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Thursday, August 9, 2012

Awful Waffles


This GMOT may be the easiest GMOT I've ever had to write. Why? Because while all members of our delightful Candy Van squad are awesome and contribute a lot to society, some of our individual members simply go above and beyond, leaving the rest of us in the dust. So, thank you, Luis "Caramel Bear" O., for sending our group chat the best drunk and poorly typed booty text of all time, in all of the land.

Not that I blame him for trying to get some of our sweet, sweet Candy Van assets. I mean come on, look at us:

Some of us are actually attractive enough to hit on when you're sober, and the rest of us are at least 7s with beer goggles.

So, thank you, Luis, for the best drunk group text our creepy and weird GroupMe has ever seen. You're a Mexican hero, my friend, and we tip our sombreros to you.

Walk of Shame

Hannah, we still haven't forgotten about the last time you played us in the regular season. Unfortunately for you folks, we have a big playoff seeding riding on this game. We apologize in advance.
And with that said... Go Relax. (Sorry Teabagger friends, surely you understand)

Big League Chew

Relax are who we thought they were! And we let 'em off the hook. And by let them off the hook, I mean they beat us pretty badly. Honestly, it was a pretty good game for us. Nate "Choke Artist" Fox dropped an easy pop which cost us a couple runs, and there may have been one or two other errors that cost us another, but it was a decent defensive game against a good Capital team. Thankfully, our unde-win-ed season continues, with just one regular season game left. Liver Let Die tonight, and its the early game. A lot of our start moved back East over the past two weeks, but we're gonna give it our all and get ready for the Playoffs!

Playoffs? You're talking about playoffs? I just hope we can win a game!

Relax and Let it Happen

Usually this is how it goes:

1. I say we're going to teabag the teabaggers.
2. They kneel down, we straddle their faces, and place our collective balls all over their face.
3. Justin of the Teabaggers does his weird running bunt invention, Jay knows he does this so he pitches it slow to mess up his timing, and he never gets on base.
4. We win.

Teabaggers usually don't whine and complain like Walk of Shame, they don't act crazy to hide their inability to live up to their potential like Candy Van, and they're not douche bags like....well, like the D Bags.

They've recruited well and have a lot of speed, but without Barrett, where does that leave them? They've had a rough year. They lost to the aforementioned D bags and Candy Van, and beat hapless Walk of Shame. What's sad is that I think they're playing at their best. The Teabaggers team of 3 seasons ago would steam roll the DBags, and they used to win the close games against Candy Van.

On the other hand, you have Relax and Let it Happen. The dynasty. The reigning undefeated champions. The team everyone hates but respects. In the past couple of years we've slowly but surely lost the three-headed monster to the D Bags, but somehow we continue to rack up wins and champagne dance offs. With our eyes on another championship and another good showing at Vegas, we look to the Teabaggers as good warm up game.

Game is at 6:30. Come early and watch us take care of business. Until then, Relax and Let it Happen. 

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Team Easy!

The game of the season is finally here. And it’s promising to be the perfect parade of pocahontas pinkness.
In this week’s epic battle of drunken pinkness, Team Easy faces off with long-time drunken slutty rival, Candy Van, in this season’s PINK OFF!! There will be gallons of PPD and 'Pink Panther Rum Fizz' flowing, a dedicated 2nd base jello-shot station, DJ Nat Attack on the decks, and more pink than a 7-year-old girl’s bday party (that reference for you, Candy Van creepsters. Don’t get too excited. Ok, maybe a little is okay).
Our game is at 7:15 on Field #1, but it’s not like I’d have to tell you that. You’ll be looking over at us all night anyway.

I’m looking forward to another night of getting so drunk that we get cut-off at Egos (which I personally learned 2 weeks ago *is* possible, contrary to popular belief). Everyone is welcome to swing by and have some drinks/shots on us as we whore it up on the fields!

Here’s to PINK OFF / Disney Week!!

Big League Chew

I'll start out with the "bad" news. Big League Chew is no longer all-defeated. We gave it our best shot, but just couldn't come through. That being said, we are STILL undewin-ed!!!

Last week was the best performance our team has put forth all season. Aided by someone on the other team striking out swinging twice, and fouling out once, Big League Chew finally emerged not the loser! Unless you believe that everyone loses in a tie... which is probably true...

Nate Fox led the scoring for BLC with a HOME RUN! Well it wasn't so much a home run as it was a single and a really big error... but lets stick with HOME RUN! We also shuffled the fielding a bit, giving people a chance at some new positions, and letting S. Driskill show off his pitching prowess. This will be continued tonight.

Last but not least, while we had many heroes in the game, none were as significant as Amy Brunner! Way to score that game tying run! And great job Todd with the kick that made it happen.

Oh, and goodbye Marie. Thanks for all the memories, and for getting the last out. Bases loaded, chance to win the game, but you helped preserve our undewin-ed season! Tonight we will be without a number of teammates, but we will have Todd, Janice and Mari who are all playing their last game of the season. Won't be the same without you!

I think we play Relax. I've never heard of them, so I assume they are new to the league. Should be a piece of cake, right?


Honestly, I'm a huge slacker, and I couldn't really think of anything worthy of following up the epicness of Nicolas Cage being Candy Van's #1 fan. I tried to find a picture of good ol' Nic in a van, but he's such a stealthy creeper that no such photos exist on the interwebs.

This week, it's hard to talk too much trash. I mean, we're playing our slutty little sister team: Team Easy. We're like the older brother who used to tell his friends to stay away from his sister, but we gave up long ago after she got weird with the Varsity football team in the locker room. But you know what? We still love her, and we just can't hold it against her. Instead, we've taken the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em' approach and are ready for our epic battle of pink and easiness tonight. Field 1. 7:15. Any event that has a pre/post party at the Church of Chapa has got to end up being a complete sheet show, right? (pun intended)

So, come on out, check out our slutty pink outfits and our inability to play legitimate kickball. We're getting real WEIRD with our lineup, too. Who says you can't play sweet, sweet kickball when you're drawing positions at random from a hat?

(Sorry this GMOT is so lame. I am more focused on Tacodeli than anything else at the moment.)

Walk of Shame

Um... As much as our league president wants to hype this game up....

And why should we be....?

Ebony... Ivory.... Livin' in perfect harmony... Ebony... Ivory.... Livin' in perfect harmony....

Relax and Let it Happen

Well our normal GMOT artist JG decided not to write one this week, which actually makes perfect sense because he also decided not to play last week. Those of you saying waaaaait a minute I saw a black guy last week, well you're right, but I didn't say he decided not to come I said he decided not to play. In what was a record setting performance JG went up for his first kick in the first inning and after three strikes on THREE pitches he sat back down. Some of you may read this and say well I've swung and missed before, save your thoughts because JG did NOT swing. Strike one, Strike two, Strike three... Kudos to Kealey for getting in the record books for the quickest strike out of all time.

As far as the rest of the game goes, it ended 7-1. Liver played classy as always and it was our pleasure to engage in the competition with them. This week we play Big League Chew! This is the first ever match up between our dynasty and their team. If I had to guess I'd say 10-1, but who knows, we're just out there to get better each week and play one game at a time. It's a big game only because they're all big games. With a win this week we officially clinch our 90th regular season title, there's been a lot of media talk about whether we should rest our starters against the Teabaggers next week. Buuuuuut considering we don't really have any back ups something tells me they'll be playing. Come out next week and watch a game between what could be the two best kickball teams in the state of Texas.