Dear [Name Redacted],
Please accept our sincere apologies for repeatedly telling you to eat shit. We were only joking and not actually wanting you to eat shit. It was a humorous mantra that we all shit eatingly got hooked on and was essentially meaningless. Perhaps we are the shit eaters. But do not label us as shit eatey eaters of shit. Sure, we have eaten our fair share of shit in the shitty past, but we admittedly shat the bed. “Eat shit!,” we would say, not knowing the shit eating consequences. Sometimes we ourselves were wanting to shit eat, but we were projecting that shitty desire to hide our true shit eatingness. We hope you take the time to unwrap your mouth from whatever non-shit item it contains and give us another shit eatterly chance.
Large Hardon Colliders - Length