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Tuesday, July 16, 2013

DunderSaurus Rex

Hooray! Everyone is a winner.  So it goes with ties.  After a much hyped ‘Game of the Week’ showdown with PurpleSaurus, the teams battled to a 2-2 draw.  The biggest benefit is that we screw over both Tom and Stephen with their weekly picks.  Tom picked Dunder to win; Stephen picked PurpleSaurus to win – and neither was right.

I’ll be very honest for a moment:  we had this game.  PurpleSaurus played their game of bombing away with their kicks so we stacked the outfield to combat this strategy.  Dunder gave this win away – we just didn’t take advantage of our opportunities on offense.  But hats off to PurpleSaurus for another good game, it was fun and the punch, as usual, was delicious.  Maybe we’ll see you in the playoffs.

This week we get the Red Rockets who are easily a top 5 team and early Las Vegas line is Dunder + 8.5 – for those who don’t gamble, it means we expect to get beat down.  I’d like to say that it’s because so many of our players are out this week (and they are) but really, the Rockets are a good team.  To combat this, we plan on getting extra drunk.


David "It's Raining Men" Wilcox - When you get that invitation to some goofy-ass corporate productivity tool training session, your immediate response should be unbridled anger: “Who are they to waste my time with this sh!t?” “Why do I need to learn a bunch of cr@p they’ll replace in two years?” “F*ck your workflow, and suck my g*ddamn process!” And you’d be right. But after you calm down and stop with the wanking motions, you realize that you’ve just been given a two hour reprieve from emails, calls, and pretending to do work. And so you accept it, move on, and then two weeks later find yourself being trained on eRoom workflows by Mr. David Q. Wilcox. And after you harass the shit out of him, you lay the kickball recruiting pitch on thick. At least, that’s how I think Rachelle met Wilcox(xx) and invited him to join Dunder.

Wilcox is an original member of Dunder and has performed just about every role possible: captain, DJ, end-of-season party host, and CIO. He’s an absolute terror in the outfield, with incredible range and turbocharged closing speed. Oh, and have you ever seen one of his relay throws? That’s a trick question, dummy: Wilcox will run you’re a$s down from the outfield, instead.  In fact, Wilcox is Dunder’s (and, quite possibly, WAKA’s) career leader in gazelles (outfield to infield rundowns). He also has patented a pseudo-knuckle flop pitch that can only be replicated by Ben. While some kickballers like to run the bases with a beer in hand, Wilcox doesn’t have time for that kiddie sh1t. This is man we’re talking about: he runs the bases with a smoked turkey leg. So, if at some point this season, you see a tall, striking man elegantly gliding around the base paths with a turkey leg, know this: that is Wilcox, and you are not him.

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