Final Summer 2016 Power Rankings

Rank - Team - Δ - Summary

1 - Finkick Odair - ↑1

Despite a little bird telling me that Finkick would be missing key players last week, they still managed a big win over FRESH BRU at the end of the season to take back the mountaintop.

2 - FRESH BRU - ↓1

Welcome to the top of the mountain folks! Time to earn this ranking tonight, but I think I might have this right.

3 - The Tyrannical Tea Baggers - N/A

You know, they're technically the #1 seed in the league. If anyone should be pissed about a ranking, it's these guys getting snubbed at #3 in the Power Poll of Just One Guy.

4-  Plan B - N/A

They've looked the strongest against the weakest, but what does it all mean Basil?

5 - Tight and Bright - N/A

In an amusing twist of fate, they are actually the #6 seed in the tournament

6 - Large Hardon Collider - Length - ↑1

The only team voted up from the lower conference with a win against a team that was already there.

6 - Sit On My Base - ↓1

Wind really got taken out of their sails with a losing record, and now they're playing below their level of ability. Next season's more balanced schedule should revitalize their battered spirits.

8 - Large Hardon Collider - Girth - N/A

Come back Seanathon.

9 - Brown Guys and Friends -  N/A

Not exactly the hot streak you'd hope to roll into the playoffs with, but they're primed.

10 - Pitches be Trippin' -  N/A

It wouldn't surprise me to learn that they've adopted Relax and Let It Happen's old pre-game cheer. "SHIT ON THEIR DREAMS!"

11 - At Least We're Having Fun - N/A

Worst parents ever. These two need to sit down and work out their differences so that they can provide a stable environment for their children, or WHO KNOWS how they'll turn out!

12 - Booooze on First! -  N/A

Clean win going into the playoffs, and if they can minimize mistakes they'll be dangerous.

13 - Sons of Pitches Kickin The Punt - ↑1

These sneaky sneaks are doing way better than anyone thought they would, but Pitches Be Trippin' wasn't having any of that.

14 - Do You Even Kick Bro? - ↑3

I'm going to choose to believe that they played their best game of the season to sneak by my Rex bretheren 4-3

15 - PurpleSaurus Rex -  ↓2

Looks like they're coming back down to earth a little bit =(

16 - Jacked to the Kicks - ↓1

This team is a party and a half, they're playing the right way even if it's not showing on the scoreboard. Fortunately they get a like-minded foe first round of the playoffs in PSR!

17 - Kickin' Grass and Takin' Names - ↓1

Pretty sure I saw some of these folks bunting! Seriously though guys if you're interested in playing without bunts we DO have a NO BUNTING LEAGUE on Wednesday nights, it runs concurrent with the Thursday league! I hope you stay here though because you're awesome and I love you.

18 - Red Ball and V0dka - N/A

No matter what happens, they're still probably more attractive than any of the other teams in the league. 

Playoff Picks

A not-terrible week of 6-2-1 leaves me with a final percentage of .722, or as some may call it: God-like in my precognition. On to the playoffs!

Regular Season Record: 50-18-4 (.722)

CAPITAL PLAYOFF PICKS

Quarterfinal A: #1 The Tyrannical Tea Baggers vs #8 Large Hardon Collider - Girth

The Tyrannical Tea Baggers -5.5

Quarterfinal B: #4 Plan B vs #5 Large Hardon Collider - Length

Plan B -4.5

Quarterfinal C: #2 Finkick Odair vs #7 Sit On My Base

Finkick Odair -6.5

Quarterfinal D: #3 FRESH BRU vs #6 Tight and Bright

FRESH BRU -3.5

Semifinal A: #1 The Tyrannical Tea baggers vs #4 Plan B

The Tyrannical Tea Baggers -2.5

Semifinal B: #2 Finkick Odair vs #3 FRESH BRU

FRESH BRU -.5

Championship: #1 The Tyrannical Tea Baggers vs #3 FRESH BRU

Dear God please let this be how it shakes out, I really don't want to put another friggin Hunger Games pun on the trophy. FRESH BRU seems to be getting better every year but the Tea Baggers are their strongest iteration in years it seems like (when they're playing up to their potential). I may be picking with my heart here, but I want the new blood to taste ultimate victory!
FRESH BRU -1.5

MUSIC PLAYOFF PICKS

Play-In A: #8 PurpleSaurus Rex vs #9 Jacked to the Kicks

PurpleSaurus Rex -1.5

Play-In B: #7 Sons of Pitches Kickin the Punt vs #10 Red Ball and Vodka
Sons of Pitches Kickin the Punt -3.5

Quarterfinal A: #1 Pitches Be Trippin' vs #8 PurpleSaurus Rex

Pitches Be Trippin' -4.5

Quarterfinal B: #4 Booooze On First! vs #5 Do You Even Kick, Bro?

Booooze On First! -3.5

Quarterfinal C: #2 Brown Guy and Friends vs #7 Sons of Pitches Kickin' the Punt

Brown Guy and Friends -9.5

Quarterfinal D: #3 At Least We're Having Fun vs #6 Kickin' Grass & Takin' Names

At Least We're Having Fun -3.5

Semifinal A: #1 Pitches Be Trippin' vs #4 Booooze On First!
Pitches Be Trippin -3.5

Semifinal B: #2 Brown Guy and Friends vs #3 At Least We're Having Fun

Brown Guy and Friends -2.5

Championship: #1 Pitches Be Trippin' vs #2 Brown Guy and Friends

They've clearly established themselves as the class of the conference, but it remains to be seen exactly what it looks like when both teams are actually going full tilt for the W. With no auto-promotion to an upper conference on the line you can bet they won't be holding back, which I believe tilts the balance in favor of Brown Guy and his cohorts. Pitches has faded down the stretch with what seems like lackluster attendance from key players, but could return to form in the playoffs. Still...

Brown Guy and Friends -1.5

Week 8 Power Rankings

Rank - Team - Δ - Summary

1 - FRESH BRU - ↑1

Welcome to the top of the mountain folks! Time to earn this ranking tonight, but I think I might have this right.

2 - Finkick Odair - ↓1

Any given Thursday, eh?

3 - The Tyrannical Tea Baggers - N/A

Watching them win their game against Finkick was like watching someone who balls up a piece of paper and shoots it at the trash bin on the complete other side of the office with no expectation of making it, but then it goes in. Glorious!

4-  Plan B - N/A

Jeez dudes.

5 - Tight and Bright - N/A

Not enough of a meltdown to actually move them down, buttttt....

6 - Sit On My Base - N/A

I feel like if they show up to this game they have a legitimate shot, but if they don't show up we'll never know!

7 - Large Hardon Collider - Length - ↑1

Outta nowhere! The haymaker! Takin' it to the man!

8 - Large Hardon Collider - Girth - ↓1

They're just waiting for Hardon Bowl 2.0.

9 - Brown Guys and Friends -  N/A

Playing a lot less like a drinking team that wins on experience and more like a competitive team that really likes to drink. Can't remember the last time I saw someone steal 3rd while the 2nd baseman was throwing the ball back to the pitcher (while up 8 runs) in a Music game. You're on watch!

10 - Pitches be Trippin' -  N/A

Could be headed for a trap game to end the season, but they've got the talent to overcome early stumbles.

11 - At Least We're Having Fun - N/A

Mom and Dad are back, and the team is clicking again!

12 - Booooze on First! -  ↑2

Still vulnerable to big errors, but overall this team is much better than its record indicates.

13 - PurpleSaurus Rex -  ↓1

Winning streak ended at 2!

14 - Sons of Pitches Kickin The Punt - ↑1

Alright not sure what's happening here, but they might have been sharking us the whole season until now.

15 - Jacked to the Kicks - ↓2

The tumble continues! Last chance to right the ship heading into the playoffs with a tough game against Boooze on First! If they can limit errors they can prevail!

16 - Kickin' Grass and Takin' Names - N/A

These folks are sick and and tired of your bunting, people. Get it out of your system now, because I told them about no-bunting Wednesdays!

17 - Do You Even Kick Bro? - N/A

They actually looked good for a big chunk of this game, and then blew it on a few big plays.

18 - Red Ball and V0dka - N/A

They're like the mullet of kickball teams. Party in the front, business in the back. You think they're just screwing around but then they score 8 runs on you when you least expect it. And then give up 13.

Week 8 Picks

3 major upsets last week ruined my picks: T&B shitting away an 8 run lead to lose 9-8 to Large Hardon Collider, Sons of Pitches Kickin the Punt showing up to play HARD against Jacked to the Kicks 10-1 (WTF?), and The Tyrannical Teabaggers outlasting Finkick for a 5-3 victory. Quit being exciting, kickball! It ruins my average! I need to go 7-2 or better this week to get back to save my record for the season.

Regular Season Record: 44-16-3 (.719)

THIS WEEK'S PICKS

Game 1: At Least We're Having Fun vs Kickin' Grass & Takin' Names

At Least We're Having Fun -2.5

Game 2: Sons of Pitches Kickin the Punt vs Pitches Be Trippin'

Pitches Be Trippin' -4.5

Game 3: Finkick Odair vs FRESH BRU

FRESH BRU -1.5

Game 4: The Tyrannical Tea Baggers vs Tight and Bright

The Tyrannical Tea Baggers -3.5

Game 5: Brown Guy and Friends vs Red Ball and V0dka

Brown Guy and Friends -6.5

Game 6: PurpleSaurus Rex vs Do You Even Kick, Bro?

PurpleSaurus Rex -1.5

Game 7: Plan B vs Sit On My Base

Plan B -5.5

Game 8: Booooze On First! vs Jacked to the Kicks

Booooze On First! -5.5

Game of the Week: Large Hardon Collider Girth vs Large Hardon Collider Length

It wasn't quite debaucherous enough the first time, so they're doing it again! Hardon Bowl 2.0 will feature a revisiting of the absurdity created when you connect these teams together like parts of Voltron, and the result will likely be difficult to watch for anyone who understands the rules of the game. For everyone else, it will be quite the spectacle.

Winer: Large Hardon Collider
Loser: The Sport of Kickball

PurpleSaurus Rex

Welp, I did the math and we've mathematically clinched the Party Belt. Putting it on cruise control this week and partying at a lower level is probably called for right? Fuck that it's Halloween!

Come help us drink the giant jug of PurpleSaurus Rex (7% ABV, consult your doctor if your erection lasts more than 4 hours), play with my boner, and just kick it on Field #1. We'll be in the bleachers 7-8, on the 3rd base sideline 8-9, and hanging out until we kick the cooler and finish our pumpkin for the carving contest while we throw pumpkin guts at the Teabaggers and T&B while they try and play real kickball after us.

The rumors you may have heard are true, Large Hardon Collider did indeed lose the party belt. As of last week I've declared it a total loss and ordered a new one, so next season you can expect to see the true passing of the belt take place every week as God intended. Pour one out for old party belt, she had a good run!

See you on the fields!

Week 7 Power Rankings

Rank - Team - Δ - Summary

1 - Finkick Odair - N/A

Lead off home run sealed a win.

2 - FRESH BRU - N/A

Actually gave up some late offense, they appear to be vulnerable to the deep ball. Not that it mattered, they still won 12-3.

3 - The Tyrannical Tea Baggers - N/A

Tried to lose, but couldn't quite pull it off.

4-  Plan B - N/A

With no regard for human life.

5 - Tight and Bright - N/A

Probably still hungover from two weeks ago.

6 - Sit On My Base - N/A

Got a little mojo going late, will look to keep it going against Plan B this week. Probably their best chance to move up the rankings.

7 - Large Hardon Collider - Girth - N/A

They're just waiting for Hardon Bowl 2.0.

8 - Large Hardon Collider - Length - N/A

The bad karma train continues as the belt remains missing.

9 - Brown Guys and Friends -  ↑1

Upset the #9 PBT to take the top spot in the Music conference!

10 - Pitches be Trippin' -  ↓1

Totes vulnerable.

11 - At Least We're Having Fun - ↑3

Don't believe what you've seen. When Mom and Dad show up this is a top 3 team.

12 - PurpleSaurus Rex -  ↑3

13 - Jacked to the Kicks - ↓2

First losing streak for these guys, but I think they're just having too much fun to bother with winning all their games.

14 - Booooze on First! -  ↓1

Oooph, gave that one away for sure.

15 - Sons of Pitches Kickin The Punt - ↑3

ON THE BOARD!

16 - Kickin' Grass and Takin' Names - ↓4

They got kicked in the punt.

17 - Do You Even Kick Bro? - ↓1

Got the W, but there was some quality action below them.

18 - Red Ball and V0dka - ↓1

You made it guys! Welcome to the 18 hole.

Week 7 Picks

This whole going 6-3 business is really cramping my game, I have a bad feeling I could finish poorly after having such a strong start. Like the Texas Rangers. Too soon?

Regular Season Record: 38-13-3 (.731)

THIS WEEK'S PICKS

Game 1: Pitches Be Trippin' vs Do you Even Kick, Bro?

Pitches Be Trippin' -3.5

Game 2: Large Hardon Collider - Length vs Tight and Bright

Tight and Bright -2.5

Game 3: Plan B vs Sit On My Base

Plan B -1.5

Game 4: At Least We're Having Fun vs Red Ball and V0dka

At Least We're Having Fun -3.5

Game 5: PurpleSaurus Rex vs Brown Guy and Friends

Brown Guy and Friends -3.5

Game 6: Jacked to the Kicks vs Sons of Pitches Kickin the Punt

Jacked to the Kicks -2.5

Game 7: FRESH BRU vs Large Hardon Collider - Girth

FRESH BRU -10.5

Game 8: Booooze On First! vs Kickin' Grass & Takin' Names

Booooze On First! -2.5

Game of the Week: Finkick Odair vs The Tyrannical Tea Baggers

Now, technically Relax and Let it Happen doesn't exist anymore with regard to TX Live, but lets not kid ourselves that this isn't at it's core the same team. Sure Jay isn't the captain anymore so he can't start himself at pitcher every game and Joey is trying jumping from team to team like a two bit hooker and Alex is "retired from kickball" and yet still comes to the bar almost every week (which is about as accurate as your boyfriend telling you that you're still a virgin if you only do it in the pooper when you were 17). This is "Relax and Let It Happen, but we're going to change the name so I don't have to invite the people who are too old and slow to hang anymore and can recruit some new hot talent". Vs The Tyrannical Tea Baggers who take the "We're old and slow and fuck you get off our lawn! We're not changing anything!" I'll be honest, I like the latter approach more even if they're definitely not going to win this game.

Finkick Odair -3.5

PurpleSaurus Rex

Don't look now but PurpleSaurus Rex is officially on a win streak! None of us are really sure how to handle this as we never anticipated winning a game and were confident we could lock up the 18 seed all season, so we're in uncharted waters here! All this was also accomplished while sporting tutus tiaras and tights, the most time-honored PurpleSaurus Rex team theme:

Tutus, tiaras, and tights. The quintessential #purplesaurusrex theme night! #clubwakaaustin #picoftheweek

A video posted by PurpleSaurus Rex (@purplesaurus.rex) on Oct 13, 2016 at 9:41pm PDT

Kickball wins aside, it's time we started talking about the Life of the Party contest. We can't do this on our own people! Well, clearly we can but it's way more fun when a worthy adversary challenges for the throne. Here's the thing: y'all are all fun as shit, you're just not playing the game! I'm gonna clue you all in, because I feel like I'm playing with house money and taking the pot here.

Wanna win social points? Here's the checklist for success:

1. Appoint a social captain. They are responsible for completing the rest of the checklist each week.
2. Is it a theme week? MAKE SURE YOUR TEAM PARTICIPATES TO THE MAX! Theme weeks are the #1 point scoring opportunities.
3. Take a silly picture at the bar or at the fields and post it on Instagram with #clubwakaaustin, #yourteam, and #picoftheweek. Just posting is a point! Doesn't even have to be great!
4. If it's a theme week make sure to take a team pic at the field pre or post game. Post it with #clubwakaaustin #yourteam #bestdressed.
5. Find your ref at the bar and buy them a beer! Take a selfie and post it with #reflove #clubwakaaustin
6. Participate in the party game hosted by Caitlin at Toss at 10:30 PM. Just playing gets you a point, winning gets you more!
7. Send a short post to waka.gmot@gmail.com for the blog. Posting is a point!

You do all that, (just PARTICIPATING, mind you), and you've scored a minimum of 4 points on a regular night, and 8 points on a theme night. Actually win the bar game / theme night / picoftheweek? You can score as many as 14 points all at once! That means that the two teams that haven't played AT ALL this season could go from tied for 17th all the way to 5th place in the league on one night. It's anyones game!

PRO TIP:
Boomerang is your friend. 3 second videos are awesome for #picoftheweek submissions

These ladies aren't getting along! #catfight #clubwakaaustin #purplesaurusrex #picoftheweek

A video posted by Stephen Moursund (@stephen.moursund) on Sep 29, 2016 at 7:09pm PDT