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Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Relax and Let It Happen

Manifest Destiny. A concept known well by anyone who took some sort of American History in high school (hopefully that’s all of us). A concept lived and breathed by Relax and Let it Happen. For years we have dominated the Capital league and allowed the rest of you peasants to exist in it, living off our good grace and generous spirit. But the time has come for us to put our foot down. “No more!” we say. “No more.”

It’s now time to stride toward our 2013 Vegas Championship like our forefathers blazed the Oregon Trail. We’ve got a competitive fire raging in our souls and we will not be stopped. Some of the lowly paupers of this league have wised up and traded their previous allegiances for a brighter future. A better quality of life. We’ve got Slob, Joey, and Tom on this season’s roster, and while we’re not sure why Huntley’s email is “Ryan_TheNuts” we’re happy to have him, too.  Add in the fleet of foot Andre Rogers who has decided to stay by our side, and our roster is unstoppable.

We are Columbus, and you are the Indians. Years from now, people will tell tales of how we all sat around and made nice over dinner, but we will all know the terror that actually happened. There are several other examples of mass genocide and tyranny that I could now mention, but let’s not even go there. Let’s just all understand that Relax is taking over this season. We’ve got the best talent in the league. We’re going to get what we want, and we’re not going to be nice about it.  Here’s to hoping you can all still find a way to have fun as we stomp any aspirations you had for a champion season.  Smooches y’all.


  1. I have to point out that you appear to be incorrectly associating Christopher Colombus with Thanksgiving. Colombus's last voyage ended back in Spain in 1504, literally 117 years before William Bradford and the pilgrims who settled the Plymouth Colony celebrated their first harvest in 1621.

    Of course, Colombus did massacre the bejesus out of the native population of Hispaniola during his governorship to the tune of about 3 million people, so the point still stands.

  2. Seems like some nice Candy Van additions. From, you know, the team that beat you in the finals last season.


  3. Bringing your record against us to 3-57...