Large Hardon Collider

Ladies and gentleballers, we have upped the ante. Again.

You may or may not have seen a giant Artie penis running around the bar last week. Wait, let me clarify…Artie dressed up in a giant penis costume. Let me introduce to you our newest, and most lovable/hilarious, weekly ritual:

LVP (Least Valuable Player)

That’s right folks, at the end of each game we put up nominations for who made the funniest, worst play, and for their reward they get to be the most popular person at the bar.

So when you see King Dong drinking the pain away, feel free to console them in any creative way possible because they probably did something like this:

As an aside I would like to quickly give a shout out to all the teams we’ve played this season. All of our games have been super fun and everyone has been a great sport. All of our refs have been top notch as well. Give yourselves a pat on the back!

Also don’t forget that it’s Week 5 and thus officially approved to bang your favorite, willing teammate!

Good luck to you all. 

Large Hardon Collider

Hey Everybody! Rodney Dangerzone here, sliding in as the Large Hardon Collider publicist this week. Week 4 already?! Wow, time flies when you’re humping all over the world! Last month I red-rocketed my way down to South America for a quick Peru/Bolivia pelvic breaching. My keepers made sure to document the festivities, so here are some of the throbbing highlights!

The elevation had me feeling extra flaccid, so I decided to spank things up a notch with a quick rip of that sweet, sweet Bolivian nose candy. It burned a little going down, but had me fully engorged lickety-split! With that Prince Albert-esque headache gone, and a confusing but miraculous curing of my Hep M-Q, I was ready to FLLLYYYYY! HOP ON BOYS!

Of course 30 minutes later it was limp city all over again. All good erections must come to an end, so I set out to find some new travel buddies. One only has to open their eyes in order to feast on the majesty of all sorts of indigenous hardons.

Twinsies! This buddy was a little rough around the shaft, but we were docking in no time flat. He quickly introduced me to some other like-circumcised individuals that were a real hoot!

Caption: I think the one on the left said he was from Canada.

Now to think that ol’ RDG was all sightseeing and no play is just plain ludicrous. Why, here’s a picture right here of a nice little lady seeking the pleasures that I had to offer. Only…it was slightly…complicated.

Rodney always finds a way though, and this Bolivian beauty was no different. The trip wasn’t all slip-sliding into bear traps though. You might even say in this little sexcapade I found the perfect fit!

I’ll leave you with that nice juicy image to remember me by until Thursday, when you can come over and introduce yourself. Try not to confuse me with that dick-holster, Gregory. He’s led a charmed life, and I…well I’ve been through some shit. Dark things that no fledgling wang should ever have to slog his way through. You’ll notice me by my slightly deflated, but cheery smile. Kick on sweet ballers.

-Rodney Dangerzone

KickInThePUNT

It's Kickin the Punt representing from New Orleans this week. Captains are off for a vacation so well timed they will get all of their Bourbon Street drinking and debauchery done and out of the way without even missing a game. It's hella hot here(like in Austin) but with a heat index making you feel like a puddle after a few minutes in the sun.

The trip overlapped with a wacky red dress event(literally thousands of people wearing red dresses..and being drunk fools) that made us just miss our fellow red-ball loving team and league! Don't y'all worry, we will come back and be more than ready to kick your punt!

Alcaballics Rex

This merge has been showing to be a a very smooth and seamless transition and nothing but GOOD TIMES. Bumping our jams, shaking our tutus and killing it out on the field. Last week, playing the Hardon's was a blast, as we decided to call it a tie and play sexy slippery game of Slosh Ball instead, equipped with a slip & slid and human size pizza & penis, water & dish soap. This combination resulted in a silly good time. 

So far the merger has resulted in an undefeated team, (with an unofficial win against the Hardons) then playing a closer game against Sons of Pitches winning 0-1 we are PUMPED to keep the good vibes rolling.

Denver has been chilling stress free getting boozy at my bar confident that no one would be stupid enough to try and steal him again.

Large and In Charge - TX Live

Slumpbusters, we tried to go about this the nice way. Last season, we wrote you this http://austinwaka.blogspot.com/2015/07/large-and-in-charge-tx-live.html. You know, a gentle nudge in a better direction. Alas, our subtle prodding and offering of motherly love was cast by the wayside and Slim Jim McGrouchy Grumps is back and grouchier than ever. 

Last season we had real concern for Slim, we figured he'd lost his way, lost touch with reality. But, on this historical political night, we realize he's not lost, he's living in his own reality, HE'S A REPUBLICAN! Slim isn't just any republican. He's not toiling at the kiddie table with Bobby Jindal, Rick Perry and the rest of Texas Music. He's on the big boy stage, front and center, he is the man himself, Donald Trump. Just like Donald doesn't want any policy questions, Slim can't handle any questions about his coaching. Mention Donald in a negative light and you better be ready for a cascade of name calling to the tune of "loser", "dope" and "dummy". Say anything to Slim and you best be ready for a torrent of F bombs.

But, we aren't a bunch of Fox News watching, Apprentice loving, let's build a wall citizens who have signed on to blindly follow Trump to the pits of hell. We see through his charade,  and Slim, we see through yours as well. You talk about being a member of the all mighty Legit, a team that travels the Circuit to play kickball around this country. Last we checked, Legit was the laughing stock of the Circuit and you spend most of your time sitting on a trashcan on the sidelines. But you are great in your eyes, and that counts for something. Like Donald on the big stage, we set the odds of Slim's complete implosion tonight at -110. Come check out the action on Field 2 at 7pm. Until then... May God bless you and May God bless Large and In Charge. 

KickInThePUNT

Game two and still no chant! Punts need a chant y’all! The captains have tried for the last few seasons to teach one, make up a new and original one, begged the team to make one up themselves and to no avail! There aren’t too many words that rhyme with “punt” and become a good (PG) chant……Regardless, the team still rocks. This week alone there was some serious showing of costumes, a trip to see Phish in concert, a Bangers event, and a boat ride! See how fun we are?!

Speaking of Banger’s…..remember that fun Banger’s brunch/ Rainey street take over last season? We think that needs to happen again. Do I hear a whoot whoot?

Till next week my pink- winged friends, stand strong on that one leg. 

Alcaballics Rex

This picture was supposed to accompany last weeks post.