Awful Waffles

Hi kids,

It's time for another round of good news/bad news.

GOOD NEWS:
1) Your awful waffles beat ballin' bambinos.  The game was fun and, although it was a bit one sided, they were a pretty fun team.
2) We play faceballs tonight.  The only thing that could be cooler than that was if their name was googleplusballs.
3) Our "juice" jug will be filled and ready to go tonight again.  You should find us on the fields and grab some nutritious and delicious juice!  Well be the ones in our brand spanking new waffle shirts.

BAD NEWS:
1)No rocking homemade waffle images in this GMOT entry.
2) Nothing you could ever do will ever match the awesomeness in this image, sorry:

(no trophies were harmed in this picture)

happy kickball day

forever yours,
awful waffles

Get Drunk, Kick Away

If you cared to know, it is indeed a strange feeling to be a part of perfection. As the franchise of GDKA stands , we have a perfect all time record. It wasn’t easy to get to this point; the booming leg of Christopher “Hey Baby” Saum driving in the first (and only) run of the game, the deceiving curve of Chris “Channel 4 News” Tavarez, and the lock down defense on second from Julie “Game Face” Rochelle were all critical to our immediate success.

Faceballs-- you played well, and I’m sorry you had to be the first speed bump on our drunk freeway to glory. You will not be alone for long though “…But We’re Good at Flip Cup” will soon be paved into the brotherhood of losing.

After a landslide vote, our team spirit award go to Timothy “Did I Slide?” Poole for embodying the nature of our name. We’ll be on field two this week,with John Dalys to spare, come say hi and meet the new team on the block.

With absolutely no bias whatsoever the Purpleman (who I have not known for 5 years, and would definitely not being playing on our team if he could run) picked us to win this week. BOOM!

Walk of Shame

Last season was a great season for Walk of Shame. Sure it didn't end exactly how we visioned it in 4th place and all. But that's okay. We've been asked numerous times how we feel about how everything played out. There's only one person who can accurately portray what it was like for us at the end of last season, and that is Detective Alonzo Harris in the movie Training Day. Some of you may know him by his government name, Denzel Washington. But to us, he will always be Alonzo.

Here, he realizes all his money is being taken away and instead of going after the guy with his money, he chooses to hold the entire neighborhood accoutable. Which is kind of how we feel about all of you this season. We are holding each of you accountable for how it went down. And just like Alonzo is "putting cases on all of you bitches", we're coming to beat the crap out of all of you bitches on the field. Liver Let Die was first.... Upper Deckers, you're next. Thank you for the inspiration Detective Alonzo. RIP.

Big League Chew

All I heard all week was how great the Teabaggers were, and how they were gonna score SOOO many runs. In fact, after winning the coin toss and choosing to be home, BLC listened to the other side talk about how excited they were to get an extra at bat in the game! Too bad we shut them out through 3 innings. I will admit the Teabaggers are fast/fun/and in this case better, eventually breaking out of their slump to beat us 6-0... so maybe I shouldn't be talking trash... but BLC took some big steps, and the newbies played great! Oh, and a special thanks to Kicks Like Jesus! I can't imagine that when an umpire and the entire roster of one team asks you to slide over (so you don't interfere) that you would just ignore it. Especially after clearly preventing our first baseman from making a catch a second earlier. This can only mean that you are too slow to coordinate something so complicated. I realize moving 10 feet is difficult, even for the smartest 5 year old, but maybe next time your collective brain mass can get it done. Or maybe not.

Thanks again Teabaggers for being awesome. Good luck this season.

D Bags

Dbags lost to Suck my Kick...yeah, yeah , yeah, whatever. We played like dog shit. We couldn't kick for shit, we were rusty and Joey was drunk( big surprise). We'll get our shit together come playoffs which is all that really matters and teams like Suck my kick won't even belong on the same field as us. I mean let's be honest 9 out of 10 times we destroy Suck my Kick and they know it, especially ole "easy out." We are awesome and y'all suck. Fin.

CANDY VAN

CANDY VAN IS THE BEST TEAM ALIVE.
IF CANDY VAN WERE A KITTEN I WOULD DEFINITELY RESCUE IT FROM A TREE AND THEN TAKE IT HOME AND CUDDLE AND LOVE IT BECAUSE KITTENS ARE F*CKING ADORABLE. NO ONE MESSES WITH KITTENS, JUST LIKE NO ONE MESSES WITH CANDY VAN.
IF I HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN PLAYING KICKBALL WITH CANDY VAN OR PUNCHING A GRANDMA IN THE RIGHT BOOB 5 TIMES, I WOULD DEFINITELY PUNCH THE GRANDMA 10 TIMES BECAUSE I'M TWICE AS EXCITED TO PLAY ON CANDY VAN.
CANDY VAN RULES EVERYONE ELSE DROOLS
No but for real. I would do anything for Candy Van because they are the funnest best most attractive people I've ever met in my whole life and I want to be as cool as them. They even have a cool logo of a guy with a mustache and they joke about pedophilia, which is literally the funniest thing in the entire planet in my opinion. I literally would die for candy van and then continue to love them from my place next to God the Almighty Savior because I am a martyr for the cause that is candy van which is also the best cause in the entire earth. Because If Jesus was still alive and kicking (PUN INTENDED) he would be kickin' it with CANDY VAN because they are basically gods in their own right.

I SERIOUSLY LOVE CANDY VAN WITH ALL OF MY BODY BUT MOSTLY WITH MY ADULT PARTS
I would kick Justin Bieber in his wee wee and then make him lick the faces and armpits of 100 sweaty poo farming child laborers if it meant CANDY VAN would win the championship.

Team Easy!

While I enjoyed the Spring season, I think we can all agree that it lacked the pizazz, flamboyance, and heavy petting of seasons past. One could argue this was due to the outstretch field locations, or perhaps our league bar that was, eh, less than hospitable for 'our kind of people.' But those are all minor causes for a season that seemly forgot the second half of the kickball recipe: getting drunk and naked. If you search deeper in your heart, the answer will be presented to you on platform heels wrapped around a pole with a side of Motley Crue. You were missing Team Easy and the contemptible behavior our fellow easies brought to the table.

You all are in for a real treat this season because we have whipped up a tasty concoction of new talent that will rock your pantalones off. The PPD will be flowing, the music blastin, and our outfielders dancin.

 Summer season is here and we’re back! Hotter and easier than ever. You’re welcome.

-chief man whore

Awful Waffles

They say that hitting a baseball is the hardest thing to do in sports. A ball, three inches in diameter, being thrown at 95 mph that needs to be hit with a wooden cylinder from 60 feet away that you only have .5 seconds to react to. Seems pretty difficult. But that's all bull.


The hardest thing to do is to sacrifice everything and give all your blood, your sweat, your livers, to achieve the ultimate goal. The championship. But the biggest question is: what next?

Well if you're like the awful waffles you continue to do what you've been doing. Training, drinking, making t shirts, designing awesome images. So we are ready to repeat, obviously with the freshest batch of waffles that ever was!

A message for the new teams and players in the league: In life there is both good and evil. And what side you decide to place yourself on drives all of your future choices. Clearly, your awful waffles are on the side of good. And it is every good persons responsibility and honor to vanquish those that choose to stand in the way of good.

Ballin Bambinos, be forewarned, you stand on the precipice of a dangerous decision. Good or evil, the choice is yours.

WE HAVE THE POWER!!!

happy kickballs,
awful waffles

CANDY VAN: Pink Edition

Coming to you this summer: a team like no other. A team with 3 players who live 3 blocks from the field. A team that plans to collectively dominate Drunkest Girl at the Party, shredding any and all drunken competitors who dare to try to hijack our van.

We may have a bye this week, but that doesn't mean we might not still be at the field (sexually) harassing those playing, especially all those sexy people on Awful Waffles and Team Easy.

But, in case we get too drunk to stumble over to the fields/bar/life (likely), we'll see you next week. We'll be that drunk team in pink with the really attractive female captain named Tom.

CANDY VAN

Awful Waffles

The waffles are not amused.  We're good natured folk, that much is known.  We like to hang out, meet new people, drink some beers, flip some cups.  Everyone knows that.  Are we the best kickball players in the world?  No, we know that.  But we're pretty good.  So when someone picks us to lose in the first round to some upstart team that thinks its got their affairs in order, it's disappointing.  Not to us mind you because if we listened to every naysayer in the world we wouldn't be your persevering awful waffles. But it's disappointing to all other teams because it shows that the predictions arent being taken seriously.  So if I'm picked to win, I'd take it with a ginormous grain of salt.

Bring it purple dinosaurs.  Prepare to get waffled.

PS:  if waka Texas rangers win,  good for you guys!  And good luck!

disrespect fully intended,
awful waffles

Big League Chew

Top 10 Big League Chew Accomplishments of the Spring Season:

 

10. DeYoe and Nate injuring themselves at the same game, but not missing any subsequent games.Could have been a disaster but all the bye weeks this season got us through!

 

9. Elizabeth Medlin flirting with 3rd base coaches around the league, giving us a competitive advantage.

 

8. Stephen dressing like a colonist on Pirate night.

 

7. JZ bringing the sweet stereo system for the past couple weeks.

 

6. Party Barge! 

 

5. Bringing a table to 4 games but never actually getting a game of flip cup started at the fields. Not proud of this accomplishment.

 

4. Finally teaching Hazel all the rules! (kind of...)

 

3. Consuming 2 huge cartons of Big League Chew.

 

2. Ryan Haun Kicking a Home Run. If you've seen our offense, you know how big a deal this is.

 

1. The free shots we'll be drinking Saturday thanks to all these terrible GMOTS!

Big League Chew

Little BLC in the BIG CITY. So we may have had a little let down in week 8, forcing us from the 6 seed to the 8. We may be pretty shorthanded next Saturday with people graduating and leaving town for weddings. We may be a new group of rag tag kids, who've never even seen a kickball tournament, let alone played in one. BUT, don't count out Big League Chew! With a defense that gave up the 3rd fewest runs in the league, BLC is primed for a big playoff run!

Game 1 Delta Bravos: You are apparently big and fast, and you have played short handed a lot this season making you substantially underrated. BUT, we have a player straight off the boat from Ireland. Land of the keg toss and... other things. She might be small, but now that she understands the rules she's ready to take us to the next level

 

Game 2 Relax and Let It Happen: I've never even heard of you. Must be new to the league. Good luck facing our line-up, we got at least 5 or 6 people on first base last week. NBD. I know the playoffs can be scary for a new team, so we'll take it easy on you. I'm expecting 5-0.

 

Game 3 TBD: I can't wait until we throw crippled Stephen in at pitcher to rest Nate's arm.

 

Game 4 Win Championship: PUT IT ON THE BOARD!

Walk of Shame

Just two things thoughts today.

 

We have no (public) excuses. Hannah, you won last week. Be proud of that.

 

Relax... Sometimes my real thoughts get lost in translation. You may have some people with small athletic character flaws on your team, but I genuinely like you guys (honest) and I hope after we kick your monkey asses tonight, we can still be friends.

PurpleSaurus Rex!

Alright, I know it may APPEAR like we're one of the worst teams in the league, but I've got a secret to share. This whole season has actually been a social experiment in which we evaluate the reactions people have to defeating what any fool can see are superior athletes in kickball games. Results were mixed, but most of you demonstrated yourselves poorly: now is the time for our vengeance. We're actually going to try. And by try, I mean get just as sloppy as we usually do and somehow stumble into miraculous victory after miraculous victory as we upset an entire side of the bracket to run deep and get the top seeds shaking in their cleats. We are apex predators. We are PurpleSaurus.

Get Drunk, Kick Away (Summer 2012 Preview!)

Four scores and seven seasons ago our first basemen brought forth, upon this league, a new sentiment, conceived in libations, and dedicated to the proposition that "all men should kick the fuck away"
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether this league, or any league so conceived, and so dedicated, can long endure the scorn of management. We are met on a great battle field of that kickball diamond. We have come to dedicate a portion of it, as a final resting place for those who played before, so that the league might live. This we may, in all propriety do. But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate—we can not consecrate—we can not hallow, this ground—The brave men, living and capitaling, who struggled here, have hallowed it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here; while it can never forget the names of the great teams before us. It was for this we fight and for this we dream. To stand tall in the shadow of storied names, of teams current and old. We wish to mock the sobriety of our fellow league men, and to, with impunity, secure that all that follow  in the line-up will pull up their big boy pants and kick away. The powers that be may attempt to tarnish  these fields, these hallowed grounds, this diamond of dreams but we will know whether in name or spirit only we will be drunk and kicking away, for us, for the fallen soldiers left on the flip cup table, and for the sad souls lost to out of town jobs. 

Hannah Montana

Hannah!!  (enough said)

Walk of Shame

Just two thoughts today.

We have no (public) excuses. Hannah, you won last week. Be proud of that.

Relax... Sometimes my real thoughts get lost in translation. You may have some people with small athletic character flaws on your team, but I genuinely like you guys (honest) and I hope after we kick your monkey asses tonight, we can still be friends.

Relax and Let It Happen

We will just pretend last week didn't even happen. Sure we won 6-1 against Liver but when you've won as many games as we've won over the past 4 years (somewhere between 150-200) winning isn't enough, you need to win and look good doing it. Last week that was not the case, sure we were missing many of our regulars but we still all went home and burnt ourselves with lit cigarettes or maybe that was actually just our captain...

 

This week we play Walk of Shame @ 7:15 on field 1A. We encourage everyone new and old to come out, whether you're with us or you're against us it's always fun to watch Dre lose (trust us we've been doing it for years). The Walks will probably call this game a rivalry game and this and that so I've spent the week trying to figure out just which rivalry this could be compared to. I thought about Texas vs Texas A&M but I don't hate the Walks and they never beat us so that didn't fit. Then I considered Texas vs. Texas Tech but again they never beat us and on top of that there's only 1 or 2 whores on their team, the rest of them are very nice young ladies. So I did what any normal person would do, googled it. I found the perfect game that honestly nobody, including myself even knew was a rivalry. The criteria was 1) Only rivalries existing between BCS-conference schools are considered. and 2) Minimum of 50 game series history. The winner? Oklahoma vs. Iowa State with a series record of 68-5-2. I know I know, the Walks could never beat us 5 times but it's the closest thing I've got. I'm also aware of the good news for the Walks and that's that ISU won 26-6 IN Norman, OK last season, this may be your year!

 

With 1st place in our sights we will not lose, feel free to come celebrate with us after the game, have a drink, dance a little, make out, whatever you're in to. Until then, Relax and Let It Happen...

 

Love,

Relax

CANDY VAN

Dear fans of the Dre of Shame series,

I was lazy and only got one new trading card made. Expect more before playoffs.

I always wondered how Dre would look with some serious curls.