Look, when Papa Jay tells you to write a GMOT, you write a GMOT. I don't want his mug of fury raining down terror and drunken slurs on me. Plus, this week's game will be RIPE with good times, so I probably ought to get the HYPE machine going anyway.
This week, we face Hannah Montana: the other team in the league who likes making jokes about the sexuality of underage kids with passionate adult feelings. But, that's not what's important. What IS important is our decision to have a theme: AMERICA. Candy Van will be showing our favorite country's pride by shotgunning beers and having a bald eagle in our dugout. We'll probably let him pitch, too. And we'll yell things like "F-ck Canada," "YOU MAD, BRO," "SUPERSIZE IT," and "YO, GATORADE ME, B-TCH." My guess is that Matty A will be sporting an American flag man thong and Elizabeth "Demon Ginger" K will be wondering what the H she got herself into. Me? I'm probably going a different route: American Gladiator. Mostly because I want to wear my silver leggings. DON'T HATE.
I'll leave you with this image from theoatmeal.com: