Kicks Like Jesus

Sadly, today is one of the dreaded bye weeks for Kicks Like Jesus. For our day off, we were planning to relax, play some Flong, make an appearance at 3rd Base and/or Egos, and do all the other things that
beautiful people do. We had no intentions of writing anything for the GMOT… until we read the entry from
Kick in a Box this afternoon.

First of all, we were not celebrating the tie after the lights went out. We were celebrating our general
superiority over your team in the categories of attractiveness, drinking ability, and, most importantly, not
being douchy and taking kickball waaaay too seriously. And we were also celebrating ending the game
on a high note. In case you forgot, with 2 outs, we through a friggin laser to drill that cheeky, ballsy traitor
Kyle Trzazlikilkilkilski (jk we still love you Kyle) trying to steal home inches before he touched home plate
to keep the game tied instead of losing. 

We definitely did not want the game to get cut short bc the lights turned off. Speaking of which, why did
the lights get turned off after only the 3rd inning??? OHHHH yeaaaa. That’s right. Your team wasted 10
minutes of game time bitching and moaning to the refs about an out/safe call at 2nd base.

IT’S JUST A GAME, FOCKERS.

If that wasn’t enough, we were rudely interrupted during our bar game at 3rd Base because someone
from KIAB wanted to continue discussing how bad the refs were. Sources tell me that some members of
Kick in a Box are still whining about the refs today, a full WEEK later.

IT’S JUST A GAME, FOCKERS.

That is all for now. We cannot wait for the inevitable rematch during the playoffs. Until then, try to relax
out there, KIAB. You look like a bunch of ex-high school heroes trying to recapture the glory days. It’s just
a game. A kickball game.

KLJ OUT!

Smack Talk Done Right

I think I need to start putting together a buzzfeed of Facebook smack talk each week, so nobody misses gems like this:

https://www.facebook.com/events/238927492894879/

Big League Chew

Well the long wait is over. We suffered through two brutal bye-weeks in a row, but its finally time for kickball. We are going to lose a number of teammates over the next two weeks to the East Coast, so this post is dedicated to Marie Long, Todd Mattocks, Janice Meredith, Mariana Folco, and anyone else on our team who is planning on leaving us that I am forgetting (I'm an ass).

Pre-8pm Game plans = Day drinking, starting at 12 for most of us, followed by BBQ and pool time. We will then take cabs from said pool to the fields, where we will put our all defeated record on the line vs the D-Bags. Can't wait to see you all tonight!

Awful Waffles

Good evening WAKA nation, sadly I greet you with terrible news, our usual gmot writer Matt is drunk in Europe. A moment of silence. Humbly I take up the pen in his stead, meaning you get both the awful waffle art and writing from me this week. O M G awesomeness overload!!!!!!!!

From what I understand the waffles have been around a while and have always been a rather likable, drunk, and sort of attractive after you've had a couple, group (like you might start to talk yourself into it then). Unfortunately we've never really had a rival, until last season.

Enter That Kick Cray, the Fraser to our Ali, the Biggie to our Tupac, the Zoolander to our Hansel, and yeah it doesn't get much bigger than that. We only had to play once, and we knew they were the one. At least we were pretty sure after drinking all day. And thus began one of the greatest rivalries of our modern times. Actually probably ever. And it's not even close. We're still in the early stages of youthful romance, like do we hold their hand at egos karaoke tonight? Go for the awkward hover hand? Or just freakout and dry hump their leg? (panic and combo the last two)

Like all great rivalries, ours began before we met on the fields of kickball. We first thought their might be something there during heated matches of T-rex flippy, blossomed on the field, continued with flippy, then there was some more T-rex flippy, and then i'm not really sure what happened after that. But they had really cute T-rex arms.

This Thursday we meet again. If it's anything like last time it'll just be two really really ridiculously good looking teams going at it. To describe it we hear words like "handsomeness" and "incredibly chiseled features" and for us that's like a vanity that we don't buy into. So stop by, drink some orange mocha frappacino with us, come to egos after, and ponder if there's more to life than being really really ridiculously good looking.

We still don't know, but we do know that there was only one really really ridiculously good looking team drinking out of a golden trophy at the end last time. Remember Cray, words can only hurt you if you try to read them. Don't play our game.

Love,

The Awful Waffles

Team Easy!

Well we did it again. Last week we took it to a whole new level of easy/rowdy/crazy/probably-going-to-regret-this-tomorrow-morning. I blame extra strong and tasty PPD, jello shots, and beer that was free-flowing on the field all evening long. Whatever it was it made for some rowdiness that I scantly remember come Third Base time. Will it happen again this week … mmmmaybe?

Beyond Thursday night I heard reports of our Easies partying so hard over the weekend they passed out at the pool and in the car (2 separate people and occurrences). Makes me proud. Like a father watching his kid hit his first home run in t-ball. I think that means I should never have kids, amongst other reasons.

Tonight, we take on KickInABox. Since I believe almost none of our guys are showing up tonight, we’ll have to return the favor with BoxInABox. You’re welcome.

Also, next week, stay tuned for the most epic week of the season: The PINK OFF!! Candy Van takes on Team Easy in a battle royale of who can out- easy/pink/drink/dance each other. Combine that with Disney week and you have a recipe for not getting any work done Friday.

-chief man whore

Relax and Let it Happen

Candy Van likes to have fun. They like to wear capes, weird socks, go shirtless, and just be goofy. But don't believe them. I have a theory. It's all a front. They want you to believe they don't care. They dress that way so that when they win, they can say HAHAHAHAHA WE BEAT YOU AND WE DON'T EVEN CARE! SEE, WE'LL PROVE IT TO YOU BY JUMPING AROUND AND MAKING WEIRD UNICORN NOISES. But when they lose, they can counter that with HAHAHAHAHA, WE LOST BUT WE DON'T EVEN CARE! SEE, LOOK AT HOW GOOFY WE ACT!!

That worked at first because let's face it, they weren't that good. They had OK players, sure, but nothing else. In the last 3 or 4 seasons they've started pushing the Teabaggers for that second place spot behind us and now no one believes their charade. Everyone knows Tom is one of the best players in the league. Definitely Relax material. Foxy is quick, he's got Relax writen all over him. They have athletes all over the field. It's time they start taking on the responsibilities that come with being a top three team in the league. The costumes, the fun, the laughing, etc., that can stay, but start backing it up with your play, guys.

You're not living up to your potential and it stopped being funny like 2 seasons ago. Now you're just letting your talent go to waste and it's sad. You failed to score against us, and your defense let you down. But, that's what always happens right? Consider yourselves warned Relax will be forced to rescue the talent on your team if you don't make some noise come playoff time!

Next week we play Liver Let Die. The average age is around 45 but they play like they're 40 and that is something that they can hang their Depends on. Come out early and watch us continue to dominate. Until then, Relax and Let it Happen. 

KickInABox

Unfortunately, last week's game against KLJ ended in a tie as a result of far too many...

KLJ celebrated SO much after the tie was announced you would have thought they just won a unicorn that throws up rainbows and braids their hair.

Let me clarify for you guys; it was a tie. That means you did. not. win. I think your enthusiasm was expressed from relief. Relief that you didn't have to endure a full 5 inning beat down which most certainly would have ensued. Guess we'll just have to save that for playoffs.

So there's not much I can say about our opponents this week. The whole team is fun, lovable and true to their name in every possible sense. Team Easy, we don't fear getting wet, we embrace it. In fact, we've got a little present for you.

Enjoy opening the box, you won't be disappointed.

XOXO

KickInABox

CANDY VAN

I learned something last week: trash talking with pictures from the interwebs is a lot of fun, even if you have to eat your words and/or Ron Swanson's perfect mustache. We won't dwell on our loss to Relax last week (shout out to K-Rut for kicking it better than the boys), but instead, look forward to our next match up: Hannah Montana's XXX Tape.

This matchup brings together two teams that are similar in many ways. The most important, of course, is our appreciation for making jokes about seducing and/or having sexual relations (the fact that you call it that tells me you're ready) with underage persons.

Now, don't get me wrong: we love our friends over on HMXXXT, but they just don't have the same level of creepy, awe-inducing, terrifying, and enigmatic charisma and heart that leads our team into victory and subsequent blacking out at Ego's. This heart that we play with is so hard to describe, in fact, that the only person I can think of to portray such creepy excellence is none other than the most talented and well-respected actor of our time: Nicolas F'n Cage. I mean, just look at this guy:

(INCREDIBLE)

I mean, would you really mess with that guy? If you answered yes to that, I want you to take a moment to reconsider your decision, keeping in mind that'd you be willingly stepping up to a man who spent his last $276K on a dinosaur skull. This man:

(Just look at that 'stache. OG CV right there.) 

So Hannah, to sum up: Candy Van is Nicolas Cage and you're a teenaged girl. Oh but wait, so is Nicolas Cage:

(This gave Tom the weirdest boner.)

Tyrannical Teabaggers

To: Walks

From: Teabaggers

C'mon, Son!

Get Drunk, Kick Away

Well played Red Rockets, well played. We were expecting to put up a few more runs, but to be honest we also thought that you guys would too. Chris “Mad Hands” Tavarez takes player of the game diving to make a catch after the pitcher tipped it twice before collapsing into an un-athletic mess of cleats, tank, and sadness. We’ll forget about the part where it could have been an easy force at home had either of us tipped it to the catcher who seemed to be the only person that realized we were making an easy play into a narrowly avoided error. Spirit award goes to Eric “We’re Going To Start Paying For Cabs To Get Him To The Fields” Ormsby who for a second time had too much fun at the fields to be able to parlay said fun to the bars.

In our second game of the alterative R Team Name series we play Recover Rejects. They’ve been nominated as our Arch Enemies for the simple reason that I write this for our team and I like giving Becca “Blowing Calls” Hellman shit. If anyone would like to jump on the hate train I submit to you the fact that she is a Celtics Fan.

A fan of a team who has Paul Pierce who did this

We’re goin big, then goin home anyway.

Kicks Like Jesus

Yo KICK IN A BOX! Gather 'round your monitors and prepare for the laser beam of hot facts about to be blasted all about your faces and neck area!

Our kicks make your kicks look like...

- Rocky 5 and Dumb & Dumberer

-one of those weird ( but hilarious) Photoshoped pics of Dre 

-Trent Reznor circa 1985 

 -Dr. Dre circa 1984  

-Britney Spears circa 2007 

 - & Ice Cube circa…this morning

the Cabbage Patch against a crew of BERNIES!!!!

Jesse Spano WITHOUT her caffeine pills!

The Twilight series (and poorly used “quotation” marks)

-Luis That ONE Time He Didn't Wear a Hat -T-Rex "attempting" to "dance" -Laramie...Cus She's the 2nd Worst!

Basically.... We’ll See You Stank Butt Busters on the Field!

KLJ OUT!!!

Big League Chew

Homer: No beer and no kickball make Homer go something something


Marge: Go crazy?


Homer: Don't mind if I do!!!


Two straight bye weeks is pretty brutal, especially when we are on the cusp of something phenomenal! Some thought it impossible, but our record is untarnished: zero wins so far! The good news is we can still drink. BLC will be at 3rd Base tonight after a brief bar crawl, pubcrawler, whatever we decide.


See you there!

CANDY VAN

Candy Van has been called many things: drunks, hipsters, creepers, and many more, equally flattering names. I mean, a team captained by people who willingly call themselves DBAG and VAG has got to be pretty weird. Pretttyyyyy weird.

Well tonight, friends, we play our friends Relax and Let it Happen for an extra special game in honor of Jay’s birthday. I don’t know why he wanted to lose his birthday game, but hey, some people are masochists like that. 

This will be Jay when we score our first run:

And this will be VAG and DBAG when we keep scoring:

And finally, when the game comes to an end and we’ve consumed more Slime-themed beverage than any human ever should, this will be the entire Relax squad:

Get in the van and relax. Happy creepin'!

Kick in a Box

KickInABox

This GMOT will be a bit more personal than your normal entry and I apologize to KickInABox for
not celebrating our 5-1 win last week and being undefeated as much as I should but this week’s game is
personal and I feel the rest of WAKA should know about it.

I now understand the plight of Adam Banks in the first Mighty Ducks. Adam Banks, the captain
of the Hawks was a Hawk through and through; all his little friends were Hawks. A cruel twist of fate,
the district lines being redrawn, sent Adam Banks to the Ducks where with the quiet dignity and true
professionalism, only found in the all-time greats, helped lead the Ducks to the Minnesota State Pee Wee
Championship. In my case the cruel twist of fate was not a shift in the district lines but the fact my old
team (Kicks Like Jesus) likes to add every random person they find on to the team, as a semi ridiculous
way of picking up girls, and the stoner time I had come to rely on, believing there was no way the team
would fill up in one day, failed me.

Now I am going to anticipate Kicks Like Jesus is going to go negative on their GMOT trying to pull
me down, much like the bad guys in all the Mighty Ducks movies (Ya you guys are basically Iceland and
the “varsity” team in the 2nd and 3rd movies as well as being the Hawks) but being part of KickInABox and
following the lead of the Ducks I’m going to go classy and let you all off the hook and say good luck
tonight…. Cake eaters!

Oh but after the beating you all are going to take tonight I hope you wonder “What if the district

lines were never redrawn?”

Enjoy opening the box, you won't be disappointed.

KickInABox

D BAGS

well...you may as well just call us Liam Hemsworth because we just bent Hannah Montana over and went to town last week. I know the score was only 3-2 but in our eyes it was never in doubt. (plus we were REAL drunk and of course we made some douschey plays). But enough about the past, let's focus on the future, this week we have a bye which is allowing us to spread our douscheyness to places like Vegas, Napa and Capistrano. Our next game is against Walk of Shame which will be a good win for the DBAGS, that is if someone other than Relax ever refs our game.

Editor's Note: The DBAGS actually play Big League Chew next but DBAGS only consider it a "game" if there is some sort of challenge or chance of losing. So, technically their next "game" is against Walks.

Relax and Let it Happen

Perfection
NOUN: 
1. The condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects

2. A person or thing perceived as the embodiment of such a condition, state, or quality.

EXAMPLE: Relax and Let It Happen's defense was a thing of perfection when they didn't allow a single base runner in their 4-0 win over Walk of Shame last week.

That's all,
Relax and Let It Happen

Awful Waffles

Everyone,
The awful waffles have been playing in waka now for like 8-9 seasons (maybe more?  For some reason it gets blurry).  And I know we've had our highs and lows along the way but generally we've carved out a niche as a fun team to be on, play against, and be friends with.  And we win which is a nice bonus for us.

And it's clear we're doing something right because in all of our seasons and theme weeks I've never seen a theme week that was such an homage to one team.  The original nickelodeon team:

Ahhh classic salute your shorts finishing with a nice awful waffle.  Isn't that refreshing?

-awful waffles

Walk of Shame

You know, revenge is a dish best served cold. This week marks a special week for the Walks on our quest to put cases "on all of you bitches." (Thanks Denzel) Well one of the biggest bitches on our list is Relax and Let it Happen. 

 

You walk around with your silly little hats. (I have one, BTW) You incessantly point at people like you're casting some kind of spell.You steal players. Our corrupt rep, Jay, manipulates the schedule to favor your team. You're afraid to take on any other kind of athletic challenge posed to you. (What happened to Walks - Relax basketball series?) No honor. 

 

In short, we're sick of you. Jerks. 

 

Hey, while you're reading... Check out this montage of the biggest traitors in sports history. You'll find LeBron James, A-Rod, Johnny Damon, Bret Favre, Dale Earnhardt Jr., and Lane Kiffin just to name a few.... You might recognize another too...

 

 

Alex, we still love you. Even me. =) But revenge is finally here....

D Bags

Dear Hannah,

Welcome to the pee party…..

Team Easy!

When league sees Team Easy, I think they sees just a lawless bunch of rag-tag floozies looking to dry hump anyone in a 20 foot radius regardless of gender. While that’s pretty much true, we do have three rules. Rules by which we must always abide or face consequences. Rules that allow us explore that boundaries of socially acceptable behavior, nudity, and sexuality. What are these rules, and why do they allot for such seemingly deplorable behavior? Simple:

1.) BE HANDSOME

2.) BE ATTRACTIVE

3.) DON’T BE UNATTRACTIVE

Allow me to present exhibits A and B:

You see here how each scenario could have gone wrong had we not followed our three rules. So there you have it. Let’s wrap up with a quick video recapping what we’ve learned today.  

See you out tonight. Rain or shine, people are getting wet. You’re welcome.

Teabaggers

Well we broke out losing streak, and don't plan on starting one up again any time soon.  Hannah played solid defense through the first few innings, but we finally found our offense and won 5-0.  Our bunting was better but still needs to improve.  We played lockdown defense as usual even with a couple of injuries messing up our positions.  It's a shame Ricky had to leave because Hannah is a good team and could be really competitive with a little more experience.  They could help us out by beating Dbags this week hopefully.  We look forward to starting a win streak this week against Suck My Kick and continuing it against Walks next week.

It's late and I've got nothing funny to write about so we go to physical comedy on youtube out of laziness.  I'm sure the girl ended up being ok?

Fun fact:  If you have an extra nipple you have polythelia.  This happens to 1 in 18 males and 1 in 50 females.  If you have a third nipple it will lie along the "milk lines" which are imaginary lines drawn from your armpits through your nipples to your groin.

KickInABox

Well Slampieces, after your first at bat, I'm not gonna lie, we were a little nervous.  It looked like you guys came to play.  Only problem was we came to play the way we like it, nice and HARD.  Having gone on a run spree, we thought it sportsmanlike to slow our roll but for some reason you guys couldn't catch the ball to save your life so we continued to umm how do you say it...oh yes...we continued to make it rain, make it rain on them hos!

This week holds promise to be another delicious victory.  Shake N Bake, your name is as American as apple pie and sounds just a tasty.  Lucky for you kids we're bringing our appetite...for a nice meaty WIN!  In the words of Ricky Bobby, "if you ain't first your last!"

Since you guys brought dinner, it's only fitting we offer dessert. Enjoy opening the box, you won't be disappointed.

Get Drunk, Kick Away

You may have guessed that we take the social part of this league very seriously. With that said I would like to apologize for not being more prompt with the going ons of our team as it relates to wonderful world of Kickball. Things we did last week. Had a bye, cried due to said bye, showed up to work on Friday feeling perfectly ok, stayed sort of sober, and didn’t kick anything, but most importantly we prepared for America’s Birthday the way it should be done.

We wore this:

And listened to this:

We’ll be back out there this week. Kickbing, Drinking, and Loving Life in Red White and Blue. 

Teabaggers

Kudos to Candy Van for a game well played. We thought we were sitting pretty after being up 2-0 after the 1st inning but then gave up 4 unanswered runs due to some pitching and defensive miscues. It is always a close game between us two and we usually end up making one or two more plays than you, but this time it was the opposite. We'll see you again in the playoffs hopefully.

Are we upset about losing 2 games in a row? Of course. Are we upset we haven't played out best? Sure. Does this mean we should give up on the season? That's a clown question bro. As most smart people do, I went to youtube looking for inspiration:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8lT1o0sDwI

We're not worried because we'll get our mojo back against Hannah this week and carry it through the rest of the season.

This would normally be the part of the GMOT where we'd share drunken stories and whatnot, but everyone else does that, so screw it. Instead we're going to class up the GMOT with some good ole fashioned learning.

Fun fact: Asparagus makes your pee smell because of the presence of 2 organic compounds, but only 22% of people can smell them. The ability to smell them is passed genetically.

-Teabaggers

Team Easy

Somehow it feels like it’s been more than we week since we’ve played. Maybe it’s because we miss kickball nights so much. But we’re flipping stoked to go America all over your asses tonight!

Team Easy has really hit its stride the past two weeks. Between learning the difference of left and right field, flashing people at 3rd base, and throwing a shoe across the bar (honestly, who does that?). The team is shining up to its potential. We could use some more making out and groping … which we’re really going to work on tonight.

I think pictures tell our story much more eloquently than I could state them in rhetoric. So enjoy a few collages I threw together.

Look for us on Field #1 at 7:15 as we molest the Awful Waffles in ways they’ve only heard about kama sutra.

-chief man whore

Oh, and just for Chapa 

(who got thrown out not only in our game, but also in Candy Van's game for the exact same reason), I wanted send a link to my-youth-baseball.com to the basic rules of baseball that the 7-year-old tee-ballers follow and also apply to kickball:

Basic Baseball Rules - Pop-Fly Rules:

"When a pop fly is hit, any runners that begin advancing to another base before the ball is caught are out if the ball is thrown back to the baseman and the baseman tags the base with his/her foot before the runner makes it back to the base. A runner may tag up however, and then safely run to the next base. Tagging up means the runner waits on the current base until after the pop-fly ball is caught and then runs to the next base."

http://www.my-youth-baseball.com/basic-baseball-rules.html

Awful Waffles

On this independence day, like many before it, the awful waffles gathered to both celebrate our team unity and remember how far we've travelled and what we've overcame to become the paragon of kickball that we are today.

 

We, the united waffles of America, do solemnly pledge to uphold the rules of waka and to maintain ourselves to the classiest of standards. However, before we were the UWA, the separate waffles were an entirely different entity:

Abby - jurassic waffle. Wishes every day for longer arms
Alex - waffle chef. Just slicing up kickballs
Alysia - hungry waffle. She's a man-eater
Alyssa - blue waffle. Don't google this. Seriously.
Ben - belgian waffle. Raising glasses and kicking balls high
Brittany- unicorn slayer waffle. Really really does not like unicorns.
Burnham - yoshi waffle. *hums super Mario brothers theme*
Carrie - care bear waffle. Now with extra gun accessory!
Chase- gambler waffle. It's ok, he always bets on the waffles. Yahtzee!
Cole - coal stack. We call him mr stack
Damon - he-man waffle. BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL!
Goryl - waffle with syrup. The old classic
Guenther - waffle iron man. Just your everyday waffle superhero. No big deal
John - fun loving waffle. I mean check out that moustache. That thing screams "fun"
Josh - hipster waffle. He was into kickball way before you were. He's pretty over it now.
Kacie - Mckadillac pimpin waffle. Spending g's
Laney - southern waffle. Just classy.
Sarah - octowaffle. Octopodes are incredibly intelligent and possess eight arms. Good waffle traits
Tanner - most interesting waffle. He doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers to pass out
Val - teenage mutant ninja waffle. Waffles in a half-shell. Waffle power
Yellin - quagmire waffle. Now with syrup! Giggity Giggity goo

Holy cow that's a lot of waffles!! And together we banded to form the united waffles of america! Be jealous.

We play tonight against team easy at 7. We'll have many treats for you if you stop in and say hi.

love,
awful waffles.
 

Big League Chew

The pressure is mounting. When you go undefeated this long, there is no way to avoid it every time you step up. Confidence goes a long way, but at some point, doubts will creep in and make you second guess every decision you make. Its in that moment that you have to just believe in your training, and let muscle memory take you to another victory.

No, I'm not talking about kickball, we haven't won a game this season. I'm talking about the real reason we're all out there: ROCK PAPER SCISSORS! We may have as many wins as the '08 Detroit Lions, but we are unstoppable in two categories: Drinking Tang Punch, and rock paper scissors.

As for tonight, we're a little worried about being abducted into the Candy Van (even though we secretly want to know whats in there), but that won't stop us from doing everything we can to get that first win!

Walk of Shame

Suck my kick... Good game. Sorry we had to deal with you like that. It's just business. You should probably talk to Jay about your crazy schedule.... That was cruel.... Anyway 4-0... Let's keep it up Walks!
Speaking of Jay... Walks and Relax both have bye weeks this week and we challenged them to a basketball game. However, they are scared and have chosen not to give a definitive answer. We are waiting on you Jay and Relax... Don't be scared homie. You got all those white dudes on the team.... You should kill us behind the arc.
This will be the precursor to the 1 vs 2 Kickball game next week... Will you accept?
Don't be scurred.....

Relax and Let It Happen

The D-bags are great because they're one of the few teams that actually live up to their name. Hannah Montana isn't full of Miley Cyrus lookalikes. The Teabaggers don't go home and have massive teabagging orgies (at least I hope not), and other than Tom, no one on Candy Van actually drives around in a shady van offering candy to little kids to, well you know...

But the D-bags...well, they're legitimate douchebags and it's amazing. The three-headed monster is led by Joey, Hunter, and Hutch. All ex-Relax players who pulled some d-bag shit and left a dynasty. With the addition of Hutch, their infield defense is easily one of the best in the league, but what made the difference in our 5-1 win was experience and simple knowledge of the game.

The D-bags are the classic team that lacks direction and common sense. Full of athletes, but can't seem to put a full 5 innings together, and sometimes they struggle to put a team together like they did this summer in the playoffs. Poor hutch, he's a good lookin' kid with a cannon for an arm, but he can't handle the pressure that comes along with kicking so high in the order. And then we've got Hunter, he can't decide if he really wants to win or if he wants to be too cool for school. And finally Joey, ohhhhh Joey, what do we even say here. Sure you used to be a great player and when you left Relax you said we'd never win again (awkward...), but you just aren't what you used to be. The fact is, you need to be on a leash with Jay as your owner. Otherwise, when left to think for yourself your team kicks away when it shouldn't, your skills diminish, and despite being good athletes nobody on your team can figure out this sport we call kickball. You better be careful or we're going to have to repossess Hutch, we can only let him learn bad habits for so long.

After our bye week we play another team that sadly lives up to their name – the Walk of Shame. They don't have the overall athletic ability of the D-bags, but they do have a leader who doesn't know what he's doing. Come out and watch us beat them like we always do, until then, enjoy your 4th of July and don't forget to Relax and Let it Happen.

D Bags

As I drove home after a disappointing loss to Relax and Let Jay Touch Us, I went over the things in my head of what went wrong. Mid thought, I heard a faint beautiful noise coming from my radio. I promptly reached for the volume knob (no steering wheel volume control, I’m old school), and had the pleasure of blaring Madonna, “Like A Prayer,” completely clearing my mind of anything happening prior that night. In what must have been a miracle, Prince, “Little Red Corvette” was the following song…. Life was good again. Good win Relax, but you know that I know that we know that y’all know…. We will be no cake walk and will ultimately be the ones knocking you out of the tournament unless you say we have to forfeit for some reason like “you’re team average height has to be under 6’4”.” We did our usual antics of not scoring (only one run) and giving up all ours in one inning (5 runs due to 3 errors). Although we played sloppy, I can’t blame the few who decided to pre-drink for our game 24 hours in advance. What is a Wednesday version of Sunday Funday? Wasted Wednesday? WTF Wednesday? When in Rome Wednesday? WWJD Wednesday? I believe Russ had a few too many the night before which led to one big red ball turning into 4 big red balls. The problem is, he tried to catch the wrong one and ended up with his first kickball induced concussion. Our team as a whole is fully recovered but knowing that the 4^th of July is Wednesday, I would guess we will be in the same shape this Thursday as the last. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

For those of you who like to know the future… 1. We easily take care of our next opponent, Liver Let Die. 2. We win out regular season. 3. We forfeit playoffs

Boom,

DBags