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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Candy Van: After School Special

So, we played a kickball game last week. We won. That was neat. But really, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. What DOES matter, however, are the amazing awards that our Candy Van pervs doled upon each other at Third Base. We laughed, we cried, we reminisced. But mostly, we drank, had fun, and crept on anyone/thing we could. Here are the awards:

Alli "Gator" B. - Best Nickname EVER, Hot Teacher
Luis "Caramel Bear" O. - Most Likely to Steal the Mexican Award from Chapa, Most likely to wear a bandana
Matt "Matty A" A. - Least Clothing, Drunkest Girl at Gillis, Best Stance at Bat in a Cape
Matthew "Foxy" F. - Best Pre-Game Stretch, Best Play while Wearing a Small, Pink Tanktop, Best Female Body
Megan "Skankbot McLunderson" L. - Lifetime Achievement Award, Most Makeouts Caught on Camera
Megan "MmmmReilly" R. - Hottest Girl, Most Likely to Give Us Blue Balls from Taking a Season off
Natalie "Nat Attack" R. - Least Clothing, Best Hot Pants, Most Likely to Appear in the Local News in a Tutu
Patrick "Chapa" C. - Top 3 Mexican, Most Likely to Have a Dance Move Named after Him
Ryan "Dog Owner/The Nuts" H. - Most Likely to Own a Dog, Most Likely to Appear in the Local News,
Ryan "Moosetard/Pitbull" M. - Best One-Armed Pitcher, Most Likely to Own a Cat
Stephen "Kenneth" R. - Most Likely to Each Sausage Instead of go to Playoffs, Best Dance Moves
Telina "Needs a nickname" G. - Newest Girl, Most Likely to be More Competitive than Valerie
Tom "Captain DBAG" H. - Most Likely to Makeout with Me, Fourth Hottest Girl on the Team, Yogging Champ, Biggest Penis, Most Likely to Receive a Fake Award
Valerie "Captain VAG" G. - Most likely to brag about that time she caught a ball kicked by some guy who doesn't respect women, Drunkest Girl at Gillis, Best MCLs (actually going to NOT Valerie)

And of course:
Joey Thomas, formerly of Relax fame and now captain of the D Bags - Biff Tannen's Endorsement for Meatiest Head

And to Edgar and the rest of the Suck my Kick squad, never forget: there are always kicks to suck in the Candy Van!

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