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Monday, June 24, 2013

Dundersaurus Rex

Well league, here we are in week 3 but it’s the first game of the season for Dunder.  We strategically requested bye weeks the first two weeks of the season so it doesn’t feel so disjointed.
In this week’s matchup, we get ‘Pitches Be Trippin’ who has been in the league awhile and know what they’re doing.  Thanks to Stephen and his incredible nerdiness around t-shirt distribution methods, I have reviewed the roster of this team which is posted online.  Now I thought this was Liz Gruenwald’s team but it appears not … is this the remains of that original team or some new group of people playing under that alias?  Was there some sort of kickball ideological shift on the team causing players to leave (or be removed)?  No Liz, no Justin Harris, no Tim Faulkner?  I don’t know what’s going on nor do I care.  Dunder will have to spend a few innings knocking the rust off but then we’ll get down to business, play our game and take care of these punk kids (note:  taking care of business is still theoretical for Dunder at this time).
Dunder history:  Dunder has been in the league so long that we were there when WAKA was running the gambit of various bars – to only then get “kicked out”.  I’m a bit fuzzy about the exact order:  I blame the large amounts of adult beverages consumed.  Let’s take a trip down memory lane and look at the various bars:
·         Freddie’s … WAKA kicked out for people peeing in the creek
·         Cedar Door … WAKA kicked out for a bottle fight on the patio.  There was also a case of a female Dunderite being involved in a human puke-o-rama in the ladies room but we contend it was the bottle fight.
·         3rd Base (originally) … only lasted 1 season at that time.  People felt it was too far so instead Dunder spent the season at G&S.
·         Jovita’s … WAKA constantly in trouble for people bringing in “outside beers”.  That one bartender would get up on the bar and yell at everyone … too funny.  All that guy wanted to do is go home, smoke up and watch cartoons.  And then we couldn’t play flip cup there anymore … and then they were busted for drugs – WTF.
·         Back to 3rd Base … it was okay I guess.
·         Then that hipster duffas bar on the east side with crappy parking
·         Then back to G&S where we’ve been for 3(?) seasons now.  It’s vastly improved.  The owner isn’t nearly as surly as he used to be.  I once saw him chase someone out the door.  And once, yelled at me for taking too long to order – while the place empty.  He appears to have mellowed and he’s pretty cool now. 
Dunder Biographies:
I decided to open up our biography section with two about the same person, Ben Hegleson.

He wrote his own but then one was also submitted for him by another player.  So one is an autobiography and the other is a biography.   Enjoy. 
Ben “The Red Viking” Helgeson (auto biography) - Ben started playing on Dunder by accident.  He had been told repeatedly by friends that he should be playing kickball.  But it turns out, the season he signed up, his friends did not.  Luckily for him, Matt, Tim, and Wilcox played with these same friends the season before and the only other person from that team, Rachel, were all playing for Dunder in the upcoming season.  So no brainer, Ben started playing for Dunder.

Ben spent his first season picking up kickball and being genuinely horrible at everything but drinking. The next season Pro-Alkies reformed under some new name. Ben, Matt and Rachel went to their team and an odd thing happened. Ben was having more fun watching Dunder games and drinking with Team Dunder than playing for the Alkies. The next season he rejoined Dunder, brought a few Alkies with him and has never looked back. He's been inconsistently finding the strike zone for Dunder or playing some shoddy form of first base ever since. He's good for a couple big kicks a season; some incredibly slow yet typically effective base running, and the surprise big guy bunt single or two every season. 
 Ben “The 5th Level Red Viking Warlock”  Helgeson (unofficial biography) - Ben has kickball coursing through his Viking blood, tracing his family lineage back to Helgör, Norse god of kickball. For those who are unaware of kickball’s history, kickball started as a Viking ritual to appease Helgör by kicking the skulls of vanquished foes throughout the town square. Fun fact: the headband was invented by a Viking who impaled a sheep on his horned helmet to sop up sweat during a kickball game. While some of the historical statements just made may not be supported by archaeological or sociological research (though now validated by being published in the GMOT, a well-respected, peer-reviewed scientific journal), we feel it’s safe to say that there is, to use one of his favorite adjectives, a sh!t-ton of evidences that proves Ben Helgeson is an awesome kickballer. Evidence as follows: captaining the good ship (rrrrrr) Dunder throughout many stormy WAKA seasons; umping, line-reffing, keeping the peace; calling base runners out for the unsportsman like conduct of yelling when people try to catch fly balls; crafty, veteran pitching; marauding on the base paths; surprise fat guy bunts; social ambassador. Unlike his Viking ancestors, Ben is gracious in victory or defeat and, rather than kick the skulls of vanquished opponents across Gillis Field, is one of the Dunder players most likely to party with other teams after the bar. You might think that Helgör would be disappointed, but what Ben’s forefathers did not know was that Helgör never cared much for skull kicking, he just wanted everyone to have an awesome time.

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