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Thursday, December 1, 2011

Better Red Balls than Blue Balls

It's been an interesting season for Better Red than Blue Balls. After starting with back-to-back shutouts and a #2 ranking in the Live Standings, we let the success get to our heads and we slacked off. We went from a high-protein, low-carb diet plan to $3.99 Prime Rib specials at Expose; from wind-sprints to lines in a Chevron bathroom with our hobo friend Casper. The only physical exercise we've gotten in the past six weeks was from the transportation and disposal of that hook—err... All we're saying is that if one, hypothetically speaking, were to accidentally come upon a deceased lady of the night and wish to give her a proper burial... I've said too much. Just know that the low water levels in Town Lake aren't doing anyone any favors. Getting back to kickball (hell of a segue), we slacked off and now sit at a bland 3-3 record. The most telling statistic is that in our three losses, we've scored a grand total of 1 run. The good news is that we've never given up more than two runs in any game, so should we ever figure out this whole offense thing (defense wins championships is obviously a lie), we might be a team worth paying attention to. If anyone has recommendations for increasing runs, we're all ears. We've tried the whole horse steroids route, but that doesn't react well with our pitcher's STD medication (guess which one in the comments and win a beer!) Is the secret squats? Because I don't think I can do those on my Bowflex. After a bye week and Thanksgiving, it'll be a nice return to kickball as this week, in a battle for mediocrity, we play Just Kickin' It (who are also 3-3). We've both lost to Balls Deep and beaten Balls & Dolls this season, so there's no real takeaway from the shared schedules; we're just hoping for a good game, a victory for the good guys and copious amounts of drinking.

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