Sons of Pitches

To be honest, we weren’t sure what to expect coming into our week 3 matchup against Slampieces. After running rampant in Live last year, they were knocked off their rocker after a season in Capital. Now that they were back in Live, would they come out with something to prove or with their proverbial tails between their legs?

More importantly, we wanted to figure out if we could determine the hierarchy of the team. Are the slampieces aware they are slampieces, or are some disillusioned into thinking they’re smokeshows? Are the slampieces actually valued higher than the smokeshows (they’re listed first in the team name)?

We were hoping to employ this bout of mental warfare during the match (hoping it would lead to their ultimate demise), but alas, we got drunk and forgot.

That being said, it was a good, close game throughout and in the end, Slampieces were able to hold onto their 1-run lead; largely on the play of their pitcher who sniped two of our base-runners at home-plate.

This week we play a Capital team in the Upper Deckers. Despite their not-so-impressive record and the fact that both Jay and Stephen picked Sons of Pitches to win in their weekly picks, we’re not about to take them lightly. We have to address some formation and organizational issues, but the hope is that by mid-season we should hopefully be a team worth paying attention to.

Liver Let Die

We're on the board.after a tough couple of games, we pulled it together and notched a win. We played well on defense, we put people on bases, and we scored runs.that's how you win ball games. Big shout out to Corey, Annie, and Kevin for clutch defensive mojo, and to Jessie and Roxy for not watching where their kick went (well, mostly not watching)! Again, Cody managed to not take anyone out, and Kealey did not pull a hammy. Pretty good showing against a great up-and-coming team.

With deep sadness, we face a week of no kickball, but never fear.on July 5 we face off against the D Bags!


Cheers, dk

KickInABox

Man, we are rollin this season! With win number two under our belt we are ready to run this motha!!

Turns out the players of Get Drunk, Kick Away are true to their name. They let us completely shut them out with a beautiful little thing we like to call strategery.

 

 

While they were busy crying over our mad bunting skillz, we were busy doing what we do best, winning!!

This week we accept a new challenger, Slampieces. If memory serves me correctly, these guys were in Capital last season but just couldn't cut it. Like they always say, if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen.

Well kids, you're in our house now. While I'm sure you think Live is going to be a walk in the park, we aren't going to make it so easy. Coming off last week's win with a grand slam and double plays, we're ready to make moves.

Hope you kids are ready to strap on your big boys pants. KickInABox is prepared to bring the hurt!!

We'd like to welcome you guys back to Live with a glorious gift, enjoy opening the box, you won't be disappointed.

 

 

Red Rockets

The Red Rockets came off a bye week fueled by handmade cake balls and a special punch concocktion to celebrate the birthday of one of our original Red Rockets! Straight up doggy style kicking and fielding followed to give us a solid victory. We ended the night with a cheers… tomorrow we work, but tonight we CELEBRATE!

P.S. I would like to congratulate the old league bar Jovitas for the recent heroin/fire arms bust. Is anyone else pissed that we didn’t get the hook up? What’s up with that???? 

 

Get Drunk, Kick Away

We held true. We stuck to our guns. We lost heartily. We had more fun losing than any team should.

We’re a team that goes big or goes home.  If we can’t keep our feet on the pedals of our big wheels, we tape them on instead of riding down smaller hills, we wear Moon-shoes on trampolines, we belly flop from the high dives, and walk on top of the monkey bars. We are those kids. Getting hurt, grinning ear to ear, and jumping up to do it all again. We crashed last week, but Nate “Goin Home” Fox reminded us exactly what we’re about.

The stage was set, 2 outs, bottom of the 5th, bases empty down by 8 runs. Our “Most Eligible” player steps up and kicks a soft liner to very shallow center right field. Most people take their base and hope the next batter can keep the game alive. Most people aren’t Nate “Playin’ The Bass with my Mouth” Fox who instead, rounded first and charged through second. The fielders realized what was happening, but not before he headed for third.

In a pickle, he shuffled back towards 2nd, waited for the throw, and blazed for third. The audacity of the play caught the second baseman off guard. She bobbled, and the triple was complete.... Oh contraire mon frere, Nate “The Fourth Muskateer” Fox was not done yet he rounded third while shaking his index finger a la Dikembe Mutombo at the third base coach. Why?  Because that’s the way we play.

He sprinted again. Alacrity, thy name is Nathaniel “What The Hell Is His Middle Name?” Fox. Boom!  It was over. It had happened. He was out at the plate. The game was over. 8-0. No runs scored.

We cheered and laughed all the way to bar. We came, we drank, we kicked. We had a great time. Bring the pain, because we’ll bring the fun (and hopefully the occasional win).

Robert “Got Benched” Hangren also managed to actually get benched.

CANDY VAN

Fact: Candy Van lost to Walk of Shame in the regular season again. Does this concern me? No. We were dicking around, drinking Vegas Loko, and putting people in positions they'd never been before. It's life, and it's good to be in the Van, where we feel no shame.

This week, we've got a little bit of a grudge match against the Teabaggers. Two original Candy Van members jumped ship and abandoned us for these Tyrannical Teabaggers. OMGJOZ, we are sad you didn't want to get back in the van, but we understand that you like gargling Doug's salty balls. We ain't mad at ya for that!

Just for good measure, I made a picture.

Did I say picture? I meant pictureS.

LOVE,

Candy Van

Teabaggers

What's that, two GMOTs in one week? You bet your ass sweet tits! We wrote a GMOT (admittedly a weak one) last week but sent it just after the deadline, so now we get bonus points for doing 2 in one week.

It's been almost 2 seasons since we actually lost a game in the regular season, so we kind of forgot what it felt like. Dre, I'm sorry you have to live with that awful feeling so often.

Now it's time to wash away that taste of defeat with a win over Candy Van. I know what you're thinking Candy Van, "How could we get Teabagged? We're super fun with our trucker hats and short shorts!" Capes and koozies won't save you this time. Sometimes the Candy Van is successful:

 

 

Sometimes it isn't:

Candy Van will fall Thursday against the Teabaggers.

On a side note we do love the pics of Dre. Keep up the good work.

 

That is all.

Walk of Shame

Candy Van, are you ever going to learn that Walk of Shame will always be your superior? No? Okay, there's more where that came from. =)

This week we found the perfect person to portray how things happened out there with Candy Van last week. We would like to introduce you to Caine from the movie Menace to Society. Caine is a good person, but he has a mean streak. If you step to him the wrong way, bad things usually happen to you. And that is exactly how it is with Walk of Shame. We're a peaceful bunch, but don't cross us by putting mean compromising photos in the GMOT and/or photoshopping unicorns and rainbows on their gorgeous captains head. Things can happen if you violate like that... And that's exactly what happened in this clip. Some guy trying to stick up for his female cousin who Caine sexed up, got pregnant, and then promptly dumped obviously didn't realize what would be in store for him. This goes for anyone in this league. All of you can get it. If you listen closely as Caine stomps this jerk out for confronting him, he tells him "he ain't no punk". Neither are we, Candy Van, neither are we.... Thanks for the inspiration Caine (And O-Dog, who gives one last shot at the end). RIP

[Headphones: NSFW Language/Kid Getting Stomped]

D Bags

Team Douchebag is coming off a bye week in which we picked up a tally in the win column. Why? No reason besides just knowing we were all winning in our own ways. I have no idea what everyone was doing but I can assume Trey and Kelsey were busy flaunting their physical presences as a wedded couple. There is a good chance Hunter got in some rage workouts while brushing off gym hos. It would be absurd not to think Caroline, Jenna, and Monica weren't making it rain in a Tour de Le Bare while prepping for Channing Tatum's upcoming stripper flick (we are in contract negotiations with that douche Channing for Fall season). God knows Hutch has been pop, locking and dropping at Paradise since last Thursday. Russ most likely drank his weight in scotch while filling in as King of Lake Austin. I can confirm that Jeramy and I made Crystal Beach our bitch this past weekend; you can't step foot on that peninsula without stepping in out vomit.

It's hard to stop talking about us but I guess I'll mention our game this week against Relax. First, we are confused of why it was a big deal that we beat teabaggers.... Just another day at the office. Second, we are a little weary about who Relax really is. We find the whole structure of their organization quite strange. There seems to be an unusual amount of young boys who keep getting cycled through their team with a few regulars who apparently are satisfied customers. The whole thing raises suspicion, especially with the "Relax and Let It Happen" title. Talk about putting it out there. If you don't believe me, watch the way Jay talks to his "players" and how they cower to his demands. Let's see how well y'all did on the SAT analogy section...

Jay : the rest of relax as Sandusky : _______

A.) pandas

B.) The Democatic Party

C.) philanthropists

D.) 49 little boys

Do you know what "D" answer is?

We look forward to seeing all you sweeties Thursday!

 

 

Awful Waffles

It's well known:  Ghosts are scary creatures.  And unless your Peter Venkman or drive around in Ecto-1 there's probably not much you could do to protect yourself from ghosts.  I mean, they're intangible and like to eat your faces.  They're tough.

What the world needs is a beacon of light to shine through the facade of non corporeal spirits.  Thankfully your awful waffles are here to save the day.

Now in addition to flamingo butt drinking, punch serving, and flip cupping if you see us at the fields in our new waffle shirts (introductions next week) for the price of one lone star tall boy we will vanquish any ghosts from your immediate vicinity.  Because we're cool like that.

This week we play "where my pitches at" at 7pm.  Come check us out.  First ghost busting on the house.

eternally yours,
awful waffles

Suck My Kick

All kickball and no booze makes Suck my Kick a feisty bunch.

 

 

In the immortal words of Ron Burgundy, “that escalated quickly.” Luckily for all parties involved Brick didn’t kill anybody with a trident. In a hard fought game against Big League Chew our rampant sobriety led us to take the game even more serious than normal. Heated words were exchanged, but cooler heads prevailed and we were able to escape with a win and no hard feelings. The highlight of the night was a triple play straight out of little league, but we celebrated it with copious beers all the same. This week against Walk of Shame we have another crazy hard game, we are already drinking heavily in anticipation of making some bad decisions at the bar.

Relax and Let it Happen

Last week we played Hannah Montana, and we pounded them just like their alter-ego Miley Cyrus would've liked: Hard and fast at first, but then we slowed it down towards the end. They're a quality team and we can't wait to do it to them again.

The real story is who we play this week. Even though there are definitely better teams in the league, it's obvious that the D-bags are our arch nemesis. With three Relax alumni on their team, they think they're ready to beat us. They're out for blood. In the playoffs they missed out on their chance because they were dumb and thought they could play with 3 girls. Then Joey got mad at Jay because in his head, not only did Jay write the rule, he wrote it specifically so we couldn't play them that day. Sometimes, D Bags gotta blow off steam, though.

There will be a lot of yelling and arguing and top notch athletes on both sides of the field on Thursday. There's a lot of pent up anger, especially inside of Hunter and Joey, because they remember the days when they were a part of the richest dynasty in Texas kickball history. But they ended up doing the opposite of what Lebron did. They left, and didn't win a championship, and now they just look silly. This might be their best team, but at their best, they can't even touch our worst.

Come out and watch a great game, until then, Relax and Let it Happen.

RecoveRejects

After a couple weeks of quiet observation in a corner, we decided to check out what all of this GMOT business was. Then, we finally sat down and looked.

How could we have been missing this? How did we not know about this? Oh yeah, thats right. It's our first season and we don't even know everyone's name who is on the team. THAT'S how.

So for all of you haters out there who have been talking about how you destroyed us and shut us out, great job. You did it. You beat a team that's never played before. Way to go.

But now? You're all in big BIG trouble. Because now we know names. Now we know positions. And let's be real: now we know the rules. I don't want to brag too much like a pubescent 14 year old boy, but last week, we got to third base. We have our shirts, we have our spankin' new kicks, and we are coming for you. So, Kicks like Jesus, I sincerely hope you do.

Hannah Montana

Hannah this GMOT is for you!!!

Typically speaking we take time every week to remind Austin WAKA how amazing we are & how everyone should wish they were part of the Hannah Montana organization. Well not this week……

I want to thank everyone who has played for Hannah Montana whether it was one season or ten seasons. Life in Austin as I know it would not have been nearly as great if it weren’t for the Austintacious teammates and best friends that Hannah Montana has provided me. We have done many epic things over years from midnight Keggers @ Gillis Park to black out nights at Egos. Who am I kidding we did both of those in one night plus some!! Forever Kings of Live!!!!

Ok now that the sappy shit is out of the way…….

Relax – Playing yall the last game of my Austin WAKA career is bitter sweet. I am glad I got the chance to play against you even if we did lose. Winning this game would have been a glorious way to leave Austin, but the cards didn’t fall accordingly. We have your number now & we look forward to playing you in the playoffs!! 7-2 is a very respectable score against the Champs of Austin.

Teabaggers, Candy Van, & Walks – Thank you for pushing us to make the move to Capital. We have gained a new respect for the adult game we call Kickball. I don’t think I have ever played in a league of any sort were there is a 5 team rivalry. Which is pretty fucking dope!!!

 

The below footage is long over due……… Hope you enjoy it!!!

Peace out Austin!!

-Rick

Upper Deckers

While you're busy trying to skin your knees, we'll be drinking. Toilet Bowl Game? Just cross your fingers we don't decide to break the seal on home plate before it's over.

Teabaggers

Hello fellow kickballers,

We were real excited to bring in some new people this season in hopes of improving our team, but because of various weddings, vacations, etc. we haven't had anywhere near our full team here yet. It has showed our first two weeks, as we haven't been hitting on all cylinders. We did well enough to get a win the first week, but then we decided to forget how to kick last week against D-Bags and lost 1-0, while only putting 1 person on base. Kudos to them for playing great defense all game. We are off this week, so we'll try to get our shit together before playing Candy Van next week. We're also going to try to flip our karma by starting to write GMOT's again after taking a couple of seasons off. Sadly, we couldn't think of anything funny this week, so we'll recycle a classic to remind people that we used to be funny:

This also reminds us that no matter how poorly we did last week, we can still count on beating Walk of Shame later in the season.

-Teabaggers

CANDY VAN

This week's GMOT held a lot of pressure for me. I have very high standards for the GMOTs that I write. I want them to be clever, original, and full of things that make you question if I'm drunk or just bat shit crazy. Would I talk a bunch of trash to Walk of Shame? No. Would I photoshop Dre's head onto someone else's body? No. Would I assault more people's eyes with my use of classic 90s web design? No again. It's all been done before!

So what's a girl to do? Get bailed out by her awesome teammate Luis.

Who needs to write a GMOT when you have the creepiest picture EVER emailed to you via the internets? Thanks for being you, Dre.

p.s. JK, here's UniDre:

Big League Chew

Kicks Like Jesus: We liked your post, we laughed, and we thought, "Hey, this is gonna turn into a great rivalry!" Then we realized that you don't play in Capital, and we won't get to play you this year :(. Oh well, I think everybody gets a trophy in Live, so at least you have that, right? (Just for the record, I love Live. I play on a team in Live. I just will not start a rivalry with a Live team. But if you join capital I'll waste more GMOT time on you!).

Hannah Montana, you beat us badly. And we'll read up on the rule book (like you did for your post) to make sure we don't get bummed out when we get screwed out of a run. That being said, we realized what the rule said, we just think its stupid. But we still have WAKA Love!

Tang Punch is back tonight, and I can't wait.

Love,

Big League Chew

KickInABox

What's that smell?!? It's so sweet and delicious. Oh I know...it's REDEMPTION!!!

Feeling delightfully rested after a bye in week one, we were absolutely positively tickled pink to be playing our new arch nemesis...That Kick Cray. They were jolly good sports about knocking us out in the last round of playoffs, only to lose the championship to the always syrupy sweet Awful Waffles.

In a grand gesture, we decided we'd help them relive the pain of losing. So with the return of Kelly"I got this" Ho and Bruce "Surprise guys" Pomerleau, parachuting in minutes before the game, we were prepared to bring the unstoppable hurt. It also helped that the uber tall fellow with the abnormally large cranium couldn't bunt and their catcher held on to the ball like a well greased pig. While they tried their best, in the end, we were victorious!!!

This week we face a new adversary, Get Drunk, Kick Away...what an intricate name...so much depth...really makes you think...what is the meaning of life?

The captain of this dear team has offered a gentleman's wager - winning captain buys the losing captain a shot. Well sir, I inversely acccept your wager. I would appreciate my shot waiting for me when I arrive at Third Base.

To all young chaps that dare to challenge the greatness that is KickInABox I do declare, enjoy opening the box, you won't be disappointed.

Cheers,
KickInABox

P.S. Bruce seemed right at home last week. In fact, I think I overheard him say, "Walks who?" Sorry Dre, looks like your boy's got a new team and they've got a reputation...of winning. 

Walk of Shame

Listen, Upper Deckers, we're sorry. We didn't want it to be that way. You didn't deserve that. Truth is, you should be in Live, but the powers that be won't allow for it to happen. Instead, you had to go to WAKA's version of Federal Pound Me In the Ass Prison and that was a date with Walk of Shame. Remember last week when we showed you guys Officer Harris from Training Day? He said it best. "I'm winnin' any muthafuckin' way. I can't lose. You can shoot me, but you can't kill me." And THAT, my hideous orange shirt friends, is what you need to tap into. While it wasn't pretty on the field, the ladies on your team were top notch. Not in kickball, but in life. And no matter how much you lose by on the field, you'll still be winning in the end. You still won.

 

As for you Candy Van.... This week, we are going to let our boy Johnny Tapia from Bad Boys 2 (not as good as the first) explain to you our thoughts about you. In this scene, Johnny Tapia kills one of his henchmen because he let Detectives Lowrey and Burnett into Tapia's home posing at exterminators for a rat problem, only for Lowrey and Burnett to expose themselves as cops. He kills his henchman, lies to his own mother and says the henchman shot himself and even tells his mother that he will send his fallen henchman's mother flowers. He's ruthless. Just like the Walks. Endangering Vegas is like endangering Tapia's money. And clearly you dont wanna do that.... Thanks for the inspiration Johnny. RIP.