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Friday, April 5, 2013

Tight and Bright

Congratulations, Jay Russell! You are officially the Dbag of the Week after your performance against Tight and Bright. Before continuing, I want to say congrats to Relax on their win. They fought back, came up with several clutch plays, and earned the victory. Ninety percent of the team was pleasant and fun to play against, with the glaring exception of their defacto captain.

Those of you who know Jay know that he is no stranger to douche land. Unfortunately, in last week's game against Tight and Bright, he took his usual antics to the next level. In a game that was between the twelve(?) time Capital champions and a Live team, Jay decided to pitch hard to the TnB girls. One word: classy! When one of our players asked him why he was pitching that way to our girls, his response was, "This is Capital, asshole." This is Capital? Jay, did you pitch that way to the girls in the other seven games you played this season? How about the rest of Capital? Are all the teams pitching that way to girls? We all know the answer is no, so Jay, don't scream "Welcome to Capital!" Instead, just scream the truth: "I'm a Douche!"

Jay has problem with abusive language. People that have played against him know it. Those that have reffed his games know it. His current and former teammates know it. I know this! But, Jay managed to reach new lows last Thursday. Since when is it okay to call a girl on another team (or your own team or that is spectating) a bitch? Not only is it not okay on the kickball field, it's not okay in life! Screaming "shut up, you stupid bitch" to a girl on a kickball field definitely qualifies you for Dbag of the Week, and beyond that qualifies you for being an asshole in life.

As the gods would have it, Jay scored the winning run in the bottom of the 5th inning. Did he run to celebrate with his teammates? Of course not. He jumped on the plate and screamed "Suck it, Bitches!" It was a fitting end to the game. In the Relax pre-game huddle, Jay apparently said something to the effect of, "Let's go out there and make them miserable. Let's make sure they hate this game." Congratulations! MISSION. ACCOMPLISHED. We still had fun playing kickball, we still went to the bar and partied afterwards, but playing against Relax was not fun and parts of it were utterly miserable. Not because we lost, not because we made mistakes, but because one person decided he needed to be a jackass. So congratulations, Mr. Russell. You are officially the Douche Bag of the Week!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013


The Tyrannical Dunderbaggers

This would usually be the GMOT entry where we drop lots of praise on our two All-Stars, Robert and Sandy. They're both new to the team and busted their asses being awesome all season. It could have been a GMOT entry where we talked about getting to play Purplesaurus Rex in the charity game and what an awesome game that will be. Seriously, it may be the most even matched game we play all season. It may have even have been an entry where we swore playoff revenge for our regular season loss against the LeBallskis in the first round. It's not though.

Dunder played Hannah Montana in the final game of the regular season. We lost. We kind of expected to lose. They're fresh off of playing a few semi-futile seasons in Capital and are returning to Live where they've won a couple seasons. We decided it was more important to make sure everyone got equal playing time and kicks in before the season was over than try and make a real run at Hannah. We played hard, we had a few miscues, but weren't really expecting the game we got out of Hannah.

Morgan is pretty cool. George is too. We like them. They've got great attitudes and are fun to be around. I've played some of my favorite games of kickball ever against Hannah. They're usually a pretty fun team to play full of really good people who are pretty good at kickball. They're usually a great team to play. We weren't worried when they said they may be short some players. We were going to play them anyways without regard to getting an unexpected cheap win; final standings be damned. We weren't really expecting the huge display of douchebaggery out of a couple of the people on the team though.

To Tall Guy, the lame dude woefully trying to be relevant on Thursdays, the whole yelling while the balls in the air is pretty lame. It's stupid, it's shitty sportsmanship, and makes you look like an idiot. Most of us graduated past that sort of behavior well before junior high. We decided at that point you're a douchebag. So again, good job a-hole, you got on base and kicked in a couple runs that didn't matter. Purposefully timing it so you're running into Robert while he's trying to catch the ball a few innings later, that's just being a shitty person. You guys had a sizable lead, and that pretty much makes you the Dunder approved "Biggest douchebag in the league."

To the guy kicking immediately after the tall guy, following up Captain Douchebag by pulling the exact same shit and running into Robert while he's trying to make a catch the very next play makes you just as lame as Captain Douchebag. Unlike CD, Morgan swears you'd never do it intentionally, and I generally trust Morgan, but it really looked like it was done intentionally. As such, you get the Dunder middle finger too. Maybe you're a decent guy who got caught up and made a bad attempt at emulating CD's desperation to finally be a winner at something in life. Maybe not.

So congrats Tall Guy and Little Buddy, you turned Hannah from one of the teams we looked forward to playing and having a nice, fun game of kickball with to being one of the teams we thought were the lamest in the league.