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Thursday, July 5, 2012

Relax and Let It Happen

The D-bags are great because they're one of the few teams that actually live up to their name. Hannah Montana isn't full of Miley Cyrus lookalikes. The Teabaggers don't go home and have massive teabagging orgies (at least I hope not), and other than Tom, no one on Candy Van actually drives around in a shady van offering candy to little kids to, well you know...

But the D-bags...well, they're legitimate douchebags and it's amazing. The three-headed monster is led by Joey, Hunter, and Hutch. All ex-Relax players who pulled some d-bag shit and left a dynasty. With the addition of Hutch, their infield defense is easily one of the best in the league, but what made the difference in our 5-1 win was experience and simple knowledge of the game.

The D-bags are the classic team that lacks direction and common sense. Full of athletes, but can't seem to put a full 5 innings together, and sometimes they struggle to put a team together like they did this summer in the playoffs. Poor hutch, he's a good lookin' kid with a cannon for an arm, but he can't handle the pressure that comes along with kicking so high in the order. And then we've got Hunter, he can't decide if he really wants to win or if he wants to be too cool for school. And finally Joey, ohhhhh Joey, what do we even say here. Sure you used to be a great player and when you left Relax you said we'd never win again (awkward...), but you just aren't what you used to be. The fact is, you need to be on a leash with Jay as your owner. Otherwise, when left to think for yourself your team kicks away when it shouldn't, your skills diminish, and despite being good athletes nobody on your team can figure out this sport we call kickball. You better be careful or we're going to have to repossess Hutch, we can only let him learn bad habits for so long.
After our bye week we play another team that sadly lives up to their name – the Walk of Shame. They don't have the overall athletic ability of the D-bags, but they do have a leader who doesn't know what he's doing. Come out and watch us beat them like we always do, until then, enjoy your 4th of July and don't forget to Relax and Let it Happen.

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