Are we STILL writing GMOTs? The rain giveth and the rain taketh away, and just when I thought we had this shit wrapped up, here I am trying to figure out what we’re going to do to one-up those damn Punts again. Let it be known that in the normal 8 week season we are the true winners of the Belt. I feel this is like one of those weird baseball homerun record controversies where if I knew anything about sports I could give some actual examples. Babe Ruth something something Mark McGwire something something Sammy Sosa? Does anybody even care about this? Anyways, I digress.
This weekend is fucking ‘Murica week and I’m super fucking excited. This is probably my favorite holiday because 1) I don’t have to give anybody a present 2) we live in the greatest fucking country in the fucking world. This paragraph is extra fucking ‘Murican based on how many times I can work “fuck” in there. How much more ‘Murican can this blog post get?
Yeah, that just happened. That is yours truly acting like a jackass in the most ‘Murican way possible: in uniform. How drunk am I? I don’t know! How much water does it take to fill up Lake Travis? How exactly does a posi-trac rear end on a Plymouth work? Nobody knows. Need some more?
Yeah, that’s right. Because sometimes ‘Murica comes in the form of swimming through a mud-filled underwater tunnel with a bunch of gear on. One more for the road?
See, I took ya for a turn there. Even my badass cat, Magnus, likes to get dressed up for 4th of July just to show those fucking Redcoats who’s boss. When I see that sweet ass bowtie all I can think is fuck your taxation without representation and fuck your tea! Does he hate it? Fuck yeah he does, but this is ‘Murica and we do what we gotta do to show the world what a great time we’re having despite all their bullshit.
So enjoy your weekend, fellow kickballers, and celebrate the amazing country we are lucky enough to live in! I’m gonna be fucking ‘Murica’ing the shit out of mine via shooting guns and listening to Bruce Springsteen. Probably at the same time! FREEDOM.