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Thursday, February 26, 2015

Relax and Let it Happen - TX Live

This week, we play PurpleSaurus Rex. They are horrible and we will kill them. PurpleSaurus Rex is a team that has been pissing me off for a while now. A few weeks ago, Stephen informed me that there are “fun points” this season, and that Relax had garnered some for simply writing a weekly GMOT – while insinuating that Relax could not possibly ever earn “fun points” in any other way, because we aren’t fun. I don’t know where to find the rankings but I’m willing to bet PurpleSaurus Rex is leading this imaginary “fun race”.

I see this as a fierce injustice that needs to be addressed. PS Rex, just because you wear lady-colored spandex and jewelry and wigs, does that really make you “fun”? Because you carry a mobile speaker blasting Calvin Harris and dance like no one is watching, do you really deserve applause? When it all boils down, all you really are is a more obnoxious version of Relax. Think about it. Relax is having a goddamn blast every time we pull down our pants to shit on this league. Dominating you guys every week is better than an annual pass to Six Flags. Just because we don’t prance and sing and sport the colors of the rainbow, doesn’t mean we aren’t out-funning you in each and every moment of life. Winning is fun – and Relax is ALWAYS winning.

And I get it. It’s not fair for Relax to win EVERY single thing. We live in a world where every kid has to win at something, and participation and sportsmanship awards are handed out like Kind Bars at Whole Foods. So league, have your “fun race”. Have your competition where Relax isn’t in the lead. Have your tiny sliver of sunshine that peeks through our shadow as we lay spread-eagled, basking in the glory of the UV rays. Enjoy. But don’t for one second let yourself be fooled. Relax is STILL better than you at every single aspect of life, including fun.

Can’t wait to see PS Rex on Thursday night. We will outwit, outplay, and outfun you once again. Smooches, y’all.


  1. Oh Kate, I love you so. You mischaracterize the Life of the Party competition, and you're mistaken if you think I/PurpleSaurus don't recognize y'all are one of the most fun teams in the league! Here's what the website says about the Life of the Party:

    "Sometimes the real MVPs aren't just the people who are embarrassingly good at kickball; they're the always awesome looking costume queens, the team that's always making friends with the teams they play against, the night owls keeping the party going at the bar all night, the folks custom ordering team shooting sleeves, and the bar game champions that refuse to let a kickball loss get them down. There's also people that just win at everything, on and off the field! This season, we recognize the Party Champions with the TX Live Life of the Party competition."

    In fact, I have no doubt in your mind that if y'all decided that instead of being butt-hurt that there's a competition that doesn't involve winning kickball games you were going to go out and win the belt every week, you'd be at the top of the standings with TANGIBLE EVIDENCE for all the naysayers in the league whose dreams you've shit upon that said shitting takes place in all facets of life. So do it!

    Something tells me you guys were just giving the rest of the league a sporting head start for three weeks so it'll be more satisfying when you come from behind to win the belt for the season, but that remains to be seen =) Check out the rules at https://www.kickball.com/league/txlive/lifeoftheparty and get in the game this week!

  2. If I see dogs off leashes again from PS Rex I'm taking street justice