#AllColorsSaurus Rex

Rainbows vs Neon was the hot debate on GroupMe this week, and rather than let our strong opinions about which was a superior theme divide us, we've decided that this week #allcolorsmatter. Nothing says fun theme night like a hashtag that feels just vaguely racist!

Baby night resulted, unsuprisingly, in another #picoftheweek win and BOOMTOWN another belt win for The Rex, putting us at 16 points on the season and officially lapping the incumbent Hardons. I've started posting pictures on behalf of other teams so that they can be part of the fun too, I believe in you guys!

This week's featured violet saurischians include Rugby star and part time kickball player Rob Jaskula, 6 time winner of "best male butt on the team" Clay Porter, and unicorn-riding sexy satyr Jim Duchnowski!

BabySaurus Rex

One of the big reasons for the PurpleSaurus extinction scare was some key elements disappearing to do the opposite of going extinct: PROCREATING! The fruits of our loins are now big enough to join us at the field, and 7 PM games are now BabySaurus Rex outings for Madison, Sawyer, and Adler. Look for the tiny crawling fresh-out-of-the-egg adorableness on the sideline this week!

As promised, you'll be meeting two more players each week via trading card. This week is PurpleSaurus Co-Captain Heide Danysh and Super-Mom Kristie Kelly!

Week 3 Power Rankings

Rank - Team - Δ - Summary

1 - Finkick Odair - N/A

The evil empire shows no signs of decay.

2 - FRESH BRU - N/A

The student has not yet become the master.

3 - The Tyrannical Tea Baggers - N/A

RE: run ruling the new guys 

4 -  Plan B - N/A

Their strength of victory over LHC Girth is higher than T&Bs was. HMMMMM.

5 - Tight and Bright - N/A

Wish I could rank them lower for Andre being a D-yoosh.

6 - Sit On My Base - N/A

Got in their first "Welcome to Capital" game.

7 - Large Hardon Collider - Girth - N/A

Most concerning about LHC is not their lack of scoring on the field, but limited scoring on the Life of the Party front. Has this team lost its way? Has playing in capital changed them that much?

8 - Large Hardon Collider - Length - N/A

The dubious distinction of the first run-rule of the season, but also seem to be struggling to get it up for the party afterwards. What's going on under the hood!?

9 - Pitches be Trippin' -  N/A

Strong scoring game against what I think is going to end up being one of the top teams in the conference, PBT is officially my early pick to run away with this conference.

10 - Booooze on First! -  N/A
As I expected they played well and got their first win with their players actually available to play.

11 - At Least We're Having Fun - N/A

Winning consistently but quietly, doing their best to be good but not "too good".

12 - Red Ball and V0dka - N/A

Just pooped on PSR, but seemed entertained with the on-field shenanigans.

13 - Kickin' Grass and Takin' Names - ↑1

I expect to be able to bump them up even further in the rankings as the weeks progress.

14 - Brown Guys and Friends -  ↓1

Lost a tight one and brought the party, strong contenders for funnest team in the league to play against / ref for.

15 - Jacked to the Kicks - N/A

On the board with their first W, should be something like a .500 team if my gut is right.

16 - Do You Even Kick Bro? - N/A

Two runs is better than no runs.

17 - Sons of Pitches Kickin The Punt - N/A

Alright back to their losing ways, but I'm not convinced this team isn't secretly good at kickball. Will report back after playing them this week.

18 - PurpleSaurus Rex -  N/A

Despite their pitcher hurling his best (decidedly average) stuff, there's not a ton of defense available here. Big celebration for their first run of the season though!

Large Hardon Collider - Length

To Whom it May Concern,

We have the Life of the Party belt, and we're not giving it back! After having the belt all summer, it's developed a serious case of Stockholm syndrome, and doesn't want to leave us. You can just take our word on that.

Frankly, we don't think you want it back. After countless nights of partying with some of the most notorious degenerates in the league, the belt has developed a pretty serious case of alcoholism and an insatiable appetite for dirty movies (we're not sure who turned it on to those).

We will, however, CONSIDER returning the belt if the following conditions are met:

- $1,000,000.00 in unmarked bills, or a free beer for LHC captains at Toss after this week's game, whichever comes first.
- The "no shirt, no shoes, no service" policy at Toss is amended to include a special "Robbie" clause, in which especially hairy men may enter sans shirt, as long as their chest hair can be mistaken for a shirt from far away.
- LHC-Length and SOP/KTP get a rematch of last week's bar game; not for points, just bragging rights.

If and when these demands are met, we'll meet with the rest of the council of Hardons and discuss the handing over of our precious belt. In the meantime, you can eat our shorts.

Sincerely,

The Large Hardon Collider

Week 3 Picks

PERFECTION Y'ALL. 9-0 LAST WEEK. Bask in the glory that is me.

Regular Season Record: 15-3-0 (.833)

THIS WEEK'S PICKS

Game 1: Tight and Bright vs The Tyrannical Teabaggers
Tight and Bright -.5

Game 2: At Least We're Having Fun vs Brown Guy and Friends
At Least We're Having Fun -2.5

Game 3: Finkick Odair vs Large Hardon Collider - Length
Finkick Odair -8.5

Game 4: Kickin' Grass & Takin' Names vs Red Ball and V0dka
Kickin' Grass & Takin' Names -1.5

Game 5: Booooze on First! vs Do You Even Kick, Bro?

Booooze on First! -2.5

Game 6: Sit On My Base vs Large Hardon Collider - Girth
Sit On My Base -.5

Game 7: FRESH BRU vs Plan B
FRESH BRU -2.5

Game 8: Pitches Be Trippin' vs Jacked to the Kicks

Pitches Be Trippin' -4.5

Game of the Week: PurpleSaurus Rex vs Sons of Pitches Kickin the Punt
The true battle for the bottom has arrived: a new challenger has appeared! Sons of PItches Kickin the Punt has been comfortably claiming the bottom rung of the TX Live ladder for far too long, shrugging of challengers like it ain't no thang, but this season is something different. Two games in PurpleSaurus Rex boasts a -16 run differential and has only scored one run thus far in the season. Who will prevail in this clash of titans? Insider info says PurpleSaurus is bringing 3 infant cheerleaders to the game, will they even be paying attention? Will SOPKTP have another creepy babysitter theme in retaliation? Stay tuned to find out.
Sons of Pitches Kickin the Punt -1.5

Week 2 Power Rankings

Rank - Team - Δ - Summary

1 - Finkick Odair - N/A

Shitting on dreams already.

2 - FRESH BRU - ↑2

Big week one win over the Tea Baggers has vaulted them right into serious consideration as contenders. Insiders apparently already knew this, but the league rep is not an insider.

3 - The Tyrannical Tea Baggers - ↓1

Stinging loss to the team that knocked them out of last seasons playoffs. New additions to the team need time to gel before they get moving.

4 -  Plan B - ↓1

The scoreboard doesn't represent that they were actually carrying a lead into the 4th and then a gave up a 2 out rally that could have been cut off 7 runs early if not for an untimely error. They'll rebound.

5 - Tight and Bright - N/A

Haven't seen them against the best in the league yet, so leaving them here for now.

6 - Sit On My Base - ↑2

A whole slew of new talent could make this a legit team after a few weeks to learn the ropes.

7 - Large Hardon Collider - Girth - ↓1

Give em a few weeks to remember how to play for realsies, they'll find it!

8 - Large Hardon Collider - Length - ↓1

Gotta capitalize on the winnable games, but with a healthy infusion of new players means they still need to learn the game a bit.

9 - Pitches be Trippin' -  ↑3

Injury ravaged my white ass Scott!

10 - Booooze on First! -  ↑1

These guys took a loss due to a forfeit, but actually looked really good in the exhibition game that I reffed. Once they get their ladies to show up, WATCH OUT!

11 - At Least We're Having Fun - Girth - ↓2

Won on a forfeit but lost the exhibition 8-5, which bumps them down a touch.

12 - Red Ball and V0dka - ↓2

Scraped together a 1 run win over SOPKTP, is this the rudderless version of RBV we saw at the beginning of last season? 5 runs is about what they gave up all last season...

13 - Brown Guys and Friends -  N/A

Clean win over this chill AF bros, looks like I had these guys about right.

14 - Kickin' Grass and Takin' Names - ↑3

Newbie contender alert! This team looked legit on their first outing, and I wouldn't be shocked to see them continue to rise.

15 - Jacked to the Kicks - ↑1

While outclassed a bit by the opponent last week, these folks are no shlubs.

16 - Do You Even Kick Bro? - ↓2

Their captain has the best shirt in the league. #fact

17 - Sons of Pitches Kickin The Punt - ↑1

Five runs against a top 5 team? New look team?

18 - PurpleSaurus Rex -  ↓3

With a strong -11 scoring differential we have a new bottom of the barrel champion. Move over SOPKTP!

Week 2 Picks

Came out of the gate with a homer pick, a surprising new team, and a new look Capital team tripping up my picks, but .666 isn't bad!

Regular Season Record: 6-3-0 (.666)

THIS WEEK'S PICKS

Game 1: FRESH BRU vs Finkick Odair
Finkick Odair -1.5

Game 2: Large Hardon Collider - Girth vs Plan B
Plan B -3.5

Game 3: Booooze On First! vs Brown Guy and Friends
Booooze On First -1.5

Game 4: Do You Even Kick, Bro? vs Jacked to the Kicks
Jacked to the Kicks -2.5

Game 5: Kickin' Grass & Takin' Names vs Pitches Be Trippin'
Pitches Be Trippin' -2.5

Game 6: Tight and Bright vs Sit On My Base
Tight and Bright -3.5

Game 7: The Tyrannical Tea Baggers vs Large Hardon Collider - Length
Teabaggers -5.5

Game 8: Sons of Pitches Kikin the Punt vs At Least We're Having Fun
At Least We're Having Fun -4.5

Game of the Week: PurpleSaurus Rex vs Red Ball and V0dka
Caitlin has arbitrarily decided the outcome of this game with no regard for what actually happens on the field. In a total coincidence, her team wins.
Reb Ball and V0dka -4.5

PurpleSaurus Rex

Apparently you jack-holes didn't get the memo about PurpleSaurus Rex being the apex predator of the TX Live ecosystem, because Pitches be Trippin' quite RUDELY scored 11 runs on us without spotting us a single score.

There's a silver lining though y'all. Predicting our misfortune, Booooze on First! asked five of their women to not attend last week's game, causing them to forfeit and take negative points in the standings. Thanks to their selfless sacrifice, PurpleSaurus Rex is

NOT LAST PLACE!
NOT LAST PLACE!
EVERYTHING'S A CHANT!

If you haven't met Denver the Dinosaur, here he is looking fly in all his PurpleSaurus Swag:

Denver only fucks winners, so he goes home with the MVP of the game each week and does cool dinosaur shit with them all week. Our week 1 MVP Alan Butters took Denver to the woodshop where he helped cut, glue, clamp, and plane some butcher block!

Look forward to more adventures of Denver! Also I'll be introducing the team with their official PurpleSaurus Rex trading cards of the course of the season. This week? PurpleSaurus Rex founder and yours truly: Stephen Moursund, and our intrepid captain Ashley Compton!

I'd like to predict a win this week but our quarterback is dealing with a fractured vertebrae and we have a rookie starting, so we're just going to have to hope for the best.

Love,
PurpleSaurus Rex

Large Hardon Collider - Length

Hardon Haiku

music butts too loose
capital might be better
much too tight poop chutes :(

Welcome to the GMOT

Welcome to the Ghost Man on Third blog! Here you will find all manner of high end prose and poetry, incisive and in-depth journalism, and poignant art (often of the meme and .gif genre). It is a repository of WAKA love, knowledge, memories, and above all trash talk.

Each week will see the posting of two permanent columns: the Weekly Picks and Power Rankings. Also included each week will be the contents of any message sent to waka.gmot@gmail.com, be it a breakdown of your previous victory, a call out of your next victim, the relating of a beautiful tale of kickball love, awkward pictures of the league coordinator, or anything else your minds can imagine.

As a public service to the league, contributions to the blog will be rewarded with one social point added to your tally for the week, bringing you one step closer to the glory of the Party Belt. Participation is entirely voluntary, but all the cool kids are doing it so don't be an L7 weenie.

I look forward to dazzling you with my incredible precognition in the picks and power rankings, and am even more excited to see the league generated content that I know will flow into my inbox like the cool refreshing waters of a mountain stream.

Love,
Stephen

PurpleSaurus Rex Returns

One could be forgiven for thinking that some sort of enormous meteor strike had lead to the mass extinction of PurpleSaurus Rex, after all we haven't been seen since the Spring of 2015 when Papa Purple departed for paternity leave, but rumors of our demise have been drastically overstated. After a reunion tournament at Keep WAKA Weird Weekend we've returned en force to once again rule over all we survey, the tyrant lizard kings of TX Live! Tonight marks a PurpleSplosion of dino glitter (purple glitter is actually PurpleSaurus semen, it's how we procreate), inflatable creatures of ancient might, and really aggressive party punch.

You're all invited to be bold and introduce yourselves (if we dont just glitter bomb/dry hump/shred your flesh with our mighty claws and devour your glittering entrails first) or simply bask in the glory of our presence.

A team 65 million years in the making.

TX Live Spring 2016 Survey Responses

Hey Folks! You had concerns, I'm addressing them here! The following are direct quotations from last season's end of season survey in bold, with my comments below them.

"I love Gillis but the fields need repair. Especially the field with the backstop. Also, field lines are worth it."
You're right, they do need repair! Unfortunately the parks department has limited resources that can be directed toward neighborhood park maintenance beyond routine mowing and keeping the lights on, so it's time we took matters into our own hands. That's why next Sunday we're going to Make Gillis Great Again! If you're interested in helping improve the quality of our playing surface and home, please join us. CLUBWAKA will be providing soil and all the tools I have in my backyard, but shovels, rakes, and bodies are all needed.

"Don't force teams to move to the upper league unless they are really good." "Why have relegation/promotion? Have a council of refs/captains that decide if a team should or shouldn't be promoted."
Our conference system is something I've been tweaking since 2011, and the current format has provided by far the best parity we've ever had. Promotion/relegation combined with captains' rankings to determine those best suited to what conference protects against several natural tendencies of having competitive teams:

1. A few teams establish themselves as a step ahead of the rest competitively.
2. The gap gets bigger due to the most competitive players wanting to play on the teams most likely to win.
3. Good teams that just have no shot drop down to the less competitive conference for a better chance at a 'ship.
4. End result: 2-3 ultra competitive teams that nobody wants to play against, and a "fun" conference that actually has 5 really good teams that curb stomp newbies and turn everyone off to the game.

By promoting the Music conference champion and voting to fill any empty spots in the Capital conference, good teams sandbagging into a less competitive environment for a better chance to win is prevented and everyone in the Music conference has a better time. In the Capital conference, we have a broader range of teams and new faces every season that keeps things from getting stale and nasty. Relegation protects teams who are outclassed in Capital by ensuring them a trip to Music the following season. The system isn't perfect of course, but it's the best I've seen!

"We need a new bar! The same bar EVERY season is getting old. Let's switch it up, if possible."  "Consider Toss Pizza for next bar sponsor."

You wanted it, I made it happen. You're welcome. Here are the DETAILS! 

"Better bar games, bar games this season were mostly dumb."

This is a subjective assessment that many people may disagree with, but it brings up a really good question. Why don't we play beer pong? Flip cup? Quarters? The answer is pretty simple: the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission forbids it. I actually contacted them back in 2015 asking for clarification and was told that section 45.103 of the Texas Administrative Code (specifically article C 10) has been interpreted to disallow drinking games. This, of course, is a TOTALY HORSESHIT interpretation that they pulled out of their asses, but it doesn't change the fact that the TABC will go after the license holder if they permit drinking games to take place on the premises, which is why it's categorically disallowed by any establishment interested in not being fined / losing their license.

As to the party games that we do play, the silly minute-to-win-it style competitions are supposed to be dumb. They're ridiculous in order to loosen you up and get you out of your comfort zone and interacting with players from other teams, which is why they count for "social" points!

TX Live Week 1 Picks

Welcome back to another season of Stephen not using any sort of advanced analytics, rhyme, or real reason at all and making controversial picks and setting arbitrary lines for games. Remember, CLUBWAKA does not endorse sports betting or gambling in any fashion, but if Justin gets out that green plastic visor y'all better let me know so I can hit the ATM.

Regular Season Record: 0-0-0 (.000)

THIS WEEK'S PICKS

Game 1: Large Hardon Collider Length vs TBD-Cumming Soon
LHC -1.5

Game 2: At Least We're Having Fun vs Booooze On First!
At Least We're Having Fun -3.5

Game 3: Do You Even Kick, Bro? vs Brown Guy and Friends
Brown Guy and Friends -1.5

Game 4: Jacked to the Kicks vs Kickin' Grass & Takin' Names
Jacked to the Kicks -3.5

Game 5: Large Hardon Collider Girth vs Tight and Bright
Tight and Bright -2.5

Game 6: Pitches Be Trippin' vs PurpleSaurus Rex
PurpleSaurus Rex -6.5

Game 7: Red Ball and V0dka vs Sons of Pitches Kickin the Punt
Red Ball -3.5

Game 8: Plan B vs Finkick Odair
Finkick Odair -2.5

Game of the Week: The Tyrannical Tea Baggers vs FRESH BRU
Talk about a grudge match! Tea Baggers are NOT accustomed to being eliminated in the quarterfinals, in fact I can't recall the last time it happened. Watching those guys walk off the field after FRESH BRU's go-ahead inning was like watching the Mariners walk off the field after THIS HAPPENED last night. They're gonna come out firing hard, but FRESH BRU ain't no rookie bitch anymore. I couldn't be MORE EXCITED about a week one game, which is probably why I scheduled it.
FRESH BRU -.5

TX Live Week 1 Power Rankings

Rank - Team - Δ - Summary

1 - Finkick Odair - N/A

Another 'ship, another seasons starting at the top of the standings.

2 - The Tyrannical Tea Baggers - N/A

Picked up some key players that should be welcome additions, but there may be an adjustment period.

3 -  Plan B - N/A

The next edition of $hit Circu$ is cracking the top 3 for the first time after going to the Capital final last season.

4 - FRESH BRU - N/A

Breakout performance in the Spring post-season where they knocked off the Teabaggers in the quarters, and they'll be looking to build on that for another run.

5 - Tight and Bright - N/A

Welcome back to the show! After several seasons off they've decided to quit mucking about with name changes and call it what it is: the one and only TNB.

6 - Large Hardon Collider - Girth - N/A

No idea what exactly to expect from this crew but with an infusion of talent from the Alcaballics they could definitely surprise people/

7- Large Hardon Collider - Length - N/A

Probably the most free agents I've ever put on a Capital team, but sheer gumption will likely win them a couple of games.

8 - TBD-Cumming Soon - N/A

Word on the street is that the leading candidate for actually naming this team is "Sit On My Base", which is my favorite punny name (if you have to have a punny name).

9 - At Least We're Having Fun - Girth - N/A

Stole a few up in capital, but not enough to avoid relegation. Should be immediate contenders in Music.

10 - Red Ball and V0dka - N/A

Barely avoided being bumped up to capital, and while their defense is reliably stalwart this crew seems to have trouble scoring runs and wins a lot of 1 run games. Still a threat in a theoretically weaker conference this season.

11 - Booooze on First! -  N/A

Our top ranked team coming over from Wednesday, they'll be adjusting to bunting and may take a while to acclimate.

12 - Pitches be Trippin' -  N/A

Scott has finally embraced the heritage of the team name after letting another team adopt it last season, and while they should be solid on paper they were ravaged by off-season injuries.

13 - Brown Guys and Friends -  N/A

As of last season this team officially loosened up and decided to play the everyone wins game that features an active flip cup table and strong bar presence. Me likey.

14 - Do You Even Kick Bro? - N/A

Had to take a few free agents to make the squad happen this season, which just means I'm jealous of the people whose first CLUBWAKA experience will be on this always-fun team.

15 - PurpleSaurus Rex -  N/A

The brand is back after a Keep WAKA Weird Weekend outing reinvigorated the dino lovefest. All the competitive players have jumped ship so this will likely be the total shitshow team of years past.

16 - Jacked to the Kicks - N/A

Another Wednesday transplant, I have little to know knowledge of their game but look forward to learning more!

17 - Kickin' Grass and Takin' Names - N/A

A new crew that has totally maxed out their roster with 26 players. Don't expect much in the early weeks until they learn the ropes, but I have high hopes for a team that likes to party.

18 - Sons of Pitches Kickin The Punt - N/A

My favorite and most reliably ranked team in the league.

Playoff Picks

Finish the season a hair under .700, once again failing to hit my arbitrarily set goal for the season. And I was doing so well! Now for the real shit: PLAYOFF PICKS!

Regular Season Record: 39-15-7 (.696)

CAPITAL BRACKET

Ro8 1: Caesar Kickerman vs At Least We're Having Fun
Caesar Kickerman -5.5

Ro8 2: A Nu Start vs Slumpbusters
Slumpbusters -3.5

Ro8 3: They Tyrannical Teabaggers vs Fresh Bru
Teabaggers -4.5

Ro8 4: $hit Circu$ vs The Legendary Red Rockets
$hit Circu$ -2.5

Semifinal 1: Caesar Kickerman vs Slumpbusters
Caesar Kickerman -2.5 

Semifinal 2: The Tyrannical Teabaggers vs $hit Circu$
The Tyrannical Teabaggers -1.5

Capital Championship: Caesar Kickerman vs The Tyrannical Teabaggers
It may be the boring and expected championship matchup pick, but it sure as hell seems to be the likely one in this field. Kickerman is looking towards Founders Cup with this roster, which leads me to believe they're going to be in championship form for this game.
Caesar Kickerman -2.5 

MUSIC BRACKET

Play-In 1: Alcaballic Rex vs Do You Even Kick, Bro?
Alcaballic Rex -3.5

Play-In 2: Blue Bandits vs Sons of Pitches Kickin' the Punt
Blue Bandits -2.5

Ro8 1: Large Hardon Collider - Girth vs Alcaballic Rex
Alcaballic Rex -1.5 UPSET ALERT!

Ro8 2: Red Ball & Vodka vs Gary Kick Jr.
Gary Kick Jr -1.5 UPSET ALERT!

Ro8 3: Large Hardon Collider - Length vs Blue Bandits
Large Hardon Collider - Length -2.5

Ro8 4: Pitche$ B Trippin' vs Freeballers
Pitche$ B Trippin' -1.5

Semifinal 1: Alcaballic Rex vs Gary Kick Jr
Gary Kick Jr -1.5

Semifinal 2: Large Hardon Collider - Length vs Pitche$ B Trippin'
Pitche$ B Trippin -1.5 UPSET ALERT!

Music Championship: Gary Kick Jr. vs Pitche$ B Trippin'
Everyone is all too aware of the promotion to the Capital conference that comes with a Music title, which accounts for many of the upsets seen in this bracket: managerial decisions to play sub-optimal lineups in order to have a good time but not go all the way. The team with the most pride goes the furthest! After PBT got spanked last week I predict they'll be unable to "turn it off" and go full bore to the title, consequences be damned. Gary Kick Jr. is one of those teams that gets crippled by one or two errors all too often, and I see the same thing happening in the final.
Pitche$ B Trippin' -1.5