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Thursday, June 18, 2015

Large Hardon Collider - TX Live

I want to report a missing player from our team. He is about 2 feet tall, white, hairless, STD free (hopefully still is) and has an infectious smile. We already contacted the police, but they told us their hands were tied because he is not an American citizen. His name is Rodney Dangerzone and he was kidnapped this past Thursday on his debut to WAKA kickball. 

[no picture here because Mason STILL doesn't understand that you can't just link to private pictures on Facebook and expect it to work]

His captors have been sending us pictures on a daily basis of the horrible torture that Rodney has been going through. I mean force feeding him Einstein bros bagels, how much worse could it get. 

[again, a mysterious picture should be here but Mason is an idiot]

Oh ya let's put him out by the pool with no sunscreen on, now he's gonna be sunburned. Have you ever sunburned a penis before? Not good.

[continuing to remain willfully ignorant of how the internet works, Mason linked another private picture here]

Then they put him through a vigorous training regiment, when all he wanted to do was a few thrusts and finish early, like every guy. 

[folks, it's possible that he's going to go 5/5 here on unavailable content linked]

This has to be the worst torture anyone can inflict on another human being... Forcing poor Rodney to watch the bachelorette. What kind of sick twisted kidnappers are these people. 

[HE'S DONE IT FOLKS! With 5 attempts at linking an image that is not restricted by Facebook privacy rules, our good friend Mason has succeeded 0 times. Bear in mind that I walked him through the process of just right clicking on an image and selecting "Copy Image URL" to bypass this last week when he fucked that up too]

 If you have seen Rodney Dangerzone please contact the Large Hardon Colliders with any information you might have about his whereabouts. We will not give up on you Rodney. If you are somehow reading this know that we are trying our hardest to find you. We had to lie to Gregory and tell him that you are on vacation, but he keeps asking questions like where did you vaca too, and for how long. I don't think we can keep lying to Gregory for much longer.

 We ask that you please keep Rodney in your thoughts and prayers until this debacle is over. 



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