Since our last game against relax we've taken some notes on how to win like them:
1. Pedialyte! Those guys chug it like they've had the shits for days with the exception of Joey who's 90% antifreeze from all the fireball he's consumed. Beer is great for hydrating the rest of us but "real" champions quench their thirst from the baby food aisle.
2. Bench your teammates! That's right, drop a ball and you get to cheer your bestest friends on from the sideline because hey, that's what kickball is all about right?
3. Have a team dictator! Nothing inspires team chemistry like a tyrant on the mound. Don't get us wrong, he's no Castro or Bin Laden, but nobody inspires "team building" like Jay.
So relax Relax. We don't have these key attributes to compare ourselves to you and we don't want to shit on anybody. We're too busy having fun with our balls in your mouths.
Seriously though, someone call poison control for Joey.