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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Relax and Let It Happen

After what seems like our billionth league championship, Relax is back for another season to show you guys how this game should be played. That draft mumbo jumbo would’ve been fun – each Capital team could’ve inherited a small number of Relax players/coaches/trainers/purebred elite athletes. We would’ve donated our time to give some individual, focused attention to each player in this league, making all of you better and improving the overall quality of Capital. But alas, the powers that be wanted to give another team the chance to go be embarrassed by how they don’t even compare to us in Vegas. It’s whatever, we look forward to helping you guys out whenever this draft does happen. Feel free to swing by if you have specific questions this season, I’m sure one of us will take a moment to help you out, for the good of the league.

We’ve got some newcomers that we’re excited about. This chick Jen, who has a volleyball trophy for every time Tanker has not sealed the deal with a hot girl, some dude named Nolan who hails from Poughkeepsie NY (SO DOES SNOOKI), some dude Kye which rhymes with Ty and who happens to be Ty’s friend, some dude named Jeb who is Ryan Logue’s friend and thus, the wildcard, and……. OMG……. AND……. The esteemed Mr. Andre Rodgers. A man full of so much shit that he changed his middle name to Hussein on Facebook just to see who was racist enough to judge. A man who has talked more shit to Relax than any other person out there. A man who himself now exemplifies the sage words, “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” Well done Dre, we’re already proud of you.

There are a few things I can promise you this season. #1, we’re going to have some laughs and have some fun. You guys are gonna get beat but just put a smile on and have fun with it – you’ll be okay. #2, we will win our billion-and-oneth league championship. And #3, we’re going to shit all over that new “team”, “Strides of Pride”. Goodnight and god bless, everyone. As ONE of our black friends would say (we have two now), smoochies and coochies y’all.

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