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Thursday, December 8, 2011

PurpleSaurus Rex!

PurpleSaurus is straight up on a roll heading into the end of the season, charging up the standings and finally putting up the numbers we always knew we were capable of.  Is this primarily due to the return of certain parties from the PUP list? Not my place to say, but we're heading into the playoffs with a swagger not seen since the days of ... ever for this band of misfits.

Perhaps it simply took this long for us to build up a sufficient tolerance to the sweet sweet poison that fills that blue jug of death every week, but I 100% stand by the decision to have completely wrecked my productivity for the last 10 Fridays with debilitating Kool-Aid induced hangovers. The juice no longer impairs us, it FUELS us! We derive our power from the Kool-Aid, and the Kool-Aid rewards those who put their faith in it.

Last week was a game that almost didn't happen, but fun was snatched from the jaws of disappointment as Team Easier faced the Purple in a game short-handed on both sides. Little did we know the poor souls were playing sober, but that shortcoming was quickly remedied following our post-game tunnel of perpetual celebration. The pink and purple bled together and for a few glorious hours we became ... light purple. Or something. I'll work on that. Magenta?

Tonight will see another unlikely combination of players on the field, as an entirely different half of our roster will be out for office holiday parties, but the power of the purple is like Mjolner: whosoever wears the purple, be they worthy, shall posses the power of PurpleSaurus Rex. Every member of the squad has demonstrated their worthiness through some facet of their person, be it sparkling athleticism, unabashed alcoholism, belligerent douchebaggery, general tomfoolery, or raw sex appeal.

The last victim to be crushed beneath the PurpleSaurus regular season steamroller tonight is Just Kickin It. There are few things that are sure in this world, but these are a few of them: Santa is real, Tim Tebow cannot be stopped, the ginger seal is an abomination and we should not meddle in matters that nature has already sorted out, and PurpleSaurus Rex will win this game.



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