Dear Dad,
Happy Father’s Day!
I hope you have a great day. I just want to let you know that I’m thinking of you like you were always thinking of me at the bottom of every beer you pounded. Like a beautiful lifelong game of cat and mouse, such is your love for me.
I’m sorry for all the times I didn’t quite live up to your expectations. You were right to burn me with a curling iron when I botched mowing the lawn. Putting it in my mouth may have been a bit excessive. But the secret collections of scars on unexposed areas of my body are a testament to the lessons you’ve taught me. Except for that acid that burned off my ear. Hydrofluoric: you’re such a smart man. It really penetrates to the bone. I would know that better if I had become a chemist like you, but instead followed my passion for writing. I really wish you hadn’t thrown my typewriter at mom, breaking her clavicle.
But like you said, you’re a sensitive and passionate man. And you have so much passion and senses that it’s too much for one family, necessitating a secret family in Winnipeg and another in Grand Rapids. I hope they’re also thinking of you this special day.
May you have another great year and be proud of me once again - like you were when my adult kickball team won the Austin TX Live playoff tournament.
Love,
Your Son
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