CANDY VAN

Guys. This past week of kickball was quite possibly the weirdest thing ever. We started getting amped when we leaked this photo to the press:

We really ARE ruggedly handsome!

I mean, it doesn't even seem fair to look that good on a Thursday night. But we did just that: look good. Even though quite a few of us work in North Austin at nerdy companies, we still managed to all be on time for this 6:30 p.m. black out. You know who didn't? Hannah Montana. It was the saddest day of my life. NO HYPERBOLE, GUYS. I won the title of Best Iowan by default because none of the Iowans on Hannah even showed up.

So, this happened:

You guys jelly that Tom & I text with Miley?

We tried not to let it get us down and we played a joke game against the depleted Hannah Montana squad. We were joking around, being idiots, and trying to make the best out of a crappy situation. Then, we got accused of wasting HM's time (hi Pot, it's Kettle!), so we stopped playing. I mean, someone got the urge to punch Hutch, the biggest people pleaser in the greater Austin area.

Even B. Coop is surprised that someone wanted to fight Hutch.

That individual needs to seriously reevaluate how seriously they take the kickball game they forfeited.

Now, last Thursday was not a complete waste of time for the Candy Van squad. Hutch got so drunk on Fireball that he was benched for the Relax game. Tom got so drunk on Fireball that this picture happened:

Confessions of an Alcoholic Mind

When I asked him why he decided to tag me on Facebook, he didn't have an answer because he didn't remember taking the picture. I'm so proud of my brother.

Anyway, we play Relax this week. Thankfully for us, not even Relax can out-douche last week's kickball happenings. Sadly, I won't be there to bask in the glory of how drunk we get, but in my absence, please insert this image of me looking like a dude in a 90s coming of age comedy into your memory forever:

You're welcome/I'm sorry.

HANG LOOSE, BRAH.

Love,
CANDY VAN