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Thursday, October 2, 2014

#suckitharris - TX Republic

Once again Harris dropped the ball, picking us to win a game against the Toejammers which we of course got dominated in instead. We're making it official y'all, the domain www.suckitharris.com has been registered. We've got the tech team working on a wordpress blog that will aggregate all instantiations of #suckitharris on various social media platforms, and allow everyone to really get in on the fun.

In other news, it turns out that the all-female infield wasn't the best competitive decision, and that Andrew is actually a huge cheater because I'm pretty sure we only had 3 dudes on the field for a couple of innings. He TOTALLY made up for it with an awesome in-the-park home run with two outs in the top of the 5th, which was really just a shallow fly to left field that he decided to stretch into a triple (seriously people that guy is just not going to stop running unless there's a runner in front of him), evaded the throw at third with his patented Cox-first slide, and trotted in.

So basically, exactly what you like to see out of a P.E. Credit performance: plenty of silly errors in the field, overly ambitious baserunning that works about 30% of the time, and about 8 pitchers of pre-game beer downed at G&S prior to making our way to the fields.  We're all about Just For Fun kickball, which is why we play in the explicitly non-competitive, no-bunting, non-FC eligible league and do shit like seeing who can kick it the highest, base our kicking order on who shows up first, and put people at seemingly random positions on the field. Oh and talk endless amounts of smack to each other and the other team. 

If you're taking this league too seriously, let me tell you a little secret: YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. If you're carefully crafting your fielding and kicking assignments for maximum efficiency instead of sharing equal playing time, kicking "not bunts" that are slow grounders down the third base line intended to do the exact thing bunts do, throwing crazy spinning pitches at the ladies on our team who are pitching silver platter meatballs to you, or in any other way generally being a hyper competitive douche nozzle acting like a big bad ass fish in the smallest pond you could possibly find, WE'RE GOING TO MAKE FUN OF YOU AND YOU DESERVE IT. Besides, before you even step on the field you've already lost to us in the following categories:

1. Being attractive.
2. Not being unattractive.
3. Personal hygiene.
4. SAT verbal scores.
5. Having more ladies than guys on the team (Relax Bitches notwithstanding obvi)
6. Participation.

And thats what really counts.
P.E. Credit

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