DRNKNDNOS

Can't stop, won't stop!

It's playoffs kiddos!  Let's do dis!

BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHTNHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

CANDY VAN

THE END.

LOVE,
Candy Van

Get Drunk, Kick Away

Ball Me Maybe, it was a pleasure. The moose didn’t have an anxiety attack, our first basewoman was only slightly uncomfortable by the presence of Balaji, and we all were in awe of the Corona piñata woman. More importantly thank you for introducing the ever great Ninja Hunter Bear. We’re sorry we had to destroy you on the field and make everyone cry in the total blowout with a score of 5-4. Seriously the crying wasn’t needed, it made us feel bad.

We’re bringing out the ringers this week, putting this shit on lock, and grabbing a first round bye. Who would have thought that a wonderful group of Drunken people that refused to bunt could go so far.

Until then Get Drunk, Kick Away.  

Drun Ken Dinos

The Dinos are back and there's gonna be trouble.  Hey BAHHHH Hey BAHHHH The Dinos are back!

BAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHTNHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Walk of Shame

Oh Candy Van...

We gave it our best shot. We just couldn't handle you. Maybe it was Tom Hallock, the friendliest, most overly-competitive person we've ever met bitching about more calls than anyone we have ever heard. Maybe it was grown man, Mustard, walking around in a banana suit. Maybe it was Val, just being awkward Val and freaking us out. Maybe it was the fireball you pieces of crap didn't share with us. Whatever it was, we just couldn't handle you last week. 

In the end, it was just one game. You guys crashed our Facebook page talking your pompous, hipster gibberish. Just know what happens tonight, you brought upon yourselves.

 

 

CANDY VAN

Because it's the last regular season game, this happened:

The end result? Over 100 delicious jello shots that are going to taste like CANDY. Delicious, enticing, intoxication-inducing candy.

But furrreeeal. 100 jello shots. ALL FOR US. And probably for you if you ask nicely because CV is going to have a skeleton crew tonight. 8:45 p.m. Field 1. Against Captain Shambles and his army of shame-filled pedestrians. We'll be the drunk team in purple.

LOVE,

Candy Van

Drun Ken Dinosaurs

Later.

The Dinos have a bye this week but we'll be keepin it Klassy.

Until next week...

CANDY VAN

That is all.

LOVE,

Candy Van

Get Drunk, Kick Away

I’m seriously getting tired of our schedule. Its horseshit. This is the second time we’ve had to go on two week hiatus for some such reason like national holidays or torrential down pours. If I could figure out who was forcing our team to take such long and agonizing breaks I’d punch him so hard he’d only be able to grow a thin pedo-stache for Movember.

Ball Me Maybe I hope you are prepared for this. This game is going to be a big pile of sexy topped with some awesome sauce. Its No Shave November, we haven’t played in two weeks, we are finely forged athletes that never played ball sports past the 10^th grade, and we’re bringing a cooler full of booze. If you are trying to picture this let me help you.

He’s whispering to you. “Hola, me llamo GDKA. Que Smoldery!”

Post game we’ll be looking for high fives and smiles. Don’t get all upset about the beatdown. Don’t be pouty, or sad. Be happy, excited, and above all us, Be Drunk.

Drun Ken Dinos

Well well well, we meet again That Kick Cray.

Too bad your boy Kayne can't stay for the battle.

Take a note from his playbook, you need to crawl 'fore ya ball.

BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTNH(ll so hard)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CANDY VAN

For shame, WAKA Austin. For shame. We have let what was once a staple of our league go from a beacon of hope to a flaming bag of dog poo left on Jay's doorstep. The GMOT was, at the height of its excellence, the kind of girl who gets drunk and orders the sex, not once, but TWICE, from the bartender. Or that guy who drunkenly booty texts his team's group chat to let them know he just wants the loving. Now the GMOT is past its prime, and it's like the guy who drunkenly falls down the stairs and poops his pants. Or the girl who passes out at Third Base and then cries in the parking garage about a guy SHE broke up with.

What happened to us, guys? We were so fun, so clever, so full of spirit! Have we lost our heart? Are we jaded? Are we just old and unwilling to put in a little bit of work and mild dedication to breathe life back into the lifeless corpse that we call a GMOT? Has all of the fire water we've been drinking limited our ability to write creative/ridiculous copy for all the league to see?

I say this, Austin: we need to get back there. We need to bring the GMOT back to its former glory. I don't know what changed over the last few seasons, but we have collectively dropped the ball on what once was a glorious compilation of drunken rhetoric and creatively-crafted trash talk.

Let's make this GMOT the tightest butthole IN THE UNIVERSE.

LOVE YOU ALL IN A REALLY CREEPY WAY,
Your friendly, neighborhood Candy Van

Relax and Let It Happen

Well after an ugly start to the season due to some missing pieces Relax appears to be rolling, winning our last 3 games. Last week was a good game against the poor poor Walks. Lets face it, their offense is just terrible. But wait, they scored 8 runs against us the first time we played!! They were the best team in the universe!! What happened!?!? Well the answer to this question is simple either there was only one team in the universe they were living in, OR the universe was filled with weird aliens who have no arms or legs. It's never a good idea to run your mouth for 5 weeks to a team that your record is something along the lines of 1-78 against, C'MON MAN!! Look we like yall, you're all good people, we let you hang out with us, but you're not as good or even close. So fall in line Walks and compete for the Robin position, you're not ready to be Batman.

This week we've got the Teabaggers, they dominated us the first time out and then let us back into the game resulting in a tie. They've played well all season and we MIGHT be able to get 10 to the game this week so we'll see what happens.

Love,
Relax 

Get Censored, Kick Away

In a wildly unexpected display of kickball competence, Kick Away secured another win last week by coming from behind in the bottom of the 5th, down 2 runs, 2 away, to win the f*** out of that game. YEAH! !!! It was awesome. We weren't the best dressed out there (What's up Ball Me Maybe?) but there something inherently terrifying about a giant chicken flying around the field, driving balls from his padded foot with the force of a greek god, and gracefully diving back to first base when threatened with a potential throwdown. When the rest of the team is wholly incapable of making mistakes and simply plays good quality offense, you've got a force to be reckoned with.

This week we play the prodigious Sons of Pitches, who were last seen moping around the field dejectedly after a close loss last week. (Turns out they were just looking for somebody's keys, but it was still pretty funny). I never like to underestimate the power of the Purple, so team leadership has conferred and we have settled on a strategy unique to this particular matchup: we're gonna Get Drunk and Kick Away.

WAKA Wedding Alert!

Congratulations to Liz and Justin, word on the street is she said yes!

Drun Ken Dinos

Mmmmm waffles are tasty

BAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tight and Bright

Twice TnB has been a part of the game of the week and twice TnB has been picked to lose. We are nice people, with good hearts. We prefer the teachings of Ghandi and Mother Teresa to Napolean or Ghengis Khan.

But, at some point ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Even the kindest of souls has its breaking point. So, last week, after another dominating victory in a game we were picked to lose, TnB broke. Our normally loving language turned to a repeated chorus of "Fuck You Stephen" and our gentle giant Nate was dispatched to make sure our message was heard.

 Let the following serve as a warning. To all the haters, to all the doubters, to anyone who picks against TnB, this is what you can expect!

CANDY VAN

Look, I know the whole animated GIF thing is rather dated in terms of internet memes. Internet memes are one thing that Candy Van is okay with being a little bit older. Tonight, we play the Douchebaggers at 8:45 p.m. Probably on field 1. 90% of our team will be blacked out. Just how these things work, ya know? Here are some things that are probably gonna happen tonight:

When Tom & Valerie make up after Tight & Bright beats That Kick Cray:

When Tom goes up to kick against James:

And then James gets the weirdest boner and his team is like:

But Candy Van is like:

When Valerie gets drunk and starts hitting on every male at the fields:

And Eric Goodyke gets excited about it:

When Joey comes up to kick and the teabagger outfield is all:

When CV is up by 5 and the Teabaggers don't know what happened:

When everyone realizes just how drunk Joey is for the game:

When Liz officially joins the League of Married Women:

(just kidding. Congrats Liz & Justin!)

Walk of Shame

Get *****, Kick Away

We are indomitable champions of refusing to lose, and can tie just about any team in this league. Especially those Balls Deeper fellows who have even more ties than we do. It was a game that was ours to win, but as usual we found new and creative ways to move the opposing baserunners around the diamond, and ultimately managed to choke away a win.

We're running up against the Faceballs this week, and we're done screwin around. Set your privacy settings to RESTRICTED because you don't want your friends seeing what we're going to do to you tonight. Not only will we be winning the award for most merciless beat down, but we're also gunning for most non-sensical costume, loudest strike call, highest kick, most Joose consumed, best looking outfield, most take out slides at second, least appropriate under-the-breath comment while slapping hands after the game, and shrillest indignant questioning of a referees call. It's all-out tonight.

CANDY VAN

It's our favorite time of year! Children wandering the streets, knocking on the doors of strangers and asking for CANDY.

Seriously, this is how we feel about Halloween:

Oh, and there's apparently kickball this week, too. I guess that's neat.

Drun Ken Dinosaurs

Oh you wanna play, KLJ?

That's cute...

Bahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Relax and Let It Happen

Candy Van is at it again. They're proving to be the Tim Tebows of the kickball world. So much potential. So much muscle. So much passion. But, there's something missing. Muscle + Passion + Potential = Winning doesn't it?! Not for Candy Van. They continue to disappoint. In what should've been a decent game, we beat Candy Van 5-0. Beat em' like some bitches. Beat em' like they stole something from us. Beat em' like Lance Armstrong sent people to  beat up anyone who wanted to uncover how much he was doping. YEAH I SAID IT! Sorry, Tanker.

This week we play Hanna Montana and we're gonna break their achey-breaky hearts all over the field. We had a few missteps earlier in the season, but we got our swag back after vegas. So, just sit back, and Relax and Let it Happen. 

Walk of Shame

Get Censored, Kick Away

Well as this has become a one team diary of sorts I might as well delve deep into the minutia of Get Censored’s daily lives for all the world to hear.

Amy Brunner – Amy has had a riveting week of numbers and such. Also quite possibly some CSI shit. Seriously who the hell knows what Forensic Accounting really is. Either way she has been preparing herself for this weeks kickball game with endless marathons of say yes to the dress.

Kelsey Hill – Kelsey’s week has been most sustained by infinite driving from Austin where all the cool kids hang out, and Round Rock where none of the cool kids but all of the jobs hang out. Still no word on whether she’ll be out tonight; Wine Wednesday is a hell of a thing.

Stephen Moursund – Chocolate milk and broken corgis have dominated the highlight reel of Moose-Herd’s life. Also he has been fleeing for his life in his own home after letting ruffians and general ne’er-do-wells occupy his abode on the premise that some hipster site would only send worthwhile individuals to crash his pad.

Kristie Kelly – What is that big pile of tweed jackets doing over there you ask? It is Kristie’s attempt to fit in more with her grad school collegues we assume. The elbow patches haven’t quite found the zeal that she would like them to so the eternal hunt continues. As a team we hope this hunt indeed is never finished, as once she finds her perfect tweed we can only assume she’ll start citing sources in anecdotal conversation.

Falesha Thrash – Feesh appears to be boycotting the team this week. No one really knows why, but she just flat out refuses to come to the fields. The rumor persists that it is because she kicked low on the line up last week, however I refuse to let such none sense hold court. She says she has a perfectly good reason, but from our side there is no good reason to miss kickball.

Ashley Mckemie – Mashed-ly has spent her week chasing her dog about and wondering what these magical leash things are that people keep talking about. She has been talking about some thing involving being tough and muddy. No one gets it, but it sounds Rambo-esque which is of course a plus.

Jason Casey – With flourishes of glitter here and there Jason has been tracking the wild urban unicorns of Austin since his move here. He should be in top form even though he did take a wicked fall while stumbling through a thicket on the previously mentioned quest. (…so maybe I have no idea what Jason is up to).

Alex Morris – Morris spent most of the week grunting. Determined to fix his own automobile he installed new struts and repaired plenty of other things on his sweet whip. In an effort to remove that masculine sheen, he then went on the homes tour of Austin for 12 hours. Since then he’s been playing Madden and drinking beer. No one on the team really knows how to break that down.

The other half of our team will be updated Thursday of next week. I will immediately refrain from this as soon as other teams start posting. Either that or I might start writing gmot’s from the perspective of other teams.  

Walk of Shame

CANDY VAN

It's a well-known fact that Walk of Shame has beat us in the last two regular season games we've played. We ain't mad: CV pulls through when it matters (PLAYOFFS, BABY). It's also a well-known fact that Walk of Shame beat Relax in the season opener a few weeks ago. These well-known facts don't scare us; with the 8:45 game slot, we'll just be happy if all of our teammates make it through the whole game without blacking out. 

The way Dre sees his team? The Walks are the mother frackin' Death Star, built to destroy all kickball teams that stand up against them. Candy Van is the rebel force, and we're not afraid of a fight. But there's good news for you, Dre! It's perfectly acceptable for you to say, "C'mon, Son!" because someone on our team (Joey, maybe? Really, anyone but Tom, because he's Pricess Leia) is obviously Luke Skywalker, making you our father.

It's no addition to the Dre of Shame trading card series, but it is quite possibly the nerdiest GMOT visual I've ever created.

Happy Thursday, friends!

Get Censored, Kick Away

Guess who doesn’t have negative points in the standings anymore. That’s right THESE GUYS. I will say that not drinking 3 gallons of Censorade seems to be a good idea strategically, while maybe not the best idea make-a-giant-scene-and-yell-a-lot-ly. The line up is figuring itself out, and kicking away is still the name of the game. We would have put up a lot more if the Flash in a cowboy hat wasn’t playing right field. This week we’re playing The Bruce Is Loose. Look out Bruce because you’re heading right towards the

DANGER ZONE!!!!

Awful Waffles

Ok so there was this waffle whose name was John Smith McGee...(Im changing his name for his protection). Anyways, when John was real young he got caught up in an inderground syrup spiking gang that would put wayyyy too much sugar in the syrup thus causing diabetes to spike for thousands of americans. To make a long story short, he eventually got busted and he was REAL angry because he thought he was setup (dont they all)...because of this anger and he started lifting weights and participating in the prison football league (PFL) which, like the current NFL, had terrible refs due to their own lockout. He was so good even with the terrible refs that he got the nickname Awful Waffle as kind of an "inside" joke. He later died in a horrible waffle iron incident.


So in his honor, on gridiron glory day, we dress as refs and make bad calls, we wear eye black like John Smith Mcgee, and we all drink too much syrup...

Get Censored, Kick Away

It was mean. It was rude. It was down right contemptible. But We’re Good At Flip Cup showed their true colors, and in a very un-sportsman like manner decided to beat us while we were still grieving for our most untimely name change. Get Drunk, Kick Away will never ride again, and while we were spilling some for our dead team they boosted a few flies and put up their only runs of the night. Stephen “Cleats Up” Moose-Hurd in his return after a few seasons out picked up exactly where he left off taking out an otherwise innocent female second basemen. Eric “What’s A Depth Chart” Ormsby decided that rotations are for suckers and ran about the field flailing wildly whenever he felt like it. Alex “Live Champion” Mitrowski not only got on base, but proceeded to run the bases like he had seen a baseball game at some point in his life. Week two will be a much different showing as in week one some of us our newer teammates (or maybe the Captain that made it) did not entirely realize that the weekly punch may or may not contain a pile of booze in it, while others are being rehabilitated into a fun offense of kicking rather than bunting. LET’S GET DRUNK CENSORED!

TL:DR

Walk of Shame

What a way to open the season, eh? With a full team, from what we saw, and no significant injuries to report, Relax got pummeled at the feet of the Walks 30 hits (kicks?) last week. This is Relax's first regular season loss in....we'll say 10 seasons? Who knows.

Anyways, Walks are in first place and that's all that's really important. The first inning got off to a bad start for the new champs as they allowed a run to its inferior competition before answering with one of their own in the bottom half. After that, it was pretty much the easiest victory the Walks have ever had. Every player on the team contributed with runs kicked in, blasting Relax's vaunted pitcher, who we found out isn't very good. The victory was so complete, it included a strikeout of one of Relax's top kickers, who couldn't break through against You Know Who's return. Yep, the mystique is gone, folks. It's open season on Relax. Go nuts. There's a new sheriff in town, so prepare yourself for unbearable amounts of trash talk by Dre.

This week, we expect Erin to be pitching by around the third inning, so don't bother to come scout. It won't be pretty.

Until next time,

Relax and Be Our Bitch. It's really not that shameful.

P.S. If you thought life couldn't get any worse for Jay... Think again... Here is a snippet of a text conversation between him and Dre... (Relax needs extra t-shirts)

Pretty please? C'mon son!

#worstweekever

Relax and Let it Happen

Last week we lost to Walk of Shame in a hard fought game. We won't offer up any excuses. We're so good, and Walk of Shame is so bad, we should've been able to beat them with 5 regular starters sitting out with injury, with only 10 people (first game for two of them), and with multiple people playing out of position. We'll see them later in the season and at that point we'll make sure they never forget who the better team is. 

This week we play the Teabaggers. They'll be wanting to ride the momentum against us that the Walks got rolling. Come out to see if they can do it. Until then, Relax and Let it Happen. 

Relax and Let It Happen

There are a lot of questions facing us this season. I've been here the longest and know the most of anyone (even Jay), so I'd like to answer some FAQs.

1. Will Relax win another Championship?

You know how people say there are no stupid questions? This is the exception to the rule. 

2. Will the Teabaggers stop blaming all of their losses on the refs and everyone/everything else but themselves?

Probably not. Teabaggers, what are the chances that you guys are better than us and the only reason we beat you is because of the refs? I think it's pretty slim and so does the rest of the league. So quit bitching. It is sad. You guys are a second-tier team and it's time to accept that. Your glory days are over. 

3. Will Joey, the king of douches, be able to last a whole season playing with Candy Van, the kings and queens of ... being weird?

I'll answer this question by setting up a scene that I think will play out:

Candy Van does one of their silly/cute cheers that they like to do. They try to get Joey to do it. 

Joey: I'm not doing that stupid cheer you bunch of gays! Get away from me you nerds!!

Cute Val: Please, Joey!

Joey: No, bitch!!

4. Will Dre get to the championship again?

No. 

I have no idea who we play tonight. Come out and watch us beat them. Until then, Relax and Let it Happen.

Welcome to the GMOT!

The Ghost Man on Third blog is a player-contributed blog meant as a vessel for you to share pictures of the awesome stuff you did at kickball, your sweet theme night costumes, bar shenanigans, smack talk about the team you're playing this week, claims of greatness, and absolutely anything else that you might like the rest of the league to see. To send in a post, email waka.gmot@gmail.com anytime between Friday and Wednesday, and I'll post everything in the inbox on Thursday morning. Teams who post all ten weeks of the regular season will get a round of free shots on WAKA at the end of season party!

A few ground rules:

• No hate speech. This means attacking someone on the basis of their gender, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, or anything else along those lines.
• No nudity. People usually read this blog on Thursday while they're killing time at work wishing they were playing kickball instead. Keep it SFW!
• No excessively harsh language/cursing. It's ok to drop a bomb here and there, we're all adults, but that also means we don't just call each other names. I'll let Coach McGurk explain the intricacies of cursing effectively:

P.S. Try and find a metaphor like the horse or the tree rather than abusing our volunteer referees.

Awful Waffles

CANDY VAN

This GMOT may be the easiest GMOT I've ever had to write. Why? Because while all members of our delightful Candy Van squad are awesome and contribute a lot to society, some of our individual members simply go above and beyond, leaving the rest of us in the dust. So, thank you, Luis "Caramel Bear" O., for sending our group chat the best drunk and poorly typed booty text of all time, in all of the land.

Not that I blame him for trying to get some of our sweet, sweet Candy Van assets. I mean come on, look at us:

Some of us are actually attractive enough to hit on when you're sober, and the rest of us are at least 7s with beer goggles.

So, thank you, Luis, for the best drunk group text our creepy and weird GroupMe has ever seen. You're a Mexican hero, my friend, and we tip our sombreros to you.

Walk of Shame

Hannah, we still haven't forgotten about the last time you played us in the regular season. Unfortunately for you folks, we have a big playoff seeding riding on this game. We apologize in advance.

And with that said... Go Relax. (Sorry Teabagger friends, surely you understand)

Big League Chew

Relax are who we thought they were! And we let 'em off the hook. And by let them off the hook, I mean they beat us pretty badly. Honestly, it was a pretty good game for us. Nate "Choke Artist" Fox dropped an easy pop which cost us a couple runs, and there may have been one or two other errors that cost us another, but it was a decent defensive game against a good Capital team. Thankfully, our unde-win-ed season continues, with just one regular season game left. Liver Let Die tonight, and its the early game. A lot of our start moved back East over the past two weeks, but we're gonna give it our all and get ready for the Playoffs!

Playoffs? You're talking about playoffs? I just hope we can win a game!

Relax and Let it Happen

Usually this is how it goes:

1. I say we're going to teabag the teabaggers.

2. They kneel down, we straddle their faces, and place our collective balls all over their face.

3. Justin of the Teabaggers does his weird running bunt invention, Jay knows he does this so he pitches it slow to mess up his timing, and he never gets on base.

4. We win.

Teabaggers usually don't whine and complain like Walk of Shame, they don't act crazy to hide their inability to live up to their potential like Candy Van, and they're not douche bags like....well, like the D Bags.

They've recruited well and have a lot of speed, but without Barrett, where does that leave them? They've had a rough year. They lost to the aforementioned D bags and Candy Van, and beat hapless Walk of Shame. What's sad is that I think they're playing at their best. The Teabaggers team of 3 seasons ago would steam roll the DBags, and they used to win the close games against Candy Van.

On the other hand, you have Relax and Let it Happen. The dynasty. The reigning undefeated champions. The team everyone hates but respects. In the past couple of years we've slowly but surely lost the three-headed monster to the D Bags, but somehow we continue to rack up wins and champagne dance offs. With our eyes on another championship and another good showing at Vegas, we look to the Teabaggers as good warm up game.

Game is at 6:30. Come early and watch us take care of business. Until then, Relax and Let it Happen. 

Team Easy!

The game of the season is finally here. And it’s promising to be the perfect parade of pocahontas pinkness.

In this week’s epic battle of drunken pinkness, Team Easy faces off with long-time drunken slutty rival, Candy Van, in this season’s PINK OFF!! There will be gallons of PPD and 'Pink Panther Rum Fizz' flowing, a dedicated 2nd base jello-shot station, DJ Nat Attack on the decks, and more pink than a 7-year-old girl’s bday party (that reference for you, Candy Van creepsters. Don’t get too excited. Ok, maybe a little is okay).

Our game is at 7:15 on Field #1, but it’s not like I’d have to tell you that. You’ll be looking over at us all night anyway.

I’m looking forward to another night of getting so drunk that we get cut-off at Egos (which I personally learned 2 weeks ago *is* possible, contrary to popular belief). Everyone is welcome to swing by and have some drinks/shots on us as we whore it up on the fields!

Here’s to PINK OFF / Disney Week!!

Big League Chew

I'll start out with the "bad" news. Big League Chew is no longer all-defeated. We gave it our best shot, but just couldn't come through. That being said, we are STILL undewin-ed!!!

Last week was the best performance our team has put forth all season. Aided by someone on the other team striking out swinging twice, and fouling out once, Big League Chew finally emerged not the loser! Unless you believe that everyone loses in a tie... which is probably true...

Nate Fox led the scoring for BLC with a HOME RUN! Well it wasn't so much a home run as it was a single and a really big error... but lets stick with HOME RUN! We also shuffled the fielding a bit, giving people a chance at some new positions, and letting S. Driskill show off his pitching prowess. This will be continued tonight.

Last but not least, while we had many heroes in the game, none were as significant as Amy Brunner! Way to score that game tying run! And great job Todd with the kick that made it happen.

Oh, and goodbye Marie. Thanks for all the memories, and for getting the last out. Bases loaded, chance to win the game, but you helped preserve our undewin-ed season! Tonight we will be without a number of teammates, but we will have Todd, Janice and Mari who are all playing their last game of the season. Won't be the same without you!

I think we play Relax. I've never heard of them, so I assume they are new to the league. Should be a piece of cake, right?

CANDY VAN

Honestly, I'm a huge slacker, and I couldn't really think of anything worthy of following up the epicness of Nicolas Cage being Candy Van's #1 fan. I tried to find a picture of good ol' Nic in a van, but he's such a stealthy creeper that no such photos exist on the interwebs.

This week, it's hard to talk too much trash. I mean, we're playing our slutty little sister team: Team Easy. We're like the older brother who used to tell his friends to stay away from his sister, but we gave up long ago after she got weird with the Varsity football team in the locker room. But you know what? We still love her, and we just can't hold it against her. Instead, we've taken the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em' approach and are ready for our epic battle of pink and easiness tonight. Field 1. 7:15. Any event that has a pre/post party at the Church of Chapa has got to end up being a complete sheet show, right? (pun intended)

So, come on out, check out our slutty pink outfits and our inability to play legitimate kickball. We're getting real WEIRD with our lineup, too. Who says you can't play sweet, sweet kickball when you're drawing positions at random from a hat?

(Sorry this GMOT is so lame. I am more focused on Tacodeli than anything else at the moment.)

Walk of Shame

Um... As much as our league president wants to hype this game up....

And why should we be....?

Ebony... Ivory.... Livin' in perfect harmony... Ebony... Ivory.... Livin' in perfect harmony....

Relax and Let it Happen

Well our normal GMOT artist JG decided not to write one this week, which actually makes perfect sense because he also decided not to play last week. Those of you saying waaaaait a minute I saw a black guy last week, well you're right, but I didn't say he decided not to come I said he decided not to play. In what was a record setting performance JG went up for his first kick in the first inning and after three strikes on THREE pitches he sat back down. Some of you may read this and say well I've swung and missed before, save your thoughts because JG did NOT swing. Strike one, Strike two, Strike three... Kudos to Kealey for getting in the record books for the quickest strike out of all time.

As far as the rest of the game goes, it ended 7-1. Liver played classy as always and it was our pleasure to engage in the competition with them. This week we play Big League Chew! This is the first ever match up between our dynasty and their team. If I had to guess I'd say 10-1, but who knows, we're just out there to get better each week and play one game at a time. It's a big game only because they're all big games. With a win this week we officially clinch our 90th regular season title, there's been a lot of media talk about whether we should rest our starters against the Teabaggers next week. Buuuuuut considering we don't really have any back ups something tells me they'll be playing. Come out next week and watch a game between what could be the two best kickball teams in the state of Texas.

Love,

Relax

Kicks Like Jesus

Sadly, today is one of the dreaded bye weeks for Kicks Like Jesus. For our day off, we were planning to relax, play some Flong, make an appearance at 3rd Base and/or Egos, and do all the other things that
beautiful people do. We had no intentions of writing anything for the GMOT… until we read the entry from
Kick in a Box this afternoon.

First of all, we were not celebrating the tie after the lights went out. We were celebrating our general
superiority over your team in the categories of attractiveness, drinking ability, and, most importantly, not
being douchy and taking kickball waaaay too seriously. And we were also celebrating ending the game
on a high note. In case you forgot, with 2 outs, we through a friggin laser to drill that cheeky, ballsy traitor
Kyle Trzazlikilkilkilski (jk we still love you Kyle) trying to steal home inches before he touched home plate
to keep the game tied instead of losing. 

We definitely did not want the game to get cut short bc the lights turned off. Speaking of which, why did
the lights get turned off after only the 3rd inning??? OHHHH yeaaaa. That’s right. Your team wasted 10
minutes of game time bitching and moaning to the refs about an out/safe call at 2nd base.

IT’S JUST A GAME, FOCKERS.

If that wasn’t enough, we were rudely interrupted during our bar game at 3rd Base because someone
from KIAB wanted to continue discussing how bad the refs were. Sources tell me that some members of
Kick in a Box are still whining about the refs today, a full WEEK later.

IT’S JUST A GAME, FOCKERS.

That is all for now. We cannot wait for the inevitable rematch during the playoffs. Until then, try to relax
out there, KIAB. You look like a bunch of ex-high school heroes trying to recapture the glory days. It’s just
a game. A kickball game.

KLJ OUT!

Smack Talk Done Right

I think I need to start putting together a buzzfeed of Facebook smack talk each week, so nobody misses gems like this:

https://www.facebook.com/events/238927492894879/

Big League Chew

Well the long wait is over. We suffered through two brutal bye-weeks in a row, but its finally time for kickball. We are going to lose a number of teammates over the next two weeks to the East Coast, so this post is dedicated to Marie Long, Todd Mattocks, Janice Meredith, Mariana Folco, and anyone else on our team who is planning on leaving us that I am forgetting (I'm an ass).

Pre-8pm Game plans = Day drinking, starting at 12 for most of us, followed by BBQ and pool time. We will then take cabs from said pool to the fields, where we will put our all defeated record on the line vs the D-Bags. Can't wait to see you all tonight!

Awful Waffles

Good evening WAKA nation, sadly I greet you with terrible news, our usual gmot writer Matt is drunk in Europe. A moment of silence. Humbly I take up the pen in his stead, meaning you get both the awful waffle art and writing from me this week. O M G awesomeness overload!!!!!!!!

From what I understand the waffles have been around a while and have always been a rather likable, drunk, and sort of attractive after you've had a couple, group (like you might start to talk yourself into it then). Unfortunately we've never really had a rival, until last season.

Enter That Kick Cray, the Fraser to our Ali, the Biggie to our Tupac, the Zoolander to our Hansel, and yeah it doesn't get much bigger than that. We only had to play once, and we knew they were the one. At least we were pretty sure after drinking all day. And thus began one of the greatest rivalries of our modern times. Actually probably ever. And it's not even close. We're still in the early stages of youthful romance, like do we hold their hand at egos karaoke tonight? Go for the awkward hover hand? Or just freakout and dry hump their leg? (panic and combo the last two)

Like all great rivalries, ours began before we met on the fields of kickball. We first thought their might be something there during heated matches of T-rex flippy, blossomed on the field, continued with flippy, then there was some more T-rex flippy, and then i'm not really sure what happened after that. But they had really cute T-rex arms.

This Thursday we meet again. If it's anything like last time it'll just be two really really ridiculously good looking teams going at it. To describe it we hear words like "handsomeness" and "incredibly chiseled features" and for us that's like a vanity that we don't buy into. So stop by, drink some orange mocha frappacino with us, come to egos after, and ponder if there's more to life than being really really ridiculously good looking.

We still don't know, but we do know that there was only one really really ridiculously good looking team drinking out of a golden trophy at the end last time. Remember Cray, words can only hurt you if you try to read them. Don't play our game.

Love,

The Awful Waffles

Team Easy!

Well we did it again. Last week we took it to a whole new level of easy/rowdy/crazy/probably-going-to-regret-this-tomorrow-morning. I blame extra strong and tasty PPD, jello shots, and beer that was free-flowing on the field all evening long. Whatever it was it made for some rowdiness that I scantly remember come Third Base time. Will it happen again this week … mmmmaybe?

Beyond Thursday night I heard reports of our Easies partying so hard over the weekend they passed out at the pool and in the car (2 separate people and occurrences). Makes me proud. Like a father watching his kid hit his first home run in t-ball. I think that means I should never have kids, amongst other reasons.

Tonight, we take on KickInABox. Since I believe almost none of our guys are showing up tonight, we’ll have to return the favor with BoxInABox. You’re welcome.

Also, next week, stay tuned for the most epic week of the season: The PINK OFF!! Candy Van takes on Team Easy in a battle royale of who can out- easy/pink/drink/dance each other. Combine that with Disney week and you have a recipe for not getting any work done Friday.

-chief man whore

Relax and Let it Happen

Candy Van likes to have fun. They like to wear capes, weird socks, go shirtless, and just be goofy. But don't believe them. I have a theory. It's all a front. They want you to believe they don't care. They dress that way so that when they win, they can say HAHAHAHAHA WE BEAT YOU AND WE DON'T EVEN CARE! SEE, WE'LL PROVE IT TO YOU BY JUMPING AROUND AND MAKING WEIRD UNICORN NOISES. But when they lose, they can counter that with HAHAHAHAHA, WE LOST BUT WE DON'T EVEN CARE! SEE, LOOK AT HOW GOOFY WE ACT!!

That worked at first because let's face it, they weren't that good. They had OK players, sure, but nothing else. In the last 3 or 4 seasons they've started pushing the Teabaggers for that second place spot behind us and now no one believes their charade. Everyone knows Tom is one of the best players in the league. Definitely Relax material. Foxy is quick, he's got Relax writen all over him. They have athletes all over the field. It's time they start taking on the responsibilities that come with being a top three team in the league. The costumes, the fun, the laughing, etc., that can stay, but start backing it up with your play, guys.

You're not living up to your potential and it stopped being funny like 2 seasons ago. Now you're just letting your talent go to waste and it's sad. You failed to score against us, and your defense let you down. But, that's what always happens right? Consider yourselves warned Relax will be forced to rescue the talent on your team if you don't make some noise come playoff time!

Next week we play Liver Let Die. The average age is around 45 but they play like they're 40 and that is something that they can hang their Depends on. Come out early and watch us continue to dominate. Until then, Relax and Let it Happen. 

KickInABox

Unfortunately, last week's game against KLJ ended in a tie as a result of far too many...

KLJ celebrated SO much after the tie was announced you would have thought they just won a unicorn that throws up rainbows and braids their hair.

Let me clarify for you guys; it was a tie. That means you did. not. win. I think your enthusiasm was expressed from relief. Relief that you didn't have to endure a full 5 inning beat down which most certainly would have ensued. Guess we'll just have to save that for playoffs.

So there's not much I can say about our opponents this week. The whole team is fun, lovable and true to their name in every possible sense. Team Easy, we don't fear getting wet, we embrace it. In fact, we've got a little present for you.

Enjoy opening the box, you won't be disappointed.

XOXO

KickInABox

CANDY VAN

I learned something last week: trash talking with pictures from the interwebs is a lot of fun, even if you have to eat your words and/or Ron Swanson's perfect mustache. We won't dwell on our loss to Relax last week (shout out to K-Rut for kicking it better than the boys), but instead, look forward to our next match up: Hannah Montana's XXX Tape.

This matchup brings together two teams that are similar in many ways. The most important, of course, is our appreciation for making jokes about seducing and/or having sexual relations (the fact that you call it that tells me you're ready) with underage persons.

Now, don't get me wrong: we love our friends over on HMXXXT, but they just don't have the same level of creepy, awe-inducing, terrifying, and enigmatic charisma and heart that leads our team into victory and subsequent blacking out at Ego's. This heart that we play with is so hard to describe, in fact, that the only person I can think of to portray such creepy excellence is none other than the most talented and well-respected actor of our time: Nicolas F'n Cage. I mean, just look at this guy:

(INCREDIBLE)

I mean, would you really mess with that guy? If you answered yes to that, I want you to take a moment to reconsider your decision, keeping in mind that'd you be willingly stepping up to a man who spent his last $276K on a dinosaur skull. This man:

(Just look at that 'stache. OG CV right there.) 

So Hannah, to sum up: Candy Van is Nicolas Cage and you're a teenaged girl. Oh but wait, so is Nicolas Cage:

(This gave Tom the weirdest boner.)

Tyrannical Teabaggers

To: Walks

From: Teabaggers

C'mon, Son!

Get Drunk, Kick Away

Well played Red Rockets, well played. We were expecting to put up a few more runs, but to be honest we also thought that you guys would too. Chris “Mad Hands” Tavarez takes player of the game diving to make a catch after the pitcher tipped it twice before collapsing into an un-athletic mess of cleats, tank, and sadness. We’ll forget about the part where it could have been an easy force at home had either of us tipped it to the catcher who seemed to be the only person that realized we were making an easy play into a narrowly avoided error. Spirit award goes to Eric “We’re Going To Start Paying For Cabs To Get Him To The Fields” Ormsby who for a second time had too much fun at the fields to be able to parlay said fun to the bars.

In our second game of the alterative R Team Name series we play Recover Rejects. They’ve been nominated as our Arch Enemies for the simple reason that I write this for our team and I like giving Becca “Blowing Calls” Hellman shit. If anyone would like to jump on the hate train I submit to you the fact that she is a Celtics Fan.

A fan of a team who has Paul Pierce who did this

We’re goin big, then goin home anyway.

Kicks Like Jesus

Yo KICK IN A BOX! Gather 'round your monitors and prepare for the laser beam of hot facts about to be blasted all about your faces and neck area!

Our kicks make your kicks look like...

- Rocky 5 and Dumb & Dumberer

-one of those weird ( but hilarious) Photoshoped pics of Dre 

-Trent Reznor circa 1985 

 -Dr. Dre circa 1984  

-Britney Spears circa 2007 

 - & Ice Cube circa…this morning

the Cabbage Patch against a crew of BERNIES!!!!

Jesse Spano WITHOUT her caffeine pills!

The Twilight series (and poorly used “quotation” marks)

-Luis That ONE Time He Didn't Wear a Hat -T-Rex "attempting" to "dance" -Laramie...Cus She's the 2nd Worst!

Basically.... We’ll See You Stank Butt Busters on the Field!

KLJ OUT!!!