:
CANDY VAN
Let's just get one thing straight here, kickballers: this GMOT entry is going to be about as well-intentioned as the following photo: maybe we didn't really plan it out or think about the long term consequences, but we're still pretty sure that right now, at this VERY moment, it's just plain sexy.
Candy Van has a bye this week while Relax borrows two of our players to try to win some tournament in Georgia. Good luck trying to contain not only the wildcard that is Joey (YOU CAN'T CAGE THAT BIRD), but also the fairly creepy combination of Joey, Tom, and Hutch. All I know is this: with that group together, someone's getting pregnant.
So, since I have nothing else to talk about, I'm just going to relive the awesomeness that was my SXSW:
First, I saw Bear Mountain and meant some boys from Amsterdam that were very tall and gave me the weirdest lady boner:
The next day I saw a Candy Van-approved band called Little Children.
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Then that night when we were watching CHVRCHES and NO CEREMONY///, I ran into the lead singer of Geographer and talked to him for awhile. I managed to keep my fan-girling to a minimum and just had a normal conversation with him, but I still made him take a picture with me.
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Then Karla and I had Fireball and I made the singer from Duologue take a picture with us.
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Bowl cuts: 100% sex appeal.
Candy Van has a bye this week while Relax borrows two of our players to try to win some tournament in Georgia. Good luck trying to contain not only the wildcard that is Joey (YOU CAN'T CAGE THAT BIRD), but also the fairly creepy combination of Joey, Tom, and Hutch. All I know is this: with that group together, someone's getting pregnant.
So, since I have nothing else to talk about, I'm just going to relive the awesomeness that was my SXSW:
First, I saw Bear Mountain and meant some boys from Amsterdam that were very tall and gave me the weirdest lady boner:
Glowing eyes are all the rage in the Netherlands.
The next day I saw a Candy Van-approved band called Little Children.
SPOILER ALERT: they were actually adults.
Then that night when we were watching CHVRCHES and NO CEREMONY///, I ran into the lead singer of Geographer and talked to him for awhile. I managed to keep my fan-girling to a minimum and just had a normal conversation with him, but I still made him take a picture with me.
Yes, that is a Freedom Eagle on my shirt and yes, he is happy to see you.
Then Karla and I had Fireball and I made the singer from Duologue take a picture with us.
The idea was to make the most awkward faces possible.
Funeral Suits pointed at the camera. I almost had to punch them to teach them a lesson.
"I heard pointing at the camera was all the rage in Austin." -Nobody
After I fan-girled NO CEREMONY/// so hard they gave me their set list, I ran into Ólafur Arnalds on the street and drunkenly fan girled him.
I'm pretty sure I told him I'd like to make beautiful music with him.
Then I ended SXSW with a dance party at Humans where they gave me a free beer, told the crowd they loved Hippohonk, and the lead singer jumped off the stage to hug me. And when I thought my night couldn't get any better, we went to see Flume where I somehow managed to make my way to the very front, surrounded by incredibly attractive Australian men who seemed to find me attractive and/or interesting.
I know this GMOT is really boring and just kind of braggy, but you know what?
BEST WEEK OF MY LIFE.
Here's me not caring that braggy isn't a word.
BEST WEEK OF MY LIFE.
So really, what I'm trying to say is that this week is depressing because it's not SXSW AND we don't have a kickball game.
LOVE,
Candy Van
p.s. Tanker sucks.
Raging Dinos
Well we taught Stephen a few lessons last week...
1. If it's your birthday, you can cry if you want to - big ole dino tears
2. Never bet on your own team - man, that back fired huh?
3. The Raging Dinos are the SUPERIOR DINO SQUAD!! - but we already knew that :)
You can't win 'em all buddy.
Love ya Stephen!
This week we face off against the Awful Waffles. While we wish they were true to their name, these guys are previous champions of the league so it's sure to be a balltastic battle. I'm pretty sure this video sums it up:
Bring it on Waffles! The Dinos are hangry!
BAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
The Tyrannical Teabaggers
This week is payback week for the Teabaggers against Stride of Pride. Thanks to our fearless leader we took them too lightly the first time, played like a flaming bag of poo, and lost 4-2. That was the midpoint of our 3 game losing streak to start the season, but since then we are 3-0 and back at 0.500. Expect another W this week.
Our words for Stride of Pride:
Short and dickish..........like Tanker.
Our words for Stride of Pride:
Short and dickish..........like Tanker.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
The Tyrannical Dunderbaggers
SxSW is over. Matt got older. Dunder closed down G+S again and it was during a week without a game for us.
We're nearing the end of yet another amazingly fun Dunder season. After several weeks without kickball, the Dunderbaggers are looking to knock some rust off with our game against Whiskey Kick. Sure, a few of us have been moonlighting in the Monday league, but it's not quite the same. The fields may be nicer up there and you may be able to drink on them, but there just isn't that anonymous, early twenty-something, double-dipping capital player super group, woo-girl / frat bro vibe of Thursday night kickball. Plus, the bar isn't as grimy, and that's where Dunder has excelled all season.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Raging Dinos
It's true this season has not gone as we had planned. Most would look at our record and see 2-4 as a disappointment for a team chalk full of talent and good looks. But we must not fret, we have played by far the toughest schedule in Live (Thanks Obama!.. I mean Stephen), and all of our losses have been close, including a 3-0 loss to Relax last week. But all of that is in the past, a reminder that it has all been practice for this one game... A BATTLE FOR SUPREMACY OVER DINOSAURS EVERYWHERE.
The build up for this epic game has been building all season though we have never played each other there have been whispers that this rivalry is as vicious as Yankees v. Red Sox, Ohio State v. Michigan, Tanker v. Any Girl at the Bar... But no this goes far beyond that, this rivalry is to determine the top of the kickball evolutionary mountain!
Purplesaurus Rex is the lower life form of dinosaur compared to the Raging Dinos, they are the Buitreraptor to our Unenlagia.
The:
To our:
The:
To our:
So come out this Thursday to Field 1 at 7:15 to watch evolutionary superiority play out before your eyes. See what true Dino reigns supreme in WAKA!!
And watch Stephen run away from the more superior Dinos on the field!! (I don't know why they call him Zach this is definitelty Stephen)
Candy Van
Some of you may be familiar with the little conference South by Southwest that occupies our fair city each year for two weeks. Our fearless leader has been busy reviewing bands for Hippohonk.com and preparing to do an interview/WWE Mad Lib with Humans. (KIND OF A BIG DEAL.) So, this week, we have a special SXSW-themed GMOT for you!
If Relax were a SXSW band, they'd be Ancient VVisdom: they really want people to be scared of them and they take themselves really seriously, but at the end of the day, it's just hilarious and a little bit sad.
Meanwhile, we've got Candy Van over here rocking tanks and V-necks and dancing it up. Everyone is desperate to get into our showcase because we like to have a good time. Naturally, we are Macklemore & Ryan Lewis.
You also might be able to compare us to quirky Australian rapper Seth Sentry. We're goofy, but we look and sound good doing it. Plus we're teaching you valuable lessons about SCIENCE.
But whenever Relax tries to get into the rap game, it just comes out like Christian rapper Andy Mineo. I mean, good attempt at flow Relax, but maybe hang up the mic and go back to church? Also, you look awkward on that skateboard.
We don't have anything against Christianity, y'all, we're just too damn sexy for Christian Rap. I mean, we're Rhye: singing smooth Sade-like hooks about getting you into bed in a non-raunchy way.
Relax is the opposite of sexy: startling, yet energetic, scream punk that's just... the worst.
My ears hurt from willingly subjecting myself to listening to Retox and Ancient VVisdom again, so I want to cleanse your palette by providing you with a band that's getting a lot of pre-festival hype, CHVRCHES:
LOVE,
Candy Van
If Relax were a SXSW band, they'd be Ancient VVisdom: they really want people to be scared of them and they take themselves really seriously, but at the end of the day, it's just hilarious and a little bit sad.
Meanwhile, we've got Candy Van over here rocking tanks and V-necks and dancing it up. Everyone is desperate to get into our showcase because we like to have a good time. Naturally, we are Macklemore & Ryan Lewis.
You also might be able to compare us to quirky Australian rapper Seth Sentry. We're goofy, but we look and sound good doing it. Plus we're teaching you valuable lessons about SCIENCE.
But whenever Relax tries to get into the rap game, it just comes out like Christian rapper Andy Mineo. I mean, good attempt at flow Relax, but maybe hang up the mic and go back to church? Also, you look awkward on that skateboard.
We don't have anything against Christianity, y'all, we're just too damn sexy for Christian Rap. I mean, we're Rhye: singing smooth Sade-like hooks about getting you into bed in a non-raunchy way.
Relax is the opposite of sexy: startling, yet energetic, scream punk that's just... the worst.
My ears hurt from willingly subjecting myself to listening to Retox and Ancient VVisdom again, so I want to cleanse your palette by providing you with a band that's getting a lot of pre-festival hype, CHVRCHES:
LOVE,
Candy Van
PurpleSaurus Rex!
Well, in the grand tradition of talking a big game, I made some inadvisable decisions. Commander Jordan said it best.
I actually just folded some laundry this morning, and when I opened the dryer door I was suddenly enveloped by a gust of warm air laced with the cloying aroma of maple syrup. Did someone sneak into my house and make me pancakes for breakfast? Then my sleep-addled head cleared a bit and a realized oh yeah, this happened last week.
Folks I'll tell you what. It was worth the humiliation and stickiness, because until that last out there was the outside chance that I might have gotten to do this to Carrie. Can you imagine? My car still smells delicious, by the way.
You can't hold PurpleSaurus down long though, and we bounced back hard in a collaboration with honorary (and past) PurpleSaurs Nate & Scotty of Tight & Bright to throw one of, if not THE most fun house party I've ever been a part of. It was a little awkward having cocktails and convos before everyone started to show up.
But once things got going it turned into a delightful den of dance!
Thanks to everyone who came out to celebrate Nate and Scott being awesome and me turning 29, it was pretty awesome to see so many WAKA faces.
This week is the ultimate natural rivalry for PurpleSaurus Rex: we face off against the Raging Dinos! Smack talk for this game has been bouncing back and forth between players on Facebook since the schedule came out, so there's little to be said that hasn't already been covered (summary: Raging D's suck, PurpleSaurus 4 lyfe). I think Mr. Trzaskalski said it best when he produced this artist's rendering of the upcoming battle:
All the dinos from both teams are getting in the mood tonight with a screening of Jurassic Park in my back yard, and we'll be throwing down on Field #1 at 7:15 on Thursday if you want to see the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny.
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