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Thursday, July 7, 2011
The Bachelors are considerate lovers, which is why we always start slow and gentle, but we always finish strong enough to leave you seeing stars with a ringing in your ears. So it was with Cameron's cadre of cantankerous* cohorts.
You've gotta give a little before you take, and we let them round the bases a couple of times in the first inning just to get the blood pumping. After that? Shut down D, nobody was going anywhere. Catcher Todd "Two Ds" Mattocks toyed with weiner-of-the-week status by encouraging our highly eligible pitcher at max volume from a distance of about 3 feet behind the batters, and outfielder Ryan Ebanks sacrificed his body to lay down an EPSPN highlight reel catch in shallow left. We tied it up in the 4th, took them 3 and out in the top of the 5th, and got ready to close.
Enter game MVP: Marie Long. Marie has long been known as the speediest of speedsters, and her speedy speed was showcased as she was almost thrown out at first after driving one to deep left. We advance the runners on a bunt, move her into scoring position on a drive to center, and suddenly were sitting with 1 out and runners on the corners. Jackie Hatfield lays down the sweetest of bunts down the first baseline, the defenders move to get the force at 1st, and then it happens. My personal belief is that Marie tapped into the speed force, much like the Flash did in order to defeat Braniac and Lex Luthor.
Never has someone moved with such alacrity, such aquiline grace, such Usain Boltage as Marie as she raced towards victory. The outcome was never in question. Unfortunately she may never be able to go fast again. If she does, I don't think she's coming back.
Tonight we rock the early game against Better Red Than Blue Balls. America will be represented, and The Bachelors will prevail.
*They weren't cantankerous, I just really like that word and alliteration is fun.