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Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Relax and Let It Happen

Relax has a bye this week, but that’s no reason to waste a GMOT writing opportunity. This week we’d like to propose something to the League. If we’re being honest, this is really for the ladies, but guys, if you want to and think you’ve got what it takes, I say go for it.

We’re not here to ask anything of you, we just want to take the time to make sure something is very clear. We’ve got a textbook stud walking the proverbial halls of this league, and we’re not sure he’s getting the glory and attention he deserves. After nearly a year of unemployment and buying his late night Domino’s with Daddy’s credit card, this man tricked one of our nation’s finest non-profit organizations into giving him a job. He boasts an impressive 5’5” frame, filled out with a cuddly 50/50 split between attempts at working out and evidence of that nightly pizza delivery.

Ladies (and maybe, just maybe the right flavor of gentlemen), this man is Andrew Tanker, colloquially known as “Tanker”. I’d like to be able to tell you what team Tanker is on, but in the past year alone it has become a bit complicated. Tanker used to play with a Texas Capital gem “Walk of Shame”. He then jumped at the chance to improve his resume after receiving a pity invite from Austin’s true pride “Relax and Let it Happen”. I guess he got tired of feeling like the kid brother to star pitchers Andre “Chocolate Heat” Rodgers and Jay “White Stallion” Russell, so he gathered enough of Austin’s homeless to start his very own team “Strides of Pride”.  Call it wishy-washy, call it traitorous, call it social climbing… call it whatever you may. Bottom line is, Tanker is the league bicycle.

This brings us to our final point – Andrew Tanker is a man among boys, a God among men – and he just may be Austin’s most desired and available bachelor. If this total package (and average-sized package) sounds good to you, graze his hip at the Lounge. Approach him on the field. A lady who talks shit is guaranteed to get his little buddy to stand at attention. Do whatever you need to do, but do it with confidence ladies. If there’s one thing I can assure you it’s this – he will not say no. So this week’s GMOT is not meant to inspire our team, it’s meant to inspire all of you. Put that hair up in your cutest pony and secure your role as the Tanker h/u of the week. Go get him ladies; we’re already proud of you.


  1. My star has never risen higher than this very moment apparently.

    Everyone is welcome to apply for the position...except you Kate. And Val. But everyone else though.

  2. Tanker, if I had to choose between hooking up with you or a grizzly bear covered in poison ivy, I'd pick the grizzly bear.

  3. Hmmm I probably would too. That sounds hot. But not fair to judge me against it.