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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

PurpleSaurus Rex

Turns out last weeks video wasn't as accurate a prediction as a violet therapod might have hoped.  The evil Robotkicks somehow managed to take Skynet online, and began their extermination of the human race with Field #3 at 8 PM last Thursday.  There were no survivors.

Highlights of the night included an empty cooler of PurpleSaurus Punch, Lundy dropping a fly ball in the outfield (MVP), and my minions helping me to sell $105 worth of jello shots to all the awesome kickballers that wanted to add 'gelatinous' to the list of adjectives that could describe their night. I don't want to toot my own horn but thats a pretty SOLID number (TOOOOOT!) and the gauntlet has been thrown down for anyone to beat it.

PurpleSaurus is on the two steps forward - one step back plan of progression to their first WAKA title. Create PurpleSaurus and then win our first game in classic fashion? Two steps forward. Lose a well-fought ame on one great kick* from a Candy Van ringer? One step back, and a baby step at that. One might even call it a step forward because we ALL knew that the Robotkicks' delicate sense of self-worth hinged entirely on their performance that night, and mercy is one of the true marks of greatness.

There appears to be a lot of talk about what sort of lady various teams are, so I'm going to go with the established motif here and educate you on what kind of girl PurpleSaurus Rex is:

It's 1:50 AM and you're in full on anything-with-a-pulse-will-do survival mode when you spot her over in the corner. This girl is a BEAST. Beady eyes, leathery skin, she probably weighs a ton or more. "Slump-buster" you think and move in for the kill. You walk up, hand her the drink you bought at last call and lay down your best lines about who she's going home with tonight, while she murmurs and grunts in what can only be agreement. You look deep into her eyes and see exactly what you were hoping for: hunger. This girl wants it, and you're going to give it to her. Suddenly your tongues are intertwined and you're grasping at each other with a ferocity you never thought possible. Blood is running down your chin as her talon like teeth gnash at your lips ... wait WHAT?  Too late you realize you're MAKING OUT WITH A F***ING DINOSAUR and she rips open your belly with one fell swipe her powerful hing leg. You can hardly hear yourself screaming in terror as you spend your last moments thrashing helplessly while watching PurpleSaurus Rex devour your glittering entrails.

*Quick note on that kick: DAMN. I know you couldn't see it Tom because you were already rounding 2nd base, but that thing was still on the way UP when it went over the right fielder; you were home long before she ever pulled it out of the church parking lot. Go play in Capital and quit shitting on our dreams.

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