Fossil records indicate that the PurpleSaurus went extinct in the Spring of 2011, but through a productive partnership with my friends at Ingen, we have developed a technique of cloning the majestic beasts by extracting their DNA from rims of solo cups which have become trapped in amber, and then filling in the holes in the strand with the DNA of world-class athletes. The scientists tell us that the resulting PurpleSaurs are completely controllable and unable to reproduce, but I have my doubts after I got a mysterious voicemail from Jeff Goldblum last night saying only "Nature finds a way."
Already they are beginning to show signs of erratic and unpredictable behavior, I fear the worst. Oh, the hubris! To think that man could play God! What have I unleashed on this world? I can only hope that you all survive the coming season, but I make no promises. Beware the PurpleSaurus, when they finish consuming their Purple Punch they will consume your very livlihoods. BEHOLD THEIR FEARSOME VISAGE!
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