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Thursday, June 5, 2014


Ladies. Gentlemen. I present to you, Corey, the pitcher, captain, and spiritual advisor for the Abominaballs.

Hey girl, my coolers aren't the only things that are bear proof.

I'm not going to lie to you: Corey and I are maybe the best friends anyone can be. We're always finishing each others.... sandwiches. I like to brag about it because, if we're being honest here, he's probably one of the best dressed pitchers in Austin. Do you see those cuffed jeans? That coifed hair? Someone better call heaven, because they are certainly missing an angel.

Another fun fact about Corey: he was a taste tester for Gerber before he started writing marketing material for hooker-sized coolers. I can't imagine giving up a gig like that is easy, but I'm definitely happy that he made the transition. I'm personally grateful for the switch because I think he had a big hand in bringing internet fame to my boyfriend.

I don't care what they say. Size DOES matter.

When Corey is not pitching or talking about coolers (which like, is all the time because that man loves his coolers), he's busy drinking Skinny Margaritas at Graham Central Station. He's on a constant Cougar safari and Pflugerville is his hunting ground.

Basically, I love Corey. Cougars love Corey. Each and every one of you should be balls deep in love with Corey. If you want to see how Candy Van shows our love for Corey, come check us out at 7 p.m. tonight. I'm pretty sure I don't even need to tell you what field we will be on because it will be obvious.

Our collective facial expression as a direct result of Corey.

Candy Van

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