CANDY VAN

Awful Waffles

The waffles are not amused.  We're good natured folk, that much is known.  We like to hang out, meet new people, drink some beers, flip some cups.  Everyone knows that.  Are we the best kickball players in the world?  No, we know that.  But we're pretty good.  So when someone picks us to lose in the first round to some upstart team that thinks its got their affairs in order, it's disappointing.  Not to us mind you because if we listened to every naysayer in the world we wouldn't be your persevering awful waffles. But it's disappointing to all other teams because it shows that the predictions arent being taken seriously.  So if I'm picked to win, I'd take it with a ginormous grain of salt.

Bring it purple dinosaurs.  Prepare to get waffled.

PS:  if waka Texas rangers win,  good for you guys!  And good luck!

disrespect fully intended,
awful waffles

Big League Chew

Top 10 Big League Chew Accomplishments of the Spring Season:

 

10. DeYoe and Nate injuring themselves at the same game, but not missing any subsequent games.Could have been a disaster but all the bye weeks this season got us through!

 

9. Elizabeth Medlin flirting with 3rd base coaches around the league, giving us a competitive advantage.

 

8. Stephen dressing like a colonist on Pirate night.

 

7. JZ bringing the sweet stereo system for the past couple weeks.

 

6. Party Barge! 

 

5. Bringing a table to 4 games but never actually getting a game of flip cup started at the fields. Not proud of this accomplishment.

 

4. Finally teaching Hazel all the rules! (kind of...)

 

3. Consuming 2 huge cartons of Big League Chew.

 

2. Ryan Haun Kicking a Home Run. If you've seen our offense, you know how big a deal this is.

 

1. The free shots we'll be drinking Saturday thanks to all these terrible GMOTS!

Big League Chew

Little BLC in the BIG CITY. So we may have had a little let down in week 8, forcing us from the 6 seed to the 8. We may be pretty shorthanded next Saturday with people graduating and leaving town for weddings. We may be a new group of rag tag kids, who've never even seen a kickball tournament, let alone played in one. BUT, don't count out Big League Chew! With a defense that gave up the 3rd fewest runs in the league, BLC is primed for a big playoff run!

Game 1 Delta Bravos: You are apparently big and fast, and you have played short handed a lot this season making you substantially underrated. BUT, we have a player straight off the boat from Ireland. Land of the keg toss and... other things. She might be small, but now that she understands the rules she's ready to take us to the next level

 

Game 2 Relax and Let It Happen: I've never even heard of you. Must be new to the league. Good luck facing our line-up, we got at least 5 or 6 people on first base last week. NBD. I know the playoffs can be scary for a new team, so we'll take it easy on you. I'm expecting 5-0.

 

Game 3 TBD: I can't wait until we throw crippled Stephen in at pitcher to rest Nate's arm.

 

Game 4 Win Championship: PUT IT ON THE BOARD!

Walk of Shame

Just two things thoughts today.

 

We have no (public) excuses. Hannah, you won last week. Be proud of that.

 

Relax... Sometimes my real thoughts get lost in translation. You may have some people with small athletic character flaws on your team, but I genuinely like you guys (honest) and I hope after we kick your monkey asses tonight, we can still be friends.

PurpleSaurus Rex!

Alright, I know it may APPEAR like we're one of the worst teams in the league, but I've got a secret to share. This whole season has actually been a social experiment in which we evaluate the reactions people have to defeating what any fool can see are superior athletes in kickball games. Results were mixed, but most of you demonstrated yourselves poorly: now is the time for our vengeance. We're actually going to try. And by try, I mean get just as sloppy as we usually do and somehow stumble into miraculous victory after miraculous victory as we upset an entire side of the bracket to run deep and get the top seeds shaking in their cleats. We are apex predators. We are PurpleSaurus.

Get Drunk, Kick Away (Summer 2012 Preview!)

Four scores and seven seasons ago our first basemen brought forth, upon this league, a new sentiment, conceived in libations, and dedicated to the proposition that "all men should kick the fuck away"
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether this league, or any league so conceived, and so dedicated, can long endure the scorn of management. We are met on a great battle field of that kickball diamond. We have come to dedicate a portion of it, as a final resting place for those who played before, so that the league might live. This we may, in all propriety do. But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate—we can not consecrate—we can not hallow, this ground—The brave men, living and capitaling, who struggled here, have hallowed it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here; while it can never forget the names of the great teams before us. It was for this we fight and for this we dream. To stand tall in the shadow of storied names, of teams current and old. We wish to mock the sobriety of our fellow league men, and to, with impunity, secure that all that follow  in the line-up will pull up their big boy pants and kick away. The powers that be may attempt to tarnish  these fields, these hallowed grounds, this diamond of dreams but we will know whether in name or spirit only we will be drunk and kicking away, for us, for the fallen soldiers left on the flip cup table, and for the sad souls lost to out of town jobs. 

Hannah Montana

Hannah!!  (enough said)

Walk of Shame

Just two thoughts today.

We have no (public) excuses. Hannah, you won last week. Be proud of that.

Relax... Sometimes my real thoughts get lost in translation. You may have some people with small athletic character flaws on your team, but I genuinely like you guys (honest) and I hope after we kick your monkey asses tonight, we can still be friends.

Relax and Let It Happen

We will just pretend last week didn't even happen. Sure we won 6-1 against Liver but when you've won as many games as we've won over the past 4 years (somewhere between 150-200) winning isn't enough, you need to win and look good doing it. Last week that was not the case, sure we were missing many of our regulars but we still all went home and burnt ourselves with lit cigarettes or maybe that was actually just our captain...

 

This week we play Walk of Shame @ 7:15 on field 1A. We encourage everyone new and old to come out, whether you're with us or you're against us it's always fun to watch Dre lose (trust us we've been doing it for years). The Walks will probably call this game a rivalry game and this and that so I've spent the week trying to figure out just which rivalry this could be compared to. I thought about Texas vs Texas A&M but I don't hate the Walks and they never beat us so that didn't fit. Then I considered Texas vs. Texas Tech but again they never beat us and on top of that there's only 1 or 2 whores on their team, the rest of them are very nice young ladies. So I did what any normal person would do, googled it. I found the perfect game that honestly nobody, including myself even knew was a rivalry. The criteria was 1) Only rivalries existing between BCS-conference schools are considered. and 2) Minimum of 50 game series history. The winner? Oklahoma vs. Iowa State with a series record of 68-5-2. I know I know, the Walks could never beat us 5 times but it's the closest thing I've got. I'm also aware of the good news for the Walks and that's that ISU won 26-6 IN Norman, OK last season, this may be your year!

 

With 1st place in our sights we will not lose, feel free to come celebrate with us after the game, have a drink, dance a little, make out, whatever you're in to. Until then, Relax and Let It Happen...

 

Love,

Relax

CANDY VAN

Dear fans of the Dre of Shame series,

I was lazy and only got one new trading card made. Expect more before playoffs.

I always wondered how Dre would look with some serious curls.