Ok ballers, There is a serious talk that we need to have. As we are going into week three and quickly approaching the Mid-Season Stoplight party there is something very important we need to address, Predominately Unexpected Naked Time-Easily Regretted. Better known as PUNTER. Many of our fellow kickballers have fallen victim to PUNTER but very few come forth openly. PUNTER is a silent predator that rips apart friends and sometimes entire teams, usually before those affected even know what hit them.
It usually starts with one baller, in most cases unattached, this baller finds themselves very attracted to another baller. This second baller can be on the same team or on a different one. The PUNTER doesn’t see team color, just his/her prey. The PUNTER feeds on alcohol consumption which gives it courage to manifest into full blown thoughts of PUNT. The baller is consumed with PUNT. How to get PUNT, how to be PUNT, how to eat PUNT. PUNT, PUNT PUNT. There is no stopping this poor soul. Kickball buddies who have seen this PUNT take over the baller’s life had tried in the past to stop it, but to no avail. The PUNT always wins. It all happens so fast, a few drinks at the bar perhaps a round or two of flip cup and the PUNT has completely kicked in. If the first baller was lucky enough to infect the second baller with PUNT then they will ride off into the sunset together, or at least to the back alley behind the bar.
Until now you are probably wondering why PUNT needs a warning. PUNT in itself can be a lovely thing, it is PUNTER that we need to worry about. PUNTER usually hits the next morning when you are trying to untangle cleats and tall socks from last night’s events and you realize that the baller from the orange team who is passed out next to you is not what you though they were. All of the magic from the PUNT is gone, and PUNTER has kicked in. You grab your shirt and forget the underwear that is somehow missing and quietly make your escape. You pray to the kickball gods that no one finds out, but in the end they ALL already know.
Word spreads across the field and you become bitter. Your teammates often openly call you a PUNT when you are kicking and you are now having difficulty getting to first with any team. The upside is while you are contemplating if you will ever be able to get it up again, another baller has been infected with PUNT and the cycle will repeat, letting you off the hook.
Just remember kids: play safe, wear protection, and go easy on your fellow ballers.
You never know when you might fall victim to a Kick In The PUNT.