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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Walk of Shame™

Okay so we lost. It's happened before, it won't be the last time either. But we know what you're going to do here. You're going to tell us what "girl we're like". But that's boring. We're going to tell you about the kind of girl you are.

You see, Relax is like that girl in high school who everyone thought was good looking when you looked at her. All the guys wanna hit it. Little did they know her looks were covering up a truly sick woman. She has a drug habit. Her two front teeth are fake. She performs fellatio on math teachers for passing grades. Her parents are bankrupt. Her life is in shambles and no one is taking notice. Then one day she goes to Hollywood to hit it big and be a model. She ends up doing nude pictures for a guy she met at In and Out Burger. He promises to make her a star. He takes polaroids of her. She finds out the only way to success when she's out there is to do porn. Now she's doing blow and sucking off men wearing gold chains. After 10 months, no one ever hears from her again until she comes back home "born again" and now sucks off the youth minister at a church, only now it's acceptable as she's married to him.

This is the metaphor for what's going to happen to you in Vegas. You guys think you're hot shit, but you're not. No one actually cares that you beat a team from Florida in a tournament that wasn't even sanctioned by WAKA. Let's be honest here. Florida is only cool if you're going to Nickelodeon or Universal Studios, so you get no love for that.

Also, you're thieves. Half of your wack ass roster for Vegas is stolen. Will didn't play on your team. You stole him. Alex didn't (and still doesn't now) play on your team. You tried to steal her. Let's see who else? Oh Clay. Yeah, his ass didn't play for your team. He was an orphan boy after his brother left town. So you stole him. Sarah Nelson was an transplant from Maine. How could I forget! Tanker! Yeah, our pitcher. You are "borrowing" him for Vegas. The funny thing about this pickup is that he's actually BETTER than your current starting pitcher. You don't believe me Jay Russell? Ask your teammates they'll tell you. Go ahead. Ask Hutch. Ask Joey. They'll tell you.

You see. Appearances my friends. On the outside, it's all good. But when you peel back the layers, you're just an easy lay. A cheap thrill. When you go and see the other pretty girls in Vegas, you'll go back to doing what you know how to do best- and that's lie down, Relax... And Let it Happen.

(Shannon... Call me) ;-)

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