Large Hardon Collider - TX Live

I believe it was the great Steve Shubin who once said, "Necessity is the mother of invention." He then immediately went on to create the Fleshlight, because that's what innovators DO.

I'll call it THE FLESH...LIGHT.

Thanks Steve, I'll take it from here.

Like Dr.Von Shubin, we are innovators. We single-dongedly changed the way the city of Austin thinks about kickball. In a league shattered by a severe lack of partying, and lack of fun, we dressed up like 6th street hookers and got all of the competitive teams' deadbeat Dads to come back home and tell them he loves them.

You're welcome, Slumpbusters

And this season, being the true innovators that we are, we set out to revolutionize the way GMOT posts are consumed. Cold hard facts: Nobody is reading them. They're boring. TL;DR. And most importantly, much like our giant, inflatable penises, we were pouring our heart and soul into something that just wasn't penetrating the way we needed it to. Our ideas were just too big, too risky, and our humor too dry for the standardized reader to easily welcome into their bodies.

Here. This should help.

Thus, the short, random GMOT post was born. So immediate and awe-inspiring was its impact that teams from all over the zip code began copying us.

Just kidding. Keeps copies me.

Oh man, this must be what it feels like to be Steve Jobs, yet another Steve-based innovator!

Short. Masterful. HILARIOUS.

So don't fret if the beauty and consummate genius of our posts haven't quite sunk in yet. Like your deadbeat Dads, it'll come around eventually. Especially if we're dressed like hookers. ...Which we will be.