Guys. We played Sit On My Base last week and we’re just so concerned for their pitcher. I don’t know his actual name so I’m gonna just call him Slim Jim McGrouchy Grumps for now. If you guys could make sure this gets to him, I’d really appreciate that.
Dear Slim Jim McGrouchy Grumps,
Are you okay? It’s just kickball. And I come from Relax so this should be a real red flag. What happened to you? Don’t do this, McGrouchy Grumps. Don’t do this to your league. Don’t do this to your teammates. They love and respect you. You’ve got a lot to be proud of. You’ve got a nice physique and not a spare pound on that Slim Jim body of yours. And I’m willing to bet you have at least one or two other positive attributes.
Just take that intensity/grouchy-grumpiness and turn the dial down a notch or two. That’s all we’re saying. A notch or two is all you need to change yourself, to change the league, to change the world.
Don’t cry. Don’t be sad. You are young and beautiful. You’ll bounce back from this, I know it. And if you need someone to talk to, I can be there. That’s something I can do for you. Shhhh. Mama knows.
All we want is the best for you.
We love you so much. All we have is love for you.