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Thursday, June 16, 2011

UKP?

Untitled Kickball Project's swan song ended up being more like some 1 AM caterwauling at Ego's than the haunting and beautiful elegy I had imagined it would be.  Despite sending our evil double agent ex-player to distract the Walk's star pitcher with her womanly charms, we were wholly unable to kick on him.  As they pointed out in their write up we placed a grand total of 1 runner on base, and that was on an error (On a related note if anyone needs juggling lessons, Dre is the guy to talk to).  Defensively things are looking a lot brighter.  WOS came up with two earned runs and then snagged an extra two on a misjudged fly in the outfield that turned into a triple. Blame the week 1 jitters for the imperfect play, but its a far cry from the 11-1 thrashing we got handed the last time we played them.  Todd is giving us speed at the plate, Nate is reliable as ever on the mound, and our new recruits on the corners showed they had the cannon and the hands to keep their spots.  Two weeks of bye-week practices should shore up our short game, and we'll be back on track for a 7-1 season.

On to more important things. After days of rhetoric and passionate debate, UKP has finally selected a new name.  Henceforth, Untitled Kickball Project will be known as Nate Fox and the Less Eligible Bachelors (or simply the Bachelors for expediency's sake).  I should issue the brief disclaimer that Nate Fox was strongly opposed to this, but he should of thought of that before he agreed to be featured in an article for the August issue of Austin Monthly titled "Austin's Top 10 Most Eligible Bachelors".  That's right, we're talking full page photo spreads of lovable roguish Nate-charm coming to a print publication near you. Ladies, the line is already around the block but if you take a number I'm sure he can fit you in soon.  Feel free to post below with your affections.

The Bachelors are off for the next two weeks for bachelor-related activities in Belize, but we will return June 30 with Adonis-like tans (the real Adonis, not some douchey 1st baseman with a jersey) and sculpted bodies ready to partake in that which is best in life: To crush our enemies, see them driven before us, and to hear the lamentation of the women.

Love,
Stephen

8 comments:

  1. BHAHAHAA. Your gmots are definitely the best. HANDS down.

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  2. Once again incredible write up. 7-1 is a bold prediction, we'll see how that works out for you.

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  3. Oh Foxy! You are soooooo dreamy. One day I'll have the courage to show you my love for you, but until then I will just admire from afar. Thank you for being so beautiful.

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  4. haha ALMOST worked too. If she wasn't so distracted by the dog, could've possibly had a stronger effect.

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  5. She distracted me. That's why I bobbled the ball.

    - Nameless first baseman

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  6. You were distracted by the perfectly oiled athletic machine running towards you. And rightly so.

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  7. The combination of Nate's raw, chiseled body, his above average levels of testosterone, and his love for a fine vintage champagne often leaves girls googly-eyed with a general feeling of weakness in the groin from his aura.

    Ladies, this man will not stay on the market forever! Catch him now while the catch'ns good! And for those of you who are intimidated by his prowess and precision as an all-star, future hall of fame Waka Pitcher, Know that Nate also has a soft side. He's often seen at the dog park nuzzling with his puppy, in the kitchen baking barefoot, and perusing local Austin art galleries for fine modern art. Nate enjoys reading any novel by Jane Austen and is a strong proponent of holding hands in public.

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  8. I named my first three children after Nate Fox, despite my husband's strong objections.

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