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Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Nate Fox and the Less Eligible Bachelors

It was an inglorious end to a season of unfulfilled potential and unmitigated disappointment, all summed up in one inning of play. Short version - we played great defense all game and scored a couple of manufactured runs, then gave up 5 or 6 in the bottom of the last inning to lose the game.

Perhaps the whole experience is best summed up via audio:

That all being said, Suck My Kick is a great team. Special kudos to 3rd baseman with the arm bands: we gave you immeasurable amounts of shit and you were cool the whole game.

Moving on, I discovered last week that during 1995-1997 I unknowingly shared a zip code with our intrepid Live rep Megan Lundquist. We swapped stories and reminisced about the glory days back at Dwight D Eisenhower Middle School in San Antonio as members of the fightin' generals volleyball and football teams, partying hard at Laser Quest and kicking back with oreo shakes at EZ's. She also complained at length about her awkwardness and goofy-looking-ness as a middle schooler, which got me thinking. Didn't we get yearbooks? And don't I still have them? Shouldn't the world get to see this? Unfortunately Megan is old balls and was a grade ahead of me so I only have two pictures, but here's 7th grade Lundy:

Hey, nothing bad there right? Cute kid. Let's see how 8th grade turned out.

Uh oh! Looks like someone asked the stylist for "The Rachel" and it didn't work out so great. She mentioned a boy broke up with her because of this haircut ... can't say I blame him.

Now, in all fairness I can't put up pictures of Megan and no pictures of myself. 6th and 7th grade weren't very exciting, just your average kid. Luckily though I hit my stride in 8th grade with the braces, the horrible acne, and the glorious middle part. BEHOLD!

Alright ladies, settle down. Stop making out with the computer screen. See y'all at the All-Star game!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Varsity Brews

Last week’s game against Power Bottoms was a pretty phenomenal game. We won the game, and had one huge inning early on where we were able to score quite a few runs. But what made the game great, was the intensity and sportsman ship that both teams brought to the field. As one of the refs pointed out, it was the most intense Live game she had seen. Both teams were playing well, but still kept the mood of the game fun. Also, props to the awesome ‘staches on the other team. A few members of Power Bottoms were definitely rocking some sweet ‘staches.

Power Bottoms, it was lots of fun to play you guys, and I look forward to meeting up on the field again.

Raul “El Suave” managed to get a full count, something many of us had never seen in kickball. What made his full count extra awesome was the fact that on what could only be his final pitch of that ‘at-kick’ he managed to kick a triple, which resulted in sending Gena from first to home for an RBI. Lusto rocked out his Spartan hat. We had a great double play. Chris Z was working home plate and turned an awesome double play, getting the force out at home and then throwing to Justin at first to get the second out. All in all it was a solid performance by all members of the team. Lots of runs scored, lots of good fielding.

This game was a far cry from our game the previous week. I didn’t submit a GMOT entry because there wasn’t a whole lot good I had to say about playing that team. While we lost and that is never fun, it was the bad attitude and poor sportsmanship displayed by a few of the players from kick in a box that made the game so unpleasant. I don’t know what’s wrong with the pitcher, but dude, settle down. Arguing with the refs over EVERY SINGLE CALL is not cool. Relax, it’s kickball. And also, you’re in the Live league. We’re drinking beer out on the field for crying out loud. And also, cut the refs some slack. They’re probably drunk from their game(as all good kickball refs should be!) And to the girl who got mad because she got the ball thrown at her: Hunny Bunny, in case no one informed you of the rules before you signed up, throwing the ball at someone to get them out is allowed. And there is no rule that you can’t throw it at someone just because they have a vagina. That’s right, I said vagina. Anyway, you were barely tapped with the ball. Seriously! If you can’t take playing under the same rules as the boys, then DON’T PLAY IN A CO-ED LEAGUE. Maybe sign up for a pottery class instead. Also, not slapping the hand in the post-game hand slap line of the girl on our team who had the unmitigated audacity to say out loud as you were complaining “but he barely tapped her” is just not cool and is very poor sportsmanship. Anyway, kick in a box, you guys should try taking a lesson in how to be awesome competitors from Power Bottoms.


Attention kickballers!! GREAT JOB showing up at Third Base last week. I need double the efforts this week! We're on a two week trial period with karaoke so if we get enough people, we can keep it!!

In case you missed it last week, between the bar and WAKA we're going to provide prizes for the winner of the bar game EACH week, as well as the typical season winner gift.

So come by, buy me a drink, buy someone else a drink, give me a hug, whatever it takes, I just want to see all of your sweet faces this week.

This is what I'll be doing!!

bonnie tyler total eclipse of the heart by kareem93

Walk of Shame

Walks 14 Upper Deckers 0.

They must have owed us money.

If that was our last game of the season because we won't be able to field a team for playoffs, we just want all of TX Live to know, that we're 100% better than each and every one of you. And we are sorry you folks may not get to witness just how great our team really was this season, thanks to our lousy schedule and, the fact that our game felt like it was played on Venus.

Just know this... The rumors are true. Everything you heard about us this season was true. Our guys were better. Our women were sexy. And our play on the field was spectacular. But we were a shooting star. Once you saw us, you could only wish to the high heavens that you could be like us. And before you knew it we were gone.

Maybe if you guys wish hard enough, we'll show up for the playoffs. Maybe not. At this point, we have nothing else left to prove. Can somebody please induct us into the TX Live Hall of Fame already?!?!


Grupo Dangeroso

So we decided to have a gangster theme last week, but apparently we got the decades a little mixed up.  Either way we whooped some butt at the ball in a cup game and had a blast at third base.  We look forward to karaoke this Thursday!  Our dress up theme is a surprise this week, but will definitely be out of this world!
XOXO Grupo!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Relax and Let it Happen

Last week we played "It's Not Going To Kick Itself" and sadly we took their advice and kicked the shit out of them. We didn't play our best game, but we handled them pretty easily with a 10-0 win. It was a pretty boring and ridiculously easy game. It was equivalent to walking an overweight dog. We didn't have to break a sweat. It was fun. Got to think about what we were going to order at the bar later. And we got a few chuckles along the way.  

In all seriousness though, it's getting sad how we have to carry the league. I wrote it last week and I will write it again, we need a worthy arch nemesis, and quick. We need competition. It's a lot of pressure being the main attraction week in and week out in Austin and in Texas for that matter. The fans want to see a good game, so pick it up league! We're doing what we can for the league. Things like teaching people how to bunt and play defense, teaching people how to play bar games, and teaching people what it's like to play against and later talk to a black person. 

What I'm trying to say is...don't take us for granted, because, like all good things, one day we'll be gone. And when that happens (2025) we want the league to survive and prosper without us. And even though it may be stupid, I believe in you, because even though you're not as attractive, smart, witty, or athletic as us, you can always try harder. Sadly, we can't teach you effort, and that's where you're lacking. Pick it up league! Make us proud!

Until then, Relax and Let it Happen.

Team Easy!

Drinking, kissing, crying, punching.  Team Easy planned to finish their regular season with a bang bang bang ... mission accomplished.  After discovering the perfectly dangerous PPD juice formula, we tail-gated a Gillis for a few hours and then left quite a few cars behind as we drunkenly caught rides with other, more sober teams to Third Base.  At this point I had to look back through my camera to remember all that happened.  From the looks of it, we danced on the stripper (light) pole, gave out lap dances, got down to our pink briefs and played the balls-in-cup game to very little success.

Our mission to get kicked out of Third Base has seemingly backfired on us as the bartenders appeared to love and encourage us with more shots as the night went on.  I mean, we were down to our sports bras and pink briefs.  I didn’t think it was going to come to this but it might come to drastic measures if we’re going to get kicked out of that place.

This week, you’ll have to find some other form of entertainment as we have a bi for the last week of the season.  Though many of us started our bi-week early last Thursday, you’ll likely catch some of us on our worst behavior at Third Base and definitely on Friday at the EOS party.  If you see someone in a pink shirt boring it up (instead of whoring it up), be sure to slap their ass.  Just watch out for the spin-around punch that might come at you afterwards . . .

Monday, August 8, 2011

Nate Fox and the Less Eligible Bachelors

In a fiery show of blazing mediocrity and awe-inspring "meh"-ness the Bachelors surged heroically in the bottom of the 4th for 3 runs to secure a ... tie.  A disappointing outcome to be sure, but finishing a game strong after a weak start for a tie feels a lot better than blowing a 3 run lead late for a tie (we did it in week 5 against Better Red, it's lame).

After seeing what looked like a horrificly blown out knee in the 7:15 game on field #2 and then completely destroying my own ankle in the process of bending the Matrix to dodge a throw at home, I am convinced that we need to have an 'Injury Report' column.  Our submission for the week is as follows:

Sterling Shrader, OF - OUT (Knee)
Stephen Moursund, SS - OUT (Ankle)
Dan Hayes, OF - QUESTIONABLE (Flake)
Nate Fox, P - PROBABLE (Mer-man)

Ankle in question: 

Apparently the women on our team are a fair shake more durable than the men, who knew? 

The last game of the season has snuck up on us and with the post season looming we suddenly have a controversy over which of the absurdly talented players on our team deserves the All-Star nod.  Consensus pick from the ladies' side is speedster Falesha Thrash, but the men's selection is hotly debated.  The obvious choice during the first half of the season was Todd Mattocks with his consistency as the lead off, aggressive base running that generates runs out of nothing, and stellar play behind the plate.  However, center fielder Ryan Ebanks has been huge over the last several weeks, highlighted by a marquee performance this past Thursday in which he went two for two with an RBI and two scores (including the game-tying run) while continuing to absolutely abuse his body making spectacular diving catches in the outfield.  Ultimately it may have to be settled in The Octagon.

Happy trails to Andre-lover Lindsay Kahn who will be leaving us this weekend in a permanent move to Oklahoma City.  You are awesome and everyone will miss you!  If you spot her Thursday be sure to wish her luck at the new job and give her an inappropriately long hug.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Just Kickin It

5-0….. Sometimes a loss can be humbling. I first and foremost have to give respect to who ever was playing left center for Hannah Montana and made a great diving catch with bases loaded and two outs in the first inning which saved at least 2 runs probably 3 and changed the game completely. I then have to give a C’mon man! to the ref over turning our own diving catch by Friddle which was originally called an out, but the line ref, with a bit of coaching by Hannah Montana decided to say it dropped allowing two runs to score as the majority of our team walked of the field C’mon man! But im not one to complain so good win Hannah Montana will see you in the playoffs. Ill leave my team with inspirational words from Shane Falco as we take the week off and get prepared for our regular season finale with Booze on the Green.

“I wish I could say something classy and inspirational, but that just wouldn't be our style….Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory... lasts forever.”

Nate Fox and the Less Eligible Bachelors

Coming off a zillion to zero drubbing at the hands of the much beloathed Relax we were in DIRE need of a more manageable offensive team to massage our bruised egos.  What we got was an epic defensive struggle with Awful Waggles filled with what everyone loves most about kickball: almost no scoring, baking hot 6:30 game sun, and questionable calls.  Despite these challenges, we persevered and ultimately prevailed with a walk-off bunt from Falesha Thrash in the bottom of the 5th scoring Lindsay Khan from 3rd.  I'd like to take a moment to point out that we are ahead of 4 teams in the standings despite having only scored a GRAND TOTAL of 8 runs this season.  That's right, 8.  Were gonna make it nine tonight, possibly 11 if I'm feeling saucy.  Watch out Brown Chicken Brown Cow.  Oh and thanks to everyone who bought shots last week!  We made lots of money and there were still enough left over for me to go home after 3rd base and eat roughly 20 of them.

"I realize this is by far my most boring GMOT so to make up for it here's a picture of a Mer-man

Remember kids: Water is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty"

Better Red than Blue Balls

After riding a two week high with a tie against the Bachelors (then #5
in Capital) and a win over Hannah Montana (then #1 in Live), things
were looking up for a team that started the season 0-4. But then,
disaster struck in the form of two players running out of gas on their
way to the game and Luis playing the role of the WAKA Infraction

Alas, when game time rolled around, we only had three females present
and our attempts to recruit a substitute were foiled (pro-tip: if
you're going to recruit a player, try not to recruit one who plays on
your ref's team). We would have to forfeit the game.

We were still allowed to play (with our 4th girl substitute), but the
game would not count. No problem, on paper Suck My Kick should have
beaten us decisively and with nothing on the line, all systems were
set to drinking. Some of our teammates were filled with bitterness,
which was nothing that our good friend alcohol couldn't fix. But then,
something amazing happened. We won, 1-0. We shut out the 4th best team
in the league with half a roster... now that DQ stings a little.

Not to worry though, for in the same way that people won't forget that
USC beat Oklahoma in the 2005 Orange Bowl, that Ohio State beat
Arkansas in the 2011 Sugar Bowl or that John Calipari has 500 wins; we
won't forget that we beat Suck My Kick in 2011. The record books may
not indicate it, but everyone on the field will remember.

We've got a bye this week, but will return with a full head of steam
to close out the season against Off in Left Field, whose name is only
funny if you beat them.

I'm taking a sabbatical from the GMOT because of the voluminous amount of restrictions now in place, and passing the buck onto our newest writer who wants to be known only as "Luna." Here is "Luna's" first GMOT attempt:

OMGZORS! We got totally drunk at r last game and had SO MUCH FUUUUUN. TEAM KICKITS YEA! Then, we went 2 the bar and had SO MUCH FUUUUUN! LOLLERCOPTERS were flying around the whole place, and we drank SOOOOOOOO much vodka! I went up 2 some dude I didn't know and said his friend was a jerk and asked if that meant he was 2. It was cooler then Marty McFly! I'm such a bitch! LOL! I don't remember if we won r game, but we def won DRINKING!!! LOL!!! OMG I was SOOOO drunk and I took SOOOO many pictures! OMFG I can't wait until our next game! Slater said he was making green drunk punch and we're gonna get SOOOO drunk off it that we'll b all-starz! See u at the field! OMG!

Hear is a pick of Amog excepting his Weiner Award last week! It was cool that the league printed up an award 4 him!

-luna <3

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Liars of Shame

Despite the bye week, the Walks still won 13-6 this week (the 6 instead of 0 this week cause Tanker is gone). That ups their record to 13-0 for the season and 68-2 overall as a franchise. Next up is win #69 against another on the long list of teams that is far inferior to the Walks talents, which they will be taking not to South Beach, but Gillis. Now that the gauntlet has been run, it's back to the normal schedule and a breeze run through the last month of the season. It's starting to look like an early Christmas for Live as the Walks seem to have about 3 players scheduled to make it to the playoffs, but I'm still thinking the 3 will bring a championship back to its rightful owners (hint: it is not Luis).

See you all this Thursday.

With love,

Third Base - Party this Thursday!!

Attention kickballers!! Last week I was very sad and lonely at Third Base. Only like 8 teams showed up. (Thanks to you winners and boooo on the rest of you who ditched me!)

I've talked to Third Base and we're going to start offering more incentives for you to come to the bar. Between the bar and WAKA we're going to provide prizes for the winner of the bar game EACH week, as well as the typical season winner gift. Also, there are rumors about getting karaoke!!
When the rumors are confirmed, I will announce it. :)That would be a DREAM COME TRUE!!

So come by, buy me a drink, buy someone else a drink, give me a hug, whatever it takes, I just want to see all of your sweet faces this week.

If any team captain gets their entire team to Third Base, I will personally buy you whatever you want.

More video inspiration...


The End of Season party is finally booked!! Mark your calendars for August 12th at Paradise!


Dress the same color as your teammates so people can recognize you all dolled up!!

If you need inspiration...check it.

Red Balls are better than blue balls

You guys get Better Red Balls than Blue Balls. While the team name
is pretty sweet, their record is anything but. You're
kind of in a no-win here. If you lose (and against this team a tie
counts as a loss), you're dropping way down in this poll. If you win,
and another team beats better competition, you could get jumped.

- Live Power Poll

Well, there's that.

Never Any Blue Balls with Miley

Unfortunately for Hannah, we Ray J'd their sex tape. And by that, we
mean we talked incredibly too much throughout the performance. But
hey, on the bright side, no night vision. In terms of our performance,
well, in the words of Gunplay, there was " no
arm and hammer in our Hannah Montana

For the first time this season, we played solid, error free kickball
with our captain leading us off with a 3-run jack in the top of the
first. Having matched our scoring high for the season, our offense
went anemic; luckily our defense bailed us out and we ended up winning

Last week's GMOT we openly wondered what winning tasted like and now
we can tell you. It tastes like dirt... because we play almost
exclusively on Field 3 and there are at least 10 dust storms per game.
Field 3 is the Sun Life Stadium of Gillis Park (for anyone not
familiar, that means it's terrible), but it's our home field, so we'll
love it regardless.

This week we play Suck My Kick, who we are unaware of, because there
are too many teams with Kick/Dick and Pitch/Bitch references. The only
thing we do know is that tonight, like every Thursday, the gameplan is
to get sloppy drunk and hopefully have enough willpower to make it to
Third Base.

RELAX and Let it Happen

After we manhandled the Teabaggers it hit me. I thought to myself, "Oh no, it's happening again." We're at a point where we don't have any competition in the league. I guess it goes in cycles. Teams come and go, but it always sucks to come to the realization that we're men among boys in this league. We know we're good, but why can't anyone at least be close to us? The Teabaggers used to be there, but they peaked too early. After they beat us in the championship two seasons ago, they felt like they were on top of the world, they had a little swagger, and they earned it, but now that doesn't matter, and they're back to getting whooped by a far superior team. 

They're like that girl in 8th grade who is the first girl to get boobs over the summer. You see her in the hall at her locker and you're like damn, ol' girl went and got her some bitties during summer break. She was popular before, but now she's the girl everyone want to get to second base with. Her acne has cleared up so even when you're not staring at her boobs you can look at her face and not be afraid. But then something happens when you get to high school. Somewhere, somehow, she just lost it. It's sad at first, but then people forget that she actually used to be worthwhile. She makes good grades, has a great personality, but no one cares about that. Just like the Teabaggers. They have cute shirts, everyone knows the game and what they should or shouldn't do, but no one cares because they can't win the big games anymore. Maybe they'll have another growth spurt and be able to challenge us during the playoffs, but last Thursday showed that they are a long way off. 

So is there anyone out there who can give us any competition? We'll be waiting. Until then, Relax and Let it Happen. 

Team Easy!

We’re too drunk for words so we hired a photoshop guy to make a picture to help everyone stay on track the next few weeks.  If you see a stray, drunken, pink-shirted floozy the next few weeks, please direct them to where they’re supposed to be.  Mmmk? Thanks.

Grupo Dangeroso

Hey kickball playas: Word on the street is that Grupo Dangeroso is packing heat this week--literally. After not-winning our last game two weeks ago (we prefer that term to "losing") and a bye week last week, Team GP is coming back hard this Thursday with--drumroll please--our gansta theme! True, half of our players are going the speak-easy mobster route, and half are rocking the ghetto fabulous look, but we all share the same underlying and intimidating idea: win, baby, win. This week we're playing Suck My Kick (classy) and I happen to have inside information that despite our less than stellar rankings, SMK is in for a pretty tough fight. After all, when you strap on (fake) AK-47s to Fetus and Jamal, you're in for a world of hurt. And we've got comradery  on our side as well! Most of our teammates started out as strangers, but it didn't take long (or much alcohol) before we all had nicknames and life-long texting buddies. Our group has already signed up for the fall Texas Live league and something tells me the good times will continue to roll...just like that kickball that will be rolling past Suck My Kick strike after strike after strike. Grupo out!!!