The WAKA Sweetheart Party

Mid-Season is rapidly approaching, and with it comes mid-season partying! RSVP to The WAKA Sweetheart Party! Free booze for TX Live and TX Austin Bowling players, but open to everyone that can pack into Corner Bar. Hit on that good looking WAKA player you've had your eye on, hang out not covered in sweat and dirt, let WAKA pick up the tab, and participate in a charity date auction to raise money for Austin Pets Alive!

LINK TO THE FACEBOOK EVENT

Large Hardon Collider - TX Live

A Hardon Haiku

The data is in

Your team hath not the party

Thine loins awaken

5hit Circus - TX Live

Our team in a nutshell. 

Pitch Please - TX Live

Dear TX Live,

At Least We're Having Fun - TX Live

Some may think that At Least We're Having Fun is a newish team, only 2 seasons old... but the truth is, the team has been a part of American History from the beginning. 

The American Revolution - One of the lesser known battles of the American Revolution was the battle between the Freedom Loving soon to be Americans - Haveth Fun At Least We Areth and the oppressive British team - The Bunting British.

The game was a close one, but James Madison and George Washington kicked the winning home run to beat out King James and Benedict Arnold. 

The Battle of San Jacinto - Sam Houston threw the ball from 3rd base to 1st base in the Battle for the Bayou and prevented Santa Ana from tying the game on a wild west double play. We actually got to keep El Paso because the team won the bar games after the match. 

Just the first glimpse of how At Least We're Having Fun has shaped American history through kickball. 

Sons of Pitches Kickin the Punt - TX Live

The Gayest Merger Of All Time (an open apology to our heterosexual teammates)

It was only a matter of time before the two gayest teams of WAKA LIVE did the inevitable and joined forces. In our minds it resulted in rainbows, sunshine, unicorns, and glitter. Naturally the boys of Sons of Pitches brought jello shots and threw shade while the lesbians of Kickin The Punt packed their cats in a u-haul and promised not be like the others and rush things. We are giving it a go and if it doesn't work we will attempt to remain friends and spend countless hours in therapy talking about how it could have been.

We neglected the fact that even though being FABULOUS is contagious there would be some Free Agents added to our flock. This is an apology to those guys.

Dear new teammates of SOPKITP,

We know you have no idea what you just signed on for. We are so happy to have you on our team but we regret to inform you that you are now gay. This is not as much of an apology but more of a formality. You can choose to remain in the closet about your current status but I know for a fact Evelyn (the lesbian with the hair) will out you. #sorrynotsorry Don't be afraid, just come as you are we are a welcoming crew. It will be fun, promise.

Please watch this video below for it is a cautionary tale.

XOXO

Captains of SOPKITP

Papa Stephen's Sexy Babies - TX Live

Perhaps not totally unexpectedly, we've started the season 0-1. If not for Papa Stephen gifting the other team some generous pitches in the first inning we could instead be a dominating 0-0-1 instead, but it's just kind of against my nature to throw spinny spinny curve balls against people who have never played kickball before and aren't expected that kind of hot saucy action on their rubbers.

Cest le vie. This week the Babies are scheduled against the only other team in the league to struggle as much as they did in week 1: Austin Vibes. This rumble in the bumble will undoubtedly be a match for the ages, and I expect a lot of scoring from both teams based on what I've seen out of their respective defenses: exactly the kind of game one likes to see in the Music conference!

I'm still in the process of learning everyone's names because my team is SPANKIN new to me, so I think I'll do the tired cliche of doing an intro bio for everyone on the team next week, but for now with Papa Stephen out of town on a work trip, I'm just going to hope that the babysitter can keep everything together for 5 innings. Prost!

Large Hardon Collider - TX Live

Coffee
Drink mix
Frozen fruit
Spinach
Mushrooms
Tomatoes
Cucumber
Fruit
Sriracha
Almond milk
Toilet paper
Dryer sheets
Condoms
Beer
Eggs
Prescription
Aluminum foil

5hit Circus - TX Live

Listen up Capital Division, there’s a new speed bump in town, and the road to Vegas goes through us. We came here to do two things: Drink Beer, and F*** 5hit up. And it looks like...well, we actually still have plenty of beer.

Introducing the 5hit line-up

Warren "Cold Cut" Ogle - Captain

Peter "G-Ham" Graham - Co-Captain

Ninad "The Brown Bomber" Pandit - Co-Captain

Daniel "The Pain" Hain - Co-Captain

Jessica "Wish You Would" Hemming

Vanessa "The Professa" Nicole

Tessa "T-Money" Miller

Carter "The Marauder" Kaough

Amy "Deathbringer" Slotin

Kia "Straight Outta Compton" Conwell

Erin "Say It To My Face" Walters

Matt "Hardcore" Helms

Josh "Tar Heel" Hudson

Naaman "The Man" Severson

Amanda "Too Real" Richards

So for anyone that thinks they're just going to run us over:

Large Hardon Collider - TX Live

Bio Bidet Ultimate BB-600 Advanced Bidet Toilet Seat, Elongated White

Excellent product.  I first got introduced to the automatic bidet recently in Korea and this model has all the pertinent features.

Installation was easy onto an American Standard Cadet 3 oval toilet.  The bracket fits on the narrowest notch and is a little tricky to reach from the backside.  The hoses were not difficult either.  I utilized the splitter at the wall faucet and actually had the toilet tank come off the line pointing downwards to direct it out of the sight.  The bidet reservoir is attached to the other line pointing forwards and makes an "S" alongside the toilet.  I used the right angle joint at the intake port to make sure the hose does not direct laterally.

The unit functions well and has plenty of features.  I don't think additional features are necessary.  It has been durable for the past week since installation and I've not had any problems.  I would definitely recommend this product.

Welcome to the GMOT!

Congratulations, you are awesome and made the decision to click on a link to this blog and start reading some good shit. This is the GMOT (Ghost Man on Third) Blog! 

Posts here are player generated, and anyone can get one posted by just emailing them to me at waka.gmot@gmail.com. They'll be screened to make sure there's no outright hate speech, abuse, or threats of violence or anything ridiculous like that, but healthy smack talk is acceptable and encouraged. And yes you can curse, this is a 21+ league and nobody is forcing people to read this blog.

Check out the side bar on the right for weekly picks and power rankings, and please let me know if you'd like to be more involved! I would LOVE to have a volunteer on board to moderate the blog, and a weekly column to recap the prior week would be awesome but just isn't something I have time for. Hit me up at stephen@kickball.com if you want to step up!

Love, 

Stephen

Get Home Safe - Up to $50 Credit From WAKA for New Lyft Users

Getting everyone home safe is always a big priority, and with the abundance of options we enjoy in Austin there's really no excuse for driving home drunk from a league night. And now there's even less of an excuse! We've partnered with Lyft to get new riders up to $50 in credit if they use the code WAKASAFERIDE before their first ride. Don't be "that guy" this season, get some free credit and get home safe!

DOWNLOAD THE APP AND CLAIM YOUR CREDIT

Haypitch Abernathy - TX Live

The first couple seasons, we were Kickness Everdeen.  The lead.  The protagonist. Angsty in our youth, but undeniably talented.

Next, in a shortened season: Effie Trinkick.  Beautiful.  Modern.  As much about style as results.

Now, it’s time for glory: Haypitch Abernathy.  Drunk, stubborn, loud.  I plan on calling everyone “dear” and drinking from a flask the entire season.  We may not remember a single game.

What’s next after that, huh?  Caesar Kickerman, maybe?  That would be cool.

Why not Three-Peeta as a tribute to our 3-peat, or maybe Four-Peeta if we take it again this time?  Easy answer: because Peeta sucks, idiot. 

Love,

Kickness/Effie/Haypitch

Alcaballic Rex - TX Live

Oh hi there.

Alcaballic Rex here.  We've had so much fun this season that apparently its really hard to describe.

"Chronicle our adventures this season?  WTF?!  We can't even."  I would attribute that quote to someone on my team, but I made it up.


​

We got down.  We partied.  Some of us were in a karaoke room for 3 hours on a Sunday afternoon singing our faces off to celebrate a teammate's birthday.  That's just what we do.

But after the shenanigans, the games, the costumes, the friends, and the impromptu dance parties in the outfield, what's really left?  What has this season really been about?

The fact that I haven't tripped and gotten a good solid mouthful of ground on the way to first base even once this season, that's what. 


NOT EVEN ONCE.  #KevinDidntFeelLikeAnIdiotForAnEntireSeason
​

And now, a puppy catching a ball:

OMG​ADORBZ

Its two whole weeks until next season.  Come by the Alcaballics game so I can high five the crap out of all of you to tide you over.

Large Hardon Collider

This is getting painful. Does anybody write these things anymore? Or maybe a better question: Is anybody even reading these things?

I will now pretend that no one is listening and proceed to ignorantly ramble on while uncaringly exercising my right to free-association.

I miss the Relax trash-talking posts.

I miss posts of Stephen reminiscing about dinosaurs, Legos, and a better, less-complicated time known as the 90s.

I miss the for-some-stupid-reason-retired, brown WAKA color.

I miss Crystal Pepsi because it was soooo crisp…

and that Orbitz drink because why WOULDN’T I need semi-edible balls floating around in my drink?

Caption font: Can you imagine the fucking insane cocktails we could make with that now?!

I miss watching Gummi Bears and having it be socially acceptable to eat Totino’s Pizza Rolls.

(GIF MISSING)

Totino’s fo lyfe.

Alcaballics Rex

That rain, tho... I don't know if all of you played spring season, but over here we are seriously hoping El Niño doesn't rear its soggy head again. Unfortunately the sloppy vs. sloppy game of us playing the Punts didn't happen, but we are looking forward to one ridiculous end of the season make up. 

But on a real tip... Can we take a moment to address the lack luster attendance at The Park this season? What do you all have to work on Friday morning? WELL GROW UP. So do we. And we still go hard. We have a preschool teacher on the Alcaballics Rex who is molding the youngest minds of tomorrow's leaders and she still gets her ass to the bar every week and is quite arguably the drunkest person there (I'm looking at you, Rachel!) So in short, be there or be laaaaaame. 

Miley - TX Republic

Large Hardon Collider

Ladies and gentleballers, we have upped the ante. Again.

You may or may not have seen a giant Artie penis running around the bar last week. Wait, let me clarify…Artie dressed up in a giant penis costume. Let me introduce to you our newest, and most lovable/hilarious, weekly ritual:

LVP (Least Valuable Player)

That’s right folks, at the end of each game we put up nominations for who made the funniest, worst play, and for their reward they get to be the most popular person at the bar.

So when you see King Dong drinking the pain away, feel free to console them in any creative way possible because they probably did something like this:

As an aside I would like to quickly give a shout out to all the teams we’ve played this season. All of our games have been super fun and everyone has been a great sport. All of our refs have been top notch as well. Give yourselves a pat on the back!

Also don’t forget that it’s Week 5 and thus officially approved to bang your favorite, willing teammate!

Good luck to you all. 

Large Hardon Collider

Hey Everybody! Rodney Dangerzone here, sliding in as the Large Hardon Collider publicist this week. Week 4 already?! Wow, time flies when you’re humping all over the world! Last month I red-rocketed my way down to South America for a quick Peru/Bolivia pelvic breaching. My keepers made sure to document the festivities, so here are some of the throbbing highlights!

The elevation had me feeling extra flaccid, so I decided to spank things up a notch with a quick rip of that sweet, sweet Bolivian nose candy. It burned a little going down, but had me fully engorged lickety-split! With that Prince Albert-esque headache gone, and a confusing but miraculous curing of my Hep M-Q, I was ready to FLLLYYYYY! HOP ON BOYS!

Of course 30 minutes later it was limp city all over again. All good erections must come to an end, so I set out to find some new travel buddies. One only has to open their eyes in order to feast on the majesty of all sorts of indigenous hardons.

Twinsies! This buddy was a little rough around the shaft, but we were docking in no time flat. He quickly introduced me to some other like-circumcised individuals that were a real hoot!

Caption: I think the one on the left said he was from Canada.

Now to think that ol’ RDG was all sightseeing and no play is just plain ludicrous. Why, here’s a picture right here of a nice little lady seeking the pleasures that I had to offer. Only…it was slightly…complicated.

Rodney always finds a way though, and this Bolivian beauty was no different. The trip wasn’t all slip-sliding into bear traps though. You might even say in this little sexcapade I found the perfect fit!

I’ll leave you with that nice juicy image to remember me by until Thursday, when you can come over and introduce yourself. Try not to confuse me with that dick-holster, Gregory. He’s led a charmed life, and I…well I’ve been through some shit. Dark things that no fledgling wang should ever have to slog his way through. You’ll notice me by my slightly deflated, but cheery smile. Kick on sweet ballers.

-Rodney Dangerzone

KickInThePUNT

It's Kickin the Punt representing from New Orleans this week. Captains are off for a vacation so well timed they will get all of their Bourbon Street drinking and debauchery done and out of the way without even missing a game. It's hella hot here(like in Austin) but with a heat index making you feel like a puddle after a few minutes in the sun.

The trip overlapped with a wacky red dress event(literally thousands of people wearing red dresses..and being drunk fools) that made us just miss our fellow red-ball loving team and league! Don't y'all worry, we will come back and be more than ready to kick your punt!