We are Walk of Shame. You might remember us from such seasons as all of 2009-2012 and winter 2013. Since most of the teams we knew are gone, I thought we'd introduce ourselves to you.
This is Andre. He's the captain. He's big. He's black. He yells a lot. And he'll probably drop every single ball I throw to him at 1st base this season. Don't be fooled by his size, play in cause he'll probably try and bunt. We all want him to dress as Winnie the Pooh for Halloween, so any encouragement is welcome.
This is Slob. He comes from a land where Manny Pacquiaos grow on trees. He has joined 14 different teams in the past 4-5 months in search of a championship, but it seems every team he goes to suddenly sucks. Coincidence? Who knows.
This is Leeho. He gets hurt pretty much every game. In fact, he probably ruptured his achilles reading this GMOT. I can almost guarantee he'll miss 50% of the games this season while injured or in Laredo. Lock.
This is Butler. He comes every now and again. WHATEVER YOU DO, don't include this man in a group text. Your phone will NEVER stop ringing/buzzing/dinging/
whatever sound you have. Seriously, it's the worst.
This is Will. He doesn't always make out with girls, but when he does, he puts it on Facebook. He's a product of Relax, so he is in therapy for his PTSD right now. Years of Jay will do that to you.
This is Clay. He's a modern day hippie in all its glory. He will certainly not be sober at any game this year, but I'll be damned if he isn't faster than you. I could never get him out, so you probably can't either. He's also a Relax product, but just doesn't care enough to let Jay's nonsense get to him, he uses "natural medicine" as his therapy.
This is Chris Wright. He's extremely tall. He played basketball. And....that's all I got.
This is Aaron. He once punched a hole in the moon just cause. He's somewhere between 6'10 and 5'1 tall and...ummm....Sorry I don't know Aaron yet. Update to come.
This is Tom. He definitely scored higher than you on the SATs. He's also no less than 3 Mizzys in size. He can kick the ball really far, so beware. He's a really good indoor soccer goalie too. But I still scored 2 goals on him.
This is Hip Hip Jorge. You wouldn't know it by looking at him, but he's actually kind of a NASCAR-lovin' redneck. He's also a Braves fan, which irks me. He hasn't played kickball in a while, so hopefully he can still kick far. He's also a fantastic cook if anyone needs some tamales or something.
This is Mizzy. She's tiny, but I bet you a Lonestar she can outdrink you. It's pretty amazing to watch. She's been playing kickball since the dawn of time. And she's single, fellas, so give it a shot.
This is Erin. She used to go out and binge drink at least 9 times a week. Then she met Ty and stopped doing that. I kind of miss the old Erin. If you want to have a fun argument, go talk smack about the Longhorns in front of her. Enjoy.
This is Jessica. Seeing her out in public is kind of like seeing a real unicorn. It's pretty cool, but extremely rare. Come out more, Jessica; I think you'll have fun. Jessica likes cats. Same comment as Erin too, but replace Texas with A&M.
This is Alli. She catches EVERYTHING. Don't kick it near her if you want to get on base. Seriously it's impressive.
And lastly, this is Tanker. After having a top 5 kickball career of all time, he's hanging up the cleats at the end of this season and riding off in the sunset. Gifts at every game, a la Mariano Rivera, are expected and appreciated.
So that's us. We will see you on the fields, and if it's anything like the past seasons, we'll be at the bar but no one else will, so I guess we'll just see you at the fields. We'll either be really good, or really rusty, so catch us early cause it's been a while since most of us have played. Happy, Texas Live.