Relax and Let it Happen - TX Live

Well folks its finally happened, we've broken the Teabaggers. For years Relax has been too serious for the rest of the world, but the Teabaggers have always been the outlier out there with us. Sure they were never on our level talent-wise, made very apparent by our 355820184 championships to their 2? 3? But they were always a team that played competitively. I'm not sure if anyone last week saw the GMOT last week but WOW, talk about waiving the white flag.  The Teabaggers literally attempted to advertise themselves as a fun team. I'm not sure if it's a recruiting tactic to bring in new athletic faces or if it really is that sad of a situation. Regardless, cheers to the Teabaggers newfound fun attitude!!!

Oh, we celebrated by defeating them 7-2 last week. Judging by the look on Justin's face & Dre yelling at everyone it didn't look fun on your sideline. I'm sure you'll figure out the fun part of losing one of these days but for now it appears you need to head back to the fun drawing board.

In other news we've had a great time playing this season, which led to another title. Feel free to come by & hang out on 11/15 to see how awful it is to win a championship & get drunk.

Love,
Relax

The Tyrannical Tea Baggers - TX Live

Since our last game against relax we've taken some notes on how to win like them:

1.  Pedialyte!   Those guys chug it like they've had the shits for days with the exception of Joey who's 90% antifreeze from all the fireball he's consumed.  Beer is great for hydrating the rest of us but "real" champions quench their thirst from the baby food aisle.

2.  Bench your teammates!   That's right, drop a ball and you get to cheer your bestest friends on from the sideline because hey, that's what kickball is all about right?

3. Have a team dictator!  Nothing inspires team chemistry like a tyrant on the mound.  Don't get us wrong,  he's no Castro or Bin Laden, but nobody inspires "team building" like Jay.

So relax Relax.  We don't have these key attributes to compare ourselves to you and we don't want to shit on anybody.   We're too busy having fun with our balls in your mouths.

Seriously though, someone call poison control for Joey.  

Snap Lords - TX-Republic

Well, this time the squirrelly-squirrel was kinda on me…and my team mates let me know it too.  How was I supposed to know that getting walked was so taboo?! (j.k. I should have known better.)

But in my defense, I wasn’t trying to get walked. I was waiting for just the right pitch to launch one into right field and become a game hero. (Hell yeah!). Yeah, no. Instead, I get out rounding third-base in a clearly foolish attempt to make it home. I didn’t even get hit with a ball! They didn’t even tag me out at home plate! Hell, I wasn’t even close! Everyone just knew I wasn’t going to make it. I ran my ass off, but they all knew anyways. That’s how much all of that sucked.

Anyways, besides that little mishap, the game with Team Livestrong was a good one. The very first kick was launched into the outfield and, bam: Livestrong is 1 point up. WTF?! It hasn’t even been five minutes!! Livestrong definitely surprised us initially, but we recovered, started making plays that counted, and had us up 6-3 at the end of the game. Total shout out to Bear with his two home runs!! “Who is this Bear?” you ask? Well, some of you may know him by another name…….Star Lord.

his week, we face Kickamunga! I predict this will be a tight game. I've noticed that their games have been much closer than their current standings might indicate, so we’ll be ready for a throw down that may last until the final minutes! We’ve learned our lesson from underestimating teams. I refer you to last season's attempt (see: epic fail) during playoffs. Never again!

Snap Lords - TX-Republic

What’s this?! More squirrely squirrel shenanigans?!?

Come on!!!! Now I won’t hesitate to give props to a team that beat us (and yes, Hannah Montana made some great plays that held the game and probably sealed the win). And I won’t hesitate to acknowledge when we’ve cooked our own goose (there was definitely some sloppy fielding out there and our kicks can occasionally leave something to be desired). But I also have to declare when “IT” happens. People who played that game knows what “IT” I’m talking about, and I can only describe “IT” as:

But whatever. Regardless, that was still a fun game to play (as per our usual bouts with Hannah Montana)!! Besides, it’s only the regular season. Very soon now the regular season will be over and then it’s on to all the glory that is PLAYOFFS.

(Yes, that is my alma mater and we show our happiness with Bernies.)

After a week off for ACL, we’re back in the saddle and ready to win against Team LIVESTRONG. And I just want to be clear on this: if Lance Armstrong does NOT show up (or at least does a ride-by) to the game, I shall consider your team name to be a form of trickery and seek revenge on you for making me act like an obnoxious fan girl.

-------

Laura N. Carr

#suckitharris - TX Republic

Once again Harris dropped the ball, picking us to win a game against the Toejammers which we of course got dominated in instead. We're making it official y'all, the domain www.suckitharris.com has been registered. We've got the tech team working on a wordpress blog that will aggregate all instantiations of #suckitharris on various social media platforms, and allow everyone to really get in on the fun.

In other news, it turns out that the all-female infield wasn't the best competitive decision, and that Andrew is actually a huge cheater because I'm pretty sure we only had 3 dudes on the field for a couple of innings. He TOTALLY made up for it with an awesome in-the-park home run with two outs in the top of the 5th, which was really just a shallow fly to left field that he decided to stretch into a triple (seriously people that guy is just not going to stop running unless there's a runner in front of him), evaded the throw at third with his patented Cox-first slide, and trotted in.

So basically, exactly what you like to see out of a P.E. Credit performance: plenty of silly errors in the field, overly ambitious baserunning that works about 30% of the time, and about 8 pitchers of pre-game beer downed at G&S prior to making our way to the fields.  We're all about Just For Fun kickball, which is why we play in the explicitly non-competitive, no-bunting, non-FC eligible league and do shit like seeing who can kick it the highest, base our kicking order on who shows up first, and put people at seemingly random positions on the field. Oh and talk endless amounts of smack to each other and the other team. 

If you're taking this league too seriously, let me tell you a little secret: YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. If you're carefully crafting your fielding and kicking assignments for maximum efficiency instead of sharing equal playing time, kicking "not bunts" that are slow grounders down the third base line intended to do the exact thing bunts do, throwing crazy spinning pitches at the ladies on our team who are pitching silver platter meatballs to you, or in any other way generally being a hyper competitive douche nozzle acting like a big bad ass fish in the smallest pond you could possibly find, WE'RE GOING TO MAKE FUN OF YOU AND YOU DESERVE IT. Besides, before you even step on the field you've already lost to us in the following categories:

1. Being attractive.

2. Not being unattractive.

3. Personal hygiene.

4. SAT verbal scores.

5. Having more ladies than guys on the team (Relax Bitches notwithstanding obvi)

6. Participation.

And thats what really counts.

Love,
P.E. Credit

Relax and Let It Happen - TX Live

Teabaggers are that “friend” that you pretend to be nice to but you actually hate. No matter what you want to do – a night at the movies, house party, hittin the clurb… some of your friends will be out, some will be in. Teabaggers are ALWAYS in. 

You’ve tried to send a not-so-subtle message. Beating them game after game, year after year. Don’t they get it? Stop trying to hang with us! You aren’t on our level and you never will be. But they are oblivious to your efforts. They have a 3 second rebound rate - they’re upset and sad and mad that they lost, and but a moment later they’re back in your face again, trying to hang.

Last week we really stepped out of the box – it was our last attempt at getting through to them. Shitting all over their dreams at 9-0. Maybe after this they’ll stop considering themselves as a legit, actual opponent to us and accept their true destiny .Relax to Teabaggers is crisp, fresh, organic Washington apples to moldy, imported, 3^rd world oranges.

Teabaggers – we don’t care that you like us and we don’t care that you’re going to cramp our style in Vegas. Seriously, have a blast. Enjoy. Just stop claiming to be comparable to us. It’s not even close. 

Also, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING LETTING DRE ON YOUR TEAM? We thought we had taken one for the league with our last misstep, alerting all that allowing Dre to play with you is a horrible mistake. Teabaggers, that one is on you. We can only help so much.

Some people are champions. To everyone but Teabaggers, love you guys. Smooches y’all.

Snap Lords - TX-Republic

Last week, Snap Lords came into our game with Toejammers riding pretty high. We’d gotten a win over SMK, everybody was firing on all cylinders, and we had our new shirts! We were ready to notch another win in our belt of glory and look awesome doing it!

…And then the game started. Sometimes the fault lies with us not playing the way we should, and in some ways this game was no exception. There were plays we should have had and definitely mistakes we made. But I’m not gonna lie…some squirrely things happened at that game.

Regardless of the squirrely-squirrel, this game was basically a battle of the defenses. And like most defense-heavy games, it all comes down to whose defense gives in first. They were able to hold us from the win, but it was a single surprise kick launched into another field by Toejammers that sealed the tie.

This week we have a chance to redeem ourselves and then some! We’re facing off against another team that we constantly trade wins with: Hannah Montana’s XXX Tape! And like with SMK, these games are usually wild and clutch! This season Hannah has been DESTORYING their opponents. But not this game! It may be close, but we’ll be looking to hand Hannah their first loss of the season!

Those high-fives could get awkward….

P.E. Credit - TX Republic

#SuckitHarris

Where My Pitches At, we’re sorry. We didn’t want to make an example of you, but every season there is bound to be some collateral damage, especially when a league rep I’d prefer to leave unnamed  (I’m talking about Harris) goes rogue and decides to mistake a good natured fun loving team for a doormat and move them to the bottom of the rankings that I know we all take incredibly seriously.

PE Credit realized we were having a blast every week but we wanted to expand our horizons beyond just our team and decided a league hashtag might be an easy way. We wanted it to be poignant and simple. We settled on #SuckitHarris.

If you’re hitting a happy hour before games on Wednesdays, out and seeing if any other kickballers are too, or just want to share something with the rest of us make sure to tack on #SuckItHarris. We’ll keep our eyes peeled.

Snap Lords - TX-Republic

I have been proven right: our game with SMK was (as usual) amaze-balls! This time though, we managed to pull down the win with a 5-4 clincher. SMK came with it and had some kick-ass catches, plays, and close-calls. But Snap Lords (down to the minimum number of players to even start) brought a whole new level of fierce to the field.

There was a special point in the game which I found to be an especially fun experience. I won’t go into detail, but let’s just say some of our base-running was great….to watch.

This week we go up against Toejammers-KH (what does the KH stand for? Kings of Hugs??)

Whatever it means, you’re going to be needing some hugging skillz for yourselves because you’ll be going up against a Snap Lord team that has finally acquired it’s super-powerful all-inspiring level-upping tie-dye t-shirts!!!!!! (soooo much hyphenation)

That Kick Cray - TX Live

We came, we saw, and we… were conquered. Yes, Relax did bring the pain, but they did not break our spirits! Did Nate get lit up on the mound? Yes. Did Jay shut us out at the plate until the game was already out of hand? Yes. Did most of the team cry ourselves to sleep Thursday night? Of course, but that had nothing to do with kickball. What’s really important here is something that members of both teams can truly appreciate: Jay “The Mug” Russell looked terrible at the plate! Seriously, watching him kick is similar to Stephen in tights: Total train wreck (just kidding Stephen, we love you and your toothpick legs)!  The guy is unstoppable on the mound, but lets be honest, our entire team sighed in relief every time he came up to kick. Luckily, we got video of his efforts for the league to enjoy:

Don’t worry Jay, Vegas is still 3 weeks away! I’m sure you can figure it out by then… Maybe Kate can give you lessons? Three quick sessions will take you from this:

To this!

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Remember, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery!

Anyway… TKC isn’t about moral victories. After a 0-2 start, we’ve decided its time to focus on what matters:

1. Run train on our opponents from now until the playoffs: Sorry A Nu Start. We like the fact that your captain is a Redskins fan, but your timing could not be any worse. You better pray it rains, because things are going to get ugly out there.
2. Happy Hours/Team Parties/Drinking too much in general: This is a game we always win. Some might say “Aren’t you guys too old to be drinking like that?” Maybe, but lets be honest, isn’t that what WAKA is all about?
3. The Baltimore Orioles. Everybody in the league should focus on the Baltimore Orioles. 

Relax and Let it Happen - TX Live

Wowzie Mc Jangles!! Who are those new people playing on Relax this season? If you’re anything like me (and lucky you if you are), you may have asked yourself the same question last week. We’ve never met them before but they fit perfectly like a tightly knit winter’s mitt and we love them already. Here’s why:

1.       They are beautiful. I don’t know any of their names really but they are some of this world’s finest specimens as far as I can tell. Like athletically charged stallions galloping into the night.

2.       They are like, really good actually. Which blonde guy was that that made the amazing leaping catch by 3^rd base? And was it the same, or a different blonde guy who kicked a bad ass smack right into the outfield in the 4^th inning? I don’t know and I don’t care. They can stay on our team as long as they want if they keep making ESPN Top 10 caliber plays like that.

3.       They are some of the best pickups we’ve had in a while. Sure Jenna and Jen are our BFFs, and the additions of Tom and Huntley have been good for us as well. But we’ve had some real misfires in our past that we’re not ashamed to acknowledge (rhymes with “Shmre Shmrodgers”). These guys are a real hole in one IMHO.

So here’s to you, new members of Relax, you beautiful and gifted angels, you. Some people are champions. Some people are you guys. Smooches y’all.

P.E. Credit - TX Republic

Harris what the hell kind of kangaroo court are you running. Ranked 10th after losing to the team you say is the 3rd best in the league, and is also number 1 in the overall standings! That’s shenanigans and you know it. In fact you even prove you know how absurd ranking The Cred (that’s our street name) in last place by picking us to beat the team you have ranked as the number 5 team in the league.

Harris you’ve made this pick personally because you want us to fail and that hurts not only my, but all of my teams feelings.

Harris is the worst. Snap Lord’s 1st baseman AKA Star Lord is the best.

-Foxy Coxy

Snap Lords - TX-Republic

It’s been an interesting off-season this summer: Armageddon-like disease running rampant. Naked celeb photographs all over the place. Some guy getting stabbed behind my apartment……it’s been dramatic to say the least.

But the most dramatic thing to happen over the off-season…Snappin’ da Base transforming into SNAP LORDS!

Basically, we got together and was like: “Hey, should we change the name?” “Yeah, sure, whatever.”  "Ok, then." BOOM! Democracy.

I don’t know if the new name is supposed to super-saiyan us or whatever, but we’re looking to finally get our championship this season. And we started that off right with a win last week against PE Credit. As usual we had a ton of fun playing those kooky kids: There were great plays! There was alcohol! There were sneak plays (that failed)! There was alcohol! There were a TON of people! There was alcohol!

A good time was had by all.

This week, we go up against SMK! In the past, these have usually been some pretty awesome games that come down to one or two great plays. Will it be the same this season?   

Maybe.

Relax B*tches! - TX-Republic

Austin Kickball Community – your worst nightmare/largest life blessing has finally come to fruition. Relax is now playing 2 nights a week. We’ve completely taken over Austin WAKA and the rest of you have no chance of survival – Planet of the Apes style.

Lucky for you, we’re bringing the very best of Relax to Gillis on Wednesday nights – the team’s premier shit talkers, and hottest chicks. In fact, ALL the chicks. You heard it here first. We’re a nearly all girls team and we’re about to embarrass every other squad in this league. We tore down the hopes and dreams of Sir-Kicks-A-Lot last week, shout out to my coworker JL and the best league rep I’ve experienced thus far, Mike Harris!! Mike’s a sweet guy. He asked our permission to throw fast to girls, and then proceeded to throw some of the slowest, most kickable pitches I’ve ever seen. Love you MH!!

We really want to make a good impression on this league, so for all of you who haven’t had the pleasure of knowing Relax yet, and for those of you who do… just hear this: We’re out here to have an amazing time. We’re probably going to beat you and it will be tough knowing you lost to all girls, but we’re very good and you just need to understand that. We’re also going to tear you down with our shit talk. But that’s really just because we’re funny and fun and deep down we want to love you. This is how we express it.

In final thought, we’re going to just go ahead and welcome ourselves to this league with open arms and open hearts. We love you all and can’t wait to destroy your hopes and dreams in good fun and glory. FBG$!!

PurpleSaurus Rex - TX Live

As we entered the season the top ranked team in the conference, I did something I don't think I've ever done before last week: I gave a pre-game talk where I didn't insinuate we were probably going to lose. Crazy new strategy, but I felt like it was time to go ahead and let athletes be athletes in spite of my insistence on keeping the team as low-key and fun focused as possible.

So of course we immediately gave up three runs in the first inning and failed to advance runners past 2nd in the first two innings. Woops! The Red Rockets are BACK this season, and whoever is running the play calling over there is to be commended, it was technically sound offense that played great small ball and manufactured runs while putting them in a position to take advantage of mistakes. Eventually we got our shit together and scored the go-ahead to runs in the top of the 5th and held on for a 4-3 win, but our hubris was entirely extinguished. 

Only disappointment of the night: I promised all my players a shot of fireball for every phone number they obtained from a Rocket, but no red jerseys ever showed up at the bar!

This week, we're gonna get you wet. Aw yeah girl, you gon' be DRIPPIN. Were bringing out the squirt guns and water balloons and just buckets of water, and anyone in the vicinity of Field 1 from 7-8 is going to get their shit drenched. Fuck playing in this heat, no way I'm tolerating it without my swimmy trunks on and tank top drenched with not-my-own-sweat. 

Relax and Let It Happen - TX Live

In case you didn’t see us spraying shit all over that rando team’s dreams last week, let it be known via GMOT – Relax is back. This week, we’re­­­ setting out to wreck a home. Tom and Kaitlyn, we get it. You guys are the perfect match and it’s so amazing. Honestly, we’re over it. And Thursday night is the perfect time to put your relationship through the ultimate trauma.

Kaitlyn, bless her heart, truly believes that she and her silly friends on That Kick Cray are a real kickball team. She thinks their trophy from last season actually means something. Sorry Kaitlyn, the only thing that trophy means is that Relax took a season off. We try to take some time to ourselves every now and again, to nurture relationships with our fans. The occasional Relax break lets all you other kiddos win a game or two, letting you have just enough fun that you begin to believe you actually still like kickball. And then we come back, and shit on… well you know the drill.

Thursday night, we embark on a journey. We put TKC in their pathetic little place, we score about a billion runs, and we probably break up Tom and Kaitlyn. We want to be sorry but we can’t be stopped.

Some people are champions. Smooches y’all.

Responses to Summer 2014 Survey Comments!

Hey Folks!

Did this a few seasons ago, and it's time to bring it back! I really really value your feedback (both positive and negative!) in the surveys as it helps to focus attention on what needs to be improved about the league, where your priorities are, and what we're doing well! What follows are a few excerpts from your survey comments, followed by how it's being addressed! Feel confident that your surveys are read and valued. I high five myself when I read a good one, and sometimes cry myself to sleep when someone tells me I am LITERALLY HITLER. Here we go:

"I enjoy Saturday playoffs much more than Thursdays."

This is not an uncommon sentiment! While Parks & Rec has repeatedly declined to give us Gillis Park on a Saturday citing the need to keep neighborhood parks available for neighborhood use on the weekends, Gillis is not the only option. I'm going to look into holding the playoffs at South Austin Recreation Center just down the street on a Saturday, a solution that's worked out very well for us in the past! Stay tuned for more updates on this.

"I will keep repeating this, so you know how much we enjoy it. I love the no bye weeks."

For those of you who have never experienced bye weeks, in the past TX Live would accept as many teams as we could possible register, necessitating a few teams having a bye each week as there just wasn't enough room and time for everyone to get a game in. I now limit registration to 18 teams each season to give us our nice, neat, 3 field / 3 time slot schedule at Gillis, and haven't continually gotten overwhelmingly positive feedback about it. This will not be changing, you can count on your no bye weeks! THAT BEING SAID, there will still be instances where external events force us to take a bye week such as SXSW, a major holiday falling on a Thursday, or for example October 9 this season will be a bye week as 4 teams will be in Vegas for WAKAPalooza Weekend.

"Please keep enforcing dogs MUST BE ON LEASH. There is one medium sized dog that is never on a leash and it's very disruptive to my dog who is."

This is a great reminder of the Gillis Park policies which are in place. It DOES NOT MATTER how good your dog is off leash, some dogs are more introverted and can be fearful or distressed by your friendly off-leash dog running up to it while it's stuck on a leash and getting up in their business. It's a leash-only park and everyone should be able to bring their pup without having to worry about whether another owner who is breaking the rules is going to ruin their dog's night. I'm going to be much more diligent about enforcing paper forfeits for violations of this next season.

"Less Facebook. More Email and/or Google+ for communication."

This is a tricky wicket. While I would love to send you guys an update every time there's something worth sharing, getting a ton of emails from your league rep is viewed as very spammy by a lot of people. The one email a week format is what we've settled on as sufficient to get the info out without being too annoying. Google+ is not something I've looked into before, but since this isn't the first time I've gotten that request I think it's time to explore what this G+ thing is all about. Hopefully I can link posts across multiple platforms so that I don't have to post everything 3 times? Will update soon. Also up for consideration is using the GMOT blog as a platform to do a weekly post recapping the week that I'd write over the weekend. This way we get more content and communication without overloading peoples inboxes, and I don't get a flood of OMG UNSUBSCRIBE ME JERK emails.

"I never learned about league parties until a couple of days before (other than the boat party) and usually could not go with such short notice."

This is a big one! The dates for our league parties are set BEFORE THE LEAGUE EVER STARTS. If you go check out the league website right now you'll see September 27 and November 22 marked as our party dates. This info is also included on the social schedule given to your captains at the captains meeting the day before the season starts. A Facebook event is usually created 2-3 weeks prior to the event and the party details are noted in the weekly league emails for the two weeks leading up to the party. Do yourself a favor and go mark those dates down on your calendar NOW so you know you won't miss them!

"I really dislike Gibson as the team bar", "DO NOT HOLD POST GAME AT GIBSONS.", "We need a new bar.", " I love Gibsons as a bar but it's not very big to fit the whole league.", "Too many freaking seasons at Gibson = lame."

So I'm hearing that you guys love Gibson and want to stay there forever, right? JAY KAY. Message received, action taken: this season we will be partying after games at Midway Field House located at 2015 E. Riverside Dr. This is a full-on large-scale dedicated sports bar with TVs everywhere, TONS of parking (check out this parking map), lots of room, and I've negotiated some KILLER specials. $1 PBR, $2 Miller Lite, $3 well cocktails, and an as-yet TBD special on Dewar's Highland Honey which will be settled on later. The only thing about Thursday nights in the Fall is a little thing called Thursday Night Football, which means that place is going to be HOPPING every week! We'll be concentrating our presence in the upstairs area where we can pretty much take over (enough WAKA jerseys in one place and people just get out of the way), and you dog owners can enjoy the fenced patio outside the bar where there will likely be an inflatable screen for the game. Good? Good.

"The policies are something that should be enforced all of the time, not just when it is convenient or inconvenient for Stephen. There are weekly occasions when people use random substitutes from outside of the league and their team to meet minimum requirements."

For the past 5 seasons or so, TX Live has had the following league policy listed on the league website: 

• Substitutions are allowed in regular season games ONLY when fewer than the minimum number of players are available (4 men and 4 women), and ONLY as many subs as is necessary to reach the minimum. No subs are permitted during the playoffs.

This policy was enacted to prevent teams from being forced to forfeit games when short a girl, which was happening all too often, and the minimum number of women on each roster was also increased to 6 to address the same issue. Forfeits = everyone's least favorite thing in the world. Worse than hitting your funny bone, or getting a sweaty hug from Stephen, or getting slobbered on by one of Rock's giant Newfoundlands. However, this policy was also enacted when Live was explicitly a Social Only league with no Founders Cup eligibility. With the dissolution of the Capital league due to poor enrollment, Live was made FC Eligible so that at least one league could send our best and brightest to Vegas every year, and it may be time to re-examine this policy. Removing this league policy and adhering to the standard WAKA policies throughout the regular season will almost certainly lead to an increase in games forfeited, but this commenter is absolutely right that having inconsistency in the application of policies is questionable in a league where a good percentage of our players enjoy playing in a competitive manner and wish to have the level playing field that the rules are intended to provide.

In fairness to those who are keen on having things by the books (and this is not asking a lot at all from those who couldn't care less), the following policies are going to be adhered to for the Fall season:

• Substitute players will not be permitted at all. Your players must be registered and on your roster. If you're pretty sure that an ineligible player is playing, feel free to challenge it, I can check their ID and reference it against my player roster from my phone.
• Kicking orders will be exchanged prior to each game. This is a simple matter of writing a second copy of your kicking order down on a scrap of paper and handing it to the other captain, and will give you the ability to do something about it if your opponent is being a fun-sucking filthy cheater and kicking out of order to gain a competitive advantage.
• WAKA shirts of the appropriate color must be worn for a player to be eligible. You can modify your shirt to your heart's content so long as you don't obscure the logo or make it the same color as another team. This will resolve problems like having two navy blue teams playing each other or having a guy hanging out in the infield that you thought was a ref because he was wearing the wrong color shirt field the ball you kicked at him.

ADDITIONAL NEW POLICY I'M TRYING THIS SEASON

The balance between competitive teams and "just for fun" teams waxes and wanes from season to season, but it's safe to say that we have heavy enough elements of both in this league and enough teams to justify separating them. This has been tried before, and unfortunately culminated in a "competitive" division of only 3 teams, and a bunch of really really good teams pot hunting in the lower division for easier wins. Here's what we're going to try out this season: two 9 team divisions with independent schedules and inedepent playoff brackets. Only the upper division will be FC eligible and win a trophy, the lower division winner will be rewarded with bubble wands and a bar tab. How will it be decided who will be in what divisions? Why, you of course! And no, you will not be saying "we want to be in this division". Once the teams are set, all of the captains will be asked to rank every team in the league #1-18. I'll provide basic stats for each team like years they've ben together, past championships, and last season's results so if you're not familiar you can make an educated ranking. These rankings will be averaged to find a fair, peer-assessed ranking and the top 8 teams will be put in the upper division with the bottom 8 teams in the lower division. You'll play every team in your division exactly once over the course of the season. Elegant! Simple! Will it work out? I hope so!

PurpleSaurus Rex - TX Live

Rainouts are the WORST. Looking at today's forecast and seeing more potential 'scattered thunderstorms' (the same forecast we've had the last couple of times that we got goddamn monsoons on Thursday nights), I can't help but remember the feeling of crushing disappointment I've gotten everytime that I've stood out on Gillis Park half an hour before games are supposed to start, WILLING the rain to stop, and it just doesn't work.

I start with stoic patience, the belief that it's gonna stop, we're not gonna get rained out.

This in turn becomes anger. How DARE this rain fall!?

But ultimately reality sets in, and I become overwhelmed with sadness.

Leading to resignation and the complete death of my spirit.

Then again, it's only a 40% chance today. Maybe it won't rain! My reaction would be a bit different if presented with actual kickball games tonight.

CANDY VAN - TX Live

Let's keep this GMOT simple, shall we?

Babe Truth:

I DRINK IT UP.

Purplesaurus:

EAT A DICK.

BOOYA.

P.E. Credit - TX Republic

We participated like champions last night, coming up with the W in the bar games

As well as a W in our Red vs Blue matchup with SKEET SKEET

Artist's rendition.

Now that the semester is over, we just need Tom to sign off on this sheet to give us our grade. From what he tells me, you gotta give him a BJ to get an A+, a handie only gets you an A. 

CANDY VAN - TX Live

This is how I felt about the Purple off being rained out last week:

This is how I feel about a 6:30 game:

This is how I feel about the weather this morning:

This is how I feel about the theme (even though it's exactly *5* months until Christmas, STEPHEN):

This is how Stephen feels about basic math:

This is just my life view in general:

This too:

LOVE,
CANDY VAN

Snappin' Da Base - TX Republic

This first part goes out to you, Tom. Yes, YOU. Mister “8 to 1”… Mister “Heat so Weak”… Mister “They don’t stand a chance”. 8-1? Eight to ONE??? You know what I say to you, sir?

That’s what.

“Wait a minute,” you say. “So was it a close game?” Uhhhh, HELL YES. I said last week that every game we play against Hannah can be nail bitingly epic, and this week was no different. No less than three or four times Hannah had players either rounding third base or just a few steps from home plate. It was good defense - and some fantastic throws – that kept this from being the 8-1 game predicted, or at least a tie game.

For the second time this season, we’re going up against SMK. We’ve been going strong lately, and we plan on keeping our momentum going this week and into the start of playoffs! There won’t be a repeat of Game 1!

CANDY VAN - TX Live

From days of long ago, from uncharted regions of the universe, comes a legend. The legend of Candy Van: Purpliest of the Purple. A mighty team, loved by good, feared by evil.

As Candy Van's legend grew, envy spread across the league. In Stephen's loins, a new purple team was conceived: Purplesaurus Rex. Alliances shifted and players swapped sides, but the goal to spread purple love throughout the league bonded these teams. Together with Candy Van, they strived to spread purple love throughout the universe until a new horrible menace (jealousy of Candy Van's purple superiority) threatened the alliance. After a season in a different league, it was clear what TX Live was missing.

Candy Van was needed once more.

This is the story of the superforce of purple creepers, specially trained and sent by Paul Reubens to bring back Candy Van: Purpliest of the Purple.

IT'S A PURPLE OFF.

Anonymous - TX Live

Hey guys, let's do a pyramid picture! Busted, Pitches be Trippin'.

Snappin' Da Base - TX Republic

OK OK…I know I say this every week, but this time it’s doubly-true. Kick James and Faceballs were a TON of fun to play with. It was a great time all around, and both teams had some really awesome players.

 There’s definitely some hidden talent on Kick James and Faceballs, and it's just a few games away from emerging and becoming some team’s nightmare. This week, we’ll be going against Hannah Montana in a super mega, balls-to-da-wall Game of the Week! Our two teams been going at each other for a while now, and each game has been fantastic. I see no reason why this won’t continue this season. For visual reference on potential game epicness, please see below:

 We’ll be looking to keep our mojo going and notch another win in our belt. See you on the field Hannah!

CANDY VAN - TX Live

Well, we got rained out last week. BUMMER. Most likely the sky crying like a baby because its favorite OG CVers, OMGAMB and OMGJOZ are leaving this fair city to motorboat the mountains of Colorado. I can't blame them, though, because Colorado has some nice scenery (and I'm not just talking about the landscape). I'm guessing they're mostly moving there so they can legally party with Snoop Dogg/Lion. THEY HAVE RECREATIONAL MARIJUANA STORES NOW, GUYS.

This post is obviously all about those weirdos, 'cause we're really going to miss them.

JOZTRON: DEFENDER OF THE UNIVERSE

Look at these cuties singing Weezer to each other.

SAY IT AIN'T SOOOOOO.

Amber looks great in this photo, but who's that with her in the mustache?

MUSTACHE MUSTACHE MUSTACHE

Luckily, we won a 'ship before they moved away. It'll definitely be hard to do it again without these cuties.

GET IN

First we lost Foxy to Dallas, now we're losing Joz to Colorado, which means the percentage of exposed thigh on the team will be at an all-time low.

'cause AMERICA.

We'll miss you guys. Have fun in Colorado and don't be surprised when all of us show up at your house for snuggle time with Charlotte.

gross

LOVE YOU GUYS.