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Thursday, September 29, 2011

Dillon Panthers

The Dillon Panthers are new to semi-pro kickball.  Like any predator entering new territory, we have spent the first two weeks of the season sizing up our competition and getting the lay of the land.  Other than the extreme volatility in the application of the “pitch slower to girls” rule and the Japanese baseball-like emphasis on small ball, I’ve come to a major realization as official scribe of the Dillon Panthers: semi-pro kickball is like the Real Worldvs. Road Rules Challenge.

For those unfamiliar with this excellent bit of programming (a group as mysterious to me as the Two and a Half Men fan base), The Challenge originally pitted veterans of MTV’s two major reality programs against one another.  As the years went on, and producers mixed up the format, competitions became increasingly intense and patterns of behavior began to emerge—patterns that remind me of our league.
  1. The same core people keep coming back.
Wes. Coral. CT. Paula. Abe.  It’s not a Challenge if these people aren’t around pulling each others’ hair and becoming eskimo brothers and sisters.  These returners give successive seasons a sense of continuity and create a cast of characters you watch the show to see.  Same seems true in our league.  Reading through GMOT, it seems like many of the teams have been around for years and have all kinds of fun internal rivalries and story arcs that we can follow as the season goes on.  I can’t wait for the reunion show.
  1. “Rookies” are initially discounted and rarely win.
Rookies typically do not do well in Challenges.  The veteran people have a major advantage in developing chemistry with each other and getting good at the unique athletic demands of the Challenge.  It seems like there is a lot of talk about veteran teams doing the same in our league.  The Week 2 power polls suggest the same.  In the most recent Challenge, newcomers LeRoy and Michael were counted out early but hung around long enough to finish third, a major Challenge coup.  The Dillon Panthers are LeRoy and Michael… though we plan to do better than third.
  1. Slutty people.
Hard to determine the relative chastity of the league at this point, but in our first game a girl ran directly from second base to home.  What a hussy.
  1. Extreme (athlete) host in wild clothing.


So, there you have it.  Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.

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