Candy Van

Some of you may be familiar with the little conference South by Southwest that occupies our fair city each year for two weeks. Our fearless leader has been busy reviewing bands for Hippohonk.com and preparing to do an interview/WWE Mad Lib with Humans. (KIND OF A BIG DEAL.) So, this week, we have a special SXSW-themed GMOT for you!

If Relax were a SXSW band, they'd be Ancient VVisdom: they really want people to be scared of them and they take themselves really seriously, but at the end of the day, it's just hilarious and a little bit sad.

Meanwhile, we've got Candy Van over here rocking tanks and V-necks and dancing it up. Everyone is desperate to get into our showcase because we like to have a good time. Naturally, we are Macklemore & Ryan Lewis.

You also might be able to compare us to quirky Australian rapper Seth Sentry. We're goofy, but we look and sound good doing it. Plus we're teaching you valuable lessons about SCIENCE.

But whenever Relax tries to get into the rap game, it just comes out like Christian rapper Andy Mineo. I mean, good attempt at flow Relax, but maybe hang up the mic and go back to church? Also, you look awkward on that skateboard.

We don't have anything against Christianity, y'all, we're just too damn sexy for Christian Rap. I mean, we're Rhye: singing smooth Sade-like hooks about getting you into bed in a non-raunchy way.

Relax is the opposite of sexy: startling, yet energetic, scream punk that's just... the worst.

My ears hurt from willingly subjecting myself to listening to Retox and Ancient VVisdom again, so I want to cleanse your palette by providing you with a band that's getting a lot of pre-festival hype, CHVRCHES:

LOVE,
Candy Van