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Thursday, June 16, 2016

Large Hardon Collider - Length

Dear Dad,

Happy Father’s Day!

I hope you have a great day.  I just want to let you know that I’m thinking of you like you were always thinking of me at the bottom of every beer you pounded.  Like a beautiful lifelong game of cat and mouse, such is your love for me.

I’m sorry for all the times I didn’t quite live up to your expectations.  You were right to burn me with a curling iron when I botched mowing the lawn.  Putting it in my mouth may have been a bit excessive.  But the secret collections of scars on unexposed areas of my body are a testament to the lessons you’ve taught me.  Except for that acid that burned off my ear.  Hydrofluoric: you’re such a smart man.  It really penetrates to the bone.  I would know that better if I had become a chemist like you, but instead followed my passion for writing.  I really wish you hadn’t thrown my typewriter at mom, breaking her clavicle.

But like you said, you’re a sensitive and passionate man.  And you have so much passion and senses that it’s too much for one family, necessitating a secret family in Winnipeg and another in Grand Rapids.  I hope they’re also thinking of you this special day.

May you have another great year and be proud of me once again - like you were when my adult kickball team won the Austin TX Live playoff tournament.

Your Son

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